Now What?
Crazy Little Thoughts
Why?
Why does it hurt hearing her scream at me? But what really hurt more were the words. I stood frozen on my spot, as if I’m suddenly paralyzed with pain from her words. I saw her mouthed something to the other guy, I think I even heard her voice but I can’t hear anything. Inside my head, the only sounds echoing and registering were the raging rain as well as her words over and over again.
Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!
But I want to touch you, always touch you – not just in a erted way but deeper than that. I want to say it, I want to say it out loud but it seemed that my voice was trapped inside my throat. Why is it so hard to breathe all of the sudden? Why does it feel like something’s clogging my throat?
WHY?!?
The roaring of the thunder snapped me back to my senses and it was then that I realized that Mikmun was holding Dara, almost half-carrying her back to the car. My knee jerked forward but my legs didn’t move. My chest tightened and I feel like suffocating. I don’t like it. I don’t like seeing his arm on her shoulders. I don’t like seeing her trembling and leaning on him for support.
He doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t. . .
That thought then made my legs move forward. But by the time I reached them, she was already inside the car. I knocked on window, calling her name out. But she turned the other way, her back facing me. The car then started moving. I started moving as well, still knocking on the window where Dara was. Slowly, the car started to gain speed. I started running but the umbrella proved to be a hindrance so I let go of it, not minding the cold bite of the rain on my skin as I ran after the car.
“Dara!”
I could run as far as the car could go, if only I could. But my body eventually surrendered. No, I can’t stop. I have to go after her. I can’t bear the thought of her ignoring me, angry at me. I just can’t. So I alternatively walked and ran towards Mikmun’s house. I just have this feeling that Dara would not want to go home yet and let her parents see her in that state.
I wasn’t really sure how long it took me to reach Nickhun’s house but I eventually did. I knew his family is rich and the house was just one of the proofs. I rang the doorbell several times before a maid eventually came out.
“I want to see Dara,” I said at once before the maid could even say something. “Tell Nickhun to bring her out.”
The maid went in. After a while, it was Nickhun who went out.
“Let me in,” I said. “I want to talk to Dara.”
“She’s not feeling well,” he answered. “Just talk to her tomorrow.”
“If she’s not feeling well, then I need to talk to her more.”
“Jiyong,” he sternly said. “Dara’s birthday is already ruined because of you. She spent her birthday under the rain waiting for you to show up, and she’s not feeling well right now. Don’t add up to it already.”
“B-birthday?”
He raised his brows at me. “You didn’t know it’s her birthday today?”
I knew! I knew it’s her birthday, we talked about it before but I forgot!
“Let me talk to her for just a minute.”
He shook his head. “She’s already resting. Just talk to her when she’s feeling better,” he said then started to turn away.
“I’m not going to leave unless I talk to her!” I called after him but he ignored me.
I sat down in the gutter just in front of their gates and hugged myself. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to erase the memory of her pained and disappointed face. I can’t blame her if she’ll be angry at me for a while and if it would take her time to start talking to me. But I just wanted to talk to her. I know she probably would not listen to me. I know I should give her time. I know I should let her be and let her rest for the time being but I need to see her and talk to her. I don’t really know what to say, though. Sorry? Happy Birthday? Anything! I’d say anything, it didn’t really matter. I just need to see her, just for a few minutes – maybe even just for a few seconds.
So I stayed.
I stayed under the raging rain, not minding if I’ll be sick afterwards because I already feel sick right now. How could I forget her birthday? How could I? And I even let her wait for me under the rain so I should be drenched as well.
Later on, I heard the gate creaked open. It was Dara, who was wrapped in a thick blanket looking so pale and sick. She was being almost half-carried by Mikmun. “Dara,” I whispered, stepping forward. I wanted to reach out to her, to pull her in my arms as the sight of her being in the other guy’s arms bothers me. But then, she just looked so pale that I got scared she’ll get sicker if I pull her in my arms as I was drenched as well.
“Jiyong,” she rasped almost breathlessly. “Go home, let’s just talk some other time. Go home, you’ll just get sick.”
“I’m really sorry I forgot your birthday and if I was late,” I said.
She closed her eyes for a moment and I thought she was going to faint. But then, she opened her eyes and took a deep sigh. “Go home, Jiyong.”
I don’t know why it hurts hearing her say that. It’s as if she’s pushing or shooing me away. But I chose to remain silent and just gave her a small nod. She was then led by Mikmun back to the house and she never glanced back at me anymore.
With heavy steps, I started retracing my steps back to my house.
I’m not feeling well at all. I don’t know what’s going on around me but I can hear hushed voices and it’s making my head throb in pain. I just wanted to make her shut up.
“I think we should get him to the hospital already.”
“You should have done that when you first arrived here.”
“Well, you can’t expect me to carry him all the way to the hospital, do you? He’s heavy!”
The talking voices started to fade as I found myself in a dark tunnel. I can hear different sounds that makes me want to cry and call out for my mother. But I didn’t. Instead, I curled up in one side and started crying. I hate dark places, I really hate it
I can feel myself trembling so much as sounds around me started to become eerie. Then, there was loud thud that made me jump and whimper. I looked around me, but I can see nothing but darkness. Then, something sparkled from afar, a small blinking yellow light. Dazed, I stood up and started walking towards it. But then, it started flying away, slowly.
“Wait!” I called out. And it stopped for a minute before floating away again. I think it was urging me to follow. So I did.
I started jogging as a breakthrough of light streamed through the tunnel until I totally broke into a sprint. As soon as I was able to go out of the tunnel and into the light, I almost cried. I closed my eyes and took in the fresh air.
“Ya!” a voice called out. I opened my eyes and saw Sandara Park standing in front of me with a very grumpy expression. “You keep on getting lost!” she said. “Keep close to me so you won’t get lost, okay?”
“I. . .”
“Let’s go,” she said, reaching her hand out for me. I looked down at her hand and gasped. It was glowing, just like the firefly I saw a while ago.
I gasped and opened my eyes. I was then greeted a bright light. It took me a while to adjust to the surroundings. Everything’s in white.
“Hey, glad to see your eyes open.”
I glanced to my left. “Victoria!” I blurted out. “What are you doing here?”
“Just dropping by,” she said with a smile. “I won’t stay long, though. I have some things to do since well, my parents are here as well.”
“Thanks,” I said. “What happened, by the way? I can’t remember how I ended up here.”
“You’ve missed school for two days after the day when you know, you saw me in the sidewalk. So I went to check what’s wrong and I saw you in your bed, high with fever. Erm, I called your uncle, by the way. He said he’ll settle your hospital bills.”
“Thanks,” I said again. It seemed like the only word I know right now.
“Your uncle said sorry as well because he would not be able to visit you.”
I smiled. “I guess that’s okay since you’re here.”
She laughed.
I wanted to ask if Dara dropped by as well or if she ever have a plan in doing so.
“I haven’t seen Dara come here yet,” Vicky said, making me look at her in confusion.
“What?” I asked.
She smiled at me. “You just said her name, so I thought you were just wondering if she already visited you here in the hospital.”
“I see,” I mumbled. Huh! She must be really taking advantage of what happened. I won’t be surprised if she’ll say that she and Mikmun are back together already once I get out of here. Well, I don’t really like staying here. I prefer staying in my house. “Hey, can you call the doctor for me?”
“What for? Are you hurt or something?”
“No,” I answered. “I prefer staying at my own place than here.”
“But. . .” she said. “Who’s going to look after you there?”
“I can take care of myself,” I told her.
“But you’re not feeling well yet.”
It felt good seeing her worrying over me. Eventhough she had a weird way of showing it, though. Dara. . . when Dara’s worrying, she looked as if it’s the end of the world with that frown on her face and troubled look in her eyes while Vicky’s more of. . . . like impatient and angry. It’s quite unique in a way.
“Thanks for your concern, really,” I told her. “But I really prefer staying in the house.”
After talking to the doctor, I was able to convince him to continue resting in my place. My fever wasn’t that high anymore anyways. I don’t really know why but when I arrived home and found it empty, I felt disappointed. Maybe because I was silently hoping that someone would welcome me home as a surprise. So with a heavy heart, I dragged my feet to my room. I dropped myself in my bed and stared at the ceiling.
I want to see her. I really want to see her. I don’t know why but I really want to see her, maybe not as much as talking to her but I just wanted to see her. But I’ll wait until she comes to me herself. She said she’ll talk to me when she’s ready.
Darn it! I really want to see her now! I pulled myself up in a sitting position only to be surprised at the presence of another person in my room. It’s her, standing just in the doorstep. I blinked my eyes, thinking that I’m just hallucinating. I closed my eyes. “You’re hallucinating. You’re still not feeling well, maybe fever makes people see things they want to see,” he mumbled to himself.
“Am I just a thing to you now?”
“Person then,” I mumbled to myself.
A familiar laughter entered my ears. “Stupid.”
I opened my eyes and saw her making her way towards me. “Dara. . .”
“Lie back down you stupid, stubborn tweety bird.”
I blinked my eyes. Seeing this, she shook her head and reached out for hand. She frowned upon touching my skin. “You’re still hot,” she said but then, she placed my hand in her cheek. “See? I’m not a hallucination.”
Without really thinking, I pulled her to me and hugged her tight. I buried my face in her neck, smelling her familiar scent. I ran my fingers through her hair, feeling its smoothness and softness. “Dara. . .”
“How are you feeling?”
“Sick.”
She chuckled. “Of course you are and you should have stayed in the hospital.”
I pulled back a little. “You knew I was in the hospital?”
“Of course, I told Vicky to bring you there.”
“But. . . but why didn’t you visit me?” Gosh! I sounded like a whiney child.
“I was out. . . with Khunnie.”
I totally pulled back from her. “I see,” I nodded. “So. . . you two are back together now?”
“I’ve already told him everything,” she said, sighing. “And I told Vicky the truth as well.”
“You’ve told them the truth without even consulting me first?” I asked in disbelief, feeling angry. “So, Vicky already knows my feelings for her. You should have let me confessed to her personally!”
“Well, I think it’s about time to tell them.”
“It’s about time for you since you got your Prince Charming back!”
She opened but then, she decided to close it and just sighed. “You’re not that well yet, “I don’t want to argue with you. And I won’t be able to stay long. I still have to meet Khun -”
“Go ahead and leave then,” I told her, went back to bed and faced the other way with my back facing her. I pulled my blanket up and covered myself with it.
“Hey, that’s really unfair.”
“I don’t care.”
“That’s really childish.”
“If you don’t want to be with a childish person, you’re always free to leave. You know you’re way out already.”
“Ya!”
I didn’t answer.
I heard her sigh again. Then, later on, I heard her speak. “Hey,” she said. “I won’t be able to make it today. I have some things to do. Let’s just move it to a different day, if that’s alright? Okay. . . . hmm. . . thanks. Sorry again.”
I felt the other side of the bed moved. I felt an arm around my waist as well as a face being buried in my back. “Hey. . .”
“Go away,” I said.
“Jiyong. . .”
She pulled her arm away. I felt the bed moved again. She went to the side I’m facing and lied down. She took my hand in between hers and stared at me. “Hey, don’t be angry anymore.”
I pouted.
“I’m sorry if I slapped you. . . I was just. . . I was really upset that time. . . I shouldn’t have done that. And I’m sorry about telling Vicky as well. I’ll help you with any romantic thing you want to do to confess to her.”
“So. . . you and him are really back together?”
“No. . .”
“No?”
“Well, at least not yet.”
“Not yet. . .” I mumbled.
“Jiyong, why are you being like this? Isn’t this the whole plan from the very beginning?”
I closed my eyes, pulled my hand away from her and faced the other side of the bed again. “I want to sleep.”
“Jiyong. . . .”
When I didn’t answer, I felt the bed moved again as she rolled on top of me and went in front of me. I was about to turn the other way again when she held me by the shoulders. She grabbed one of my arms and wrapped it around her while she went to wrap an arm and a leg around me, keeping me a prisoner. “You should go, Mikmun’s waiting for you.”
“I already cancelled it, remember?” she said. “Come on, Jiyong. Don’t be like this! I don’t like seeing you like this. And didn’t you say before that we won’t argue anymore?”
“Who said we’re arguing?”
“Look, I’m really sorry if I overreacted,” she said. “I know I should have been happy that you’re having progress with Vicky but I just got really. . . upset for some reason.”
I sighed. “I feel like you’re shooing me away already. . .” I pouted.
She gave a light laugh. “Look at us right now,” she said. “Do I look like someone shooing you, huh?”
“Will we still see each other often?” I asked.
It took her a moment to answer. “Of course,” she said. “We go to the same school, don’t we?”
“You know what I mean. . .”
She sighed. “It might be lessened,” she said. “As I’ve predicted, Khunnie didn’t like it that much.” She lifted her hand and rested it on my cheek. “I’ll miss this.”
“Ya!” I whined. “Why do you sound like you’re saying goodbye?”
“Sorry,” she laughed and scooted closer to me, cuddling. I kissed her forehead as she buried her face in my chest.
The rest of the day was spent with her taking care of me.
I was feeling better so I went to school the next day. I was then surprised when I saw Vicky making her way towards me with a smile on her face. She looked as if she’s not going through something which made me smile back. I was then left stunned when she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “Good morning!”
“H-h-hi!” I stuttered, making her laugh.
“Let’s meet later in the rooftop, okay? Around lunch time!”
“Oh-kay,” I nodded, dazed.
“Glad to see you’re fine,” she said then waved and bounced away.
What did just happen?
I blinked my eyes as my brain tried to absorb everything. And when it did, I felt a grin broke into my face and I started jumping up and down, trying not to scream out loud. But then, I wasn’t able to stop myself from doing so.
For half the day, my thoughts were floating, creating different scenes of what will happen later on in the rooftop. I can’t concentrate in class, and no one bothered to scold me. I think they’re pretty used to me spacing out every now and then.
When the bell rang for lunch, I was out of the classroom before someone could even stand up to leave. I was bouncing up and down while whistling as I made my way to the rooftop. She wasn’t there yet so I went to the edge and stretched my arms out while inhaling the air.
Then, I felt two arms wrapped around me. I paused then slowly turned around. It was Vicky. She smiled up at me. “Hey,” she smiled.
“Hey. . .” I smiled back.
She bit her lower lip down. Aigoo, she looked so y. “Dara told me something. . . Is it true then? Do you really like me?”
I blushed. “Y-yes. . .”
“Why haven’t you told me?” she pouted.
“I was shy. . .”
She tiptoed and went to whisper in my ear the words, “I kind of liked you too, you know.”
My eyes widened. “Really?” I breathlessly asked.
She nodded with a smile and I blushed to the roots of my hair. “You’re so cute!” she said, her arms around my neck while her hands s into my hair. She then started pulling my head down. I blinked several times and my eyes finally closed when her lips touched mine.
Vicky was an expert, a good kisser. It made me wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to mine. As the kiss went deeper, a creaking sound was heard, followed by something hitting the floor and a surprised gasp. We broke apart and looked at the source.
It was Sandara Park, staring at us with wide eyes. “I-I’m sorry!” she then said, bowing and went to pick up two lunch boxes that fell to the floor.
“Dara. . .” I called out, my heart beating painfully inside my chest.
She straightened up and gave a light chuckle. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to intervene. I’ll leave now, you can go back to erm. . . what you were doing.”
With that, she sprinted away. My foot moved forward, wanting to follow her. But then, Vicky held on to me.
-----
Hey, sorry guys if some of you thought the previous chap was an new update..
kekeke...
was willing to wait for it to be recovered...
but oh well...
kekeke..
- hagocimit
Sandara Park Is My Muse
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