LOVE IS HARD.

Much harder when you are fighting for it whilst in aware something could be lost in the fight.

For them, it's FRIENDSHIP.

 

Such a classic love triangle story.....

 

- MelancholyPoet

 

 

 

HANBIN’s POV

I return home exactly at 12 AM. The dorm is unusually noisy, maybe the rest downstairs is up here for the night. Yunhyeong hyung texted me earlier saying that he has cooked something for me. I guess he did for the rest too. I enter the living room to see everyone except Yunhyeong hyung is there, and my heart feels heavy.

 

They are doing it again; too close, so close.

 

“Hyung, you’re here.” Donghyukkie is the first one greeting me from the couch. June is beside him on his phone. “Yunhyeong hyung! Hanbin hyung is here!” Donghyukkie calls for him and on que when I turn back, Yunhyeong hyung is walking towards me from the kitchen with a plate in his hand.

 

“Finally, you’re back. I was getting worried.” He puts the plate down on the table as I sit on the floor.

 

“You’re just worried if your food turns cold and you can’t get a good shot of it.” Jinhwan hyung interrupts and everyone starts laughing. It’s so fun teasing Yunhyeong hyung, and now he’s nagging like an ahjussi again. I start to eat because I’m damn hungry, focusing on the TV as I can’t find myself look behind me. Chanwoo is on the L-shaped couch along with Bobby hyung, watching something funny on whoever’s phone, laughing along with their bodies so close.

 

It’s killing me to see them like that.

 

“What are you guys laughing on about?” Jinhwan hyung asks the two. I hear Chanwoo’s voice by then. “Just a new funny video konics made about Bobby hyung and me. They edited it so cute.”

 

“Yeah, they even put up this song,” Bobby hyung said and then I hear the music blares out loudly; it’s a couple song. My bile rising up as their laughter gets louder. “It’s cute right?” Bobby hyung just has to make it much unbearable.

 

“Konics are loving you two so much nowadays.” Luckily I’m the only one facing the TV because they would definitely see me snorting. Yunhyeong hyung should stop spotting the obvious, who wouldn’t love them? Bobby hyung is damn cool and Chanwoo—well, who wouldn’t love him?

 

Even I do. Though when I’ve realized, it’s too late.

 

The rice suddenly taste bitter, like how my heart’s now.

 

 

 

We got a fan signing event tomorrow so I have to sleep now. But I couldn’t, haven’t been for the past few days. I keep thinking about the person living next door to my room. I keep thinking about Chanwoo. I toss and turn in my bed, hoping for sleep to come. But then I sigh, I put my arm over my forehead and stare at the ceiling.

 

This is hard, way harder than I ever expected. Love is hard.

 

But it’s much hard to know you’re loving alone.

 

It’s obvious he likes Bobby hyung. It’s no secret, they always spend time together, they like the same things and they connect so well. Unlike me, I don’t have the same hobby like Chanwoo. Or liking the same stuff like him—although he likes music too, but I didn’t just like them, I LIVE with music. Chanwoo lives with games, with every fun things the world ever given, the beautiful things God created which is him. He and I are so different.

 

But I love him, I only realized it—when? To be honest with, I don’t know either. But it’s just recent, very recent.

 

When Chanwoo was holding up so well his tears when we won our first ever Daesang. How he took care of everybody as none of us were fully functioning that moment, too basked in happiness and overwhelming gratitude. But then when we were back at the dorm, he cried. I listened to him crying in the bathroom, and I didn’t move from my spot. I just stood by the bathroom’s door listening to him crying. I didn’t move at all, not even when he came out and he looked so surprised to see me there.

 

I put him in bed; my bed only because I told him to listen to me or else I’ll kick him on his . I was too ashamed to say ‘I don’t want you to cry alone, cry with us, cry with me.’ But Chanwoo knew my true intentions, he always did. He’s an angel, of course he would know.

 

Then when he was there giving all out for our comeback, his dedication; it warmed my heart so much. He bear my scolding, my harsh remarks, he said nothing back to me. I felt really bad to him but he knew, he knew I am although I didn’t apologize. He treated me like usual, never mad at me although recently he told us in Video Star he cried after I scolded him. Guilt consumed me, why didn’t he tell me? I asked him that when we got home from the recording and he said, “It’s alright, Hanbin hyung. It’s not your fault. I’ll work harder.” He could just ask me to be kinder, to stop acting like but he didn’t. Instead, he put the blame on himself when he did absolutely nothing wrong.

 

And when I was too tired until I accidentally lashed out on everybody; him especially been the victim. Yunhyeong hyung would stay quiet but he will have his revenge on me later, same did the others but Chanwoo would not do such things. Well, he did tease me all the time but it was out of fun. He never meant to hurt my feelings. He’s selfless, he’s too kind. He was still kind when I kept scolding him, telling him to grow up and stop playing games, stop acting like kids when he’s the most mature one in the group. But he still being kind to me.

 

That day when I knew I fell with every those traits of his, I have realized 2 things;

 

I think I’ve fallen in love with him. With everything of him, the way he sleeps huddling up like a child, the way he drinks but letting it stay inside his mouth with cheeks puffing up (it’s so cute), his attitude with people, his sincerity. EVERYTHING. I love him, I’m very positive. With all my bad treatments to him, that’s why he would never love me back.

 

And I have come to learn that in a harsh way, because when I think about it, he never really did spend much time with me. It’s either Yunhyeong hyung, Jinhwan hyung, sometimes June, sometimes Donghyukkie but always Bobby hyung. Yeah, it’s Bobby hyung for Chanwoo.

 

I sigh again, feeling my heart getting heavier and heavier. I am sure this is love because I keep wanting his attention, him smiling to me only, him staying with me. I keep wanting Chanwoo.

 

But I’m not sure if he wants the same things too if I told him.

 

 

 

 

I’m pretty sure my face looks like a zombie today because the stylist noona keeps looking at me very weirdly since I sit on this chair. She’s putting on the foundation on me when she finally speaks up, “Didn’t you have any sleep at all, Hanbin-ah? Your eyebags are awful today.”

 

“Just today?” I ask because I’m pretty sure it’s awful everyday.

 

“Especially today.” She corrects me, dabbing on my skin lightly with the puff. “Like you’ve been crying all night.” I swear my face muscles twitch for a milli-second because she just blurts out the truth. I guess she notices my weird expression. “Why? Tough time with Sajangnim?”

 

I snort loudly. “It’s tough with him everyday.” She laughs, and the other noona with Jinhwan hyung beside me laugh out too. The next minutes is spent with us chatting up random things and when I’m done, I thanked her and walks to the nearest couch in the room. Noticing there’s an empty space beside Chanwoo. My heart leaps out of my chest—literally, as I skip to him. He doesn’t even bother to look at who’s sitting beside him, damn Chanwoo and his game.

 

“What are you doing?” I ask, hopefully he will talk to me rather than playing games.

 

“Playing game.” He said, eyes not leaving the screen at all. “You’ve done your makeup, hyung?” He starts to ask and I am happy, but I try not to let it show too much.

 

I nod to him. “Yeah. I’ve seen you’ve done yours.” I add. And silence, I don’t want to disturb him but I want him to talk to me. Yet I guess he’s too busy. So I lean my head to his shoulder, basking in this blissful moment and close my eyes. He doesn’t move nor react, and I am too happy to care. It’s been a while since I got my time with him.

 

I could tell even with a close eyes he’s putting his elbow down; the one I’m leaning to. I can hear a small plop on the leather couch. Guess it’s his phone. Is he done playing? Then I can feel another weight on my head. I smile softly, it’s his. “You’re tired?” I ask him in whispers, hearing the small deep hum from him makes the butterfly in me grow.

 

I reach over for his hand, fumbling to find it but he knows it. I feel he pulls my hand and wraps it up in his palm. It feels warm, so does my heart. This feels so nice, and I miss him.

 

“Hyung, why is your hand so cold?” I feel both his hands on both mine now, he takes them and gently squeezing them, letting the warm exchanged. I open my eyes and see how our hands fit perfectly. I smile, tilt my head and I swear if he moves a little bit closer, I could have my lips on his cheek already. I pout to him, “Keep them warm then.”

 

He chuckles. “What do you think am I doing right now, cooking?” His sarcasm makes me laugh, and so does he. I take back my place over his shoulder. I don’t care if people are watching us weirdly, I never do care. I just want Chanwoo with me. I miss him and I would trade everything just to have this moment with him forever.

 

 

 

BOBBY’s POV

It’s better not to say anything maybe but I guess it’s too obvious from how my jaw keeps clenching when the stylist noona starts to say, “Bobby-ah, try to relax. Why are you so tense?” She chuckles warmly and so do I. Well, faking the chuckles up because I can’t find myself to find the situation funny right now.

 

Watching over from the mirror where I’m staring at, looking over the reflection of maknae and Hanbin sitting so damn close to each other with their hands all tangled up is completely not entertaining for me. I have my eyes closed, glad when she’s doing my eyes this time. But when I open them back, they are still sitting like that; so close until there’s no gap between them.

 

I sigh loudly, my heart like twisted in thousand twisted ways. I hate it when anyone get that too close with my Chanwoo.

 

Then I sigh again, the guilt taking over me. What the hell is wrong with me? It’s just Hanbin, and he’s our brother. Of course it’s normal if