it was destiny it was meant to be we were so complete the perfect team then suddenly, there's a glitch in the system and between us is a big strip of distance they say it's supposed to make the heart grow fonder for more like I can tell it couldn't be wronger a little bit of more goes a long way a little bit of right goes the wrong way i keep giving, you keep taking i'm trying to make a living be patient

 

Hannam-Dong

Late April 2012

 

I lighted up the cigarette which I placed in between my fingers. My fifth? Sixth? Seventh? I lost count. Maybe more, though it was only 6pm in the evening, and I woke up at three. Cigarette was my best escape, so far, after I made a promise, not only to my dearest mom, but also to myself, to not play with any drugs anymore. Not only for the sake of my career, because if it is for my career-sake, I’d rather continue to consume them seeing how much the influence they’d be giving, God knows how many songs I can write under their spells. But also for myself, I want to be a better person. And God knows, who makes me want to be a better person.

 

Unfortunately, that person, left me hanging, like she always.

And here I was, nothing but still hoping, like I always.

 

Many people see me as someone with strong personality, but here I was, so weak. If I could, I would beg, if its needed, I would. For the love of God, if she let me, I would fly thousand miles away just to see her face, to hold her soft cheeks, whisper her many love words, give her affection and attention, tell her story or two, listen to her story or two.

 

If only I could, I would.

 

But here I was again, with those short message, I had no choice but to just stay in with my cigarettes as my best friend.

 

From: R.O.D

Message:

Please, give me some time. Give us some time.

Give me some space, we need some space.

Go busy with your promotion.

Don’t mind me

Don’t come to me.

Maybe later.

For now, stay away, Ji.

Get busy, like you always do.

 

I didn’t know why it’s so easy for her, to stay away from each other. To give us distance, when obviously there were such a long distance between us. As if it’s not enough, she gave an unnece