Olympic Hall

February 2013

We kicked off this year with a grand comeback, I Got A Boy. The song that had received such mixed responses from, not only the public, but also the fans. Or even, if I could add, from the members. I was in shocked the first time we listened to the demo. It was such a…. how to call it, a confusing track. It brings you here and there. It feels like four songs in one. Though at the end, people said it would get addictive at the end.

Not only the song, our concept also different. We went for strong concept, with that kind of R ‘n B hip hop concept, with caps, tees, and even we were wearing our sneakers now. Not only because sneakers suit the concept, but also because of how hard the choreography was. Some of fans even wrote on our fancafe that they were shocked at how well I was dancing. I read some saying: wow Taeyeon can dance like this?

I wanted to laugh. Yes, we, nine of us, can dance like that. We had gone through years of training not for nothing.

We had wrapped our comeback stage early this month, and it didn’t mean we will rest. A tour was coming up. We would start with Japan Tour, and later in the second semester with world tour. I was so excited although scared at the other side. But I had been tried to be more honest with I had felt.

Yes, ever since I met him and talked to him, I learned that all of these cannot be kept by myself. I was so thankful and grateful to have someone that I could relate and he could relate to me too. Last year, 2012 was such a year, for both of us. So to have someone to share everything with, I could not be more grateful of it.

Also, the fact that I was having such a moment at the New Year, last year. And I was sure, he was also having it. Though, it seemed it worked fine for him, now.

That was the reason why, I felt, he made a distance. However, I would be happy, if everything worked fine for him.

Although, deep down… I kind of wished we can still talk.

We had just arrived at Olympic Hall, for Gaon Awards 2012. I was kind of nervous, because I heard the news he was coming too.

“Taeng, you sure you okay?” Tiffany, who knew exactly what had been troubling in my mind, asked. I just nodded to reply her question. Though, if I could dig down my mind, I was not okay, at all. I was so afraid of meeting him. To see him. It would be back to the awkward phase.

I clicked the app and scrolled up to the last message I received from him.

Kwon Jiyong:

Thank you, Taeng.

But I am so tired I wanna collapse.

But I am so thankful of you.

That was his last message which I replied with a smile emoticon.

I scrolled down and only found my message in the chat room.

TaengTaeng:

Hope you are fine.

Getting closer to the end year to close the tour this year, YAY!

There was no reply after that.

I sent another message. Or messages, to be exact.

Saw the news, you are going to Hong Kong again?

No reply.

Wow, you are now in London? How’s everything?

Did not I look like his fanbase who followed his schedule. The difference, I asked him for the confirmation.

Watched your performance from a fan. What a huge crowd you guys had in UK!

There was no reply.

Merry Christmas.

Still no answer, though I saw he posted picture(s) on his Instagram.

Hope you are fine, sunbae-nim.

And that was my last message, before finally I found the news circulating online about him and his ex (or now going back as his girlfriend?) went to Phuket. That picture, two of them, with a friend, next to ocean, during sunset.

Maybe that was why we cannot talk anymore.

We just had days of free schedule. And free schedule for me did not mean really free schedule. What I meant was free schedule from the media. Because, apparently I still needed to go to the company to work on the upcoming world tour for my solo comeback. It w