When I when I was young

Back then, when I was you and you were me

When I when I was a fool

When I didn’t know anyone but only you

How was it? Do you remember?

We were so young, we were so inexperienced

Now I realize,  was it really hard? When I was you

And you were me? When we were one?

We were going back from the vet to Seoul, in silent. Jiyong did not say anything, anymore, after the question he asked me which I replied with: “Pass.” He just gave me his faint smile and gave back his full focus to drive. We spent a half an hour in silence, until finally we reached our home. My family home for me to take Ginger to the vet. And we back in silence when we went to the vet and now in our way back to Seoul.

And he still remembered my family home.

During that time when we were still together, he often not only drove me to Ilsan to release our busy days but sometimes he drove me home. More than two hours driving from Seoul to Jeonju made us loving to spend the time on road. Sometimes he was driving while I was next to him telling him a story or two. Basically about everything, about the tour Girl Generations just had, about the OST I just signed, the sub unit project, everything. Sometimes he was in the passenger seat while I was driving, because I found he was too tired to drive. He usually just put his head in my shoulder, sometimes with words and most of the times were not.

It was almost a decade, yet he still remembered direction to my family home.

And now, with Ginger in my arms, the scene was too similar with the old one, the almost decade ago one.

I decided to take Ginger home, what I meant home, my own home, in Seoul. He was having tummy problem, making him kept throwing up, but the vet already gave him medicine, and he did not throw up no more the food I gave him after he took the medicine. I did not want to trouble my mom to take care of him. Also, seeing my schedule that not really pack nowadays, only Queendom and Nolto, I think I could take care of him.

“He will be okay,” finally his voice was heard. He can see I looked so anxious.

But little did he know, not only of Ginger condition, because I can feel he was trembling in my arms, but also I was anxious of this set up. Us. Me and him. Away from Seoul. In his car. With him driving. With Ginger in my arms. The scene was so familiar and similar, it brought everything up.

Cannot help to feel nostalgic.

Or it was much more than only a sentimental feeling?

I hurriedly threw the thoughts away. I did not want to entertain. Although, cannot help to feel that way. Seeing him this way, I cannot help but to go to that time when we were together. I cannot believe, that years failed to wash away all the feelings I had inside.

Or it was just that kind of feeling when we thought we had unfinished business?

But I was so sure we did not have any unfinished business between us.

Or I was not so sure we did not have one?

There were many thoughts in my head ever since our question and answer session which ended in such awkward and sour situation. But his question was too difficult to answer. Where we would be at, if he did not make such mistake. It was too difficult to answer but I cannot help to think about it nonstop in my head.

I was too busy with my thoughts until finally I realized we were just arrived in my apartment area. He parked his car in the basement.

“Ji..” I called him out of my consciousness. I even surprises myself when I heard my own voice.

He looked at me one glance.

“I don’t think we would be anywhere,” I said.

He furrowed his eyebrows.

“I am answering your previous question. I don’t think we would be at anywhere different than this setting, even you did not do that mistake, back in 2014,” I answered with my low voice. Many things were circulating in my head. Then, I decided to continue, “we were both so young. We were so full of ambitions. So many demands, not only from the company, but from that little voice in our heart. We were having so many responsibilities, me and you which are not only me and you. I am not only Kim Taeyeon, I am SNSD’s Kim Taeyeon. You are not