It's all different... 

Yung pag pack mo ng gamit. 

Hindi mo maiwasang umiyak. Bawat damit, bawat gamit, bawat alaalang nakakabit. Tumayo ka at tahimik na pinagmasdan ang maleta sa kama... Ibang-iba na talaga. 

Wala na yung excitement, yung ngiti... Yung saya. 

You saw that mini bicycle na regalo niya sayo after mong matuto... Yung forehead kiss na kasunod nang pag-abot niya sayo nito. 

Yung picture frame sa tabi ng kama mo.  

"I know... Tapos na tayo.

Pero my heart wants to keep a memory of you. Of us... Remembrance of a great relationship we used to have.'

Yung pag tapak mo sa airport. 

The way you pulled your suitcase... It's heavier. Hindi na kasi sa manila ang destination mo ngayon. At hindi na rin pang ilang weeks na gamit ang laman. Hindi na rin siya ang dahilan. 

You stared at his back. His coat... His tight grip on your wrist. Too tight for your liking. 

"Joo wait here... I'll call dad first"

These memories... You hate it. 

"Hello?"

"Hey Seul"

"Hyun hyun!"

"Hahahaha silly"

"Asan ka na?"

"Dito pa po sa airport"

Pasakay ka na?"

"Yep! Why?"

"Wala lang... "

"Gabi na so you should probably sleep and wait for me there"

"Uhm sige."

"Wait for me"

"Hyunnie...

"Hmm?"

"Ingat ka ahh"

"I'm coming home Seul"

You heave a sigh.

'Tama na.'

 Bulong mo sa sarili.

"Hyun!" 

You saw her... Wearing a long coat. Holding some 'welcome home' cardboard and a bouquet of carnation.

She's so sweet and thoughtful. 

Tinakbo mo yung natititrang distance sa pagitan nyo and when you're almost there... You left the suitcase and jumped straight to her arms. Legs wrapped around her waist.

"Surprise"

"Thank you Seul"

"I miss my bunny so much"

Marahan ka niyang ibinaba before she said...

"Uwi na tayo?"

She's my home. I don't need anything else. Sabi mo sa sarili

"Sakin yan?"

"Yes"

"Awww" you quickly scanned the place and kiss her sa lips. "Thank you~"

"Congratulations baby"

Best graduation gift ever.

"I miss you too"

I miss you now...

I guess...

From now on I need to remind myself.

We're over. 

Life must go on. 

I need to move on.

"Where are you?"

"Almost there, I'm sorry"

"No its okay... Be safe."

I arrived sa place 14 mins late. Friends... His friends. Why do I need to meet them anyway?

"Hey Joo"

He slipped his arms around my waist and tried to kiss me. 

I turned my head... 

Sleepless nights. Tiresome days. You wish for her presence sa mga gabing hindi mo mapigil ang pagdaloy ng luha... Pangalan niya ang paulit-ulit mong binabanggit until you drift to sleep. 

To bear this kind of pain... It's either be dumb or be numb. 

Pero kung mahal mo pa... You have to be both. Keep moving forward as if hindi ka nasaktan, as if your heart is still intact and beating fine after kang iwanan. Then lie to yourself na hindi mo na miss, na hindi mo na mahal, hindi siya kawalan. 

That night... We were both under the influence of alcohol at himala nalang na naakay ko siya pauwi sa bahay namin.

He grabbed my shoulders, kick the door close and push me though the cold walls. 

Those lips... 

Those hands...

The way he touch.

It just reminds me of someone... 

He stared at me. Lust and disappointment in his orbs.

So this time I kissed him back. With the same fervor and intensity. He took off my blouse and grabbed one of my mound. 

Akala ko pag ginawa ko to... Mabubura ka na sa isip ko.

It's all different... 

Trailing kisses down my neck and shoulders.

I need you

Got to hold his hair... My back arched at his actions. 

I want you

I close my eyes and submit myself to this feeling.

All of you...

"S-seul" 

Then he halt his movements. He just stand there... Few inch across me. 

"Hey andito na kami sa baba"

"Okay wait up... Coming!"

"We're hungry!"

"Hahahaha Yes boss!"

He kinda look gorgeous sa business attire nya. He can rock any outfit naman with his built and good looking face. 

"San niyo gusto kumain?"

"You are 30 seconds late so..."

"Fine... Fine my treat"

Sad days... Busy weeks... Exhausting months... That's my life. Ikaw?

How are you? 

Nakaya kong magpatuloy nang wala ka sa tabi ko. Naka-alis na ako sa katagang 'hindi ko kayang mabuhay ng wala ka'. I hope you're always safe.

"Positive?"

My eyes twinkling before I nod.

"Ooooh ! Totoo?"

"You're a daddy now huh?"

He lifted me... Spin me around.

"Thank you so much"

"Be a great father Sehun..."

He whispered "I will" and enter the bathroom. 

I guess...

Hindi lahat ng araw malungkot. 

Hindi lahat...

"You told them already?"

"Not yet"

"Napag-usapan na natin to diba?"

"G-give me more time please..."

"Is it hard to tell your parents na magiging grandparents na sila soon?"

"No... Not that. Joo"

I sat beside him and ran my hand sa likod nya. 

"Joo... I- what if..."

"We already talked about this stuff. Do it... Kung kelan mo feel. I'm always here..."

"..."

Tumayo ako para kunin ang bag ko sa kwarto and naabutan ko parin siyang nakaupo. Chin on his fists, elbows on his knees, loud sighs and heavy breaths. 

Few more months malalagpasan din namin to.

"Sehun..."

I lift his chin and offer him a hug. He put his head sa tyan ko and pull me closer. 

"Thanks Joo... Thank you so much"

"Aalis kami ni Sab..."

"San kayo?"

"Kakain lang."

"Take care ah."

I shouted "sure" before the door shut. 

Kung meron ka mang pinag-sisisihan... Yun ay ang hindi mo pagtitiwala sa strength ng relationship na meron kayo nuon. 

Will it be different if you told her your struggles that time? 

Will it be different kung pareho kayong lumaban?

Ganun parin ba kayo ngayon kung hindi mo sinarili ang lahat? 

Kayo parin kaya?

You blame yourself too much sa mga naging choices mo before. Ngayon wala ka ng ibang choice choice but to regret everything... 

"I like that pink shoes"

"We're not even sure of the baby's uality"

"What? Boys can wear pink too"

"I wanna buy it now"

"No."

"But-"

"We are not supposed to be here in the first place."

"I should've brought Sehun here"

"Should I call him now?"

"No please..."

"Come on now... I'm hungry"

Natutunan mo ulit sumaya at ngumiti. 

Friendship.

Is all you need to distract yourself from thinking about her too much. 

Kahit masakit... Kahit marami kang naging galos at sugat. Natuto ka na mag-isa. Natuto ka ng lumayo at magpatuloy. 

I touch the baby