/author sneakily coming in/

I'm hooked up with enjoying life so forgive me for the late update (again)

CHANWOO’s POV

I turn off the PC and pulls down the headset from my ears, that is when I heard the voices outside my door. I look over them, as if my eyes have this cool X-RAY vision that could penetrate the solid surfaces. I wonder if anyone is outside but why in front of my bedroom? I stand up, letting my foot touch the ground and oh how refreshing it feels like when all your blood is pumping to your muscles after the prolonged sitting. Maybe I should cut out some hours in game but tonight is for my YouTube’s content.

I reach the door and put my ear over it first. Feeling like a spy eh? Hahaha no. More like a kid but this is what I usually do before I walk into a room of people. Just an old habit, nothing more. I’m not a fan of eavesdropping people’s conversation either. It’s almost non-audible and slow but I recognize the voices to be Bobby hyung and Hanbin hyung. Strange, what is Bobby hyung doing here?

“I guess I’ll go alone then.” I heard Bobby hyung said. Go where? Is he heading somewhere? Then why is he here in the first place? A lightbulb appears to me, my face lightens up. Oh God, is Bobby hyung here to see me? Is he taking me somewhere? The thought excites me and making me nervous too. It’s really weird why would I be nervous around a person who I’ve been hanging around a lot of time with, right?

Well, the answer is always obvious.

But then I hear Bobby hyung leaving. He’s saying goodnight to Hanbin hyung. Didn’t he say he’ll go somewhere? Him being here only means he wants me to come so why he leave? I’m confused. Am I imagining things? I’m curious. I open the door slowly only to meet Hanbin hyung standing exactly over my door. His expression looks surprise, must be he doesn’t expect me to come out. I try to act as natural as I can be. “Oh, hyung. What are you doing here?”

“Ah, Chanu yah!” His voice two notch up. It’s obvious to me how he tries to cover up something. “I thought you’re sleeping…” Hanbin hyung trails off, like he wants to say something but he contemplates on it. My heart drops slowly as I watch him hesitate. Why can’t you just be honest with me? I knew Bobby hyung was here.

“I’m just thirsty. I want to go to the kitchen.” I close my door and step forward a bit, my distance and him isn’t that far in the first place after all. Hanbin hyung nods his head and he moves away. “Okay, you go then.” I walk away from him, my smile falling. Hanbin hyung is a bad liar.

“Did you go to sleep early last night?”

I tilt my head to my right, shaking them. “No.” I answer Bobby hyung. “I slept quite late last night. Around 12? I was playing FIFA.” His face drops, hyung stands with both hands in his pocket, a gesture I know so much when he’s either awkward or thinking hard. I fake my expression well not wanting him to know that I know he did come last night to our dorm. I don’t want him to know that, because that will only make Hanbin hyung looks much terrible than what he had already did.

I wish Bobby hyung can see now what’s wrong with Hanbin hyung, and realize how sorry I am for both of them. It’s all my fault.

I ask him if he’s alright or not to further solidify my alibi and he said yes—of course he lied! and he left. He said something about staying in the studio. Then it’s just me alone in the living room. I sigh loudly, dropping the remote in my hand onto the couch and cup my face with both my hands. I feel extremely bad and guilty. It’s killing me to see them fighting like this and more so with unreasonable reasons, ME.

On cue, Yunhyeong hyung came. He sits by my side and draws comforting circles over my back. “Don’t you think you should tell them by now?” Hyung said and my stress level is surging up. How can I? I’ve already ruined their friendship. I don’t want to crash and bury it down in dirt. I just can’t!

“They don’t need to know.” I said, my voice hoarse. “It’s better this way.”

Yunhyeong hyung sighs heavily. “Not better for you, Chanu yah.” And he left, leaving me to cry on my own. Luckily nobody is around at this time. I can have the space all to myself and my self-loathing.

I keep on opening and closing my chat with Bobby hyung, hoping for him to text me. Maybe a late night dinner? Or a movie? We always do things together so it’s natural for me to be expecting like this right? After all, I like him.

But I never confess, although I did try so many times but I can’t. Not after realizing how weird Hanbin hyung behaves around me. Then one day it just clicks, so I didn’t say anything to Bobby hyung, not wanting to make things worse or much worse; me disappointing Hanbin hyung. It’s becoming like a habit in me, not putting him down in work but now it also reaches a point in my personal life too. He’s a good hyung to me, not to mention he’s being too kind and overprotective of me recently.

And Bobby hyung, I know he likes me too; there’s so many hints and we keep flirting around each other. I’m not dumb not to know the signs. But I’m sure he’s not dumb either to know I do like him too. I am, I can’t deny it. He’s so special to me.

Whenever Bobby hyung is with me, Hanbin hyung is all moody and sour. When Hanbin hyung is with me, Bobby hyung won’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Or, he will talk to me and pretend everything is fine when it’s so clear to me how hard he’s keeping his fake smile up. It’s hurting me terribly to see them lying and hiding their feelings for my sake but it’s killing me more witnessing their friendship falling apart. They used to be so close, writing songs together, spend time together. Now, they barely talk.

It’s all because of me, it’s my fault. No matter how different Yunhyeong hyung and Jinhwan hyung told me of that.

All of a sudden my phone vibrates. Bobby hyung is calling me. I don’t think much and pick it up after the second ring. “Nee Bobby hyung?”

“Thought you’re sleeping.” He chuckles, his deep voice giving me warm all over inside. I can’t stop smiling. “Not yet, just lazing around.”

“Good. Let’s do something fun and not lazy.” I groan loudly, pretend to not like it when actually I do. “What now? I don’t want to move from my bed. It’s cozy~~”

He laughs really loud and oh how playful he is. How his laughter and his smile brighten my days. If only he knows them, but maybe he does. I am sure. “It’s much cozy here with me.” And there he goes, flirting again. “Come down. Let’s watch some movies.” We end the call afterwards and I get up from my bed, grab a hoodie because it’s going to be a bit cold on my way down and I don’t forget my phone too; of course. When I turn off the light and open the door, I stop right at the doorway with my hand still on the doorknob. Hanbin hyung is standing before my room awkwardly, his face screams dismay.

I unconsciously furrow my brows, since when he has been standing here?

“Are you going somewhere?” He asks me, voice hoarse like he has just woken up from sleep. But looking at all the sweats over his forehead, neck and bare chest, it seems like he’s exercising.

“Bobby hyung invites me for a movie downstairs.” I said to him as he nods his head. “What are they watching tonight?”

I correct him. “Ah no, it’s only me and Bobby hyung.” I pretend like I didn’t see the slight twitch under Hanbin hyung’s eye. “I’m not sure what movie he has though.” I add while closing the door to my bedroom. I take a step forward and Hanbin hyung’s eyes are on the floor. He looks like thinking of something. I take his silence as another chance, “Do you want to join us, hyung?”

“Nah, that’s okay.” He sounds so dejected. “Have fun, maknae.” Hanbin hyung enters his room right beside mine after ruffling my hair. His retreating figure screams sadness, one thing I’ve kept seeing on him whenever I want to spend some time with Bobby hyung. I try to stop him; I’m feeling an obligation to explain things to him but he has closed the door and I am left all alone in the hallway.

I sigh out loud, the dejection earlier seeping into me. This is not how I imagine the night would be.

As a result I couldn’t even focus on the movie. When Bobby hyung asks me, “You seem too quiet.” I can’t even find an answer other than a lie. “Just enjoying this movie, hyung. Good pick.” Of course he knows I’m lying.

We have so many schedules on this new comeback. The recordings, the photoshoots, the filming, the shows and stuff until we can’t keep our breath steady any longer. But it’s fun, there’s no denying that. This is the life all 7 of us wanted as an idol, as an artist.

But this confusing moment is not one of my favorite.

“—moody and keep snapping at everything. Like seriously, if he keeps his temper in check I’m sure this won’t happen.” I can hear June whining and nagging clearly in my ears. Well, he’s sitting right beside me, what to expect. We are in the practice room, the original plan is to practice our old and recent songs for the new charity performance this weekend. But things turn out differently when out of a sudden Hanbin hyung explodes in anger and the target is like always either Yunhyeong hyung, me or Jinhwan hyung. It’s Yunhyeong hyung receiving the end of the stick; hard unlike his usual lashing and that’s when Bobby hyung explodes too. Soon it’s becoming a screaming match bet