Jaejoong sat by Junsu's bed for quite a while now. They were in the hospital where Dr Kang actually worked. He had been there since they arrived in Yihan's helicopter, and fortunately they were in time to save Junsu's life. He was brought immediately to the emergency department and the health professionals did what was needed for him to survive.

It could be a fatal incident.

It made Jaejoong shivered just by thinking about it. They had to transfuse blood to Junsu's body and to transfer him to a very clean facility because of the special condition that he had.

Dr Kang was shocked to see it was Junsu when he came to the private room where Junsu was transferred. It was an order from Yihan, to get the best place for Junsu.

Junsu was awake now and they were in a very awkward silence. Junsu's attention was somewhere else and Jaejoong knew it was about Changmin.

Jaejoong held his hands together and stared at Junsu. His face was undeniably pale and thin. He felt like hitting himself.

How could he be so blind to see that Junsu was actually sick?

"Do you plan on lying to me forever?" asked Jaejoong. Junsu looked down, his eyes were watery too when he heard the shake in Jaejoong's voice. "Why didn't you tell me that you're sick?" Junsu stayed silent. Jaejoong who was on the chair stood up. "Did it start when you start avoiding me? Four years ago? Did you know it at that time?" Jaejoong tilted his head, blinked his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the tears. "Did you already know when you me? You wanted to make me hate you so that you can die alone in misery?"

Junsu gritted his teeth. He didn't have any answer.

"You ing me because you wanted me to hate you? You sold me to Yihan because of that, too?" Jaejoong raised his voice. The tears wouldn't stop accumulating even after all his efforts. Jaejoong turned and grabbed Junsu's collar with shaking hands. "Look at me! Answer me!"

Junsu kept his head down.

"Answer me, you bastard! Until when do you want to keep it from me?!" Jaejoong shook Junsu's body violently. "I lived with Yihan, loved him, and kept reminding myself the incident, that I have to hate you for it and I will avenge it to you one day, I've done it and broke someone's life, but still..." Junsu looked at Jaejoong directly in the eyes. "...I couldn't hate you. Every bone in me loves you, it's hard to do it."

Jaejoong wept, his tears flowed in a rush down both his cheeks. Junsu was still in Jaejoong's hand. Jaejoong cried and cried, put his head on Junsu's chest and felt the sudden familiarity that he craved.

"You shouldn't do that to me...you shouldn't leave me like that." Jaejoong sobbed. His tears started to dampen Junsu's hospital outfit.

"What is it with you that wanted to carry the entire burden? Why can't you tell me?" he hit Junsu's chest weakly. "Why can't you just tell me that you're sick?"

"I'm sorry." was all that Junsu could say.

"Is that your answer?" Jaejoong demanded. His voice trembled. "Are you going to leave me with only that?"

"I'm sorry." Junsu couldn't bear it to see Jaejoong with tears. He made Jaejoong cry when he left him, and he hated it. He had never forgotten that day when he practically gave Jaejoong away to Yihan.

"Your sorry meant nothing now! Pabo!" Jaejoong hit Junsu again. He cried even louder. "Now I can't take care of you. That Changmin boy did."

"I'm dying now, it didn't matter." Jaejoong's eyes went bigger. "After that night, I went overseas. Remember I wasn't in Korea at all. I went for my treatment even though I haven't had any hopes up at all. But my disease was treated, even though it took months for me. And only lately it recurred,"

"What...what was the meaning...?"

"I'm going to break your heart again, Jaejoong." Junsu said with a sigh. Jaejoong watched his face, obviously displeased and drown in sorrow.

The door suddenly opened, and Yihan entered with Changmin. Changmin ran when he saw Junsu. He embraced Junsu as soon as Jaejoong got off Junsu. Jaejoong went to Yihan and Yihan pulled Jaejoong into a tight embrace. He kissed the top of Jaejoong's head.

"Hyung...!" Changmin didn't care at all if Jaejoong wanted to kill him right now if only he could be with Junsu like this. "Just don't do that again..."

"Who's going to save you if it's not me, pabo?" Changmin sobbed louder. Junsu smiled weakly.

"I love you, I love you. Please don't leave me." Changmin hugged Junsu closer. He didn't want to let go, not now. "I'm scared that you're going to leave me. I'm scared. I'm sorry for what I've said." Changmin buried his head in Junsu's shoulder. Junsu winced because of the pain but he didn't tell Changmin.

Changmin kissed Junsu on the lips desperately.

"As long as you set Junsu-hyung free, I'll be willing to keep my mouth shut." Changmin threw a death glare at Jaejoong who wasn’t startled at all. He looked cold and heartless at the moment.

"Even if you tell us to the police it wouldn't hurt us at all," Jaejoong said almost cockily but Yihan cut in.

"We'll make sure Junsu get the best treatment,"

"I won't last." Junsu said. Changmin gasped. "When it recurred for a second time, there wouldn't be a good outcome,"

"You can't say that!" Changmin barged in angrily.

"Changmin-ah, listen to me..."

"You will live! You will survive no matter what! We have made through all this, why do you have to be so pessimistic?"

"I'm not. I'm telling you the truth." Junsu held his face, and only then Changmin learned how cold his hand was. Changmin put a hand on that cold hand, it felt different.

Junsu was going to leave him.

It was inevitable. Again.

Junsu smiled at him.

How could life be so cruel at him?

He turned at Jaejoong. Jaejoong was holding Yihan's hand as Yunho entered the room. Yunho saw the gesture and looked away. He walked further inside and stood beside Junsu's bed.

He bowed down humbly, like he hadn't done anything horrible to him before. Changmin looked away, amazed at how Yunho was very different in front of Junsu. He was mad at Yunho, but what could he do? He was the obsessive sasaeng.

And I was the victim, grumbled Changmin inside his head.

"We would provide a cheque for you later. You can put any money you want because I'll give you a blank one," Yihan said as if he was doing a mere business with Junsu and Changmin.

"Money." Junsu murmured. "I don't need money anymore, Yihan. I can make do by myself. But you have to do something about Changmin. He was scarred for life already,"

"That was all a payback for what you did to Jaejoong way back," Yihan answered. Junsu closed his eyes but didn't reply. "I would be hearing from you again about the cheque,"

Yunho straightened back and shot Changmin a killing glare before he exited the door.

***

Changmin and Junsu were left alone. No one else entered. Changmin even though he knew Junsu would be a bit suffocated with him in the room with him refused to leave. He held Junsu's hand like a dear life.

"Are you really going to treat me coldly ever again?" Changmin kissed Junsu's bruised hand.

"How did you know?" Junsu asked, his fingers wrapped gently around Changmin's. He looked down on Changmin, his eyes were soft.

"Know?"

"About me? I never told anyone..." Junsu lifted his fingers and touched Changmin's forehead. He slipped a finger beneath his hair, playing with them for a while.

"That you're sick? Aaah..." Changmin's face reddened. "That night when you didn't come home, Dr Kang came and gave you an envelope."

"Oh, the envelope." Junsu ruffled Changmin's hair, and even though it was a small gesture Changmin liked it very much.

"After Dr Kang left, I opened it without your permission and read what was in it." Changmin paused. He remembered he nearly had a heart attack when he first read them. It was all the medical information and records that involved Junsu that Dr Kang had compiled. Because of legal reasons, Dr Kang didn't actually give Junsu the original medical records but only ones that Junsu would understand. And the ones that would matter like the hospital fees and charges.

Even though Changmin didn't know what the hell that the documents were really talking about, he could sense it was something serious. Dr Kang was emphasizing on only one disease, and possibilities and treatment of it.

"Are you scared?" Junsu asked, his voice was mild. Changmin looked up at Junsu and nodded. "Don't be." Junsu started to tear up when he saw Changmin's miserable expression. He trailed his fingers downward, and Changmin closed his eyes. Junsu held his cheek, caressed it with his thumb. "Your face is warm..." Changmin put his hand on Junsu's. It felt like touching ice. "Do you hate me?"

Changmin's eyes flung open.

"What? Why should I hate you? I love you!" Changmin couldn't believe it. For how long would he have to convince Junsu that he was in love with him?

"For putting you through this. You wouldn't be in this torture if you hadn't mess with me," Junsu smiled weakly. Changmin shook his head.

"We're going to escape here. Together." Changmin was determined. "I'm not going to stop until we go out there,"

"Changmin." Junsu shifted a bit so that he was leaning on the bed head post. Changmin watched and waited for Junsu to be more comfortable. "Yihan would never let us run away,"

"I can. If we try we can do it!" he was persistent. He was going to be the one saving Junsu this time. "You shouldn't be so held back by this. We can build our life again, we can tell the police, the authorities about Yihan! We can live somewhere else. Maybe...maybe another country and...and..." Changmin's words came out of his mouth in lightning speed. Junsu held his face with both his hands.

"Changmin. Hey, hey, listen..." Junsu shushed him. "The police, the authoritative are nothing to Yihan, Changmin. Yihan is the underground most feared leader, they couldn't even touch him. They are scared of him. The only way to escape here is doing whatever they're telling us to."

"But...how could...?!" Changmin whined. "Are you going to give up now?" Changmin pushed Junsu's hand gently away, as if afraid any abrupt movement would break Junsu. "They kidnapped me. They me. Tortured me! I couldn't stand it, hyung. We must run away from here..."

"Min-ah..."

"They inspected me like I'm kind of goods, and...and they talked about selling me..."

"I would never let that happen to you. I failed once to protect you and I won't do it ever again. Listen, Changmin-ah..." Junsu caressed his cheek again. "You have to remember this; if there's a chance and if anything happened to me, run away. Run and never look back."

"You won't run with me?" Changmin's voice was small, because he knew Junsu wouldn't budge with his decision. "How would you protect me then?" Junsu chuckled softly. He sighed silently.

"Jaejoong is tied to me, that's why he never tried to harm me directly. He was obsessed with me, he could only track me down and observe me from afar. He couldn't do anything to me, because his heart is still soft when it comes to me. He wouldn't kill me. Look at what he'd done. Even though he'd hurt me up to this, he sent me to the hospital when you said I wouldn't make it if he leave me like that."

Changmin pouted. It was an unconscious action.

"He wouldn't let me die. It would severe the ties that bonded us forever." Changmin pulled his gaze away. "You didn't look please."

"Keep talking about Jaejoong and I'll cut your throat myself," Junsu chuckled lightly.

"Are you jealous?" Changmin blushed but he didn't say anything. "Come on, Changmin..."

"He's a very important person to you, isn't he?" Changmin put Junsu's hand on the bed, looking serious. "What happened in the past? Will you tell me? What answers that he demanded?"

"Min-ah..."

"You kept hiding important things from me. It's not fair, for you and for me, and Jaejoong too. If you just tell me, I will take care of you. And if...if Jaejoong knew why..."

"He already scolded me because of that, Changmin-ah...he's jealous of you. You should be flattered..."

"No..." Changmin indeed was flattered and he blushed violently.

"Aaahh...you're so cute!" Junsu pinched Changmin's cheek. "I wonder if I can see it again or not..." Changmin quickly felt sad. He held Junsu's hand and kissed it tenderly. He climbed on Junsu's bed and the older man scooted to make way for him to cuddle comfortably. Changmin rested his head on Junsu's shoulder.

"You will see me again..." Changmin whispered, his eyes fixed on Junsu. Junsu kissed his lips tenderly. Changmin wrapped his arms around Junsu whilst they deepened the kiss. Junsu's lips were as cold as his hands but Changmin didn't care. His tears flowed down his cheeks, relieved that Junsu was here in his arms again. "I will not leave you..."

"But I will have to return you back," Junsu said silently. He kissed the tip of Changmin's nose. Changmin frowned.

"Are you going to leave me in the dark again?"

"Min-ah..." Junsu kissed his forehead. "When I passed out, I found myself in my own dream. It was a weird dream, at least to me. Do you want to know why?"

"You haven't told me anything about your past. You said you and Jaejoong are attached to each other but how? If not one of you was in love with the other, how could you be tied down?" Junsu heaved a sigh. He gazed at Changmin lovingly, adoring the singer that cuddled with him.

"How do you feel about your hyungs in your world?" Junsu's question took Changmin by surprise. His mouth gaped open.

"I-I..." he quickly remembers that Junsu hurt him telling him he didn't believe his story and now he's asking about those ones in it? Was Junsu kidding with him?

Changmin pulled his gaze away as sudden sadness overflowed in his heart. He turned it downward to his own legs.

"They...umm..." there's a lump forming in his throat. He cleared his throat once. "I love them as much as I love myself. But not like how I love you."

"That's how we felt about each other, Min-ah. Jaejoong once put all his trust in me, believed in me until that night." Junsu squeezed Changmin's hand. "After I came back from Dr Kang's office, I was devastated. He suggested that I go to have my own treatment overseas, as they have the most sophisticated ones with a better outcome. Even with my own money, the treatment was rather expensive. Even though there was money that I made with the songs that I composed with Jaejoong, and the salary from the academy, I couldn't really afford the full treatment that would get the leukaemia to halt. So, I had to use all the money in the bank that I had saved. Basically, if I used everything that I have, I would become penniless. I wanted the treatment and to get well but I would have nothing. So, I planned to leave and actually never come back because I wouldn't have so many hopes up of the treatment I was getting.

"With everything that happened, I didn't want to burden anyone else telling them about this. I kept it from my family too, my friends. The one who knew was Dr Kang and the hospital that I was treated first. Jaejoong didn't know about it.

"But one day, Yihan came to me. I don't know how he knows I was leaving for overseas. He knew about it. I was surprised. He told me that he wanted to tell Jaejoong about this but I didn't want him to. However, Jaejoong was a stubborn person. He would force me to tell him the situation again and again until he was satisfied. He would never let me go and that would affect his relationship with Yihan too.

"You see, Changmin...Jaejoong and I was brothers. He asked me everything, and even when it was Yihan's topic he decided to ask me about it. I couldn't just drop him the bomb that I was leaving him. I couldn't just tell him to stay with Yihan without me by his side. He wouldn't want that. So, Yihan brought a plan. He even gave me money for my treatment, for my extended stay there.

"Nevertheless, one should never forget that Yihan was actually a leader of the underground. He brought me a plan, and he asked for something else." Junsu swallowed after a while. Changmin put his hands around Junsu and held him closer. Junsu traced his dry lips with his own tongue. "He told me to leave Jaejoong. He told me that if I'm not in Jaejoong's life, he would be the first top priority in his life. For all this time, I had been that one person who he was clinging onto, and Yihan wanted to have that spot. He told me he wanted to be the one and only for Jaejoong."

"Hyung..." Changmin hugged Junsu even closer. He knew what was coming but Junsu wouldn't stop here.

"I...have to make a decision quick. But there wasn't much of a choice I could have made. Yihan practically laid it all out there for me to follow. Even if the treatment succeeded and I come back here, he wouldn't want me to meet Jaejoong again. He wouldn't want me to have anything in common with that person who was practically there for most of my life. If I insisted on still meeting Jaejoong, he would manage me in other ways." Changmin felt his lips went dry as he heard the cold words.

"So, I decided I'll go away from Jaejoong voluntarily. I...made him hated me. And then after that night, the very next day I flew overseas for my treatment. Miraculously, quoting Dr Kang, I became better. I lived a healthy life, a good one, almost like a normal person. The broken white blood cells were all been removed, and it hurts like hell, but I survived. I came back to Korea eight months later, and had my follow-up treatment with Dr Kang here. Everything went well, and I lived with Dr Kang for a moment because I had nowhere to live.

"I, then went to my old job and they didn't hesitate to hire me back. They were actually glad even though they were quite confused. I took it happily, I'm in such a bliss. Everything was actually being back to normal. I practically built a new life, and told my family I'm back for good after a while gone without a trace. I met Dr Kang thrice in a week for my follow up. I was happy. At least that's what I thought.

"I wanted to meet Jaejoong again, but suddenly I noticed the generous amount of money in my bank account. I then knew Yihan actually already knew that I'd come back to Korea. He was giving me the money to prevent me from seeing Jaejoong again. At first, I didn't want to care but he came to meet me personally. Yihan, I meant.

"He told me that Jaejoong already moved on and if I were to come back in his life it would be unforgivable, for both of them. He told me to take his money and he'd help me to become what I was today. I thought, yeah..." Junsu paused, as if he was choked. "...maybe I can do that. So, I stayed in the dark and Yihan used his connections and I was promoted to become a professor. It was a fairly short time and I had records of unemployment for a while but still he managed to do it for me. I wondered how much money he used and who was the person that influential enough in the academy to let me become a professor in such a young age. I was grateful, I was."

Junsu stopped talking as if he was deeply touched by his own words. He looked at Changmin who was trying his best not to cry in front of Junsu. Junsu had had his own sufferings with his tears, he didn't want to burden him anymore.

"But..." Junsu continued. "But, Jaejoong suddenly learnt about me. He met me directly at the academy and he was acting friendly but we were so awkward and I refrained myself from touching him." Changmin bit his lips when he saw tears started to roll down his hyung's cheeks. "I missed him so much. He looked much more beautiful than ever was. I love him, I really do. My feelings for him had never changed. He was thinner, slimmer and he had become top shot model now. The billboards were full of his ads, and his relationship with Yihan was supported fully by people. Yihan, in people's eyes was a perfect example for youth. Hardworking and successful.

"Jaejoong never forget about me, too. And I didn't know if he hated me or not, but the look in his eyes were undeniably something that I'd never see before I left. Whether it's sadness or contempt, I couldn't comprehend." Junsu wiped his tears with the back of his hand. "'What have you been doing?' he asked me that when our eyes met the first time. I still remember the details because it hurts me so much. I said nothing. He came to me and hit me. I didn't fight back, though. How could I? It was my fault. So I asked him this.

"'Do you hate me?' he stared at me for a good one minute and shook his head. 'I don't hate you. I loathed you.'" Junsu's tears streamed down faster than ever. Changmin buried his face in Junsu's shoulder and cried there. "My heart was torn to pieces. I wanted to die. I wanted to not be healthy again. If my health can be traded with Jaejoong's love towards me again, I would. But I've died once. I couldn't die for a second time.

"So, I didn't answer his question. He was angry. 'Do you want to kill me? Bring me to jail?' I asked him. He shook his head."

Junsu turned towards Changmin. He caressed Changmin's cheek for a while, like studying something.

"He told me he would make me suffer the same way that he did. He would never forget that night. He would do it, even though I knew he wouldn't do the same exact thing on me. I would be okay bearing with it." Junsu stared deep into Changmin's eyes. "Which then I knew he meant he would do anything to hurt someone close to me. Someone I love, someone that I let inside my heart. Someone like you."

"You can't...you can't mean..."

"I've been alone for years, and I planned to stay that way so that no one would get hurt. But then you came along..." Changmin gasped.

"It was all because of me. Because I am here." Junsu nodded, and kissed Changmin's wet cheek.

"But I don't care. You're here now. I didn't regret anything." Changmin nodded silently. "Shh...I'll be mad if you're crying...Enough people had been crying because of me and I don’t want you too…"

"I can't..." Changmin sniffed. "Why didn't you tell Jaejoong about this? He would understand."

"I can't. It's too late now. Jaejoong and I were beyond repair."

A/N there will be more explanations, the chapter was so long that I need another chapter to fill it in!~

i am actually crying legit tears when i had to imagine how Jae and Junsu met after Junsu was back from overseas, aaaaah even myself was hurt writing this, mianhe everyone!

p/s not my gif sorry and thank you for the maker!