Monday

It felt weird waking up in a different bed, in a different room, in a different place.

Jackson's house was about two of Tuan's apartments. It also had color and design to it. There were paintings on the pale blue walls. The guest room, my room, looked like the ice cream that Jinyoung ate on a weekly basis at the cafeteria. It matched the light the sun was forcing through the two windows. 

I liked it, but it just felt off. I hadn't lived in a world of color for a long time.

Jackson was in the kitchen, dressed in one of his suits and a blue tie. The smell of breakfast wafted through the whole house. That was different. 

Jackson looked up at me and smiled, putting a plate down on the bar counter. "I just guessed whether or not you liked eggs an bacon. I eat more of a... western cuisine?" I sat and took a bite before nodding to him. 

"Do you want ketchup or hot sauce?" He held up both of the bottles and I shook my head no this time. 

"I'm not into sauce yet. It's too much." 

He turned and slathered about half the bottle of hot sauce on his eggs before turning to eat opposite of me, "More for me I guess." 

We sat there eating, not saying anything. There was the elephant in the room, but neither of us was going to address it. Even in the car on the way to Tuan's no words were said. Jackson and I both made assumptions that I knew what was going on.

Tuan was being suspended until further notice and I was transferred to Jackson's watch. All because I let Youngjae control me again. 

When we were done eating Jackson grabbed my plate and turned to me. "We have to go back to Unit 1 so I can sign the paperwork for the transfer and get interrogation transcripts to give our Foreign Relations Unit. You can come to say goodbye to them." I think my heart dropped when he didn't add a 'for now' at the end of his sentence. 

"Goodbye?" His shoulders went up as he signed. For someone who's probably had to tell people their son was murdered, he seemed to be bad at delivering me this news.

"Since Youngjae and Jinyoung have agreed to a solid partnership after his training is done, Youngjae is staying in Unit 1 after he graduates, for a lack of better words. Youngjae also has a clean record up until this weekend. He hasn't pissed off people like you have. Basically, you're at the mercy of your observing chief to be appointed to a Unit. Since your Chief is Chief Ahn and he doesn't seem to be taking a liking to you like he does to Youngjae, you won't be in Unit 1. You also don't have a solid partnership and the only possibility you've had with one has probably been blown out of the water. Chief Ahn is relentless to people he hates and knows he can push around. Mark seems to be the only one he can't order around until recently. Therefore, he's probably going to put you in M18." 

"And M18 is...?" 

He sighed again and finally turned to me. The look on his face said anything but good news and mirrored what he said. "Has the lowest retention rate in the NIS. They take the suicide missions. The last mission they had was a drugs bust in Russia and three out of four operatives were slaughtered. The one who came back had to resign and now is residing in a mental institution. They sit at their desks all day until one unit sees something as too dangerous and that's what they get. Most agents there want to die or are on someone's blacklist." 

I let out a whisper, "And I'm on basically every Chief's blacklist."  

"Unless another Chief, Agent, or Section Chief makes a bid for you, I'm 89 percent sure that's where you're going. I'm sorry to tell you this now. I'd make a bid for you, but my Cheif is mad about my heavy involvement with Mark. They think some things that Mark has done, in legal terms, has been because of my foul play."

"No, I," I looked down at the marble, "I ed up this time and it's my fault, but others are getting blamed for it." 

He shook his head, "I think a lot of people are at fault. However, I'm glad you're taking responsibility. That's something HyeIn wouldn't do a while back when she ran out of Mark's apartment." I let out a small, bitter laugh. It was like a teacher telling a student they were proud of them. I was going to get a sticker now, but a sticker isn't going to fix this. I had to.

"You're saying that I know am turning into a human with available emotions and conscious." He laughed, but it was a bitter one as well. 

Shaking his head he answered, "No, I think you've always had emotions and a conscious. I also think that you were taught to suppress them because they made you weak. You're just learning how to embrace them again and you're becoming the HyeIn that owns herself, not the HyeIn that's owned by a government. Dr. Choi said he's trying to help you with that. It's like you were in an accident and need to learn how to walk again. With rehabilitation, you'll remember how to again." 

"You talk to Youngjae? I mean I know you all are friends, but he's big with confidentiality." I thought back to our meeting and how he pissed me off with that word.

Jackson nodded and turned back to washing the dishes. "He said that there's an undeniable pull that he had to help you get back on your feet again. Like as soon as you walked into his office and told him that you're like is a literal trauma, he felt responsible to help you. I agreed with him." 

"What? That I'm an emotional wreck who needs help?" He turned to look me right in the eyes. 

"That their's an undeniable pull when we first meet you to worry and care for you." I rolled my eyes. I sound like the new puppy they've just adopted.

"I know I'm irresistible, but I don't need to be cared for like your child or dog." He laughed.

"No, but you are our friend."

"I can't believe the old man did that to him. Like Ahn's harsh, but Tuan's always been his Achilles Heel." I sat on the edge of Jinyoung's new desk and listened to what he had to say. Apparently, Youngjae went back to training right away so he wasn't anywhere near, thankfully. 

"And to blacklist you from Unit 1 is even worse. I was looking forward to working with you! We all were. Even if Khun seemed scared of you, we all liked you!" The others had gathered around his cubicle like we were having a meeting, nodded to much of what Jinyoung was saying. 

Jun.K was the first one to speak up besides Jinyoung, "When we all heard the news we couldn't believe it. Chief's probably just made right now. Who knows? He might go back on his word! He's done it before." They all nodded and I shrugged. It felt weird at first having all of them talk to me like we were friends who went out for drinks after our shift. Maybe it was this stupid pull Jackson was talking about. Or maybe they just felt bad. 

"What are you all doing?" The group jumped at Chief Ahn's voice who had just come back from a conference meeting. He locked eyes with me first before shifting them to the rest of his Unit, "Get back to work. We can't be slacking at a time like this."

They all scurried off to their cubicles and desks and Jinyoung sighed, resting his head on his keyboard. The only one who hadn't come over to the cult party was Jo Kwon who had been staring daggers into me since I walked in. 

"Shouldn't Jo Kwon be happy? He's basically got a permanent place here now." Jinyoung laughed and sat back up again.

He shook his head, "Honey, how wrong you are. When we were interrogating all three of you, the whole NIS had to stop in and watch. They watched KyungIl and you play Jo Kwon like a Gayageum. Youngjae was just being the goody two shoes we all know and love." 

That confused me. "Why are you his partner and handler if you know how he is?" 

Jinyoung shrugged before answering. "We've had some deep conversations and I've seen the real, raw Youngjae. Deep down he's just a scared little child with daddy issues and an inferiority complex. He knows I have dirt on his, so that's probably why he behaves around me. He's pretty okay when he does that. And besides, he's good at what he does and I needed a partner before HoJun tried to kick me out of 1." That name. 

"Who's HoJun?" 

He rested his head in his palm and stare back at his computer screen, "Cheif Ahn." 

I jumped off his desk, scattering some papers. I was going to do this later in the day when I kissed Ahn's a bit, but now I didn't need to humiliate myself like that. 

"Hey! Where are you going Jackson told me to watch you!"

"I know a way to get Tuan and me back from Ex- Sergent First Class Ahn HoJun." I don't know why, but I skipped all the way to Ahn's office. 

"Hello?" I put on my best deep voice before answering.

"Can I come in, sir?" 

"Come in!" I opened the door and his face dropped, but that didn't make the slam any less loud. 

"Why are you in my office, Kim? Whats done is done." I pulled out one of the chairs and he was still glaring at me. 

I crossed my legs and smiled at him rather snarky before saying the sinker. "People's pasts really do come back to haunt them don't they?" 

"Kim, I have a lot of work to do because of you and your past, so make this quick." He put down the papers to lean his elbows on his desk. 

"Do you remember anything about December 2013 at all? Near Christmas?" I saw it. The little freeze he did before everything seemed calm again. 

"I was probably shopping with my wife, getting gifts. Why are you asking about something that happened 5 years ago?"

I put on a confused face for the show. "Hmm, no that doesn't seem right at all. Maybe you must have forgotten. Let me help." 

He sighed, "Kim like I said, I have too much paperwork-"

I cleared my throat for dramatic effect, cutting him off, "Would a pretty face like you know the best place to get a hotel room? Drop the gun before I shoot you and her both! Or my personal favorite: Abort mission! The is one of theirs! She's got two of our own on the ground!" His fists tightened with every phrase and I knew I had him now. 

"The past really does haunt us, doesn't it Sergent First Class Ahn. Didn't you have to resign after that mission for... what was it? Personal reasons? The report that you have on that mission is really blurry. It's great though that I'm here because I witnessed everything! I can help you file the missing report." 

"Stop talking Kim." His knuckles were all white, "What the hell do you want?" 

"So you don't want me to tell them what Ex - Sergent First Class Ahn did to the seemingly helpless girl? How he was manipulated into shooting two of h-" 

"Goddamn it, Kim! What the  do you want ?" The last part he whispered and I smirked, uncrossing my legs. 

"Tuan reinstated into Unit 1, full privileges. Custody of me transferred back into his hands. Oh, and a full guarantee that I won't be transferred into M18." 

"That's a lot, Kim. Too much for just me to do at random. Especially when I can press charges on you for the First Degree Murder of a US General and for conspiring with Agent Tuan on a mission to get your brother, a person on our wanted list, safely to your house." I grasped the arm of the chair once before letting go. I couldn't show that he had me too. Which one of our crimes was worse than the other.

"You've done your research, Ahn. I'm impressed."

"When you first came into Unit 1, I knew I had to have things on you... In case this scenario played out." I nodded and truly did commend him for this, except I had to call his bluff.

"However, it's just an accusation. I don't understand how you could charge me with such a thing? I loved General Wilson and I have done nothing or said nothing that convicted me of malice or premeditated murder. He was a good man that did good work and he also always complimented me on my work. Where is the intent? I also have an alibi, you can ask one of your agents Im JaeBum. I was at my house about the time the autopsy report shows General Wilson passed. There are big holes, Ahn. Don't wave around banners if they can be easily burnt."  

"Yoo Youngjae has told us everything about Tuan and you trying to plan to get your brother back. That would be harboring a fugitive." I needed to play into him, Jackson was going to come back soon. 

"Unless I get the missioned approved by a Chief and do it the legal way. Right Chief?" 

Leaning back and laughing, he shook his head, "You think I'll approve that? In your dreams, Kim."

"No, but I know a Cheif who will and then when I tell him about what Cheif Ahn, head of the best Unit in the NIS did during a mission to Tibet, there will be an order for your arrest and reevaluation in a Miltary Court. Your career is already wearing thin Chief, can you handle that blow too?" His smile dropped and he stood up. 

"Give me your demands before I kick you out of this office." He walked over to a camera on the wall and ripped out a wire and a tape that was no doubt recording our conversation. 

"Tuan comes back, Jo Kwon is kicked out. No loss to your unit. I move back in with Tuan. I'll throw out the M18, because I think me not going there is a given by now. Lastly, you will facilitate an undercover mission at the end of this month to get my brother back." He sat back down, shoving the tape into a drawer in his desk.

"Why should I let Tuan back when he could conspire with you again? The reason I had you two separated was because of that, not because you left. I could care less if you left." This really wanted to play with me right now. 

"Because Tuan is your best officer and your inferior just doesn't want to acknowledge that because when you do, you'll lose your job to him. Don't think I haven't heard. The board is reviewing you right now because you're falling behind. Tuan is probably the best damn officer to water into this building and they know that. They know that he's loyal and unafraid to do any job they ask. They know he won't shot two of his comrades to save his own . He'll go down for them! Even if the enemy is there, bleeding out, he'll rush to them when they call. , Tuan's probably one of the most genuine officers under the NIS. He's denied awards and publicity even when I've been here because he said it was his job. Then you, you wait a block away from the courthouse when the reporters were late so they can get your face and you can talk on TV. I wish I'm here to see the day that nameplate changes to Chief Mark Tuan!" He put his hands up trying to calm me down and so the others wouldn't hear him.

"My demands are as follows. You have to follow my orders under this mission up until it's time to go out in the field. If you die or mess, I pin it to Tuan and you to deal with legal and social percussions." 

I nodded, "Fine." 

"But, to get Tuan back into this building and to get you back to Tuan, you need to tell me everything you've been hiding from us. Who you really are, what was your life before here, everything about the military. Everything. You give yourself to get Tuan back." I sat there. Weighing my options. If I report him, nothing I want will happen. If I expose myself, all of it will happen. And it's just the bare minimum. I just have to answer their questions, clear and crisp. Nothing too personal and everything about Alpha. I don't have to tell them what they did to me, what to North did to me, I just need to tell them the military information they need. I could do that. To fix everything I've ed up for Tuan. I could do that. 

"I tell Tuan. He's the one who writes it down in my file. In a one-on-one questioning. Then he tells you everything you need to know based on that. You don't seem like the person who wants to sit through my sob story." 

"And you don't tell anyone about Tibet. I won't bring up General Wilson or the mission." 

"Deal." I reached my hand out to him and he shook it. A weight seemed to be lifted off his shoulder as the NIS big guys were getting on his about me and who I really was. They wanted my information so they could tag and ID me. With everything I told them that was fake and everything Youngjae must have told them, they were probably trying to connect dots that weren't even there. 

He stood up, putting a new tape in his camera and turning it back on. "I'll call Tuan and get him over here to tell him everything. Your questioning will be watched by us but not audio monitored.The only person I will have listening is Yoo Youngjae. If he tells us something you say is wrong, the deal is off until I get the truth." Of course, they trust Youngjae. Their ing golden boy. 

I stood up to walk out, but turned back to get the last word, "It was a pleasure doing business with you again Ahn HoJun-sshi." He didn't say anything, just grunted. I opened the door and 7 men jumped to get out of the way of the opening door. I shut it behind me before looking at them.

"What did you hear?" 

Jinyoung smirked before answering, "That we need to call Mark and tell him that he's been living with the president of his fan club." I lunged for him, but he dodged too quickly. 

"We only heard your monologue about Mark, but nothing else. Tell uussssss!" Chansung held up his hands in a begging pose and I shifted, one hand on my hip and a smirk on my face. 

"Well, nothing much. Tuan's just coming back that's all. Oh, and I'm moving back in." 

I was sitting in a comfy chair this time and the room was a blue color, a few shades darker than Jackson's house. This must be where the nice people go for questioning. I'm glad to be considered nice now.

I turned in the chair and waved to the camera set up the monitor me. This room didn't have a two-way glass. It had to was about the size of the break room, too small. 

Sitting up in attention as the door opened, Tuan walked in, shaking his head the whole time he took to sit down. I saw the faint smile on his face before it went away. 

"We're talking after this. I don't know why I was called back or why I'm doing a questioning, but I have a feeling you have something to do with it." 

"Eye-eye, Section Leader Agent Tuan." I saluted him and saw him trying not to smile again. I didn't know what this calm feeling was, but it felt nice. 

"Alright to begin, childhood. The only things we know is what KyungIl and Youngjae have told us." That's right, I made him turn the mic and the camera off last time. 

"So, the beginning I guess." 

He prompted me with his hand, getting ready to type on his laptop, "Go ahead."

"I was born May 30th, 1994 in Pyeongyang. My father was already a high ranking officer, a few years older than my mom. I don't know how many. Either way, I grew up in a rich home and my bro-"

Tuan held his hand up and I frowned. Not even 30 seconds in and Youngjae has found something wrong. He looked up at me, "Who was Song KyungIl to you in your childhood?" 

I rolled my eyes and leaned back. Nitpicky aren't we? "He was my cousin. My father's sister's son. They lived in the apartment next to us as my Uncle was a scientist. KyungIl was probably considered as my big brother when I was growing up. He's 4 years older than me and at that time I didn't know he was my actual brother, just a cousin. I'll elaborate later, hm?" 

Tuan paused a second, waiting for a yes or no. "Okay."

"In the summer of 1996, so I was 2, my father was suspected of treason and we fled to the countryside. My mother would have been months 5 pregnant at the time. We stayed there and she caught Tuberculosis and died while giving birth to Junhong in October. After my mom died, my father was cold and barely took care of us. We moved back to the capital in early 1997. We had a nanny that took care of Junhong, but I learned quickly how to take care of him, even at the young. KyungIl really turned into a big brother figure because he raised Junhong and I and helped us out a lot. Made sure we ate or that Junhong grew up without that hole from not being loved by our father. I think he blamed Junhong for our mother dying. I mean, we grew up and yeah." 

Tuan shook his head, "They want to know about Youngjae and what happened with your father and KyungIl." 

I groaned and knew Youngjae was listening, "I'm getting to that hold on. God, he just wants to hear me talk about him." that ghost smile played at Tuan's lips again, but didn't show. 

"Well, basically My parents and Youngjae's parents were friends, like our moms used to be best friends. After my mom died, Youngjae's parents tried to help my father cope. Key word on try. So Youngjae would be at my house a lot and he just became my friend and hung out with us. In the time my mom died and we went back, we were moved out of the apartments to a house that was across the street from Youngjae's. So was KyungIl's family. We were all together. This turned out to be a bad thing, but later." Tuan held his ear and winced a bit. 

"Youngjae doesn't like how you're talking about him and his parents and strongly advises you to stop." I think he's learned now that he's lost control of me. 

"Well I don't like him or his parents and I strongly advised them to be nice to me but that didn't happen. Anyways," There was that cute ghost smile again, "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, we lived together and were best friends ladi-da. I turned 13 and KyungIl really started to be a . He stopped coming over, stopped caring, and started beating up Junhong or yelling at him. The reason he did was that he found out that we were his biological siblings and that my father impregnated his mother in a labor camp. So, my father, to cover his , gave KyungIl to my aunt and uncle because they couldn't have kids and he looked like my aunt and my father. He thought we knew this so he was being like that because he thought we were excluding him. We all hated him at that point.

"And then, one day, police storm into our house, arrest my father on counts of treason among other things and take him to prison. We move into Youngjae's house - Oh yeah, at a young age my father and Youngjae's father agreed that I would marry Youngjae - and our lives turn into a living hell. We moved into Youngjae's because the party wanted to monitor us. Youngjae's parents are ing mean and hate us. Youngjae and KyungIl corner and beat up Junhong, breaking his nose and leg-" I turned to the camera, speaking directly to Youngjae, "-Don't think I'm over that because I will break you- and my father is executed in front of everyone as a lesson. Turns out that Youngjae's dad wanted my dad gone for a ing promotion and when he found out about KyungIl, those two teamed up and bye-bye daddy. Junhong and I struggled to live and stayed close to each other. Like I said, Youngjae's parents gave us shelter and nothing else, all because I was still going to marry Youngjae."

"How did you get into the military? No, wait, no that's the question Cheif asked."

I laughed, "Youngjae can't handle it can he? You should have gotten KyungIl to observe, at least he knows he ed up my life." 

"Militaryyyyyy?" 

"Right, right," I nodded, "I was randomly pulled out of school at 16 and brought to the main, pyramid building. They basically gave me a deal because they saw how smart I was and said that if I enlist into the military and follow every party order, they would pay for Junhong to go to the best school in North Korean and go to university. Junhong was, no, is a genius, so I said yes right away. I could suffer for Junhong to live and succeed. So, 2010 I went to basic training and moved up to teach recruits about explosives and hand-to-hand combat. Youngjae joined in 2012 on the track to become his father basically. In 2013, we both were moved to Alpha Unit 54. In 2014, Youngjae left to the South and I followed in 2015. Now, I'm here and the rest is in your database." 

"What did Alpha specialize in and who were the members?" I sighed. Let's see if my voice stutters. 

"KyungIl joined the military at 18 after my father was executed and got moved up to Alpha. He was the first leader and left for the South in 2013. The leader is B-Bang Yon..Yongguk," I bit my tongue and tried to not show them my reaction, but the taste that name left in my mouth and the throbbing of multiple scars just got to me, "Then Kim Himchan was his second up until Himchan was assigned to the South in 2012. Youngjae replaced Himchan and I replaced KyungIl. Then there is...um... well," I didn't know if he noticed how quiet my voice had gotten, "Jung Dae...Daehyun and Moon J-JongUp. As far as I know, the only active members are Bang, whose codename is B-Badman, Jung, Silence, Moon, which was his code name, and Junhong. I don't know what his codename is, however. Special Forces Alpha Unit 54 specialized in Urban Warfare, special engagements, Reconisence and Espionage. That's why it's members go to the South. The places we've covered are Russia, Iraq, Uruk, Vietnam, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, South Korea, Japan, China, Mongolia, Cambodia, and Malaysia." 

"State your full name, titles, birthdate, place of birth, codename, an estimate of how many people you, okay wow, you personal have killed, and position in Alpha 54. This is the last of it I think." Tuan must have noticed how uncomfortable I was. 

"My name is Choi MeeYon, formerly and currently Coronel, Master Espionage. I was born on May 30th, 1994 in Pyeongyang, North Korea. My code name is." I stopped. I couldn't say it. Not here. 

"What is your code name?" I closed my eyes before quickly opening them. I hate this feeling, this word. This word has power over me. 

"Just have Youngjae say it to you." He must have because Tuan pulled a disgusted face. Yeah, quite. 

"An estimate of how many people I've killed? This is incriminating. Why does Ahn want this?"

"We want to see if the number we have in the database is off." 

"Look at me." His head snapped up from the laptop, confusion written on it.

He tried to read the look in my eyes, "What?" 

"I trust you." 

"And I trust you." 

"This is me trusting you with this information and me trusting you that you'll look at the database and only tell them if the number is too high or too low." 

He only nodded, knowing he couldn't reply or they'd hear. Apparently, Youngjae didn't say anything against this. Maybe he wanted to see how this interaction plays out and analyze it. What happened between last night and know that made him lose control of his thing?

"I've killed 87 people and facilitated the deaths of, god, it's well in the hundreds." Tuan nodded again, not typing anything down. Trust. It feels weird to give him that grenade and not have him throw it at me to blow up in my face. Well, we don't know that yet. 

"And I was Alpha 54's plaything." That took him aback. 

"W-What?" He might have been waiting for Youngjae to tell him off. Youngjae might have been saying something, but Tuan took the earpiece out. 

"Did I stutter?" 

He shook his head, "But, I don't... I don't know if Chief will except that. Youngjae didn't." 

"Well, Youngjae is biased. I killed people with knives and guns, yeah, but I was their plaything. Something they used as bait in every encounter. Something that they made clean all of their guns twice. If you don't want to type it, I will."

"Sure." He typed in something before handing me his laptop. Before typing anything, I looked at the page. There was only one sentence. 

I trust you, so trust me.

He didn't write it down. He, besides Youngjae, is the only one who's going to know. I don't know what happened, but that convinced me right away. That threw doubt out the window. Sure, he could tell Chief everything, but I knew he wouldn't. He would withhold the things I wanted him to, that's what would happen. He had me at his full disclosure. I told him mostly everything, lacking certain details, but I told him. This was his way of showing me he wasn't going to use me. 

I couldn't smile or nod or do anything, but I promised to write down what I had said. So I did. 

I trust you, so trust me, Alpha 54's ex-plaything, Choi MeeYon.