//There's a lot ahead. Violence, swearing just a warning. A double update becuase I'm so fired up to write what's next.\\

April 5th, 2018 2:36:08 PM

I was trying to hype myself up as I walked to the warehouse. The exact warehouse we were planning to ambush Junhong. How the tables have turned.

“I can hear everything you’re saying to yourself right now.” Tuan was a half-a-mile behind me, speaking through a new earpiece he gave me. He apparently has an abundance of them in his trunk.

“Shut up. I haven’t done an actual mission like this since I tried to kill you that one time.”

“If I knew you were that out of practice…” He was trying to make light of this situation, maybe trying to keep me calm. It was helping when I had to yell at him to shut up, but other than that, I was a mess inside my head. If the North saw me now they’d be utterly disappointed. I leave for a few years and all of my skills were completely gone. I used to be one of the best agents they had and now look at where I am. A mess, walking to an imminent death.

I walked out on the North, and now I’m walking back to get killed. Wow. I didn’t think me walking right into their trap would be my end, but here it is. And Tuan, too. The North will finally claim they got him. Number one on the most wanted list. It would all be my fault.

“You’ve gotten quiet. What bad scenario are you thinking about?”

“Just the irony of this. We’re handing ourselves to the North when we’ve fought them so hard.”

“Can you have some positivity? Optimism? I’m good at what I do, and I’ve seen your resume. This is far below our capabilities. And if we don’t finish this mission, then hey, there’s a saying that only the good die young, so we were both good.”

“Please, let’s not get into the good or bad dynamic. Youngjae tried that at a session once and it ed me up. I don’t want to get that ed up before I’m about to get ed up.”

“What does that even mean? Your destination is about 500 feet in front of you and to your right.”

“Metric please?”

“150 meters.” , that’s really close. Very close.

“Tuan, can I even do this? I don’t know what I’m walking into. It could just be 3 shots and then I’m literally done for. That’s it. I’ve only lived a below sub-par life.”

“Well, when we get out of this, MeeYon, we’ll have to change that. Wait approximately 2 minutes so I’m near before you go in.”

My brother was right there, right in front of me. Through those ugly brown doors. I just had to step through them and he’d be there. Along with YuRa and probably countless other North Korean soldiers. My stomach dropped, and the breathing went again.

“, Tuan I think another one is coming. I can’t do this.”

‘Maybe, if you can’t stop it yourself, get another person you trust to talk you through stuff. I’m always a call away.’

-Doctor CHOI

“Look, Ri MeeYon. Your is going to go through those doors in a minute and you’re going to get your brother and YuRa back. You. Your badass, agent self is going to do that. Okay? Don’t doubt your abilities. You are the most competent agent I know. You can do this. You just have to say that to yourself.”

My breathing was still labored, and Tuan could defiantly hear it. Where was all this hype when I was doing things before? Tuan had always yelled at me. Now, when I’m about to die, he’s being nice and ing with me again. At least Youngjae is constantly rude about his emotions.

I’m in love with you.

“Oh , I’m literally doing this to myself.”

“I need you to say that you are a badass agent who’s going to break down those doors and get your brother back. Youngjae always said that positive affirmations are the best to get yourself motivated.”

“I forgot he doctored both of our asses.”

“Just say it, Siri says we only have a few minutes.”

“I’m a badass agent who…”

“Who’s?” Tuan is really having me do this. Right when I’m about to have a panic attack in this alleyway. It’s not even noon yet. I’m shaking, I’m about to cry.

“Who’s going to break down those doors and get my brother back… Nope, it didn’t work.”

Just get in there and shoot them. Stop acting like a little that can’t do anything. Yongguk’s not going to help you this time.

“It’s getting worse, Tuan. Worse.” I squeezed my eyes shut so I just saw the colors and not the scenes threatening to replay in my head.

“If you don’t go in 30 seconds, I’m leaving. 29…”

“No, Tuan wait! I can do it okay, just give me some more of that ing affirmation bull. I promise.”

“25…”

“I hate you, Tuan. I hate you. You’re about to leave me, right here, to fend for myself. Isn’t that against American Military code? You’re about to do this to me?”

“17…16…”

“Mark Tuan, I need you on this mission!”

“Then do it.”

“ me. you. this.” I opened the door and stepped in. Looking in the dark, I cheered inside. I did it, wow. I was still shaking a bit, but I walked through the door. Mission: 2 percent accomplished. I’d have to tell Youngjae that I dodged a horrible situation, so he can write it in his little book.

“Unnie! I can hear you! Unnie, I’m over here!” My gun was out, and I was ready. The shake in my hands was completely gone. Now the training wants to come back.

“Unnie! Help! Help!” YuRa started sobbing and it was right in front of me. The warehouse had to be empty because YuRa’s voice was echoing. Windows were the only light that was being let in, and it only touched the second floor, so I was dead in the water. If I ran into something that was crying, it had to be YuRa.

“YuRa, you have to tell me where you are, I can’t see anything.”

“Unnie, I’m here! They’re dragging me again! Stop!” Her scream was piercing, and I cocked my gun.

“DaeHui or whatever your name is, don’t even think about hurting her.” The laughing started, coming from the second floor. I had a pinpoint on it, but I couldn’t shoot. Not when YuRa’s crying was coming from the same direction.

“Junhong, the lights please.” All at once, the warehouse was illuminated, and I closed my eyes, as it nearly blinded me.

“Junhong! Junhong!” The laughing started again, and this time, without the voice mask, I knew exactly who it was.

“So, you weren’t a to me for no reason, huh?” He smirked and pressed the recorder in his hand.

Unnie! Unnie!

“You as a troop live and die together. Even if YuRa isn’t our troop, you’re still willing to die for her? How noble of our Corporal Kim, oh no sorry, Ri.” I glared at him and pointed my gun. He just smiled and pointed to my left.

“I wouldn’t do that. JunHhng here is ready for a kill.” I turned and looked him right in the eyes. His dead eyes. Not the ones I shared with him.

“MeeYon, don’t let him get to you. It’s Junhong, but we need to get him back to Seoul before we know it’s really him.” Tuan was still here.

“J-Jun…Hong. Hongie” He cocked his gun, the one pointed directly at my head. Something hit me, not because of how similar this situation was to our last, but at how ready he looked to kill me now. He looked at me like he didn’t even know who I was.

“I wouldn’t do that, Corporal. Junhong is very touchy with names, maybe something in his memory was triggered by that. Junhong did someone used to call you that?” His eyes never faltered. He looked right at me.

Right at me and said, “No. Never.” I was ready to shoot that bastard right in the face.

“What did you do to him!?” Jae smirked and tilted his head.

“Nothing but a little brainwashing and hypnotism. It’s a new technique we’re trying in the North apparently. I’ve just been blessed enough to be picked to oversee it. However, this little tyke is strong. You raised him well, Corporal. I only get about 30 minutes with him until he comes out of it. Still, certain effects or people can be edited out of his brain in real life too. He forgot you for a whole week before I had to redo it.”

“Give me one reason not to shoot you right here right now. Have this bullet go right through your face, right through your head. One ing reason why you shouldn’t drop dead before my eyes.” He started laughing again and even bucked over.

“What’s happening in there? You haven’t said the signal yet. I was anticipating a quick signal. Also, we may have some company, a lot of North Korean company.”

“Junhong, kid, you know what to do. Shoot me, Corporal, but if you do, look what happens.” I let out a scream when Junhong turned his gun from my head to his own.

“No! Stop him!”

“Throw down the gun, Corporal!” , if they want me to throw my gun away and there are reinforcements, that means-

“You’re taking me back?” I was a short and desperate question. I threw my weapon away from me, hoping that that would take away Junhong’s as well.

“If we’re going to do this, we have to do it now. Cars are lining up and we’ll be outnumbered, MeeYon. If you don’t say the signal in 2 minutes, I’m going in and taking you out of there before we get caught in a 2 on 50!”

“Of course, we are! If brainwashing works this well, we can just fix you, right? The defected? It’s a brilliant idea.”

“I’ll go with if you tell him to throw his gun. I don’t want to see a gun anywhere near him.” I pointed to Junhong who still had his gun… God, no. I couldn’t look at it.

Jae shrugged, “Fair enough. Junhong, you heard our Corporal. Toss the gun and restrain her.” Like a robot, he did exactly that. His gun hit mine on the brick floor and he walked over to me. With each step, my heartbeat got louder and louder. He was coming towards me.

“Ri MeeYon, give me the signal or we get out. Now!”

“But he’s so close to me. Junhong-ah.” He stared me dead in the eye and had no emotion, no reaction. He just grabbed my wrists and tugged them behind me.

“Junhong-ah, it’s me. Your sister. Noona. How could you forget me?” Jae laughed at the sight and I couldn’t do anything about it as he walked up to me. I tried to hide my tears, but he ran a thumb down my face, picking some up.

“How does it feel to be at the end? You can’t run now. Being restrained and taken in by the person you wished would never get involved with us. You’re breaking down into tears.”

“ you, Chief Ahn.” This was the first time Jae’s face contorted into confusion. The door burst open and a shot was fired. Jae turned, and Tuan was right there, his gun aimed at Jae. Tuan face also showed recognition of who he was aiming at.

I took this time to fall down rapidly, probably dislocating my shoulder with the pain that went with it, but I made Junhong stutter. I used this time to try and flip him over, to get the upper hand.

“!” Wow, ing rude. They didn’t have to hypnotize my brother to be a jerk.

“You broke our deal, Corporal! YuRa!” Shots rang from above on the second floor and fell right next to Tuan. He jumped behind a machine, barely dodging the second bullet.

Junhong took this time to pin me on the group and elbow me in the stomach. I’d have to use my size advantage, but dan he got so much stronger.

“Junhong it’s me! Your sister! Look at me!” He hit me again in the abdomen and I’d just have to wait till he was out of hypnosis. 30 minutes. I had at least less than that.

“Junhong, I’m sorry.” I kicked him in the worst place and his face instantly contorted and he reached for something in his pocket. , a knife. “Sorry!” I kicked him in the face, lighter than usual, and just dodged him trying to stab me in the leg.

“Where are you going, Corporal?! This whole place in surrounded!” I dove for the guns on the other side of the room and Jae just missed my torso. He was always horrible at shooting practice. Tuan had advanced behind another machine and YuRa was still shooting at him. I had Jae and an approaching Junhong to deal with.

“Junhong! Look at me! You can’t forget me!”

“Boys! I think it’s time!” Jae yelled out to the warehouse and that’s when I knew we were ed. I dove behind a machine to the left of Tuan’s and I tried to catch his face. He seemed so calm, trying to aim for YuRa.

“MeeYon, I need you to try to get every North Korean that comes in that door behind Jae. Can you do that? You don’t have to kill them, just the legs.”

“I only have a max of 13 bullets. Can I have YuRa?”

“MeeYon! What did I say? Positive affirmations and shoot at their legs. You can’t flake on me now or we’re dead!” His voice made me jump, but so did the sound of emerging soldiers. I had to do this, I had to ing do this.

“I am a badass agent who’s going to shoot those soldiers.”

“Now show me how much better you are than me. Prove me wrong.”

The first two came through the door and I popped out of my hiding spot. Damn, they brought machine guns. One, two. They dropped to the ground when I hit them probably in the spleens. Pain, but survivable pain. I wanted to change and not add to my 87 + death count.

Eleven bullets.

The next three that came in saw their two comrades and went to duck behind some boxes. I got two of them when they ducked, one, two, like targets. Leg and arm. They could do something, but they probably won’t.

Nine Bullets. One solider not out of the equation.

More poured in and I hit most, if not all. They had to stop for their withering comrades and I got them when they were looking down or trying to dodge.

One bullet.

YuRa had stopped shooting and Tuan had made it up to a further machine. He was aiming at the soldiers that had made it past me, but they were advancing too. Junhong had hidden behind a machine and locked eyes with me. They were still dead and emotionless. How long was he going to be in this trance? He raised a gun to me and I ducked, barely dodging the kill shot that was delivered to me. Junhong and Jae had to be closer than the rest of the soldiers, but one by one, they came in. There were now about ten advancing on us two.

“Tuan, what do we do? I have one bullet left and you’re too far and too low on ammo to toss me a magazine.”

“Look, if you can get out of here, tell me and I’ll cover you.”

“What?!” He was not thinking of –

“You can go and run back to the apartment and get the rest of them. The police can help too. I said Junhong was my responsibility. You are getting him out of here, MeeYon.”

“Not unless you’re with. I’m not going.” Tuan and I exchange glances over our respective machines and he shook his head. I glared at him and ducked down again.

“To make it clear, if you try any stupid , I’m doing it with you.”

“Where’s Jae?”

“I thought that’s who you were shooting at. Junhong’s still where he was before and YuRa isn’t shooting anymore. Maybe she ran.”

“Jae was closest to you.”

“Corporal.” The gun was aimed right at my head and it was a kill shot. He would get me, but I was quicker.

“I always hated you.” I aimed the gun at his stomach and pressed the trigger.

One bullet. I should’ve had one bullet. Where did I miscount? I never shot two at one soldier. There were three in mine and –

“Why do you look so surprised, Corporal?” He cocked his gun and had that twisted smile. It was only an instant, a small instant I had left to live.

“Mark!”

BAM.

His head fell on my lap, getting blood on the only pair on legging that that one communications girl packed for me. My eyes were wide, and I didn’t realize how fast I was breathing till I was actually suffocating myself.

“Seoul Police! You are surrounded! Give yourselves up now or- !” Jackson ducked behind the same machine that I was up against and my eyes were still wide. Now, I was even more confused.

“Here, gun. We’re going to be talking about this later.” It was stern, but he tossed me another loaded handgun and I looked around us. Police. Uniformed men. All shooting down at the ow dwindling North Korean force. Youngjae was with them and so was Jinyoung. I was too shaken to do anything, but then I realized.

“Junhong!” It was a loud yell and a desperate one. I peaked out about the machine to see him still with that dead look, shooting at no one. His gun was aimed at me and only me.

“It’s okay, they know not to shoot at him. You can move up to where Mark his. We gave him the job of disarming your brother.”

“Since…since when?”

“Since now. Mark! Unarm the kid! Go, I’ll cover you.” This time, I listened to instructions and wove throw the 3 machines to get to Tuan who was moving up. There were now only 5 or 6 soldiers still shooting and YuRa was still somewhere.

“Hey, don’t ever miscount of how many bullets you have ever again. You gave me a ing heart attack.” I gulped and nodded, looking at Junhong who had moved his body to match my location.

“You’re disarming him.” Tuan nodded and then shook his head a moment after.

“He has 9 in his clip. He’s only shot that one at you. It’s going to be hard to disarm him.”

“Unless he shoots them at me while I’m trying to move.” Tuan looked at me like I was crazy and pulled e down as I tried to get up. Junhong took that opportunity to try again.

“Okay, now 8. Just tell Jackson and the rest to cover me.”

“How am I supposed to do that when I have no contact with them?!” My eyes widened again.

“You mean…you didn’t call them here?!”

“I said it was just you and me. I meant that. I have no idea why- “

“MOVE UP! THERE’S 5 MORE!” Someone from above on our side yelled, cutting into our conversation.

“Do you trust me?” It was his turn to hear those words.

“What?”

“Do you trust me?! Answer the ing question.”

“Only if you trust me.” I nodded and looked at my options, “Usually when we say that we’re about to do crazy , what are you thinking about doing MeeYon?”

“How many bullets do you have in your gun?” He quickly took out the clip and then put it back in.

“6.”

“Good, cover me. We’ll get Junhong down to as many as we can.”

“MeeYon, I swear to-“I jumped out and across to a barrel of something. I watched Junhong intently. He was switching positions again and had fired 2 at me.

“Six!” I yelled, and Tuan nodded, still glaring at me. When I looked in front of me, my back to the gunfight, Jackson was giving me a crazy look. He was also mad at the plan that was unfolding in front of his eyes. Tuan had a ‘I hate that you’re doing this’ look whereas Jackson had a ‘What the are you doing?’ look.

I ducked under a machine in front of me. The window of opportunity was closing in and one bullet landed in the concrete next to me. Damn, he’s getting close. Almost to close for comfort.

“If you get any closer to the other soldiers, I will personally go over there and hold you down.” Junhong and I locked eyes again and a bullet went by my head.

“Four! Jackson!” He was closer now, to where he could hear me, “How many are left?”

“Two! Why?”

“I have a p-“

“All of you stop!” The shooting ceased right away, and the barrel dug into the back into my neck.

“YuRa, what are you doing?” I didn’t get to see her face, but she pushed me to stand up.

“Walk. To the middle.” I surveyed the room as I walked. Everyone was there, including members of the special teams from Seoul. The two soldiers that were left still had their guns aimed in various places. Junhong was still trained in on me. I just stared right back at him, getting so frustrate with the lack of recognition. It was dead. When will the 30 minutes end?

“If anyone moves, her head’s gone.” She pushed the gun further up. I didn’t care about what anyone was doing, I was just staring at him. Willing him to remember.

“Junhong, look at me. Who am I?” Nothing. Just a gun aimed at my face.

“What if I make your brother kill you in front of everyone? Would they kill him? Against your wishes?”

“Shut up.” She pushed the gun in harder and I winced when the end of the open sight cut lightly into my scalp.

“Who has the gun? Since I’m in charge, I want Tuan over there. Junhong, go get him.” Junhong stood up right away and went over to where Tuan was, putting the gun to his head.

“Bring him over there, and then kneel next to him. Pass me your gun when you’re done.” Why does he listen to her so well? Why are his eyes so dead? Every time I lock eyes with him, I plead, but it never works.

Junhong slid the gun over and she made me kneel down as well, so she could pick it up and swap it out for the machine gun she had. It was probably to heavy for her to whip around and shoot someone. With the handgun, she could just move, point, and shoot.

“Junhong, honey, move across from your lovely sister. With that, I need a fourth member, someone to join in our game. If I don’t have a member by the time I count to 5, she dies.”

“You are actually psychotic.” She pushed the gun into my forehead now and I knew it was going to leave a prominent mark.

“5…4…3…” She smiled when he sat down, and I didn’t even know he came. There he was, kneeling down across from Tuan, staring at me.

“Yoo Youngjae. How amazing is this game?” I looked around at the rest of the group. They seemed to be arguing about something in their earpieces, but I couldn’t hear.

“Now, since I’m in control, one person has to die. Easy game, right? The only thing is that our lucky bachelorette gets to choose and if I know anything about her, I have to turn just a bit to my left.” Yoo ing Youngjae.

“MeeYon,” It was a whisper this time, “Do you trust me?” My heart dropped again, and I shook my head, looking right at him.

“No.”  I said it out loud, but she saw that I was looking at Tuan. Youngjae even lit up in surprise, having no idea that Tuan and I were dealing with out own issue.

“No? Does lover boy have a chance against Mark Tuan? If you want me to shoot him, by all means, just say the words.”

“No, I let me decide! Please.” She smiled at me and turned the gun to Tuan.

“I need you to launch yourself at her legs and knock her over. At the same time, I’ll put the knife out of my pocket and throw it at her. I have a good angle. Youngjae will probably play along or try to go for Junhong. Either way, Jackson knows my signal and he’ll shoot her. It’ll be easier if you’re on the ground. If I get hit, so be it. I've got wounds for days.” How can he be so up like this?

“No! Please, just wait. There’s another way, where no one gets hurt.” She rolled her eyes at me and then turned the gun my way.

“Which way is that, Princess? You die?”

Princess. Princess.

I shook my head, trying to get that out of it. This can’t be happening, not right now.

Come on Princess, show me what you can do. Shoot him. Shoot him!

“No, no, no. Stop.” I took in a few breaths, trying to use the doctor’s method. Something about the breaths didn’t work.

“30 seconds, Princess.” She ing knew it. She knew it. Her glace at Youngjae told me that she knew.

I can shoot him, but then I’d have to do something to you after. You didn’t finish the mission. Failure. Big zero in my book.

“Stop saying that to me,” I clenched my jaw, trying to regain a piece of reality. I locked eyes win Junhong, trying to catch that sanity. His eyes were emotionless.

Come on, Princess! You can do it, I know you can. I know Uncle Choi will be proud of you.

“Kyung…KyungIl?” The eyes formed into a similar looking face. A younger face. I blinked again and again, trying to get out of my haze.

“MeeYon, listen to me. You have to breathe. You have to listen to my voice. That’s Junhong, not KyungIl.”

“KyungIl? Song KyungIl? Noona?! ” I stopped squinting, and the façade my brain was building fell down. The eyes. Emotion. Junhong. That's when I first stopped breathing.

“Junhongie.” At that time, I didn’t have long enough to process the emotions I was feeling. I still am having a hard to thinking about it now. What really happened. Why it happened.

YuRa turned around and cocked her gun right at Junhong. His eyes went wide. Wide with emotion. His eyes were golden again.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

I let out a scream.

BAM.

YuRa fell, revealing the scene that haunts my nightmares. He stared directly at me, 3 bullet holes. The red was spreading through his hoodie. The grey hoodie I had worn prior. A light smile was on his face like he had no idea what he had just done. Like he was still playing games.

He fell, face first into the concrete.

“MARK!” I launched myself, missing the catch. Junhong sat there, clutching his leg, and staring at the man that just pushed him away and took 3 out of 4 bullets for him. The man his sister was crying and freaking out over.

I flipped him over and took off my jacket, ripping it right away. Others had gathered around and Youngjae, the good Youngjae was barking orders. I couldn’t hear anything. My heart was beating too fast and the blood was rushing to my ears. I could barely see, the tears clouding my vision. I didn’t know how hysterical I was, but it had to have been pretty bad.

“Mark. Mark. Mark. Look at me! Mark! Mark Tuan!” He looked up, his eyes almost rolling back into his head. The smile was still on his ing face. That ing smile.

“I told…told you…trust me.” Youngjae pointed to someone behind me as soon as Mark’s eyes closed. I probably went off, yelling at him to wake up. Yelling at him to stop faking it. To get up and to open his eyes. When Youngjae put his head in his hands ordering people to press down on the scraps of my T-shirt, I tried so hard to claw at my captor. To get over to Tuan. To see those eyes that told me to put down the gun.

Then, when the bad Youngjae started pulling at Junhong who had witnessed everything, I yelled even louder. I couldn’t feel my throat burning. I couldn’t feel anything.

“Get off him! Get off my brother! Get off him, you ing son of a ! You did this to him! You did this to us! All of us!” This was in North Korean dialect. He needed to understand how much I wanted the bullets to be through him.

“HyeIn! You need to stop hyperventilating before you pass out!” Jinyoung was the one who had me. He was weak. I could kick him and get out.

“Get off of him, Yoo Youngjae! Get the off of my brother! Junhong!” Junhong had now passed out in pain from the bullet wound and I couldn’t deal with two people passing out right in front of me. I kicked and clawed and tried just about everything to get out of Jinyoung’s grasp, but I was thrown into a police car and I couldn’t see Mark or my brother. I banged at the window, not feeling any pain my body was in. I was numb. I wanted to see. To see him up or walking. Both of them. To tell me I’m just a North Korean. To yell at me about something. To tell me that I could do it.

The ambulance pulled up and I think my mental state knew that I couldn’t watch them put a lifeless Tuan into the ambulance. I also think I was losing too much air hyperventilating, so I finally joined them and passed out, only getting to see my brother put into an ambulance before the black spots took over my vision.

Do you trust me?