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  How to say when you’ve fallen out of love?   Yunhyeong wants them to stay, but Chanwoo is uncertain of what he wants. Like walking on a thin thread, neither of them know who will fall down first.

 

 

Yunhyeong opens his chat, still no ‘read tick’ from his boyfriend. Locking the screen in annoyance, he sighs out loud. Then he unlocks it and searches for a name in his contact. Putting the phone close to his ear he waits for the ring to die down, for someone to pick up his call.

 

Chanwoo picks up exactly after the 7th rings.

 

“Where are you?” Yunhyeong asks in urgency, his voice fills with worries and annoyance. He couldn’t be mad, they’re still haven’t got better from the last fight they had. Waiting for the other to reply, Yunhyeong takes the seat in the dining room. He places his left hand on the table as his fingers tapping it impatiently. The sigh from the other line sounds so cold, much colder than the weather in Seoul.

 

“I’m with few friends.”

 

“Who is it?” Yunhyeong knows it is not his place to ask; for one of rules they put right after they started dating is to not meddle with each other’s life. Yet he couldn’t help it now. He needs to know. Chanwoo has been getting so distance nowadays that Yunhyeong can feel the string pulling them apart from each other is winning, that they have nothing left to themselves. It’s killing Yunhyeong badly that both of them are walking on edge.

 

He listens to Chanwoo groaning on the other line, clearly not satisfied with what Yunhyeong is doing. “Who else I have other than Donghyuk and June. There are others from different course too. Gosh hyung, you’re exaggerating!” Yunhyeong shuts both his eyes, trying to keep the worries and slight temper at bay. Sighing in silence he tries to think of the next words carefully not to make the situation much worse.

 

“I’m just asking. You didn’t text me at all for the whole day. I’m worried.” He coaxes, voice soft and delicate as possible. He hopes it works to lessen down Chanwoo’s anger to him.

 

Yet it seems not working though. “Who are you? My DAD? Whatever hyung, I’m going now.”

 

Before Yunhyeong could muster out ‘wait’ Chanwoo has already hung up the call, leaving Yunhyeong in surprise. He puts the phone down on the table while sighing loudly. Rubbing his temple Yunhyeong thinks of what could have happened that cause them to be like this?

 

He wonders if their relationship can be salvaged, Yunhyeong hopes Chanwoo could read his mind at how much he loves the younger.

 

 

 

 

Chanwoo looks down at the phone in his hand. He clenches his fist in anger, yet trying to keep it down. He’s in public plus they’re having an outing after a much hectic weeks filled with exams and assignments. Being a mood-spoiler is the last thing he wants at the moment. He’s too occupied with his mind until he doesn’t realized both Donghyuk and June standing beside him while holding onto the popcorn and soft drinks, both looking at him with worries.

 

“Chanwoo, are you alright?” The question from Donghyuk makes him taken aback slightly. Putting his hand on his chest Chanwoo looks at both of his best friend in surprised.

 

“You guys shocked me! Since when you have been standing here?”

 

“Long enough to watch you having quite a temper.” June spits on, casually drinking the cola in his hand. Chanwoo sighs out loud. They’ve heard me.

 

“Look, watching you and Yunhyeong hyung like this is seriously killing us.” Donghyuk exclaims as he hit on June’s shoulder hardly when the latter mumbles ‘not me, just you’ and he watches his turmoil heart friend touching his nape awkwardly. Chanwoo knows exactly what Donghyuk meant. “But you have to sort things out between both of you, Chanwoo. Running away like this is childish. Just go to see him and have a proper talk.” Donghyuk advises him sincerely as he stares at Chanwoo in the eyes, clearly trying to let the latter understands the meaning of it, of the situation he has in hands. Chanwoo sighs again for the umpteenth time of the day. He wishes to say his part more but when the others call for 3 of them, they decide to bring the topic later.

 

Chanwoo stares at his phone, the screen lights up with a picture of him and Yunhyeong hugging each other close. Somehow, his heart becomes overwhelmingly sad watching it.

 

 

 

 

They have a fight, as obvious as it sounds like. They rarely have one but when they did, it will take quite some time to get back to being themselves again. Usually it will be Chanwoo who starts to text or call Yunhyeong back after the fight they had. Then they will be like normal again, as lovable and sweet like the usual.

 

That is 2 years ago. But now, their fight is as regular as their sweet whispers on the phone in the middle of the night. The harsh words thrown to each other is on par with the amount of ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ that has always fluttered their hearts. The fight goes on and on until none of them would speak to each other for a month, or two, the worst and longest so far is 4 months and that’s only because Chanwoo is busy with his camp that goes on for 1 month outside of Seoul. No phone calls, no text messages. Both of them drift apart. Even after Chanwoo got back from the camp Yunhyeong doesn’t know about it. He only knows it because Donghyuk calls him saying that they’re back in Seoul. Yunhyeong drives all the way from his workplace in Chungcheongnam-do to Seoul just to see Chanwoo. He waits for 2 hours later when arrived as Chanwoo got his class and when it has finished, they have a talk; of course Donghyuk and June pushing Chanwoo off to go to his boyfriend and settle things out.

 

That is by far ¼ of the love scenario they have in their love life. Now it’s filled with ¾ fight and ¼ the time when they are good.

 

It’s heart-breaking for Yunhyeong. They’ve been dating ever since in college days. Yunhyeong got another 8 months before he will graduate from college while Chanwoo is a freshman. Yet somehow, they got along well thanks to the Nature and Environment Club that both of them signed up as members. They start to date 4 months after knowing each other. After Yunhyeong graduates, he’s accepted to work in Chungcheongnam-do as a chef in one of the city’s famous resort. The income is high and Yunhyeong loves his work so much. But he loves Chanwoo more, so much that he almost drops the job interview and being adamant to find some workplace in Seoul just so that he can see Chanwoo everyday.

 

Of course, Chanwoo refuses. He knows how important the job is to Yunhyeong, the older loves cooking and it has always been his dream to be a famous chef. After much persuasion and coaxing, Yunhyeong accepts the offer. And they’ve been in a long distance relationship ever since. But this time, the distance that once only meant in its name only, felt so real. They are on their own distances.

 

Yunhyeong clearly pays no heed to it; to the part where the only time he could see Chanwoo’s face is only through a video call, or when he wants to listen to his voice it’s only by calls and voice notes. But the facts that everything they build for these 2 years is at stake of falling, he couldn’t accept that.

 

He couldn’t.

 

 

 

 

Chanwoo shuts the book before him, feeling much frustrated with the endless studying and more tests to come. He stands up from the bed, approaching the PC and turning it on. Maybe few rounds of game could lessen the heat in his brain off. Putting on the headphone, he’s lost in the game, clicking the mouse while eyes searching the target for him to shoot.

 

He doesn’t even realize the light from his phone turning on. Doesn’t even notice Yunhyeong calling him.

 

This behavior happens for tons of times already.

 

 

 

 

Yunhyeong lies down on his bed. It’s 10:29 PM and his whole body aches. The day is long and tiring, he has so many works to do till he can’t even catch a breath. He forgets his meal on the day and that causes his stomach to rumble unpleasantly due to delay in filling it. His head throbs badly too, he needs to sleep.

 

But not before calling him. Yunhyeong misses him so much. It’s been 3 days since their chat, after that Chanwoo doesn’t reply his texts, doesn’t pick up his call nor calling him back. Yunhyeong would be lying if he said he’s not worried of the younger. He searches his name in his contacts and give him a call, hoping for the younger not to fall asleep yet or worst, not playing his game. Chanwoo always misses his calls because he’s too busy playing games and when Yunhyeong tells him that he plays too much, the younger would snap telling him not to mind his ways on handling stress. He sighs in defeat, they could even have a fight because of a God damn game. Yunhyeong waits patiently and Chanwoo answers the call after the 6th beeps.

 

“Yes, hyung.” Chanwoo says, his voice is tired. Yunhyeong feels bad about that somehow but he misses him.

 

“Hey.” He calls being hopeful. Just happy to hear the younger’s voice. “You’re asleep?”

 

A rustle is heard from the other line. Sounds like papers and pen colliding with a hard surface. The younger is probably studying. “No, not yet. I’m just going through some notes.” He says. “We got a mock test tomorrow. It’s crazy, it’s so sudden and I got tons to read for tonight.” The sluggish in his voice somehow warms Yunhyeong’s heart. It’s complicated to be explained but Yunhyeong loves Chanwoo’s voice so much. Especially when he has just woken up from sleep. Gosh, Yunhyeong thoughts his voice is so y. It’s tempting him.

 

“Let me guess, it’s Madam Park’s class, right?” Yunhyeong asks with a playful tone. The heavy sigh along with a chuckle from the other line confirms it.

 

“Exactly and she’s driving everyone crazy. I wish I can punch her for all the stupid mock tests she did.” Yunhyeong laughs hearing that. He understands so well how terrifyingly hell it can be in that lecturer’s class. That 47 years old lady surely is giving every of her students a hard time. Yunhyeong knows for other than teaching him Social studies once as a general subject during his sophomore year, she also taught Techno-Bio subject of Chanwoo’s course. She’s a real headache.

 

“Come, I’ll help you. Which part you don’t understand?”

 

“Are you sure, hyung? Wait—it’s getting late, don’t you think you need some sleep?” Cautiously Chanwoo asks after taking notice of the time. He knows Yunhyeong works in the early morning until night. It will be tiring for the older to sleep late.

 

“I could say the same to you too. You got test tomorrow.” Yunhyeong remarks. “And as far as I known, the baseball team is having a practice tomorrow, right? Will you be just fine staying up tonight?”

 

“Nah, I’ll manage.” Chanwoo says. “What’s student’s life without lacking of sleep?”

 

Yunhyeong couldn’t be more agree than that. “Here, let me help you.” And he helps the younger all night long studying for his test. For once in months, their conversation lacks of spiteful remarks and gloomy fights.

 

 

 

 

Yunhyeong texts him the next day during his lunch break, but Chanwoo doesn’t reply him back. Yunhyeong thoughts that he might be having some nap for the baseball practice this evening. He could only hope the younger did well in his test today.

 

He misses the younger. He wishes he can see him soon.

 

 

 

 

Fortunately the test goes on well. Chanwoo must admit Yunhyeong is a great teacher and he’ll be thankful for him. Though of course he’s restless about the result, but he doesn’t care. Now, it’s time to put the past behind and move forward. He starts to focus on the big game next week. He couldn’t slack off anymore.

 

The training is as tiring as hell but Chanwoo loves baseball, so much. He never misses any games from his favorite league team. He practices his throw ball well, his catch and batting diligently. The outcome is where he is right now; he’s one of the important players in the college’s team. Noting could beat his love for this sport. Back in the days, it’s Yunhyeong who would help him with practice. The older would always make it for Chanwoo to help him with all his baseball training no matter how ridiculously early in the morning or late in the night time. Yunhyeong is always there to help him although the older has zero knowledge about baseball.

 

Chanwoo sighs, he admits that he misses him. It’s been so long since the last time he has seen him face to face. The last time they met is on Christmas last year when Yunhyeong visits him in Seoul. He stays over for 5 days before he got back to Chungcheongnam-do for work. That’s the last time he ever feels Yunhyeong’s warm hands on him, his hot breath hitting Chanwoo’s face along with those kisses he has always fond of. Really, he misses him.

 

Chanwoo makes up his mind to call the older later in the evening after his training is over. He can’t wait to hear his voice.

 

“Um, excuse me. Are you Jung Chanwoo-shii?” The said man bearing the name turns around to his back facing another young man standing before him. He’s wearing a ridiculously old-fashioned glasses yet surely vintage; Chanwoo notices that it’s a limited edition glasses back in 90’s or something. The yellowish-lens glass looks cool matching with the cream sweatshirt and the blue-checkers Louis Vuitton backpack straddled behind his back coolly. Chanwoo could tell in one glance either the man before him comes from a loaded family or he’s just a decent fashionista sacrificing his monthly allowance to look good like a K-Pop idol.

 

He nods his head in affirmation, eyes not leaving the man’s face. Somehow he definitely is good looking. “Yes, it’s me. Can I help you?” The beam on the man’s face couldn’t help to make Chanwoo’s heart skip a beat. He tries to act it cool but inside is a whole bunch of hurricane catastrophe. The man is handsome and very good looking until Chanwoo couldn’t help but to keep staring at his face.

 

“You’re close to Gu June, right? Can you pass this to him for me?” the man gives Chanwoo a package wrapped with plastics. Chanwoo takes it without hesitation, eyeing the man before him who’s giving him a shy smile. His cheeks flush watching the stranger’s smile. “By the way, I’m Kim Hanbin. Mass media’s course, final year.” He says as he extends his hand for a shake. Chanwoo takes it, gaping knowing the stranger is a senior.

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