Monday April 16^th 11:57:07 am

The guard opened the door and there were multiple families at picnic like tables. One in the corner was a father and son, the father crying. Another was a family with a mother and her baby opposite of a wounded father. That couple looked young. The guard directed me to the table closest to the door and I put my package down next to me, looking around still.

“He should be out here in 5 minutes.” I nodded and looked down at the newer phone Jackson gave to me. This one could track my location.

Jackson: You have till 1, then I pick you up. They say Tuan will be up at 3

I had about an hour to talk.

“I hope you like the kimbap because it took me forever to make today.” I looked up to my right to, probably, a young couple. He was the one in the orange jumpsuit and she had a purple dress on, a lunch box next to her. They were holding hands, his handcuffs making her hand look even smaller.

He smiled at her, “I like anything you make me.” Cute.

The set up of this visiting room reminded me of the base. The base I’d eventually had to go back to once all of this was over. Would Mark still visit me?

“Song KyungIl.” His name was announced, and he was pushed over to our table. One of the guards pushing him was the same as last time. They pushed him to sit down and he smirked before shaking his head to get his overgrowing hair out of his eyes. His natural color was showing at his roots now.

“Have fun,” the guard mumbled before walking away.

That’s when I noticed the split lip and bruise on his cheek. If they were able to land something on KyungIl, I wonder what the other one looked like. That’s probably why the guard was mad.

“I didn’t think you’d come back… especially today. I was pleasantly surprised when I heard I had a visitor.” My hand touched the plastic wrap next to me and his eyes went down to the space he couldn’t see.

He pointed with his right hand, “What’s that?”

“When’s your release date?” his eyebrow quirked up, but he didn’t question me.

“I have an appeal in June for a shorter sentence on good behavior and helping of arrest. If it goes well, maybe mid-August. What will you be doing by then?” I shrugged my shoulders and found it easier to look him in the eyes this time. For the past few days, I had mulled over what he said, filling in my own gaps. I hadn’t spoken to Youngjae yet, but everything made sense. I didn’t want to say right away that KyungIl was right, but it was easier to say things to him. He was also probably the only one who understood about Junhong. I needed someone who understood. If you told me it was KyungIl a few weeks ago…

“Working at the NIS, living in my own house something along those lines.” I picked at a loose thread of my pants, glancing at the plastic wrap again.

“If you need help finding a place to stay, I have connections. I can get you a nice place in Gangnam for free. A property shark there owes me a few million. I was thinking about getting a place there when I got out.” He stopped and felt the silence of me not knowing what to say. KyungIl was always good a filling the space, “I don’t know where I’m going to get a job, but I was to be on the straight and narrow this time. Of course, I’m going to use someone, but after that, I’m done with bossing people around. It’s exhausting. I’ve been doing it for too long.”

He kept talking about what he’d do when he got out, but we both knew it was bull. He was just waiting for me to talk. I also had no idea that KyungIl could talk this much about trivial things. Maybe they play TV dramas in jail.

“There’s a restaurant I’ve hea-“

“What did you feel like when I went into the military?” He nodded his head once, probably thankful.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t mad at you at first. I had done that to myself to make sure you didn’t and up here and I thought that maybe you’d see that effort and respond. I was actually told that you did it by yourself first and not blackmailed, so that added to it. Youngjae was bad, but you still would’ve had a decent life as a general’s wife. Then I became mad at myself. I thought I didn’t do enough and should’ve know the North would’ve done that. I still am mad at myself that I couldn’t take care of you guys. Even after I defected, I had all this money and power, but I still couldn’t find you. Junhong was being shielded by the North and you were constantly being monitored and I thought they had gotten to you when we had that meeting at Korea. I had everything, but I was still helpless. When Yongguk brought Junhong to me… that was the worst. They knew I was trying to get both of you out, and here they were flaunting it in front of my face. Why do you ask?” He understood. It that it was only KyungIl that understood me, but I was slowly coming to terms with it.

“When I found out he was in the army, I was mad at myself. I failed and I knew I shouldn’t have trusted the North. The same as you… but now, he signed back up to do the same thing I did. He’s going to train and become a NIS agent, and I know that that’s far from being in the North, but it’s like… you work your whole life to make sure he doesn’t have to fight are even hold a gun and Junhong knows this, yet he signed up right in front of me.” KyungIl crossed his arms the best he could in front of me and shrugged.

“He is an adult now. Back when you made that promise to the North, he was a skinny 12-year-old who really couldn’t fend for himself. I wasn’t there teaching him how to fight and he had to learn it himself. Now, he’s on his own. You can’t parent him anymore. When I heard you went to the NIS because they promised to get Junhong back, I thought you were stupid. The North promised you the same thing and now here you were walking into another trap, but then I realized that you’re almost 24. I can’t baby you when you’re an adult. It’s time to do and learn when it goes bad. We all have expectations for our loved ones, but they won’t always come true. If Junhong wants to do it, you have to let him. This is the first time he’s had free will in years. If it goes wrong, at least now he’s learned by himself.” I frowned, knowing in part I would get that answer. Jackson basically told me the same thing.

“I don’t want him to grow up and run away from me.” KyungIl shook his head and shifted again.

“Junhong grew up when he was 10. If he was going to run away, he’d have done it already.” I took a deep breath and digested his words with my eyes closed.

“You’ve been through this before, haven’t you?” He laughed a bit and shrugged.

“I’m still not over it, MeeYon. I have people following you all the time, telling me things. That’s because I lost you before and don’t want to lose you again. I still have to tell myself that sentence when I’m told you run away with Youngjae to China or when you walked out a building holding a gun to Mark’s head.”

“I hate how you’re turning back into my brother so quickly.” He smiled, lightly, but smiled.

“That’s the first time you’ve called me your brother since...” I opened my eyes and glared, but then turned back to myself again. You still can’t trust him yet.

“Don’t expect it.” He rolled his eyes at my hardened voice and pointed again.

“Can I have my cake now? I’ve been talking about nonsense for 45 minutes and I woke up to a beating. That cake is going to make this birthday better.” I picked up the cake and put it in the center of the table. It was pretty small, but it was the only blueberry one they had. I hated myself for remembering his birthday and his favorite flavor every year, but it finally came in handy.

“Are those blueberries?” He was smirking this time as I handed him a fork.

“You deserve to get beaten up.”

“And she’s back.” He ate for a bit and I had one or two bites. It was silent, but I was still thinking about Junhong. I’d have to let him do it even if I didn’t like it. I’d have to let him experience freedom. It’s what I wanted in the first place.

“My nurse friend said Tuan is supposed to wake up soon. How’s he looking?”

“Your nurse friend?”

“Did I not say I had friends in high places?” I rolled my eyes and he took another big bite.

“I haven’t been in Mark’s room…” It came out quieter than expected and he nodded in understanding.

“The guilt that you helped put him there? Or is it the fact that he jumped in front of Junhong and saved him when that was supposed to be your job?” That struck me a bit too hard and I gripped my fork, “I’m here to be real with you MeeYon. You’re grown now and need to be able to evaluate your feelings.”

“I have a therapist.”

“The good Youngjae? He came in and asked me about you because you weren’t telling him anything. I said you had he had to be real with you if he was going to get any reaction.” So, everyone is just talking behind my back, huh?

“I’m mad that he jumped in front of Junhong because Junhong was only going to get hit by one of the bullets. I’m mad that he did it because someone like Mark knew where those bullets were going. I’m mad because when he said he’d take responsibility for Junhong, I didn’t think he meant this. Now he’s laying in a hospital, unresponsive, bed because he’s stupid and because I let him do it.”

“Interesting.”

“What?” It was undeniably harsh at this point.

“Do you parent everyone around you?” I threw my fork at him and he caught it, looking at the security guard that came out mad at him.

“I don’t parent you.” He put the fork down on his side and continued eating.

“That’s because I parent you, so that dynamic doesn’t work. This cake is really good, you should tell me the bakery it came from.”

“Why so you can have one of your friends bring it to you?” I was shoving my things in my bag at this point. If I stayed any longer, I was going to lunge at him.

“Precisely.” I looked at my phone. 12:48. I could wait for Jackson.

“Goodbye, enjoy your cake.” He smiled.

“Make sure you go see Mark Tuan. If I was laying in a hospital bed, I’d want the girl I made a life long promise of trust with to come visit me.” That made me stop packing and look to glare at him. How many ing friends-

“Jackson came and visited me too.” I picked up the cake and threw it in the trash on my way out.

__

“When we move him to the Orthopedic Trauma floor, he’ll be starting his physical therapy and his occupational therapy. Everything is on that one floor so it will be more convenient for him to start moving around. We will also have one of our psychiatrists monitoring the patient to see if we need to prescribe medication or some form of therapy when he’s out of the hospital. We’ll also to put him in a convenient place where you can get to our basic Trauma ward for patient Tuan. Do you have any questions about specifics about his therapies or-?”

“Do you know Song KyungIl?” Jackson made a noise beside me, but I was too busy studying this nurse’s face to see if she was telling the truth when she said, “No.” Sadly, she was, so I wasn’t any closer to finding who was tattling on me.

“Never mind then. When did you say he’s moving?” The nurse still seemed confused at my previous question, but she shook her head once and went back to her regular self.

“Tomorrow afternoon after lunch. He probably can’t walk by himself, but his leg is coming down today, so he can use a wheel chair. If you want, you can take him down to the cafeteria while we get a room prepared.” I nodded to her and I signed a few papers before she excused herself to another patient. I turned so my back was against the counter and faced Junhong and Mark’s rooms. Junhong was being giving some pain meds and his leg was being taken down from the sling. I could hear the doctors and medical students laughing at something he said and that made me smile a bit.

“Why did you just ask her that?” Jackson turned so he was in the same position I was.

“Because KyungIl has a nurse friend here that’s spying on me and I just want to know who it is. Harmless. When did you say Mark was waking up?”

“In an hour… but a spy? HyeIn, where-“ I walked over to Mark’s door and saw the bed through the glass. The doctors had just been over to his room, saying that everything was pointing to today for him to wake up. I had no idea how they knew that, but I hadn’t seen him for myself, so I wouldn’t know at this point. KyungIl’s words also scared me. Why couldn’t I go in his room? What I scared or mad? I was both, but for what reason? I did feel responsible that he was in this spot, but I also was mad the he still did it even when he knew pushing Junhong was the worse outcome.

I was the one that made him come with me.

Something beeped in his room and I jumped a it. Still no movement.

I had to go in there. Mark had to know I was here. What if can hear everything? Does he know I’m okay? What about Junhong?

Why do I care so much?

That thought stopped my hand from sliding the door open. My fingertips were just on the cold glass.

He jumped in front of your brother. He went on a mission to save your brother. He comforted you in the rain when you were losing your mind. He gives you a house. He takes responsibility for you. You haven’t been grateful this whole time and it took him almost dying for you to feel this way. You haven’t said thank you or I’m sorry to the man that put his trust in you.

I slid the glass door open and looked at him laying there. I slid the glass door closed behind me so no one could see my reaction. No one would know how horrible I felt when I saw him laying there, pale, bandages covering almost his whole body. Wires and tubes were running up and down and they had just taking the breathing tube out of his mouth. He looked so small and helpless. I have never seen him like this. I’m the reason he’s like this.

I just stood there looking at his body, not taking any steps closer. What if I hurt him again?

I wondered what he looked like a week ago; when he just came in. Was it worse? Was the grey hue on his face deeper? Were there more tubes and wires and IVs running around his body? He couldn’t have looked any smaller than he did now. The Mark Tuan that towered over me seemed to be no more. The off-white hospital sheet seemed to swallow him and his bandages. I’ve seen people in critical condition and it’s never bothered me before, but now looking at Mark, my throat was drying up and there was a pain in my chest.

“You look awful.” Jackson had this theory that he could hear us, and I’ve watched Tv dramas to know about the concept, but I didn’t believe it entirely. I wanted to believe that he could hear me now and if he couldn’t, then that probably was for the best.

“I don’t know why I can’t move closer to you, but you’re going to have to try to hear me from here.” I wasn’t even 10 feet from his bed, so it made no difference. I just couldn’t cross over to the rest of his room and sit down at the free chair. Maybe, the closer I got the worse I would feel. The closer I got, the easier it was to hurt him. I could even hear the drone of the TV Jackson had , but I couldn’t see it. I was just going to stand by the door and talk and maybe something would will me to sit down.

“You just… you look awful. I thought seeing you in a hospital bed would make me feel something, but I don’t like what I’m feeling right now. It’s like someone’s squeezing my insides…” I looked out his windows and saw that he had a pretty good view of the city. If only he could open his eyes to enjoy it a bit.

“I don’t know how much you know about the situation, but I’m fine. I just had to get a concussion test and stitches on my wrist. Youngjae had to fight so they wouldn’t have a random psychiatrist come and evaluate me. He just did after a few days. Junhong’s leg is broken, but he can use a wheel chair. They’re moving him to a regular ward and the nurse said they were doing something called “occupational therapy” for him so he can learn how to work with the cast before it comes off. At first, he was still… I don’t know, brainwashed? We tried for a few days before he finally came to and now, he just has some bad fits in the nights like I do. He’s Junhong though, I can confirm we got the right person…” I sighed and shifted my weight on my left leg. I want to sit down, but I don’t want to sit down.

“He signed up for the NIS training series. I hate it. I hate it so much. I don’t want to see Junhong hold a gun ever again, but KyungIl said I’d have to let him do what he wants. I can’t parent someone who’s grown. I don’t think I’ve registered that he isn’t 12 anymore. He’s still my little brother an I still have to take care of him… KyungIl said it takes time to realize, but I still don’t trust him…” I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up sitting on the floor, my finger twirling on the tile. If I was spilling all of this, it might be good that Mark can’t hear.

“Oh yeah, I went to visit KyungIl twice. One time was because I think I was just mad at everyone here, so I wanted to spite them. He also said to visit him when we were in China… To give him time to explain. I thought it was all bull, and I still do in some sense, but things just line up. He and Youngjae broke Junhong’s leg before and, back then, it made no sense that KyungIl would turn on us that easily. He loved us. I don’t think finding out that we were his real siblings would have upset him. We all lived good lives, had money… It just makes sense that Youngjae’s dad did all of this, but I can’t prove it. There’s no one in that equation I trust. KyungIl lies, Youngjae lies, Youngjae’s dad tried to kill me. It’s up to me who I believe… I think I’d have to see what Junhong thinks. He’s the one who misses KyungIl the most. KyungIl was a father to him. I also went to see KyungIl today, so I think that says my side.” Mark’s breathing filled the room along with the steady beep of his heart monitor and the KBS news. It felt so empty.

“I want you to say something back to me because this is just weird. I don’t really talk this much. I was trained to listen… Maybe, I’m losing some of the North. Is that good or bad?” I laughed and pulled one of my knees to my chest.

“Did you know that it was KyungIl’s birthday today? I’ve never told anymore, but ever since he left, I’d celebrate his birthday. His real birthday. We were always told it was in the fall, but I read the letter his real mother wrote to him. I’d buy a cake or just some blueberries when we were struggling and hope that maybe, if I celebrated the real KyungIl, he’d come back again. Blueberries are his favorite. So are Junhong’s. It’s funny how similar those two are. I always wonder where I am in that equation. You’re a middle sibling, too aren’t you?

“I wonder if you feel the same way or if your family is normal… Anyways, he seemed happy that I brought him a cake and I felt embarrassed because I showed him that I remembered. It’s hard opening up to people that hurt you like that, but then again, it wasn’t his fault. KyungIl, Junhong, and I used to be close enough to share anything with each other, but now… I don’t know how to gauge KyungIl and I don’t know what Junhong’s been through. I know there are defiantly things I can’t tell him and that upsets me a bit. I-“ The nurse peaked her head in and then looked down at me on the floor. It was the older nurse, so she didn’t seem shocked that I was there. She just walked in and picked up the chart by his bed.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I have to change patient Tuan’s sheets before he wakes up. We want him to wake up clean. Do you think you can come over here and help me?” She was sweet and I couldn’t say no, so I forced myself to walk over to his bedside. I think she knew exactly what she was doing because she didn’t rush me when I stood up and stared for a minute or two. She just smiled at me and took much too long to write the notes she had to.

He looked even worse up close. His face was sunken in and it lacked color. There was no smirk, no smile, no frown; nothing. Just like someone who was sleeping for much too long.

“If you just pop the corners of the sheet off and push that one under his legs, yes, just like that. Then, I can pull this out from under him so it doesn’t rattle anything, and we can check his bandages. Someone told me you use to be a medic.” I looked up and locked eyes with her. She was the one. But she was so old?

“Was it my brother?” She smiled again and folded up the sheet.

“He was a sweet boy who helped save my daughter and take my groceries up the stairs. Repaying him this way isn’t enough, but he said it would do.” When he said he had connections I thought she would be younger and… well, someone KyungIl would be interested in. It was usually like that. Maybe the daughter factored into it.

“Yes, I was the medic for both of my units. It wasn’t very special or anything, I just took an extra week to learn how to patch bullet wounds.” She shook her head and went to check Mark’s IVs while I stood there.

“Any work that involves helping others is admiral, no matter where or when. Your brother told me you were very good at what you did as well.” That made me wary. Good at patching up wounds? Why was KyungIl dishing out free information about me? That made me a bit angry.

“Good at what I did?”

“Don’t worry. He told me you were good at doing stitches. No one who got stitched up by you ever got infected. That’s hard in the military.” There was a tiny sigh of relief before she reached for his bandages.

“Uh, can you wait for a moment?” She stopped and I walked over to the window and sat down at the seat. I could only see her back, but not Mark. I didn’t want to see Mark.

“Tell me why you were so good at stitches.” I kept looking out the window, trying to ignore the blood. His blood bothered me… only his and Junhong’s,

“I wanted to be a nurse. My younger brother and I had this plan that he would be a doctor and I would be a nurse and we would own a practice together in the town we grew up in. Help disadvantaged people, like Doctors without Borders. Then I realized I didn’t really like being a nurse.” She nodded and I could hear her opening up a sterile pack of gauze.

“We all have plans in life and they never go the way we want. I wanted to open my own hair salon, but here I am. I’m happy with what I do now, though. I’m almost done with him, then you can keep talking.” I felt my face heat up and I looked out the window again. It was about 2:15 and I could see more people coming and going. Mark would wake up in 45 minutes if the doctors were right.

I heard her button up Mark’s gown and pull up the clean blanket. When she went to put the old bedding and gauze in the hazard box, it looked like nothing had happened. He looked exactly the way he did when I first walked in. How long was he going to look like this?

“Before I leave, do you have anything to say to your brother?” She put Mark’s chart down and turned to me.

“To stop following me?” She laughed and waved before walking out. We both knew that wasn’t happening.

The loudest noise in the room was her closing the door and then it was the same breathing and beeping.

“You should wake up soon because I’m not used to you not talking. It’s like when you would force me to sit at your desk while you did work. You wouldn’t talk. I still don’t understand why you’re so different around them… Maybe because you think you have to be their strong leader and have to upkeep an image. That’s probably it. I bet they would respect you even more if you talked to them. Khun is scared of you, but you find that funny, I bet.” I crossed my arms and stretched out on the window seat. This view is actually amazing. You could see my hotel room from here too.

“If you look out your window, you can see my hotel room. The 5^th floor, 6^th window from the right. This would honestly be a good nest… Damn, only I would think about that.”

“No one is shooting at you from Mark’s hospital room.” Jackson and Good Youngjae were in the door way and I could see Bad Youngjae lingering behind them. They all wanted to be here when Mark woke up.

“Expect the unexpected.” I help up my fingers like a pistol and made a little “phew” sound and my hotel window. Jackson rolled his eyes and pulled up the chair I so desperately wanted to sit in. I realized I hadn’t changed how far I was from Mark. It was still about 10 feet. Good Youngjae grabbed the recliner and slid so he was right next to me and Bad Youngjae just stood by the door.

“Where did you go today?”

“A bakery. I want to go places now since I got this.” I help up my new phone and Youngjae pulled out his.

“Look we’re matching now.” He tapped his screen and I smiled.

“Does Jackson track you too?” Youngjae shrugged and put his phone back in his pocket, then looked at Jackson.

“He could, I don’t know what our police chief here does in his free time.”

“Tracking you to Norebangs and that one restaurant where you flirt with the lunch waitress? In my free time?” Youngjae nodded his head towards Jackson.

“You’re right. You have to talk to that girl in Forensics whenever you get the chance.”

“Jackson talks to girls?” I had opened my phone to look at what I could de besides texting and setting alarms. I really hadn’t thought about what I had in my hands. I’ve seen these on dramas, but I’ve never had anything other than a pay-your-way flip phone in real life.

“Jackson talks to girls?  Of course, I do! Do you think you’re the only female I’ve come in contact with, HyeIn.” I looked up at him and smirked.

“Do you want me to answer that question?” He rolled his eyes and picked up Mark’s chart as an excuse to not talk. I handed my phone to Youngjae.

“Can you get that one app that the people in dramas have? The girls at the base were talking about Kakao… Kakao Talk?” He took my phone and nodded.

“I can get you all the apps you need. You can order food on here without calling. There’s even an app that translates South into North Korean.” My eyes widened and I learned over to see what he was going to do to my phone.

“Is this what being South Korean is like? Everything is just there?” Youngjae shrugged and went on downloading things to my phone. I lost interest and started staring at Mark again, waiting for him to pop up and say something.

If he wakes up now, I’ll follow all his rules. No questions asked. I’ll even listen to him at NIS. Only if he wakes up now.

That didn’t work, but it was worth a shot.

“What’s Junhong doing right now?” Jackson had picked up a magazine somewhere and looked up to answer that he was sleeping because of his pain meds. I nodded and kept looking at Mark, willing him to move.

“Do you want to go out to eat tonight? There’s a barbeque restaurant near here that’s pretty good, I’ll buy.” We all shrugged or nodded at Youngjae, but all in all, we had no idea what to do right now. We were just waiting and waiting for something that might not even happen.

“Just move your hand.” It was a whisper and no one else heard me, but right now, I believed he could hear me. If not any other time, I wanted it to be now.

“HyeIn,” I didn’t even look up at Jackson. I was just focusing on Mark’s hand.

“Yes?”

“You have a meeting soon with someone from the base. They’ll tell us whether they think you’ve done enough to successfully pass out of the program and what to do after that. That’s scheduled for Wednesday. They’re coming here.” I held a thumbs-up, but was still looking for any movement. Anything to say that it was 3 and time for Mark to wake up after a week of waiting.

A knock cut through our silence and I saw that it was the doctor team. That means it’s time for him to wake up.

“Have you seen any movement yet?” Jackson answered and they walked closer to his bed. I shifted so I could see Mark’s face still.  

“We’ve put a brain wave monitor on him and we thought he was active enough to have woken up already. For the past maybe 45 minutes his graph has been going up and down better than ever. Do you know why that could be? Did you turn on the TV? That could be it.”

“Her.” Bad Youngjae finally spoke up from his spot on the wall. His arms were still crossed, but he had one finger extended to me. Good Youngjae glared and I didn’t even look at him. He was a later problem.

“Do you think you could talk a bit more? Ask him to wake up maybe? Everything is in place we’re just waiting on him.” The group parted a bit and gave me an open spot. I stared at it. It was going to be the closest I got to Mark.

“You want me to be there?” I pointed and the doctor smile, gesturing to the spot.

I was slow to get up and when I noticed all the eyes in the room staring at me, it made it worse. I hadn’t talked to Mark with all of them here. Shoot, I wouldn’t talk to Mark with all of them here. Jackson thinks we’ve conspired against him, Youngjae wants to psychoanalyze everything I say, and Bad Youngjae wants to end Mark anyways. Where was Jinyoung when you needed him?

“Um, what do…what do you want me to say?” I looked up to the doctor who was on the other side of the bed and even he shrugged.

“What ever you were talking about to him before, it seemed to get his mind restless. Hopefully that will translate everywhere else and wake him fully up. Just continue with what you were talking about.” Oof. I can’t do that.

“I don’t think I can continue what I was saying before…It’s a bit-“

“-That’s fine but talk about something on the same topic. You can sit at this char, JungYoon bring it to here, there, you can sit and be closer to him. As long as he can hear it.” I sat in the chair and leaned in. This was the closest I think I’ve ever been to Mark willingly. It made his condition worse. He got paler, there was no color in his face, and his hair was swept everywhere that if he woke up it would’ve covered his eyes. He needed a haircut.

Without thinking who was in the room, I instinctively brushed his hair out of his face, looking at the roots that had grown out. Junhong had the same thing, but his was more noticeable with silver and black. Mark’s natural hair was a deep brown that could be confused for black without lighting. I’d never noticed that before.

“When you get back, you should pick a new color to dye your hair. Maybe dirty blonde, I’ve seen a lot of people on the big posters in stores with that color. I’ll have to re-dye my hair and Junhong too. His looks the worst. KyungIl already went back to black…” There was no stirring, no reaction, just the doctor urging me on.

“I remember the first time we met, you had red hair. It threw me off because in the picture I had of you before, it was black. It was a newspaper article and I think it’s hanging up in that room at Jackson’s. I still have it. I used to stare at it after the first time we met so I wouldn’t let you slip by ever again. I was so upset with myself and then when I got shot by you it made it 10 times worse. No one had ever beaten me before and there you were, practically winning the race of who could get to who the fastest. Actually, you won that race, so congrats. You’ve beaten one of the best officers in the North Korean National Security Agency, or rather, best ex-officer thanks to you.” I looked up again. No spike in anything. I guess whatever I was talking about before upset him, that’s why all those lines were acting up. Now, I couldn’t get anything from him.

I surveyed the room again, looking at everyone. Everyone was looking at the doctor who was talking to the lady next to him with what seemed to be the brain wave thing. The only person who was looking at Mark was Youngjae who was glaring, nothing out of the ordinary until I followed his gaze to my hand which hadn’t left Mark’s hair. My fingers stopped moving and I was embarrassed, but also surprised. I was touching Mark for once.

The hair was too out in the open and I had no idea why I felt that way when it was just Youngjae who I would normally glare at, but I lowered my hand, so it was near Mark’s left hand. I must have really wanted him to wake up.

“Well, we thought we had the timing right, but it might take a few more hours or days. His levels are back down again, nothing to indicate that he’s waking up, and we don’t’ want to put anything in him to help that because of his heart. I’m sorry to get your hopes up today.” He bowed his head as did the rest of his group and started gathering all their things.

“Welp,” Youngjae groaned getting up from his chair, my phone in hand, “I think we should all go have some early dinner. Some of us haven’t eaten a full meal in days and there’s no use in waiting. HyeIn.” I frowned at him but took my phone and stood up with everyone else.

“I just don’t want him to wake up alone.”

It was a whisper that no one heard. I thought. Until my hand was grabbed, and I wasn’t going to be leaving from that spot.

I looked down as the weak grip around my wrist seemed to tighten.

“Don’t.” It was raspy, tired, broken; all in one gasp, but it almost brought tears to my eyes.

Mark.