My heart was filled with pain but that was before fear struck and I hurriedly dashed towards the outer door. What if Sung Yeol was that person? “Hwani where are you going?” Sung Yeol’s voice appeared, I guess he hadn’t noticed me before when I was standing behind the couch, yet I continued to run. I heard how a door opened in the distance as I was slipping into my shoes and taking my jacket on.

“Hwani stop.” It was Sung Yeol yet again, and this time I actually stopped before I turned my head to look at him. He had stopped a few meters away from me. “I don’t want to see you ever again.” I yelled at him and saw how he tensed at my words. With a last look at both him and MyungSoo I left with a troubled mind and a broken heart.

Tears was streaming down my cheeks the whole walk back to Yong Sook’s apartment, luckily he weren’t home to see them. The pain wouldn’t leave me and I wondered how I could’ve trusted him – them.

My life had to be the most pathetic ever, no one wanted me.

But I had let them in, I had exposed my heart to them and I was naïve to think that they would be different, but they were exactly like Sangmin. This was so overwhelming; I never knew that one could hurt so much.

I glanced over at Sooni who was lying on the end of the bed asleep. I wondered if I could do that too, just lie down and sleep and hope that all my troubles would go away. After wiping away my tears I placed my head on the pillow and instantly fell asleep. It was tiresome to have this much emotional feelings stored inside of you.

Once I woke up again the sun was brightly shining through the window and I groaned slightly after that I had taken a quick look on the clock. It was morning and the school had already started a few hours ago.

But I didn’t care, school was not important anymore. Not when I would have to deal with seeing them. Not when I knew that I still love them. Did MyungSoo even know about the pictures, about anything at all? I was so confused about everything; somehow it was hard to believe that Sung Yeol was the person threatening me. He was almost always smiling, he treated me nicely and those kisses, didn’t that mean anything?

One the other hand, MyungSoo barely smiled, he was treating in a somewhat nice was even though he could be a bit straightforward at times. And he had kissed me too.

Maybe it was MyungSoo? But then why would Sung Yeol know about it? Maybe they were in for it together? They were after all living together as brothers. I was going to drive myself insane if I continued to think about this.

I slipped out of bed and headed to the bathroom and a shower that I needed so well. After that I went to grab something to eat. The refrigerator was rather empty so I had to settle with instant noodles.

I know I said that I wouldn’t think so much about the situation, but it couldn’t leave my mind. I was more or less accusing myself for all this. If I had done what I’d supposed to do in the first place; push them away. Then this wouldn’t have happened. I would still live in the same house as Sangmin, my life would be less miserable and I wouldn’t have to deal with my emotions.

I sighed deeply, who am I kidding. If I hadn’t let them in; then I would’ve never had any friends, I would never have experienced love and moreover. I would never have kissed a boy.

My cell phone suddenly began to ring and I scrambled to my feet’s before I rushed to it, I smiled slightly when I saw that it was Yong Sook. Honestly, I weren’t mad at him that he didn’t wake me up this morning. Because I don’t think I would’ve went to school either way. Maybe he had seen my puffy eyes?

“Hello?” I answered and I could immediately hear a boom of different voices in the background, it was lunch time so I was guessing that he was seated in the cafeteria. “Mm, Hwani I need to talk to you when I get home.” he stated and found myself saying okay. “I’ll see you are eight then.” I didn’t get a chance to tell him goodbye because in the next second the call died.

After flapping it close I began to wonder what it was that he needed to tell me, I had my guesses that it would be about that he wanted me to leave. I had after all stayed here for a really long time, far longer than I expected him to let me.

My shoulders sank a bit.

I went to my laptop and began to search for an apartment, or any place at all that I could stay at. It wasn’t like I didn’t have any money, but knowing that I had one and a half year left until I graduated I didn’t want to rent an expensive apartment. But every ad I looked at said that they didn’t want any high school students. Some of them stated why and the most of them was because we were too loud and didn’t respect the rules.

My heart sank further and I decided that it was no use in trying anymore. If Yong Sook kicked me out then I had no choice but to either sleep in a hotel or on the streets.

One thing is for sure, I don’t ever want any kids. And if I do then I’ll make sure to shower them with love. Because being through all this is truly painful, to never have anyone to trust, never have a real home where you feel safe. I could never let anyone go through all that, especially not my own kid.

After putting the laptop to the side I decided to go for a walk. I needed to clear my mind and think on something else for a change. I bent down and placed a kiss on Sooni’s head before I headed out.