8:34:08 pm

The ceiling above me was perfect. My eyes couldn't find any cracks or imperfections and I've been trying for hours... trying to distract myself until I received any news about Mark. 

I held up my phone again, seeing no new texts or calls. The only notification was from a new social media app Youngjae had downloaded on my phone. I threw it to the side and turned over to look out the window. Twelve floors up and probably eight windows over; that's where he was. That window and the two surrounding it had the blinds closed. 

As soon as Mark woke up, I was rushed out of the room. My hand was pulled out of his grasp and he could only watch. I didn't fight back, surprised at the random men who came in to grab me, and just stared back at him. He had told me not to leave, those were his first words, but I had no control over this situation. 

Jackson seemed to know the people who came in and told them to me to my hotel room and watch the door. I felt betrayed at that moment, knowing that as we were sitting there waiting for Mark to wake up, he had this plan brewing underneath. Maybe it was payback for what we did to him, and he didn't seem to have any remorse when he had come in with dinner to explain to me why we were separated. 

"You two were the main catalyst for what happened and HQ believes you're meddling with the North. We can't have you two near each other so you'd have time to create a false alibi. Once we get Mark's statements and it matched up with yours, then we can let off with the restrictions." 

"You think I forced him... or at least they think I forced him to deviate from the mission. Is deviating also getting us in trouble?" Jackson let out a low breath and shook his head. 

"That's just an inter-Unit conflict you'll have to go over. I think since the mission was completed and you didn't break any explicit rules, all they'll be is mad... and yes, they think somehow you forced or seduce him to go with you." I twiddled my thumbs and knew that Jackson didn't believe that. I knew he was spiraling in his head, trying to figure out the timeline of this surprise mission and why Mark was the way he was. 

"What do you think?" 

"About what?"

"Just... this whole thing. You didn't know about the mission previous to you finding us in a warehouse. No one but us did, but you can't get mad at us for that. I know you're mad, but I don't know what it's about. I want to know." He shook his head and walked to the door of my hotel room. 

"KyungIl requested to see Youngjae. He told him what was happening because he has people on the outside telling him things. If we had gotten there in time, Mark wouldn't be in the condition he's in, but if you two didn't have such blind trust in each other, you wouldn't have gone rogue on us and tried to go two on fifty with North Korea. I'm upset about a lot of aspects. The main one is when Mark jumped out in front of Junhong, I saw who he used to be. Someone who was uncalculated, sporadic, and too dangerous for his own self. I'm angry because someone who I've seen make so much progress on themselves seems to be throwing it down the drain for someone who doesn't care much about the consequences she creates for the people around her." 

"Ouch, Jackson. That one hurt." He shook his head and I winced as I opened a new wound next to my fingernail. 

"I told you this all before when you ran away that first time. Back then, Mark was risking a job for you. Now, he literally risked his life. You are just so set on doing things your way, you don't care about that after. You ran into that warehouse because they baited you with one simple phone call. You don't think and Mark only thinks about you!" He was breathing heavily now. I knew that he was holding that in for a few days now, but I didn't feel that anger as personal. I focused on the last sentence over and over. 

"How was I supposed to know? You don't think I was hurt that he jumped in front of Junhong? You saw me, Jackson. You saw what that did to me." 

"You and Mark are partners. You know that in any situation you would take a bullet for him and vise versa. You didn't think about the consequences of entering that warehouse, knowing they would be aiming for you. Do you know what Mark was thinking? I can guarantee you he went in knowing that at some point he'd have to sacrifice himself for you. You didn't think about anyone but yourself." Again, it hurt, but not as much as Jackson wanted it to. I've been told this before by other abusers and I knew at the end of the day, Jackson would apologize for his words. 

"You know that isn't true, Jackson. You've even told me that." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He did tell me that I was making progress. I was righting my wrongs. 

"I can't care for Mark because you locked me away from him." 

"You can't leave this room unsupervised. You can't enter Mark's room until I say. You'll be provided three meals and you can make requests to whoever is in here or outside your door. If you don't follow that, I'll arrest you." I nodded and he walked out. 

You don't think and Mark only thinks of you! 

As I stared at the wall, that's what was replaying in my head over and over. I don't know what context he meant that in, but my mind could only go to one. The past few days I've had with Mark, things have been turning around. Turning into a different light. Even before then... 

It was so annoying not being around anyone I could talk to this about. Everyone had some stake in mine or Mark's life and would be biased. Maybe I've just never had been friends with a male like this and so I was just confused. 

He's your Yongguk. 

"No, he's just Mark. My partner." Who almost sacrificed himself to save you and your brother. Who looked at you in that cafe and touched you. He's called me cute twice. 

"No." I sat up and looked out the window again. I couldn't let it happen, not like this. 

Ring. Ring. 

Jackson's number flashed across the screen and I hesitated before I picked it up. 

"Hello?" 

"MeeYon?" I gasped and something stirred in my stomach. His voice was low and raspy, but better than when he first woke up. I wondered what position he was sitting in and how he had gotten Jackson's phone. This was breaking the rule and I knew that for a fact. I wasn't supposed to be talking to him... but this time I didn't care. I've had that rule on me so many times, and I followed it, but now I didn't care. I needed to see how he was. 

"Mark." I breathed that out and looked out to the window again. The blinds were all still closed. 

"How... How are you doing?" I wanted to yell at him now. After I confirmed it was him, I wanted to yell at him for how stupid he was. I wanted to ask why he jumped in front of Junhong. I wanted to see if Jackson was right, but I didn't. I wanted to sit and talk to Mark, just like we did on night duty. , was I letting this happen? Was I really letting this happen twice? 

"I'm... I'm starting to feel pain now. My hands really hurt from, just... constantly hitting things for the past few days. My torso, too. I'm just sore and have a headache. How... How are you feeling?" He laughed lightly and coughed. It made my heart beat fast hearing him in some pain. I had no idea what his body was like as I was shoved out of the room before the doctor could assess him. That was another thought I had while staring at the ceiling. 

"Awful. I asked the nurse for more pain medication. She'll be back in about five minutes." I sat there for a while, just thinking and organizing the other questions I had. I wanted to ask him about Junhong in person.

"Do you know everything they did to you?" I heard a shift again.

"Hold on, she's coming. I have to hide you." there was a rustling and I knew he had shoved the phone underneath something. So he stole the phone from Jackson. Did he do it just to talk to me? I felt a little warm after that. 

"Can you open the blinds for me? I want to see the stars." 

"Of course. Here. We can't give you heavy pain killers because were trying to wean your body off, but you can take these pills for now. Non-drowsy."

"Thank you. My everything is really hurting." The nurse laughed and there were probably two minutes of rusting before I heard the phone move again.

"You still there?" I nodded.

"Yeah." 

"You said it was the fifth floor right?" I hopped out of my bed and went to stand in front of the window. My lights were still on, so if he could see, he probably would have spotted me. I saw the blinds open earlier so I knew where he was. 

"Sixth window." 

"I see you." It felt weird for him to be able to see me, but not the other way around. I knew he wasn't going to be able to get out of the hospital bed, but I wanted to be able to see his shadow at least. Without seeing him, I could feel his eyes on me. It felt so... I just didn't have the vocabulary for the feeling, but it wasn't a bad one. 

"What happened after they took me?" 

"A lot of tests. I ate some food, but couldn't really keep it down. I had to pass all these tests for swallowing and mobility just to even gain access to food. Jackson yelled at me too, but he usually does that when I end up in the hospital." I huffed a bit and sat down on the small window ledge. 

"He yelled at me too. I think he's just mad we both did something rash and got hurt this bad. He'll come around in a few days." 

"Youngjae, Doctor, he told me what happened while I was asleep." 

"Oh." I then remembered I was the one who told him about my hotel window. He could hear during his coma. 

"Are you really okay?" It was soft. It made me feel something again.

"I haven't had an episode in about 5 days which is a new record." He groaned like he turned wrong and it made me look harder at his window. I wanted to be there. I'd let myself admit only that. 

"You're still having nightmares thought. Or probably. Or you haven't slept much." Wow, he really could see right through me. 

"I haven't slept enough to have vivid nightmares, but I do see some things here and there... Mostly you." I admitted a second thing. While I haven't been having any episodes since Junhong had come back, I've been reliving that moment with Mark over and over. Sometimes I'm the one who gets shot at, and Mark jumps. More often, I dream about the YuRa situation. She kills Mark in front of me. Four shots right to the chest and I can't jump in front of him. I'm stuck. I can't even move to hold him while he dies. He just stares at me, the life leaving his eyes. That's why I wanted to be in his room. I wanted to see that he was alive. 

"If you dream of me, I hope it's a good dream." 

"It's... It's not a good dream, no. Sorry." He laughed a bit again and took a deep breath. 

"I called you so I could see you were alive and okay. I didn't really get to see much of you before they dragged you out. I couldn't see your bandages or anything... I was worried." I stared at you for a few hours and I'm still worried. 

"The only bandages are on my hands. Youngjae, not doctor, he put them on for me. I can walk fine, but I probably look really pale." 

"Are you eating?" 

"Trying to." We both had questions we wanted to ask, but we didn't think it was the time to. I could tell that there was something on his mind and he was just asking simple questions. Questions about my wellbeing. Questions that Youngjae or Jackson could have answered and probably did answer. 

"They told me that you're done with military training, but that doesn't mean you can stop eating. I'll make sure you eat. I'll call you every day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner." My heart started beating fast again. 

"You don't need to. I promise I'll eat." 

"And drink water? And sleep? And go to your Youngjae sessions?'"

"You don't need to. I promise I'll-" 

"I plan to call you every night. You can give me a rundown of your day. We're both stuck in a room anyway."  My heart never stopped its speed. He was saying the right words for a light night talk. This felt like the scenes I'd watched on the dramas. 

"I'd... I'd like that, yeah." There was a comfortable silence as we were both planning what to say next. 

"What are you thinking about right now?" You. 

"What to say next."  

"Me too. It's just comfortable sitting on the phone with you, I guess." 

"Oh." 

"I'm thinking about you right now too." 

You don't think and Mark only thinks of you! 

No, Jackson, I'm thinking about Mark too. 

"If you think too hard you might dream of me." He laughed again. 

"That wouldn't be that bad." 

"M-Mark." I said it quickly after he said that. I knew how I was feeling and I knew that he was probably feeling something similar. I didn't want it to grow. I didn't want to give false hope by continuing this conversation. I had already admitted two things and I didn't want to admit that I was also thinking about Mark. This was dangerous. Flipping around each other with only our words. I wanted to cut it out before I was sporadic like Jackson said. 

"Yeah, Yon-ah?" He knew what he was doing. He had to. There was no way he didn't know. Him calling my name was different than any other time before. It had to be the pain killers. His situation. That's what was making him act like this. I was in pain too. We were both running on low fumes and delirious. Another reason to stop before something else happens. 

"I think I'm going to go to bed." 

"O-oh. Okay, yeah. That's good. Get some sleep, Yon." 

"Tell me if you dream of me. Goodnight." I could hear him smirk over the phone. I'd given him another glimpse into my thoughts. That was three. 

"I will. Goodnight." I knew he was still watching me when I hung up. I just stood there for a while, thinking about what just happened. What was he thinking about right now? 

I reached up to the curtains and pulled them closed. That truly ended our conversation. 

Jumping on my bed, I stared at the ceiling again. Finally, after hours of looking, I found a crack in the corner. It was barely noticeable, but I focused on it, finally finding something wrong with the hotel room that wasn't me. 

Buzz. Buzz. 

I pulled the phone out from underneath my pillow. My heart fell a tiny bit when it wasn't who I thought it was. 

"You better ing stop before it gets past the point of no return, MeeYon." I hit myself in the chest a few times, trying to shake the feeling. Finally, I looked at the phone and wanted to throw it across the room. 

From Yoo Youngjae: Goodnight, Yon-ah