Savor The Memories
Crazy Little Thoughts
A soft hand was holding my hand. It felt warm. I sighed in contentment. “I think he’s awake,” Taeyeon’s familiar voice whispered.
I can’t help but smile. “Have you been staring at me the whole time?” I asked. “Staring is rude, you know,” I added, peering at her through one eye. She was blushing like hell that I ended up chuckling at the look on her face.
I pulled my hand away from her grasp and rubbed my eyes. “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Fine,” I answered. “Sorry about that, I just had a flashback. Everytime I’m having a flashback, my head hurts.”
“What did you remember?” Kang’s familiar voice came in.
I frowned. “I heard my uncle talking to my mother,” I said. “I need to talk to him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Taeyeon said.
“Why not?”
She exchanged looks with Kang.
“Your uncle. . . I overheard him talking to some of your family’s associates in business. He told them you’re. . . mentally unstable and that it would not be right to let you lead the company or something like that. He even informed your family’s lawyer about it. Jiyong, he’s a bad guy.”
I frowned. “If he’s a bad guy, then why are you still working for him?”
Kang shook his head. “We’re still here out of our loyalty to your family, Jiyong. Although it was feeble, we also hoped that one day, you’ll come back. Your uncle told us the same he told the others – he told us the death of your parents and grandparents made you mentally unstable so that you were sent somewhere to have your little problem treated. I, we, didn’t believe him of course. We’ve watched you grow and we knew how smart you were. You were probably the smartest kid I’ve known, ‘cept that you can be a smart-assed kid sometimes with your naughtiness.”
“How come I’ve forgotten everything about my past?”
Silence greeted my question.
“I’m afraid we don’t have an answer to that.”
I shook my head. What am I supposed to do now? I came here thinking of talking to my uncle and asked him how come I’ve forgotten my past but something more greeted me. Is it really worth leaving my firefly for all of these? I can already feel and sense the pain I’ll be suffering at the end of this. If only Dara was here, I’m sure she’ll know what to do. She’ll have something witty to say or something so irrelevant that would make me laugh.
Oh dear Lord, I missed her.
I wonder if she’s now looking for me. I wonder if she’s still with him right now. I wonder if she already accepted his proposal. Whether I like it or not, one of the reasons why I left was cowardice. I was afraid to hear her say that she said yes.
She loves that guy and he sure is darned lucky for having a girl like her love him that much. He was stupid to let her go the first time. I just hope he won’t hurt her anymore or ever again.
I mentally shook my head. Why am I thinking of that when I have more pressing issue on hand right now?
Aish!
As I enjoyed watching the flashes of Sandara Park’s different faces – smiling, laughing, pouting, etc – in my head, a plan suddenly formulated in my mind.
“I have a plan,” I broke the silence. “But I’ll need your help.”
Taeyeon grinned at me. “Thought you’ll never ask.”
“Fire away, young master Kwon.”
It was already late. I looked at the clock. It read two in the morning. I can’t sleep. I kept on going through the plan in my head over and over again. It was pretty simple – just make my uncle confess and have it recorded. Then, I have to talk to our lawyer and convince him I’m not mentally unstable, probably let him take me to a shrink and have some tests on me. I’m quite anxious on that part.
But before we can do those things, I need to recover my memories first.
With a sigh, I took out my phone. I bit my lower lip and took a deep breath as I turned it on. For some weird reason, my heart was beating loudly inside my chest.
As my phone came to life, I was surprised with the number of messages I have as well as voice messages – there were hundreds of them. I knew where the messages came from. I closed my eyes and was in the brink of turning my phone off again when I suddenly pressed a button that allowed the voice mail to play. I placed my phone in my ear.
“Hey, uhm, I haven’t seen you around. Can you call me when you receive this? There’s something I want to tell you. . .”
“Hey, are you alright? Where are you? Are you with. . . with the long-necked swan right now?”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? YOU’RE NOT RESPONDING TO ANY OF MY MESSAGES AND YOU’RE IGNORING MY PHONE CALLS!!! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ME, JUST TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
“HUH! SO YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO TALK TO ME, HUH? YOU STUPID TWEETY BIRD! STUPID STUPID STUPID! I HOPE, PRAY AND WISH THAT SYLVESTER THE CAT WILL CATCH YOU AND EAT YOU ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“FINE! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ME, FINE! I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON! HUUUUUH! YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF THAT. . . OF THAT. . . OF THAT KISS, RIGHT?!? FINNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I BET YOU REGRET DOING THAT! FINE! SUIT YOURSELF! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ME, FINE! I DON’T CARE! SERIOUSLY, I DON’T REALLY CARE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ANYWAY?!? YOU’RE JUST A STUPID TWEETY BIRD WITH A STUPID BLONDE HAIR AND A STUPID CUTE SMILE AND A STUPID. . . STUPID JERKY FACE! GO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR LONG-NECKED SWAN!!! HAVE A HAPPY AND PEACEFUL LIFE WITH HER! TO HELL I CARE! I SWEAR, I DON’T GIVE A DAMN! I DON’T CARE AT ALL! I’M NOT A BIT AFFECTED BY IT! HUH! WHY SHOULD I? I HAVE NICKHUN WITH ME!”
“Jiyong. . . where are you? This isn’t funny anymore! I saw Vicky a while ago and she said she hasn’t seen you! I went to your house but it was locked. Where are you?”
“Hey, are you angry at me? Did you run away? If you’re angry at me, I understand. But can you PLEASE just tell me you’re fine. PLEASE?”
“YA! KWON JIYONG! SERIOUSLY, THIS ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE! WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU REALLY LIKE THIS? DO YOU ENJOY PEOPLE WORRYING ABOUT YOU? CALL ME, PLEASE! JUST SEND AT LEAST A TEXT TO SAY YOU’RE FINE, THAT YOU’RE STILL ALIVE.”
“I’m going to the police, I’m gonna file a report you’re missing.”
“Jiyong, please. . . please be alright. . .”
I pulled my phone down. I can’t bear hearing her crying. I can’t, I just can’t.
Something wet and warm started rolling down my cheeks. I bit my lower lip. Just one call, I need to make just one call. She said she was with Nickhun. Huh! The guy must hate me now as I got his girlfriend all worked up worried for me. So I guess she said yes to him.
But I need to talk to her.
Without really thinking of what I’m doing, I pressed 1. I heard the other line ringing. I waited, with bated breath for her to answer the call. After a while, it stopped ringing and someone answered, “Hello?”
But it wasn’t the voice I was hoping to hear.
“Jiyong, is that you?” Nickhun’s familiar voice entered my ears.
I can’t answer.
“Hello? Jiyong?”
Where is Sandara?
“Hey, are you going to talk or not? I’m hanging up now.”
“Dara. . .” I whispered. “I want to talk to her.”
“Bad timing,” he said. “She’s sleeping. She’s a bit tired preparing for our wedding and looking for you and all. She wants you to be the best man in the wedding and it’s stressing her out. Where are you anyways?”
“I’m. . . I’m out of the country.”
“Oh,” he answered. “Will you be able to come to the wedding? We can’t print the invitations yet because of –”
“C. . .Cong. . . Congratulations,” I whispered in a strangled voice. I closed my eyes tightly. “I’m sorry but I can’t come. I just. . . I just called Dara to tell her to stop looking for me.”
“Nick?” a groggy voice in the background whispered.
“Oh shoot, she’s awake,” Nickhun said.
“Who’re you talking to?” she asked.
“It’s Jiyong,” he answered. “He said he –”
“KWON JIYONG!” Dara’s voice yelled on the phone. “YA! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!? I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE! I’M SO WORRIED YOU STUPID LITTLE –”
“Stop looking for me,” I said.
“WHAT?”
“I said stop looking for me. I’m staying with my uncle right now. I’m not going back there.”
“WHAT? WHY? BUT –”
“Jiyong?” Taeyeon’s voice called in.
“Was. . . was that a girl?” Dara asked.
“Yes,” I answered.
There was silence.
“I thought. . . I thought you liked Victoria?”
“I can change my mind, can’t I?” I said.
“Jiyong? Are you still up?” Taeyeon called in again.
“Yes!” I answered. “Hang on for a sec!” I called out.
“But. . . but. . .” Dara whispered.
“I have to go,” I said. “Stop looking for me, I’m fine. Stop. . . stop contacting me as well.”
I pressed the end button.
“Jiyong?” Taeyeon called out again.
I stood up, walked to the door and pulled it open.
“Hey,” Taeyeon greeted. “I – oh!” she squeaked when I suddenly pulled her in my arms. Then, I cried.
“She’s beautiful,” Taeyeon commented as I showed her Dara’s photo.
“She is,” I whispered. “She is more than beautiful.”
We were now sitting in the lounge area. I felt comfortable with Taeyeon that I didn’t feel any discomfort or embarrassment crying in front of her. I didn’t tell her the whole story about me and Dara of course. I would want my memories with Dara to be kept between the two of us. But I told Taeyeon the gist of it, like my feelings for Dara and her feelings for Nickhun and that they’re getting married.
“The pain will pass,” she said.
“I’m not sure about that,” I chuckled.
“You’ll move on,” she said confidently. “You’re a strong person.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “Or maybe not.”
“Don’t be so pessimistic,” she scolded.
“Sorry,” I chuckled. “I can’t help it.”
“You’ll sort this out,” she said. “We have faith in you.”
I smiled at her and patted her head. “Thank you.”
She chuckled, shrugging. “That’s the least thing I can do. . .”
I sighed. “I guess that’s the very reason why I left anyways. I was too scared to know her answer. I just hope he won’t hurt her again. . .”
“Aren’t you going to fight for her?” Taeyeon asked.
A lump form in my throat as I pondered on my answer. Yes, I want to fight for her. Damn, that guy doesn’t deserve her. But she doesn’t deserve a psycho like me either. “I want to. . .” I whispered.
“Then why don’t you do it?”
“She loves him,” I snorted quite bitterly. “Not me.”
“How would you know that?” she asked. “Did you even ask her about her feelings?”
“I know,” I said, emphasizing on the word. “We won’t even get closer if not for him. I saw the things she did to try to win him back; I was there the whole time.”
“But –”
“Let’s not talk about that anymore,” I said. “I don’t really want to cry in front of you.”
“Jiyong, you –”
I placed a hand on . “Taeyeon,” I said, imitating her tone. “I can’t afford to continue talking about this right now because I might go back and fight for her and end up losing. Then, I’ll lose all motivation to bring the truth out from uncle.”
She took my hand away from my mouth and sighed. “You’ve grown up, didn’t you?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Obviously,” I answered. “You’ve grown up yourself, looking mighty fine. Tell me, how many hearts did you break already?”
She laughed, still holding my hand. Taeyeon was pretty back when we were kids and she grew up prettier. “I wish that was the case,” she said. “It’s quite the opposite, though.”
“Eh?” I asked in surprise. “You mean, guys have been playing with you? tsk, tell me who they are! I would –”
“Only one,” she said. “I guess it’s a one-sided thing.”
“Oh,” I mumbled. “We’re pretty much the same, huh?”
“Mmhhmm. . .” she mumbled.
“Oh well!” I said. “It’s getting late, you should go to sleep.”
“Will you be fine?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’m quite sleepy myself as well.”
She gave me a small smile. “Okay,” she nodded and stood up, letting go of my hand. “Good night then.”
“Night,” I waved lazily. “Sweet dreams as well.”
She paused for a moment, and then a smile curved her lips. “You too.”
I watched her leave. When she was out of sight, I stood up and went to my room. The moment I closed the door behind me, I fell to my knees as an uncontrollable trembling overtook my body. I hugged my knees to myself and bit my lower lip down to stop myself from making any noises.
It hurts. . .
I never thought it’ll hurt like this. . .
Blood was pounding painfully against my skull, my heart was beating erratically against my ribs. It’s too consuming that I just wanted to rip my heart out and throw it away so I won’t feel anything anymore.
Hearing Nickhun talking about their wedding felt like I’ve been run over by a truck over and over and over again – it hurts worst than that.
Dara. . .
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Guys, this fic is almost at its end. I just wanted to THANK YOU for keeping up with my randomness, weirdness and laziness in this fic, keke..
KEEP THE DARAGON LOVE BURNING!
:D
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