He had always been crying these past few weeks. He never thought he would be this sad in merely short time. His eyes were puffy and his head was aching.

Changmin opened his eyes and realised he was on someone’s couch with his long legs hanging at the end of it. The crook of his neck felt sore because he slept on the wrong side. He sat up and rubbed the back of his head as he looked around, trying to remember what had happened last night.

What happened before he falls asleep?

He was crying, crying so much that when the car stopped the tears had dried and his face was so red and wet. He bit his lower lip, his heart hurt when the last night incident jumped back into his memory.

His family didn’t know him. He was a stranger to them now. He felt his body numb all over.

And he didn’t know why Junsu couldn’t recognise him either. They were best friends; supposed Junsu wouldn’t have the heart to make his life as miserable as this.

“You’re awake?” Changmin turned and saw Junsu sitting on a rocking chair not far from the living room where Changmin was staying.

“Um..yeah,”

“You cried so much.” Junsu sneered. There was a book on his lap and he was wearing his glasses to read. He already changed into something even loose for sleep. “I thought you would never stop.”

“Sorry hyung, for disappointing you,” he chuckled and continued reading his book. Junsu had let Changmin called him that and Changmin was grateful for it. Changmin touched the bags under his eyes, and looked at himself on the switched off television and saw how miserable he was. He pushed his fringe aside.

“What do you want to do now?”

“I don’t know.” Changmin was pushed to a very desperate street. “Junsu-hyung, do you ever heard about Yunho-hyung?”

“Who’s that?” Changmin blinked. Yeah, of course Junsu didn’t know him. “You told me before about him, but…”

“Ah, umm…” Changmin didn’t know where to start. “Then what about Jaejoong-hyung? Yoochun? Your best friend? Your soul mate?”

“Really?” Junsu suddenly sat upright, not rocking like before. “Yoochun? What’s the full name?”

“Park Yoochun, he’s your soul mate, he supposed to leave Yunho-hyung and I together with you and Jaejoong-hyung,”

“Wait, wait…”

“What?” Junsu chuckled a bit, and he’s not laughing merrily like he always did. He was like controlling the way he’s laughing and it was a bit weird to see him like this. Changmin was used to Junsu who laughed with his dolphin-like voice with the clapping and jumping all around when he was too happy. But this Junsu…

“Your story is very bizarre. You know what I mean?” Changmin furrowed his brows. “Do you know that there’s another Park Yoochun exists but he draws manga?”

“Draws manga?” Changmin scratched the side of his head.

“Yes. I love all his manga. I read them whenever there were new ones. I read all of his manga, I had a whole collection in my reading room,” he gestured to his bed, which in Changmin’s opinion was not exactly a reading room. It was more like a secluded place where you could read anything you want with a lamp and a nice chair with the book shelves around you.

“Oh.”

“But hyung…”

“I think you knocked your head. Do you want me to send you to the hospital? Are you sure you’re not hallucinating?” Changmin stayed silent. Junsu laughed but then went quiet when Changmin didn’t laugh together with him. “I’m sorry. I thought I would cheer you up.”

“You always do that.” Changmin mumbled.

“What?”

“You always cheered me up. That’s why when you left, my world was black all of a sudden,” Junsu blushed, but his face was amused. He closed the book that he was reading and walked to Changmin. He sat in front of Changmin and folded his legs together. He looked arrogant and classy at the same time, not quite similar with his Junsu. His Junsu was playful, and cute. He wouldn’t be as charismatic as this.

“Tell me more, stranger.” He said, his words came out like a challenge to a newcomer in a game show. Changmin looked at Junsu in the eyes and saw his eyes glimmered. “If you are what you say are, then tell me your story,”

“Hyung, you knew me. We lived together since…” Changmin stopped when Junsu hugged himself and turned serious. It wasn’t his turn to convince him about the truth. Maybe all of the things that happened to him were a dream after all. But how could a dream last this long? He pinched his own legs and it hurts. Damn, it hurts so much! “Okay, here’s…” he swallowed his bitter saliva and looked up to see if Junsu would suddenly started laughing and tell him that everything was a joke.

It didn’t happen.

Changmin his lower lip before he started to open his mouth again.

“Where I was actually living…” Changmin choked. “…we are in a band called TVXQ, Dong Bang Shin Ki, Tohoshinki,”

“Isn’t Dong Bang Shin Ki…?” Junsu knitted both his brows together.

“Yes, it’s the Rising God of the East,” Junsu covered his mouth with his hands, it was obvious he was trying to prevent from laughing. Changmin could feel he was smirking too. “I know, right? When we first endorsed the name, we thought it was ridiculous. It was a very heavy name, a very good one but, and we were so young when we started.” Junsu laughed a bit and Changmin couldn’t help but laugh too. The name was actually hilarious at first but then the name brought a whole lot of meanings to him.

For him, Dong Bang Shin Ki is family. Dong Bang Shin Ki is where he belongs to. Dong Bang Shin Ki is where he started his life and lived the way he was now.

He felt there was a lump in his throat. But he continued when Junsu’s laugh subsided.

“SM Entertainment, that was the name of our company. We were so famous, both here and in Japan, and also overseas. We were successful all over the east, and we toured here and there until our energy exhausted.”

“Are you alone with this…umm…Junsu?”

“No. There’s another three members. All four of them, including you, hyung are my hyungs. Jaejoong-hyung is the oldest, but he always fought with me even though I’m the maknae, he is strong too despite his thin and skinny body. Yunho-hyung is the second oldest, the leader of our band and he is very charismatic and has a very strong skill of leadership. He is scary at times but he would go all mellow with Jaejoong-hyung. Yoochun-hyung is the last to join us, maybe because he lived in USA before and returned to Korea later after he won some contest there,” Changmin took a deep breath and stared at Junsu. “And you, hyung. Junsu-hyung that I knew is someone who is childish and his age is the nearest to me, even though he was two years older than me.”

“You are that talented?”  Changmin didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. How could he admit that he was talented? He had a big heart but he didn’t have a big head. He kept his head down. “Well, for someone like you who was two years younger and being in a group who is as popular as you said, it could be either talent or hard work,”

“I would say hard work.” Changmin replied immediately which brought a smile to Junsu’s lips. “And then one day, they said they wanted to leave me.”

Changmin looked at Junsu, trying to find any trace of guilt there but he found none. He could almost believe this dream.

“Junsu-hyung, you told me that you won’t leave me. You told me to always stay true to what you wanted to do, to always believe that passion that always burn in our hearts should always be the one who drive us in life.” Junsu looked at him.

“You are one passionate boy,” Junsu commented as he stood up and stretched.

“Junsu-hyung!”

“Your story was interesting, but please…Dong Bang Shin Ki?”

“I know…but…Junsu-hyung!”

“Listen here, Changmin,” Changmin was taken aback. The way Junsu called his name was exactly the same as how his Junsu called him. He called him with the squeaky dolphin voice.

Junsu coughed and corrected his posture. Changmin couldn’t help but notice the infamous duck . Even with the different personality, this Junsu still had the same gorgeous body.

“I’m not your hyung. How many times do I have to tell you? It’s the reality here. I am Kim Junsu, true but I’m not your hyung like you said. There is no Dong Bang Shin Ki, or whatever the other name that you said existed in this world. I didn’t know anyone that you just mentioned except for that Yoochun, but I could be wrong. Maybe there are the same names. Maybe there are doppelgangers, I don’t care. But you are not my dongsaeng and I am not hyung,”

Changmin was dumbfounded. How could he be so cruel to him?

Junsu walked back to his rocking chair and sat there. He read his book again. Changmin stood up, didn’t know what to do.

“I thought you would have the same heart as my Junsu, hyung,” Changmin still as stubborn. He would call him hyung, because for him he was always his hyung. “My Junsu is nice, he would always care for people even though he didn’t know that person,”

“I’m not your Kim Junsu.”

“But would you treat me as one of your dongsaeng? I don’t have anywhere to go…” Changmin looked down, he couldn’t believe there were tears in his eyes. Shouldn’t he have had enough tears wasted? How could his heart felt this heavy? “How could you do this to me after you had abandoned me?”

“What…”

“How could you just pretend there and not know who I am? I am your dongsaeng! How could you just brush that fact like we had not known each other! How could you make me like this? How could you make me suffer like this? Do you really hate me, Junsu-hyung? I’m sorry I made you cry or tease you before but it was because I love you so much! Junsu-hyung, please, please…” Changmin fell down on his knees and started to punch the floor. Junsu stood up from his rocking chair. Changmin’s tears started rolling again. His vision blurred again. “Why do you do this to me? Shouldn’t it enough that you left me with Yunho-hyung? Why do you have to break me like this?”

Changmin sobbed and sobbed until he lost his voice. Miraculously the Junsu that was a stranger to him knelt down beside him and picked him up. He hugged him, letting Changmin to lay his head on his shoulders as Changmin continued crying.

“Junsu-hyung…” Changmin called out again but was not scolded by Junsu.

“I’m sorry.” There was hope and Changmin watched Junsu. “But I’m not the one that you’re looking for, Changmin-ah.” Junsu wiped his tears with his thumbs and smiled bitterly. “I’m sorry that I was being too harsh on you.” Changmin wailed again and Junsu hushed him and Changmin let Junsu hugged him. Junsu rubbed circled behind Changmin and Changmin remembered his Junsu. He remembered the gentle Junsu, the one who had always comfort him in times like this with his humour.

“What… what should I do now, Junsu-hyung?”

“Do you want to stay with me for a while?” Junsu shrugged. “Maybe we can work something out, maybe there’s something wrong. We can go to doctors if you want,”

“I’m not crazy.”

“I know. But one can never be too sure.” Changmin sulked but what could he do? He continued his crying for a few minutes after that and wiped his tears afterwards. Junsu had continued his reading, like nothing ever happened. Changmin went inside the bathroom and washed his face and used Junsu’s face products. There wasn’t much but it was sufficient enough for him.

When he exited the bathroom he saw Junsu was still reading. He sat there, feeling like a childish idiot. He was always crying, he couldn’t control his emotions lately. Hell, since they left he had never been able to control his tears. If he wanted to cry, the tears would happily be produced by his lacrimal ducts like crazy. He also had difficulty to stop to.

He sat there and suddenly his stomach grumbled. Even Junsu could hear it.

“Are you hungry?” Junsu asked.

Changmin blushed a violent pink. Well, he had never gone this far without food. His favourite of the day was when he was going to eat his midnight snack.

“Well…actually…”

“If you are that hungry, I only have ramen left. If you want it, I’ll cook it for you,” Changmin straightened his pose.

“Yes, please?” Junsu stood up and walked to the kitchen. Changmin waited patiently at the table that was situated in the kitchen. Junsu looked so skilful in cooking, just like how Jaejoong-hyung would be. Junsu even put a half-cooked egg in his ramen and there were anchovies, Changmin’s favourite side dish.

When Junsu had served the food to Changmin, Changmin bowed down in respect and love to Junsu. This Junsu better be good in cooking. Changmin picked up his chopsticks and started to dig in his meal. His already very hungry stomach made a lurch when he swallowed his first bite. Junsu’s ramen even though looked like the ordinary ramen that he could get in restaurants, it was very delicious. He looked at Junsu who was smiling proudly of his own handy job. Junsu didn’t eat together with him.

“Why don’t you eat?”

“I can’t, my stomach didn’t quite like night meals like this,” Junsu explained with a smile on his lips. He looked very interested in Changmin even though he said to the younger boy otherwise. Changmin nodded and continued to eat. The anchovies were dipped in sugary substance and a bit of chilli which made it more delicious. The anchovies were something like how Jaejoong would cook it. Jaejoong always made their meals spicy and a bit sweet, a lot to his own liking rather than considering what the boys’ taste really are.

He missed Jaejoong’s cooking already. Maybe because both he and Yunho didn’t know how to cook and after Jaejoong left, Yunho’s cooking was terrible.

Changmin noticed there was a white board on the wall near the dining table. There was lists of raw materials for Junsu to buy but what attract Changmin was the numbers that was written in red and blue marker.

“What was that?” asked Changmin. Junsu turned to the white board.

“What?”

“The numbers.” Junsu scoffed and brought one of his brows up. Changmin didn’t know he had that ability. Junsu looked devilish.

“Oh, that.” Junsu pushed his bangs back. “Do you really want to know?” Changmin didn’t answer. “I don’t think we are in a stage where I am comfortable in telling you what they are yet.” Junsu said coolly. Changmin couldn’t think of anything to retaliate so he just shut himself up about that.

“Do you really think we can have a chance to be good with each other again?” Junsu smiled and he played with his bangs again.

“What are you talking about?” Junsu put his chins on both his hands that were on the table. “I already take you in. Don’t worry, as long as you behave you can reside here until we know what to do with you,”

Changmin looked at Junsu and thought he saw his Junsu there.