*MyungSoo, where are you?*

Why can’t I find him, stupid boy. Is he hiding again? I stopped a group of students, who I knew was a part of MyungSoo’s class and asked them where he was.

“He’s one the roof”

“The roof?” I asked bewildered, why would he want to be on the roof in the middle of the freaking winter? “Ah Komawoyo” I bowed my head lightly before I disappeared towards the staircase. I’d have to run up four floors in order to reach the school’s roof. I was already after two floors tired. Well my body was still a bit numb. Though I’ve started eating again, slowly but surely was I eating again.

After finally reaching the door, which lead outside I burst it open and stepped outside in to the freezing cold weather. Well duh, it was snowing.

And there he stood, leaning against the fence that prevented him from falling. His hair and clothes where decorated with white snowflakes that made him look even more handsome. I blushed as I stood there; staring at the boy I loved. After taking a deep breath I walked up to him and placed myself next to him. Despite the freezing weather it was rather nice standing there. Though that nice feeling was soon going to be blown away, I just knew it would, because I was going to ask him. I was going to ask him about his past.

“M-MyungSoo?” his name came out as a stutter, mainly because I was afraid. I saw how he shifted his head a bit so that he could see me. His eyes that showed the traces of a rough and painful life smiled down at me, and I felt my heart pound hard against my ribcage.

“I’m sorry” I turned away from his intense gaze as I stared down on the roof that where filled with heavens glitter, snow. As I grabbed a hold of his cold left hand and squeezed it slightly, the cold made me shiver, nothing less I still hold onto his hand, feeling how the warmth of mine was transporting over to his.

I waited for him to say something, but he was dead silent.

Had something happened?

I needed to say it now.

“I’m sorry about your parents” there, I’d finally said it. But his reaction scared me, a lot. His whole body tensed, and he swiftly turned around so that he was looking straight at me, his flaming eyes. Staring into mine as he grabbed a hold of my shoulders and squeezed hard, causing me to winch in pain as he leaned in closer to my face.

“Don’t say sorry” he whispered through his gritted teeth’s before he pushed me away and turned in the other direction. He didn’t want to look at me.

“How?”

What did he mean by that, was he wondering how I got to know about his past? I couldn’t lie now, not only because I was awful at it, but because almost no one knew about his past. After shifting my stare towards him as I massaged my sore shoulders I told him that I’d asked Se Hyuk.

Not knowing that I had probably said the most stupid thing in my entire life I half sprinted forward and wrapped my arms around him from behind, as I started to cry into his uniform. I could feel that he was angry, as his body was in that position and his knuckles had turned white.

“You lied, you didn’t want me as a friend, all you wanted was to know why I where the way I was” he murmured into the air as he suddenly turned around and pushed me away yet again. Though, this time he pushed harder, causing me to fall towards the snow-covered roof. I scrapped my knee against the hard ground and yelped when I saw how it started to bleed.

But on the other hand, he was right. At first, I didn’t want to be his friend. Not because he was different. No, but because he scared me. Though that changed, because he was special and interesting, I never thought that the scary Kim MyungSoo would turn into a nice and caring person that made my heart flutter.

“S-sorry” I stuttered as tears was rolling down my cheeks, and thus making me feel even more cold as more snowflakes where falling from the sky above.

“SHUT UP” he snapped as he let go of the railing and walked up to me before he bent down and grabbed my shoulders again. Though this time, even harsher as he leaned in closer to my face, his eyes were burning with hate and I could latterly hear his heart pounding hard against his chest.

“I hate that word, sorry” he whispered next to my ear, causing me to shiver in fear. Was he going to hurt me? That fear lessened a bit as he leaned away and thus taking his hands away from my shoulder as he stood up, though he didn’t let his eyes off of me.

“Why? Why do you hate that word?” I asked, confident filling out ever word as I spoke and stared into his eyes, though deep inside, I felt everything but confident.

“People like you who think they know everything, but the fact is that they don’t. Do you know how many people that have said ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ after my parents died? Do you. As if they cared. When they in the next second start gossip, saying so many bad things about my parents and that they deserved it. Everyone just think about themselves. They believe that their own life is more important than anyone else’s.”

I stared wide-eyed at him; he’d never told me his true feelings before. Somewhat I can understand the feeling. Though no one had said ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ to me because I didn’t have anyone that could say that to me. Not even MyungSoo had said that. But knowing his pain, I could understand why he hadn’t. And the fact that MyungSoo’s parents had been famous, while mine hadn’t, made it a big difference too.

Apparently, MyungSoo’s father was a qualified architect who started an architectural company in the late seventies. His father had been one of many that had made the prints of many buildings that were now rising towards the sky in many cities around the world.

While his mother had been a chef, one of Korea’s absolute best ones, she had Korean cuisine as specialty. And knowing that MyungSoo’s favorite food was Kimpab, I didn’t doubt that.

The snow was now falling even steadier, which made it hard to see, even if it was just a few meters away from me and MyungSoo, though I could clearly see that he had moved closer towards the door, which led inside the warmth of the school.

“Are you going?” I asked as he took small steps forward, away from me. And even though he stopped, he made no effort in turning around. So that he was facing me.

“Could you please leave me alone, I don’t want to see you anymore” he stated and I could latterly feel my heart crack and burst into pieces as I looked at him, tears moistening my eyes and cheeks.

Was he for real?

Apparently, since the next thing he did was to disappear through the door and vanish into the school as I sat there, staring after him. I had caused the one and only person that I cared and loved to leave me.

And that was something I hated, something that I’d have to live with for the rest of my life.