Monday, March 12th, 2018 

"Have you ever gotten counseling before?"

"So this is was this is. You're trying to find out whats wrong with me?" He shrugged. 

"Finding out what psychological traumas make my patients not eat is kind of one of my jobs. Usually, I have generals in here telling me about their friend who got shot right next to them. I expect you to be much worse." I leaned back in the chair and rolled my eyes. 

"Thank you?" He laughed and flipped some pages on his clipboard. We were only in his office and it was pretty boring. He had some pictures on a board by his computer, and that's where my attention went to. Why did everything in the base have t be an ugly beige color?

"Are you look at my pictures? Do you want to see them?" 

"No, I just want to try to find out your psychological traumas." 

"I don't usually hang those types of pictures in my office." I shrugged and turned my attention back to him. 

"Fair. What questions do you have to ask me? I have to go back and train." 

"What's your real name?" I pulled a confused face. , how does he know that? Maybe he doesn't and he's testing me. 

"Hye-In. Kim Hye-In." 

"You don't have to repeat it twice for me to know that's not your name." 

"Why are you psychoanalyzing everything I say?" 

"Why are you getting so defensive?" . 

"My name is Kim Hye-In." 

"You know that I'm under a confidentiality agreement so anything you say here unless life-threatening stays here." He leaned back in his chair mimicking me. 

"That's what they told me and then my face was plastered on the news, so..." He rolled his eyes. 

"What's your real age?" 

"24." 

"They said this was going to be difficult because I wouldn't get any real answers."  

"Every answer I've given you is true." He groaned and turned around in his chair once, reaching for a picture on the bulletin board and then throwing it down before me. 

"I'll tell you some stories you want to hear and then I expect you to do the same." 

"These are my friends, I'm sure you know Jackson and Mark then there's-" 

"How do you all know each other?" He seemed taken aback. 

"You know everyone in this picture?" I nodded. 

"Yugyeom, Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum, Jackson, BamBam, and you." 

"How do you know everyone?"

"How do you know each other?" We were stuck at a stalemate. 

"One person at a time, each." 

"Deal." 

"I know Yugyeom because I know JaeBum." Interesting.

"I know Yugyeom because he was my junior in college." He nodded and then pointed to Jinyoung.

"I know Jinyoung because of Jackson and Mark." 

"I know Jinyoung because of Jackson and Tuan."

"Looks like we have something the same." His finger went to the one I was dreading. Looking at his face made me angry. 

"I know JB because we met in Seoul at a club in Hongdae and we liked the same music. He was the first one I met." I paused and didn't say anything. Did he know it was me? Did he know anything about JB's work? He had to.

"I know JB because..."

"Saying it is better than repressing it." 

"You know?" He nodded. 

"I know how you know everyone, I just wanted you to get more comfortable in talking to me. So how do you know JB?"

"I shot him in the head." 

"No, you shot him in the neck. He has limited flexibility in his right arm and a Trac that's coming out in like a month."Much less severe than you put it." He just shrugged it off like that and was about to move on.

"Shouldn't all of you hate me for that?" He smiled and I knew that's when he got in. 

"No, because that isn't the worst injury that's happened to this group of friends. I mean maybe Yugyeom because he doesn't know anything about us, but it's just another day. I think Mark has the worst injuries so far. Maybe we were a bit mad at you, but hey, he killed that one guy so." 

"Himchan. How... How can you take this so lightly? I shot your best friend!"

"Yeah. And so has like 20 other people? Didn't BamBam shoot you?"

"Yes..."

"And he was doing his job. So was JB." 

"I just don't understand this!" 

"It's called forgiveness and understanding. I think this is where we need to start." I raised my head and looked him right in the eyes. 

"You just psychoanalyzed the out of me." He smirked and nodded. 

"I'm just that good." I narrowed my eyes at him. 

"Doctors aren't supposed to do this." 

"You're a special case. Now, who in your life do you need to forgive the most? Parents? Friends? Yourself?"

"I don't... No one?" 

"Let me rephrase that question then. How do I help you except the notion of forgiveness from others? And how can I use that to help you get over your traumas?" 

"You can't." I stopped him right there. I'm not going to spill my life out to Youngjae. 

"Tell me what the thing that made you cry the most?" 

"Literally no." When did I cry the most? When I was little probably. 

"See, but you're thinking about it. I can tell by your eyes, then went to the lower right. How about, what's the farthest back you can remember?" 

"Looking out the window in rural North Korea and seeing kids my age, so 3, starving to death."

"Okay so, childhood trauma." 

"My whole life is a trauma."

"We also could use a bit of optimism. What makes you happy?" I leaned back in the chair and sighed. 

"Why are we bouncing all over the place? Aren't you supposed to find the root of my problem and then try to fix it from there?" 

"Well, A, that's only in movies, and, B, you don't want to tell me the root of the problem, so I can only move to fix what I observe. Therefore, I have to ask you a ton of questions so I can analyze your answers. Or, you can tell me why you're apprehensive to tell anyone anything and then we can go from there. That's the root of the problem here." I huffed in amusement and crossed my arms.

"Can't you just observe why I don't tell anyone things?" It was his turn to laugh and he shook his head 'no'.

"Again, if I say it then you don't talk, then we're back to square one." 

"You're a stranger and I've learned not to trust people." He wrote something down on his clipboard. 

"So, trust, forgiveness, optimism, and understanding. We'll work on those things first since they're on the surface. Meet me next Monday." 

"It's been less than 15 minutes." He shrugged and spun in his chair to his computer. Are all of these going to be this short? 

"The more you talk the more time we take up. The more time, the more things we can help. The more things we help, the more developed. In short, if you talk to me and let me help you, then the fewer sessions we have." I stood up and started to walk to the door. This is ridiculous. Is he even certified to do this? He also has a biased opinion on these things since he's b-

I turned swiftly, squaring my body towards him. 

"How much have they told you?" He didn't even look up from his computer screen. 

"Confidentiality agreements say I can't tell you that." Bull. 

"They're telling you things about me, why can't I hear them?" 

"Confidentiality." His tone was monotone and he didn't want to tell me anything. I swear to-

"Is this your way to act like me?" 

"Why are you asking me so many questions?" I opened the door and slammed it as I walked down the hallway. him. 

I walked down the hallway to get to the main area. No one was really there because it was lunch.

Get into a healthy weight and I'll get your brother

"MeeYon, how was your session?" I jumped as Youngjae was leaning on the wall I had just walked by. The bad Youngjae. 

Stay away from Tuan...I can help you get back your brother

"Good." 

"Only good?" He pushed off the wall and started walking next to me, "Why are you doing it if it's only good?" He mocked my tone at the end. 

"I don't have a choice." He laughed and shook his head. 

"I guess so. Life is filled with things we think we have control over but in reality, it's just a ruse to make us feel better." I nodded and kept walking down the hallway with him.

"You know, MeeYon." I nodded up again but said nothing. Whenever I'm with Youngjae, he likes it when I don't talk, "When we were in the North, I felt pressured to abide by all of the rules, because of my father, you know, but not, in the South, I don't feel like I have to abide by anything. Like the worst they can do is give me push-ups. My point is: what can they really do to us if we do something bad right? Or against the rules? You're always for the rules and I remember in the North you followed them so well, and even in the South you do too. It's kind of annoying to see you bow down to their Southies." He's contradicting everything that's happened. I was subordinate in the North and the South. Only to Alpha Troup was I obedient. I refuse to do things Kim tells me on a daily too. What is he getting at? 

"I don't bow do-"

"Are you contradicting me, Princess?"  Something struck down in my stomach and I shook my head violently. 

"No." 

"Good. I'm saying that I miss the subordinate MeeYon sometimes. Honestly, if I didn't miss her so much then I wouldn't have brought you to Tuan and made you apply for asylum. I thought it would spark the rebel in you, and now I see you being a little in the south again. To Tuan and to the guys in the other room over there. It makes me mad, you know? I loved seeing you rebel against Tuan that one time when you ran out or when you didn't want to do push-ups. I remember when they sent you to Alpha. You thought it was because of me, right? Well, it was because they knew we could break you down to be a little obedient slave, and it was fun at first. But then when you just slumped over and did whatever we said, it was so boring. Daehyun got so bored of you. He said 3 weeks after I left you just stopped screaming to me for help. I loved when you fought back when you showed that little girl I used to know who kicked KyungIl in the face." But he hated when I fought back, he hated when I disobeyed him. He hated it. He hated it. He would beat me for saying no to him.

"If we're going to get Junhong back then you have to be able to break the rules, MeeYon." My eyes widened.

"I can break the rules. I have been." He really thinks I'm that weak. 

"Break the rules with me then."

"Okay, when?" I had my hands on my hips and he looked down and smirked. 

"When I say, not today, but maybe later, when we're on break this weekend." 

"Okay." 

"Good. Now, you have to go and assess the rookies shooting. Which, I don't understand, you're good at shoot, but you're not at marksmanship level."