I've been down with fever like whutt T.T Recovering still :)

And thank you for all the prompts like WOW.... It's the biggest number since the shop is opened ^^

Hopefully you guys enjoy the first prompt~ I'll be writing it in sequence of who sent in request first so don't worry your requests will be psoted ^^

 

A/N: Just a friendly reminder to certain subscribers of my stories, I hate people subscribing then unsubscribing back so watch out before I block you :)

 

 

Hanbin is having a breakdown after all the current situation but even his parents and sister can't get him out from his dark thoughts. Apparently, Chanwoo might be the last resolve.   - kireinakata

 

 

He’s losing count on the number of messages he sent, but the only reply he got is 1. Unlocking his phone, tapping over the inbox messages he re-read it again, the words given trying to reassure his turmoil heart.

 

 

From: Binnie

00:12 AM

I’m doing fine Channie. At my parents’ house. No need to worry :)

 

 

But Chanwoo knows better; he knows Hanbin is far from fine.

 

 

 

Some people have their own perspective on how to save life. Talking it out seems like a better idea, letting out all the frustration inside to feel the piece of freedom without sadness creeping inside again. But some needs no reassurance by words, action could bring comfort or backfired in a wrong way, and Hanbin is one of them. Chanwoo tries talking it out with him, but the leader prefers to be alone. Wrapped out in his own sadness as he tried out to solve everything by himself.

 

Jinhwan once mentioned to him how much he hates Hanbin when he did that. Chanwoo couldn’t agree more to it. Because it’s true. Hanbin trying to settle it by himself only adding up to his own self-distance. Much agonizing waiting rather than facing it all of them thought, for anything could happen to Hanbin if he takes the wrong road.

 

He almost did, but Chanwoo is no God to judge him on that. Unlike some people who keeps pricking on the leader’s mistake; for things he ain’t doing but assuming he did.

 

“He’s not picking up our calls.” Yunhyeong’s voice brings Chanwoo back from his reverie. He lifts his head up to see the older standing at his doorframe, phone clutched tightly in his right hand. Yunhyeong’s face screams frustration and worry. Almost like he’s about to cry. Chanwoo stands up from his gamer chair, approaching him slowly. “Hanbin hyung?” He does admit asking is futile, for he knows the answer well. A nod from Yunhyeong confirms it.

 

“I’m worried.” Deadpanned him to the maknae who shares the exact same feeling like him. But he opts to stay silent. “It’s been 3 weeks. I wonder how he is….” Yunhyeong has both his hands on his phone, scrolling the screen for something Chanwoo doesn’t know but it’s obvious he looks very troubled. Everyone is worrying for Hanbin. “He doesn’t text you? You guys talk a lot.” Yunhyeong eyed the maknae, hoping for a good news. But Chanwoo has none, even for himself.

 

“The only he gave me is 2 weeks ago. And that’s it.” Chanwoo casts his head down. Trying to calm his erratic heartbeat drumming in utter wreckage. But being mad won’t solved anything, so he takes a deep breath and calm down. Lifting his head to meet Yunhyeong in the eye again is when the latter sees the equal troubled painting the maknae’s face. Yunhyeong sighs out heavily. All of them are so messed up.

 

“What a heartless being he is. He won’t even tell you? I thought he’s the one making the promise to share everything with you.” The last sentence comes out as a statement rather than a question. Chanwoo snarls at that, Yunhyeong is pissed but clearly he’s worried.

 

“I’m going to cook us breakfast. Considering it’s only us here in the dorm, doesn’t give any reason for us to starve ourselves.” Yunhyeong walks away from the room, stretching his arms he heads to the kitchen. Chanwoo smiles hearing the word food. He’s dead hungry and the fact it’s only the two of them today will definitely make Yunhyeong thinks of cooking something delicious—well, not like anything the older cooks ever taste bad. He’s a good cook.

 

Chanwoo walks to his bed this time. Plopping down he sighs out loud. The other members are taking the whole hiatus after the news Hanbin leaving as a chance for them to clear their minds too. Some go back to their parents’ house, some on holiday somewhere far. But all of them share the same thoughts in the head; sad. Chanwoo feels like a bummer for he can’t do anything to save themselves.

 

The thought of iKON safely buried six feet down the ground seems out of the world, but without the leader, maybe it is possible.

 

Chanwoo sighs again, he hopes better day is coming.

 

 

Knock on the door alerts him to look away from the window. He hears his mother calling him for breakfast but he passes on that. Feeling not hungry. His mom understood, thus she leaves. Knowing best not to poke the already ticking bomb of his mind.

 

He takes his phone lying beside him on the bed. There are tons of messages, missed calls, Instagram notifications, emails but he chooses to ignore it all. It’s too much; he agrees on that and he’s tired of it. Tired of everything happening right now. But his thumb still searching for his name on his contact list. Opening the message he last got from him, his heart swells in overwhelming angst. He misses him, he misses all of them.

 

From: Chanuuuu

 

23:40 PM

Hanbin hyung, I’m sorry disturbing you. But I hope you will always know this;

I’m here for you. Always....

 

23:41 PM

So please tell me if you’re not okay. We can face this together.

 

23:54

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

 

Hanbin’s eyes sting in tears. Clicking his tongue in frustration he locks his phone again. How he wishes he won’t screwed up……….

 

 

2 days before the news comes out, the leader has been acting strange. He locks himself up in his room for the whole day long; not coming out even for food. That’s when they all know something is wrong. Yunhyeong manages to dig him out of his cave though the sight of a crying Hanbin surprises both Yunhyeong and Chanwoo. The former calls for Jinhwan, who comes up to their dorm together with June tagging along because he is bored. Then out of nowhere, the still tears-stricken Hanbin requested for Bobby and Donghyuk to be there too thus they’re having an impromptu meeting in the leader’s bedroom.

 

“There will be an article written about me in 2 days….” He starts off after coaxing from Jinhwan and Yunhyeong on reasons behind his tears. It surprises everyone greatly at how the strong and manly—or rather said egotistical Kim Hanbin who refuses to show his tears to everyone, cries and not trying to cover it up from s. His words sound broken and Chanwoo doesn’t know if the sound of it breaks his mind or his heart.

 

“What article?” June inquires, everyone shares the same expression as his; worried yet curious. They watch Hanbin with his head in his hands, down and not meeting the others in the eye. The tears and sobs still there.

 

“That I …. Tried to buy some d—drugs.” He mutters slowly yet the members could hear him clearly. All eyes widen in shock, still trying to sink the words in.

 

“By drugs you mean…….drugs?” Donghyuk attempts on the logic only to be surprised hearing Bobby’s loud exclaims, “Are you on weed, Hanbin?!”

 

Silence comes next, and all their hearts fall down.

 

He lifts his head to see all his brothers; hoping for a sanctuary. But the glint of sadness in their orbs scared him so much he wishes he could just die. “I didn’t take any, hyung. Seriously, believe me.” He deadpanned, “But I did purchase it.”

 

“Since when?” Yunhyeong asks with his soothing but low voice. Afraid as if he could go another notch and the others would hear his voice broken.

 

“Few months after we debuted.” He confesses, head down again in fear. He listens to s saying absolutely…nothing. Other than the sighs given by Yunhyeong and Bobby. He knows he screwed up.

 

But to feel a hand holding his tightly with a half hug by the shoulder does surprise him. He dares to look up and witnesses Yunhyeong’s hand holding his and the hug is from Donghyukkie.

 

“It’s alright.” Yunhyeong utters, sound convincing but the shake in his voice breaks Hanbin’s heart. “It’s going to be alright.”

 

He knows that they might not be that disappointed with him doing that. Although they do and Hanbin knows it. But what they are worrying the most is about the group’s fate. Same goes to him, he’s worried.

 

 

And then he left. The hell is just starting when the article is out and the members aren’t allowed to leave the dorm. Hanbin is the only one going back and fro from the company to the dorm. Then one day he comes back with face hardens, eyes and nose red with hands both shaking. They’ve all been waiting at the upstairs dorm. The moment Hanbin comes back, he tries to run away to his room but Bobby is fast to catch him. Then he starts to break down the moment he locks eyes with Chanwoo.

 

The maknae knows it; his fear is coming true.

 

Hanbin has to leave.

 

 

The next day he is gone. Everyone is a panicking mess including the managers looking nook and cranny for him. The members only able to make few calls, asking people they know if Hanbin is with anyone. They meet a dead end with that. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong are crying, Jinhwan is a mess and Chanwoo is all quiet. June and Bobby are the one functioning to make calls asking about the leader’s whereabouts.

 

Chanwoo could say nothing, he can only wish for the nightmare to end.

 

 

“You must have been disappointed with me.” He hears Hanbin said that night after he’s found by the Hangang by Jaeho. Chanwoo is currently sitting by the bedside on the floor. The lea—former leader; it’s been confirmed early that day is packing his stuff to leave. Well, Chanwoo thoughts at least he can still spend one more night with the older before he will leave for……

 

Chanwoo’s mind stop its gear. He refuses to finish that.

 

“You know I am.” He answers, earning a soft apologetic scoff from Hanbin. “But not on you.” His words catch the older attention. “But myself.” At that, Hanbin’s hand stop folding his clothes. He looks at the maknae before him in astonishment. Then his eyes wide open, Chanwoo chuckles inwardly.

 

And they call me they doe-eyed.

 

“Please don’t feel like that.” Hanbin says, by the time he finishes the edge of his eyes turn red. Chanwoo knows he’s emotionally imbalance after what has happened but for the prideful man to just cry easily nowadays worry him so much. He’s too vulnerable Chanwoo wishes for Hanbin to have his happiness again. He smiles, taking the other’s hand staying on top of the folded clothes. He plays with Hanbin’s hand in his, caressing and tugging the calloused fingers that have been working all night scribbling lyrics on a white sheet of paper for them, for Chanwoo.

 

Only for him and his effort to be treated like trash.

 

“I wish I could turn back the time.” He starts off, eyes locking on the red one before him. “So that I could be there for you when you’re down.”

 

“But you already are!” Hanbin exclaims, voice raising a notch as his frown deepens. Chanwoo knows he’s trying hard to keep the tears at bay. How he wishes Hanbin could have just cried.

 

“The only thing I did for you back then hyung is letting myself being a place you could vent out your frustration, though I don’t have any complaints for that. If it isn’t because of you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.” Chanwoo speaks, earnestly. “But I didn’t get to be a place for you to hold on, to run to when the world is too hard for you walk through, too heavy to burden with. I am sorry for that.” By the time he finishes, Hanbin is crying. Chanwoo hopes the older wouldn’t find his chuckles offending, because as he wipes the tears by his thumb, Chanwoo couldn’t help but to be amazed by the sensitive leader.

 

“I’m always here for you. So don’t be afraid.”

 

That’s all he has to take to have Hanbin in his arms seeking his warmth. Chanwoo feels bad for the older.

 

“I—I’m scared, Channie. Please tell me it all will be okay.”

 

He does, and he hopes so.

 

 

When Chanwoo walks out from Hanbin’s room that night he doesn’t even realize his own cheeks are wet. Not until Yunhyeong who has been waiting in front the room takes him into a hug, giving his own strength to the maknae who’s giving half to the other broken hearted.

 

Chanwoo does cry despite the maturity he tries to portray.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He remembers the first week it all happened. How the hell is like a purgatory to everyone until none could decipher which could be worse; hell or purgatory. Or maybe the world they’re living itself is much worst. Since then, Hanbin is staying at his parents’ house. The members take the decision to continue on the Japan tour for the fans’ sake, although it is very hard to perform as 6.

 

They have time off and disappearing is the exact word to describe what they are doing. Then without Chanwoo noticing it’s only him and Yunhyeong in the dorm. Everyone is MIA. Not that he can argue. The tour is a long way yet and everybody is a mess.

 

He signs off from the social medias, his youtube channel is long forgotten because as bad as Chanwoo is guilty to their fans, he just can’t do it. He knows the number of comments he will receive and he’s afraid his heart couldn’t take it.

 

The only people he has been contacting with is the members, his few close friends, his parents and …. Hanbin’s mother. She is the only one who has been updating her son’s condition to them. They are grateful for it that at least Hanbin is well taken care of. Him staying alone is very dangerous. Chanwoo doesn’t know about the rest but he has been texting Hanbin’s mom everyday without fail. He would ask how’s he doing? What’s he doing and all. Thankfully she doesn’t mind it at all.

 

So when she asks for Chanwoo to come and visit, he is not surprised either.

 

“He has been so quite lately.”

 

He hears her voice through the speaker. Chanwoo is sitting by his room’s balcony while contacting her. it is the only place he can find peace in the chaotic moment.

 

“He’s saying your name in his dream last night too.”

 

“Are you sure it’s just me or the name of h