36
Voice of my Heart
It was a week before school started again. You were done with your job, and spent the last day buying up whatever you could before you lost your twenty percent discount. It was a teary occasion with you and the owner until Myungsoo pointed out that you were just quitting and not moving somewhere else.
“Way to be a party pooper,” the owner said with a smile on your face before bagging up your things and sending you away.
You and Myungsoo always went to the park together, walking hand in hand down the sidewalk until you got to the park. Then you two would race for the swings, and Myungsoo always let you win and pushed you first.
“So. Plans for the school year? Are you finally going to join the photography club like you’ve been saying for the last two years?”
“I might. Depends on when the meetings are. I’m taking sewing lessons at the craft shop, and I’m advancing through the classes pretty quickly. The owner says after a few more months, I’ll probably be making things on my own, and she could try to sell them at the shop,” you said as Myungsoo pushed you.
“Oh. You’re still on that?” You blinked a few times and stopped the swing with your feet, making you lean forward as Myungsoo tried to push you again.
“What do you mean?”
Myungsoo pursed his lips and leaned over to look at you. “Well. You usually get over these things pretty quick. Remember figure skating? You did that for a month then quit. Then there was karate, you quit that after two weeks. And then there was learning the guitar from me, but I don’t think we had more than three lessons.”
“But. But this is different. I really feel like I could do this for the rest of my life.”
“And that’s what you said about all of those things, too. Well, except the guitar. You said we’d be singing songs all summer about that. Besides, the fashion designing world is tough.”
You gripped the chains on the swing and frowned slightly. “You... You don’t think I could do it?”
“It’s not that. I don’t think you’re mean enough to do it. The real world is competitive, especially with things like this. I’ve been to a few fashion shows to photograph for them, and it’s so hectic in the back, there are people sabotaging others all over the place, especially if it’s a competition. And everyone turns a blind eye. And you’re really sensitive to criticism, so I don’t know if you could really...” He trailed off as you let your head fall.
“You really don’t think I could do it?”
“I just... I’m just trying to be realistic here. You understand, right?” He leaned down to get a look at your face, but you turned away and hopped off of the swing, rubbing your arms.
“I don’t really feel good, suddenly. I’m gonna head home,” you said, turning to head towards the sidewalk. Now, Myungsoo knew you were upset. Really, really, upset.
“Wait, what’s wrong? Come on. Don’t walk away from me like that.” Myungsoo caught up with you, and you were staring off into the distance with a sad look on your face.
“I... I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that maybe you should pursue things you’re already good at. Like art. You’re really good at drawing and painting. Why don’t you look more into that?”
You ignored him the entire walk back to your house and opened up the front gate mechanically, walking past your mom in the garden.
“Oh, hey, you two. Back so... soon?” your mom asked, faltering as you ignored her and pushed the front door in and shut it behind you in Myungsoo’s face.
“Okay. What did you do? She doesn’t get mad at you often, so it must’ve been something bad. Talk to me. And hand me that hand shovel while you’re at it.”
“I was just being realistic. I asked her what she was planning for the school year, and she told me she was taking sewing lessons and stuff at the shop and saying that maybe she could make things for the owner to sell.”
“She’s talked to us about going into fashion designing. She has a plan and everything. She’s looking at schools, gathering information, looking at scholarships. She really wants to do this.”
“Just like she really wanted to do figure skating, karate, and guitar,” Myungsoo said with a frown on his face.
Your mom stopped digging and turned to look at him. “You know why she quit those?”
“Because she lost interest.”
“Well, yes, part of it was because she lost interest. But part of it was because of you, too.”
Myungsoo looked surprised. “Because of me? What did I do? I never told her to stop.”
“But you never told her to keep going either. She values your opinion a lot, Myungsoo. I’m thinking if you gave her a little bit of encouragement, she probably would’ve stuck with figure skating, and we could have an Olympian on our hands. Or a musician.”
“I never told her to keep drawing, and she’s pretty good at that.”
“She considers it a hobby. I think that she thinks that she won’t ever be good enough to really make a living out of her art. And what is fashion designing besides another form of art? It’s just art you can see on people.”
Myungsoo pursed his lips. “I...”
“Just give her a little encouragement, Myungsoo. That’s all she needs. She wants to do this, and her father and I think she can do this. She made the shirt she was wearing.”
“What? She made that? I just thought it was a new shirt she bought while I was gone...” Myungsoo trailed off and sighed.
“Nope. Made by her hands. If you’d seen what else she’s made, I’m sure you’ll think differently.”
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