He was like the sun.

It struck her for the thousandth time on this particular night that he was like the sun. Blinding and brilliant. His aura eclipsed everything around them. It might even have its own gravitational field, pulling her, rather dragging her back to him each and every time. Days felt just a little brighter just by having him around. His smile still made her heart skip a beat, his laughter made her stomach flutter to this day. So he was like the sun in that manner and she was like a moth.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being a moth, she had decided.

A moth seemed plain at first sight, but some of them could have bright colors, some even came out during the day. Moths were underrated. There was only one problem with being like a moth, and that’s having that inexplicable attraction to light and warmth.

This moth loved the sun. It thrived alongside it, lived off of its warmth and light, and withered without it. Another problem, this moth hadn’t quite figured out how to survive without it. Mina could see the problem in it. Could only clearly see it in the dead of night, when the sun was lying in sleep and darkness had come out, when the smiles and the laughter were on pause, Mina could think more clearly. If something happened to the sun, this moth could not wither away again.

It would not die once again she decided.

She would not let it.

So with that thought in mind she continued to watch her sun sleep. She had come to watch television with him and he had drifted asleep all too quickly. One week after the ulcer repair, he was feeling much better and things had returned to a normal she had not thought possible all too quickly. That first night they spent it talking about everything, whispering words of apologies and forgiveness. Realizing that they had been set up to fail from the beginning. She had felt vindicated, as if finally, justice had come through.

On the third day he had kissed her, a casual peck on the cheek as she made breakfast and she had blinked in surprise before laughing and continuing to cook. Before Sehun had gone to bed that night she had caught him outside of his room and pressed her lips to his, on contact she could feel the warmth of him spreading through her. He was still hurt, she was gentle as she cornered him against the wall, careful to keep her body from pressing into his as his hands travelled along her body and their lips refused to part until the very last moment possible.

Pieces were falling into place. A good place.

On the third night, Min Ji had called them both. They ignored the call and promised to change their numbers. Shadows threatened to loom on their light and she knew that it was inevitable to keep them away forever.

The kisses became more frequent, more casual, more normal. She loved every bit of it. She loved feeling loved, she loved the knowledge that this was how it should have been all along. The calls continued and they blocked the number and changed the number on the fifth day. Mina got the first call after that, she answered by accident, surprised at the evil voice on the other side and quickly hanging up. Her heart raced uncomfortably, she had been frightened she realized with shame. Frightened of the reminders of the past that had always threatened to come back.

He opened his eyes, startling her out of own thoughts.

“You should go back to sleep” She whispered, it was technically day 8.

She hadn’t asked about those emails any more. She decided it was the past and she probably knew all the terrible things he had said about her anyways, he had said them to her face more than once, so she had no need to rehash them. She didn’t even want to know Min Ji’s responses, she knew what those would be too. Some things were better left alone.

“Why are you awake?” He asked, shifting to his side so that he was facing her alone.

He was always so eager to take things in stride. He watched her as if it was normal to always wake up besides her. She wished she would get back to normal as easily as he could.

“I wished I didn’t love you” Mina whispered, she blinked, surprised at the words that had spilled from her lips. She hadn’t meant to say that, she hadn’t even been thinking it.

Or at least, she didn’t know she had.

“What?” Sehun asked, eyes now fully awake, shining brightly with that light of his.

“I’ve wished I didn’t love you. Many times. I kissed Baekhyun and prayed in my mind to feel something like what I feel with you” She confessed, feeling her chest lighten, her words having weighed far more than she thought they had.

“…It didn’t work though, right?” He asked worried, she saw that as she spotted familiar lines of worry creasing his forehead.

“No” She said quietly, disappointment lacing her tone, “It wasn’t the same. I wanted fireworks, I wanted to feel that jolt of electricity I felt every time we kissed”

He adjusted himself so that his body laid right alongside hers. His arms wrapped themselves around her, holding her as carefully as he could, “That’s good right?”

“The fact that I had to kiss someone else, hoping to feel something, isn’t. It’s messed up” She explained, her words brushed against the crook on his neck.

“Mina, don’t say that”

“I’m tired. Of everything, of this, of her” She said quietly and it was then that he felt the tears quietly dripping onto his arm, “I think I’ve been tired for a long time”

He did his best to glance down at the girl curled into his body, at the one that now had her arm tightly wrapped around him so that she had a firm grip onto the back of his shirt.

“I love you” He whispered.

“I love you too, but everything has always been so complicated for us” She said, choking back a quiet sob, “That’s the word I think of when I think of us, complicated. Not lovely, not caring, not tender…. Just complicated”

He pulled back just a fraction, enough to lo