All you had given me was weird looks and you pulled your arm away from my reach as you looked  at the girl in her wedding dress.

Is this what I get from weeks of searching you?

Searching for you...

Yung other half ko na kung kailan ko nakita,

Biglang nawala.

Being a lucky one thought me how to wait.

Dadating din yan...

Mahahanap mo rin yan...

Bigla nalang yan nandyan...

Maghintay ka lang...

And it never thought me how to search.

You snatched my luck with you

So now I need-

my luck back.

Hahanapin kita.

Oo...

mahahanap din kita.

First I... "ugh!!!" I groaned nung nakasipa ako ng bato sa daan and my toes felt so sore.

Nung monday, Jennie and I went sa Jollibee and I swear... I saw you there, nakasmile sa mga umoorder.

You are everywhere.

Pati sa gasoline station, yung bagger sa grocery, yung taho vendo-

This is insane. I even dreamt of you. We were running somewhere green. You are holding my hand and turning your head from time to time. I found your litte dimple cute, so as your button nose.

Buti sana kung isang gabi lang...

I never felt so empty and desperate before. Chasing cars, tripping somewhere, running late for something pati yung violet na coin purse ko nasnatch. Lumingon pa sa akin yung tumangay and I froze nung nakita ko yung mukha mo na nag-grin bago pa siya lumiko sa masikip na street.

Is this what Jennie meant by "I can't get her out of my head! She's all over my system."

I tried searching for her in all possible ways.

Sa social media...

Sa mga bars na malapit.

Sa club-

Sa club kung saan kami unang nag meet. Pabalik-balik ako sa club na yun.

The fact that no one knows you frustrates me the most second to the fact na hindi parin kita mahanap.

I swear!!! For the love of God! The moment na makita kita I'll grab you

 and kiss you

 and run-

Run as fast and as far as I could.

I tried to follow my friends suggestion 

"Take it easy"

Then I gave up after 3 hours of trying to take things easy.

So I went to the club again. Wednesday night, dun sa club. Same club where we danced and kissed. Same freaking club where we met and asked you to go get me some pad instead of your name. Then handed you some bills instead of my hand. 

Now i regret it

I don't know why i regret it.

I don't know which one i regret.

Sitting on the same couch while listening to the deafening blast of beats and music my mind wonder sa mga sandaling magkalapit tayo. Yung saglit na pagtatagpo ng ating mata, yung pag-iwas natin sa idea na nahalikan kita at hinalikan mo rin ako.

I remember feeling something so profound, ao deep while your lips were on mine. The need for something and the genuine feeling of comfort.

Sayang...

Sayang hindi ko naintindihan kung bakit...

Sayang hindi ko na yata malalaman pa kung bakit...

I saw a familiar face across the sea of dancing and drunk crowd. Hindi nakatulong sa akin na madilim ang paligid. The contrasting ideas na namalikmata lang ako o hahabulin ko made me hesitate for a few seconds pero bigla nalang akong napatayo at the sudden thought of never seeing you again- never having my lucky back.

"Miss!!!" I called out.

Nilingon ako ng iba pero may voice was no match sa lakas ng music. Siya yung babaeng humila sa tenga mo palabas. She probably know you. 

I carelessly run, squeezing myself sa pagitan ng mga lasing na katawan. "Miss!" 

"Miss wait" I shouted again and she turned searching for my voice.

She turned- but never saw me dahil sa pagkakadulas ko. My bottom landed somewhere wet na unti-unti nang nanunuot sa loob ng jeans ko. My hand covered by it so nung inamoy ko ito...

I instantly wanted to cry.

Suka.

Suka ng lasing na sumusuray-suray muna sa pagkakatayo bago tuluyang bumagsak sa ibabaw ko.

The crowd hollered their "oooohhs" and "woaaahs" but none of them actually helped me na tanggalin yung lasing on top of me.

Great.

I found the lead kung paano kita mahanap and now I lost it.

I cried while riding the bus dahil ayaw akong pasakayin ng mga taxi dahil yung likod na part ko puno ng suka.

I cried while thinking...

Ganito ba parati ang buhay mo?

How did you even survive?

When will I see you again? 

How can i get my luck back?

And if there are any issue regarding sa order ng mga naiisip ko habang umiiyak... I never wanted to notice.

I cried...

I cried while taking my shower, putting my fresh clothes and texting my friend "no luck" bago ako humiga.

I cried, realizing the irony of the message...

"no luck? of course no luck... nasa iyo eh" and all that was left for me were unfortunate events, epic accidents and pure unluck.

Galing sayo... Dahil sayo... Naiinis ako sayo. 

And i cried again recalling the dumb expression on your face that s