Prompt : A non-writing writer is a monster courting imssnity

Song Jihyo

I keep on staring at my name, written elegantly on the edge of the book, I’ve published previously.

Sigh, for the umpteen times, didn’t really want to stop. More accurately, I didn’t know how to stop myself from sighing. Looking at it remind me of one thing.

Burden.

The weight of it from the printed name, is the same with the one on my shoulders. It keep making me hurt. I wish that I could lift it but the weight of it is humongous and it might break my legs, theoretically saying.

I sigh continuously, wishing that with every sigh I let out, the weight of it might be lesser. But whom am I kidding? Not even a three years old kid would believe such thing.

I closed my eyes and lean back to my chair, wanting to just forget everything that trouble me. Every single thing that make my head hurt and my heart beating uncontrollably. Every moment of it that make me nausea and blood pressure rising.

No, I’m not falling in love nor that I have a crush, which have happen in the past. Pregnant is also not the case, which most of my friends are in that phase. It also not because all of the reader of my book. It’s because of my book.

To be precise, my new book, which would meet its deadline in just a few months from now. But here I am, sighing without end.

The open sheet in my laptop, with nothing written on them, feels like mocking me. Even though that there is no word available. Not even a single word. None. The empty page itself insulting me.

Truth to be true, I have the idea of the story. I have the plot and the storyline written in my mind but why I always have that kind of story in my mind? Always end up writing the same sad story every time I type in my computer.

Yeah. You read it correctly. My previous three books was made of sad stories. I just seem like that I couldn’t run away from that genre. Not even able to stray a bit from it. I feel that I’m being into a hole with a sad plot inside of it.

I keep on thinking, wondering why it is always the same idea pop up in my mind. Why? Is it my life that hard? Or is my life filled with sadness?

Unlike my story, my life was normal. Normal family with a normal life. Nothing sad happen and nothing that excited that happen in my life.

It just a normal life with a normal environment, but why did I always end up with the sad same story? Is it because I was boring with this kind of life and wanting for something to happen? If so, why should it be sad, and not a life full of colours? Not a life full of smiles and laughter? Or is it perhaps because I live in a fantasy? A fantasy that filled with tears that keep on flowing without knowing when it going to end.

Sigh.

If a sigh could make a word written in my laptop, I might have a full page of story written on it already by now. However, reality is a bitter thing. Stuck to the chair, with an open laptop, while keep sighing is my reality at the moment.

~Beep~

I glace at my phone on the table, not really wanting to open the notification. It wasn’t because I wasn’t curious of the content of the message, but because I can predict what it would be.

~Beep~

Another message arrived and another sigh escape. I close my eyes briefly before decided that I’ve to get out of this room this instance. Not another second should I spend in front of the computer. Not another second of my life.

I stand and grab my purse, leaving my phone at home. I just need to clear my head and for me to bring along the phone will just make my head more clusters. Not what I needed right now.

I lock the door behind me and take a deep breath, filling my lungs with the spring air, hoping with it, my mind would be clear. I open my eyes and take one step forward, not really knowing where to go, but I have to do this.

I walk toward the park near my house, wanting to fill my lungs with some fresh air before decided where to go next. I walk along the path, observing other people. Everyone I see, my mind make me see something else.

I walk pass a couple siting on the grass, enjoying their date. That’s what they actual did, but my mind make me see they arguing with each other, and keep on shouting without any care for the people at their surroundings.

I then walk pass a girl wearing her earphone, walking her d