Listening To The Echoes Of The Past
Crazy Little Thoughts
I’m not sure if Sandara Park is simply busy or she’s avoiding me. I haven’t seen her for a week now. And it’s starting to annoy me, really. Good thing Vicky’s there. It has now become a routine of ours to meet every lunch time at the rooftop. I tried several times asking about the status of her parents and she said they both have good progresses right now. I offered my help – financially as well but she said she got it covered although at first I saw her eyes sparkle. Huh! I think she really is beginning to realize how much of a better guy I am than that bullfrog! Hmph!
We rarely talk actually, I mean Vicky and I. Erm, it was more of erm. . . kissing, actually. I’m not a ert, okay! She usually initiates skinship! Maybe I’m just too hawt to handle for her. I wondered if Dara and. . . my mind instantly rejected the thought. No, I don’t want to go that track. Thinking she might be touching lips with that guy makes me flinch. No, I don’t want that!
I DON’T WANT THAT!
Just thinking of those sweet, soft and tender lips of hers on that guy is not right! The guy did not even deserve an ounce of her attention! No!
“Hey, is there something wrong?” Vicky asked. “You stopped responding.”
I gave her smile. “Sorry.”
“You space out most of the times,” she said, frowning.
“Just got some things to think,” I told her. No, we don’t talk of what we should call ourselves or how we should label ourselves. I should just be happy, yes? I’ve always wanted to get her attention. “I’ll make it up to you,” I said.
Her eyes brightened. “Really? What do you mean? Are we going shopping?”
I chuckled. “No,” I said. “Let’s go out on a date, like watch a movie or something.”
“Oh,” she said.
“What do you think?” I asked, wiggling my brows.
“I guess that’s fine. . .” she said, smiling.
I smiled back. I’m glad to see that she’s somehow coping up what’s with everything that happened to her and is happening to her. She’s a strong girl. And as a gentleman that I am, it’s also my responsibility to distract her from her worries.
And I think I’m doing a very good job, bwahahahaha.
So weekend came. I already bought two tickets for a romantic movie when Vicky arrived. We were just about to enter the movie house when we saw Sandara Park and Mikmun, together as well.
“Hey,” Vicky greeted as if she, Sandara Park and Mikmun are old friends. “Off to watch the movie as well?”
“Obviously,” Sandara Park said.
“We could make it a double date, then!” Vicky beamed. “Unless you two have other plans?”
The two looked at each other quietly first before Mikmun just smiled and shrugged. “I guess that would be fine.”
I tried catching her eyes but I think she’s deliberately avoiding to look at me. It was annoying the hell out of me, seriously. I swear, she didn’t even acknowledge my presence! Now why is that?!? No one, like NO ONE can ignore my presence. Or maybe she’s just pretending? Yes, that could be it.
The four of us entered the movie house. I’ve noticed that Sandara Park was unusually quiet. She’s usually very talkative and would just tell me how her day went or what she thinks of this person then would switch to her favorite movie or show then she would jump to the topic of foods then would go talking about her plans in the future. Yes, she is that random.
She was wearing a nice dress today, actually – a nice pink dress that reached just above her knees. She was wearing her hair down which I noticed grew two inches in length compared to the last time I’ve seen her. She seemed thinner as well, making me frown.
But I still can’t understand why she won’t look at me.
When we were seated, I was so tempted to start a conversation with her as she was sitting on my left side while Vicky was on my right side with the frog guy on Sandara Park’s other side. When the lights were out, I felt Vicky leaned forward and nipped my earlobe. She then giggled and rested her head on my shoulder. I glanced secretly at Dara and noticed Mikmun’s arm on her shoulder. I suddenly had this weird urge to break that arm.
Go, break it!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
What’s happening to me? Why am I becoming violent?
No, no, no. This cannot be!
When the movie started rolling, my head kept on flying to Sandara Park. She had her eyes on the screen. I smiled secretly. Sandara Park is really a firefly – just the light coming from the screen hitting her face made it look like its glowing. She’s so beautiful even if she wears no make-up. A small smile curved her lips at a scene of the movie, seeing that made my heart skipped a beat.
I missed that smile!
Then, Mikmun drew her closer to him and made her head rest on his shoulder. My head flew back to the screen as my fists balled tightly. As if that was not enough, I heard her giggle. She giggled!
SHE GIGGLED!
The sound was cute and it would have made me smile if it was not Mikmun who caused that giggle. Just by the thought of Mikmun making her giggle made me close my eyes in annoyance. “Shhhh!” I angrily snapped at her.
She stopped giggling and looked at me. SHE LOOKED AT ME! For the first time, she looked at me and I could feel every part of me reacting to her eyes looking straight into mine. I missed those eyes! I swear, she has the most beautiful and most expressive eyes there is.
And through the darkness, I saw something passed in her eyes – longing. But then, she quickly looked away.
My heart then ached. I suddenly found it hard to breathe. I feel like I’m being suffocated. At one point in the movie, everyone laughed out loud and I took it to my advantage. I turned to the girl beside me who’s been ignoring and avoiding me for only God knows why. “Dara. . .” I said in a whisper. She didn’t look at me but based on the way her shoulders stiffened, I knew she heard me. So as quietly as I can, I whispered, “I miss you.”
I seriously didn’t know what the movie was about. I wasn’t even sure how I survived finishing the movie when all those minutes, I felt like someone was actually choking me and the most frustrating part of it all was that I can’t even explain it logically why I felt that way.
I was planning to treat Vicky for dinner after the movie but then, the bullfrog beat me to it and asked all of us to in this fancy restaurant, his treat, he said while looking smugly at me. I wanted to protest but then, Vicky seemed excited about it so I just went with the flow.
“You’re unusually quiet today, Dara,” Vicky noted when we were all seated in the restaurant, just waiting for our orders to be served.
“Just tired,” she said, shrugging.
I frowned. “What have you been doing lately?” I asked, unable to stop myself. “I noticed you lost some weight.”
It took her a while to answer. “Nothing in particular,” she said, looking down at her plate.
“Didn’t you know?” I started. “It’s rude not looking into the eyes of the person talking to you.”
I feel like I’m in some sort of an action movie, waiting in anticipation and suspense if she’s going to look up or not. It also felt like every action she was doing was in slow motion.
When she did look up and our eyes met, I felt myself smile even if she was wearing an irritated look. “That’s better.”
To my surprise, she stuck her tongue out at me. “Hmph!”
Kyaaaaaak! That was so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!!! Cute, cute, cute! My Sandara Park is so cu - !
My thoughts stopped instantly. What did I just call her? No, no, no. I didn’t just thought of her as My Sandara, right? I didn’t, I didn’t I didn’t.
But you did! You called her My Sandara!
“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK!!!” I suddenly burst out, shaking my head vigorously. I then stopped shaking my head when I noticed the silence around me. I looked up and around me and noticed everyone staring at me.
Eh? What did I do?
Then, out of nowhere, Sandara Park laughed out loud. “You’re so funny! Hahahahahahaha!”
Vicky and Mikmun on the other hand, looked like they just wanted to vanish from their seats.
Things went back to normal later on as we started eating. I was still red from embarrassment and the girl who’s been ignoring me had her eyes on me now, endlessly teasing me. I felt like we’re back to normal, like. . . like it’s the two of us teasing each other again and would end up in an argument then we would apologize to each other and we’ll be okay afterwards.
“So, what are your plans after high school?” I heard Vicky asked. I glanced at her and was about to answer when I realized she was talking to the frog.
The guy shrugged and looked at Dara. “Depends,” he said, smiling. “Depends on what Dara’s answer would be.”
I paused and my eyes quickly flew to the girl in front of me who, I noticed, suddenly grew uncomfortable. “What does he mean?” I asked her directly.
“I-it’s nothing,” she said, not looking at me. She exchanged a glance with Mikmun. There was almost a pleading look in her eyes.
“Dara?”
She looked at me then and smiled. “It’s nothing, really.”
“The food’s getting cold, Dara,” the frog interrupted our eye to eye moment. “Finish it.”
“Don’t order her around like that,” I said, fuming. I feel like a raging volcano inside me is waiting to erupt.
“Jiyong, don’t. . .”
I turned my eyes to Sandara Park. She flinched upon meeting my eyes. I didn’t hide the hurt form my eyes and I somehow felt a little satisfaction seeing her look away.
“Who are you, anyways?” the frog asked. “Who are you in her life in the first place? Didn’t she just hire you to pretend to be her boyfriend in an attempt to make me jealous?”
I opened my mouth but then, the frog smirked. His question ran around inside my head, who are you?
I am Kwon Jiyong. I am the greatest of them all! I’m the best in everything I do. Girls swoon over me and I’m the son of. . . .
No. . . my head started to ache again. Run, Jiyong!
No. . . I was running through a dark alley. I can hear footsteps not too far behind me and I can hear someone crying. I ran and ran and ran. My mother told me to run so I did. I was never really an obedient child to my mother. I always , make her chase after me as I ran around in our large garden. I always make her and the maids chase after me around the mansion. I would always hide in a cupboard and would silently laugh everytime they can’t find me. I was more obedient to my father. My father – he’s kind, patient, wise and he can be very firm sometimes. I look up to him. But this time, there was something in my mother’s voice that made me obey her. There was something in her voice that made me run away from her and leave her in the throes of danger.
I started crying really hard. My feet felt so clumsy already and so, I tripped. I cried really hard. I heard a loud scream followed by laughter. Footsteps then started echoing. I felt so scared, so cold and I can’t see a thing.
“Find the boy!” I heard someone shout. “But don’t kill him. . . not yet.”
I was small, yes. I was merely a child, yes. My mind and body weren’t fully developed yet, yes. But I did understand what those words meant. I struggled to stand up as the sound of the footsteps started getting closer. Then, a firefly bounced up and down in front of me. Innocent that I was, I murmured, “Please help me.”
The firefly started drifting away, my feet moved forward. With tears streaming down my eyes, I followed the little creature. Then, I started to run as it started drifting away faster. It went left, it went right, it went straight ahead again, then left, another left and a sharp turn to the right.
Then I started hearing the busy sound of the city – of cars, of voices, of all sorts.
“Jiyong. . . Jiyong. . . .”
I blinked my eyes open. I was staring up at the restaurant’s ceiling. My whole body felt like it has electrified. Something soft and warm was cuddling my head and a soothing voice was calling my name. It was then that I noticed that almost everyone was staring down at me – with one expression in their faces: freak.
My heart sunk upon seeing the same look in Vicky’s face, her eyes wide opened.
“Dara, get away from him!” I heard the frog said. “He’s a freak!”
So it was Dara who’s cuddling, hugging and comforting me right now. I didn’t want to look at her face, scared that I might see the same expression on the others’ faces.
“Jiyong. . .” she whispered worriedly. “Are you with me now? Hey, talk to me.”
I sneaked a glance at her, preparing my heart for whatever expression she’s wearing. But there was nothing in her face but genuine concern. On the spot, I suddenly had the weird urge to cry. But I stopped myself from doing so. I jumped to my feet and started running. I ran and ran and ran.
I wasn’t sure how I did it but I eventually reached home. The first thing I did was to call my uncle. “Who am I?” I asked.
“What?”
“Who am I, Uncle?”
“Err, your name’s Kwon Jiyong.”
“What happen to my parents?”
There was silence. “Jiyong, did you drink your. . . vitamins already?”
“I DON’T NEED YOUR VITAMINS!”
From the background, I heard someone called my uncle. “We’ll talk later, okay? Drink your vitamins, it’ll make you feel better.”
“Uncle! Hello? Uncle!”
I dialed the number again but he was already unreachable. I ran my fingers through my hair and went to my room. My uncle had been giving me vitamins as long as I can remember. He said it’ll make me strong and bright and handsome. Well, that was what he said before. I started looking for the bottle. When I found it, it was only then that I realized that it didn’t have any labels. It was simply a bottle with no name on it or brand or any type of indication as to what it was for.
Everything started going back to me. Before Sandara Park decided to pester and disturb my peaceful life, I’ve been drinking these vitamins regularly but ever since she started popping up every now and then and eventually came out with that plan of hers, I totally forgot taking my vitamins.
I went to my bathroom and planning to spill all the tablets in the bowl but then, I changed my mind. No, I need to know what these are for.
“Jiyong?”
I whirled around. The image of Sandara Park greeted me. She still had that worried look in her face. We stood there for a moment, not moving. I wasn’t sure what to do, really. Then, my feet started moving forward. I closed the distance between us. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to my chest quite roughly. I hugged her tight, trembling. “I’m scared.”
She hugged me back. One of her hands was resting on my back while the other was in my head. “I’m here,” she said. “I’m here.”
I closed my eyes and buried my face in the crook of her neck.
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A little glimpse to Jiyong's past, hehehe...
- hagocimit
Sandara Park Is My Muse
(21 August)
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