"There's nine of them? Isn't that small?" Tuan rolled his eyes and ate another piece of kimbap. 

"It's not about size, it's about connections and favors. You should know about that. What do they teach you in your Refugee classes?"

"I don't go to those." He gave me a "really?" look across the coffee table and I shrugged, "North Korean's are the best gossipers. They'd all know who I was."

"Kim HyeIn, spy, part of Alpha 54. That's vague."

"You only see me as an asset the Party. Not as a human being." 

"I'm just saying, it's better to tell us now so we won't be surprised." I rolled my eyes and stood up. 7:15 PM. 

"What time is the operation tomorrow?"

"It starts at Midnight tonight. Did that girl debrief you?"

"And insulted me like seven times, but I won't take it personally." There was a knock on the door and Tuan stood up to go open it. Even if I was 10 feet away, I was off of door privileges.

"What's up Junior?" I glanced over Tuan to see Junior, a bit shaken up. I didn't hear yelling next door...

"I need HyeIn." I was a demand. I stepped up to the door and saw the bag of groceries on the floor. Junior doesn't know how to cook, and neither does Youngjae. 

"Why?" Junior's eyes turned into puppy dog eyes and I knew what was going to come out of his mouth, "No. I won't do it. I have something to do tomorrow." 

"No, no, no!" He stopped the door from shutting and Tuan pushed against it a bit more. 

"We have work to do. She can't do anything with him." Tuan said sternly and I was surprised as he was defending me.

"You don't understand! His parents are here now and they think he defected because HyeIn and he are married! His mom is going to-"

"That little !" I yelled, "No. He can deal with his mother himself. I have no intention of talking to the devil today." This time, I went to shut the door, but it was stopped by another hand. 

" you." I spit out but the door was still held open. 

"You owe me. December 2013. Tibet."  

"Tibet?" Tuan questioned. 

"Or I could tell them right now what happened in Tibet. I could tell them everything." This was blackmailing and it was going to work. 

"What should I wear?" I said through clenched teeth. Youngjae smirked and let go of the door. 

"Something pretty. You know how my mom is." He turned and leaned on the little space between his door and Tuan's. I swiftly turned around and walked to my room, Tuan closed the door and stood there.

"I've never seen manipulative Youngjae before." 

"You've never seen real Youngjae until today." I slammed my door. 

____

"One slip up and I tell them everything." He held two grocery bags in his hands and I held one. It was just us in the hallway as Junior had taken refuge in Tuan's apartment where they were monitoring this whole adventure. 

"Yes, Commander." He rolled his eyes at me and I started straight ahead. 

"You look pretty." I didn't respond and took a deep breath. I should've let him tell them everything. 

Youngjae put on a fake smile and opened his door, two figures sitting on his couch. On Junior's couch. 

"Oh my goodness, is that our MeeYon?" Youngjae took the bag from my hands and his mother pulled me into a hug. I had to hug her back, but I was screaming inside. These three people who helped ruin my life were trying to hug me. 

"It's so nice to see you again, Mother-in-Law." The word tasted like vinegar on my tongue. No one could be a mother to me but my own.

"MeeYon." I bowed to his father and there was a silence.

"How have you been? We haven't seen you since your....It's been so long. You've grown so much. I almost didn't recognize you." 

"You look well."

"Well?! We just ran away from our lives!" And it starts. I bowed to her. 

"I apologize. It must have been a tiring journey. You must sit." 

"You don't want us to greet you?" 

"No, not at all. I'm just thinking about your health, Mother-In-Law."

"If you are thinking about our health, you can make us a meal." She went to sit back down and I locked eyes with Youngjae who was watching the whole conversation. 

"How's your brother, MeeYon?" I took in a sharp breath as Youngjae's father crossed a line. He knew exactly how my brother was. 

"I don't know. I can only pray he's fine." I walked into the kitchen and Youngjae followed me in, a hand on the small of my back. I couldn't shake it off. 

"Talk less. Act happier." 

"I was never a good actor."

"But you're a good liar." Another threat. 

"What if I walk out of here right now? What would you do?" He put both of his arms on either side, pushing me against the counter. I would have broken both of his arms at this point, but I couldn't. For some reason, I was losing to Youngjae. I couldn't turn and slap him like I did two weeks ago. Maybe because this was the real Youngjae. The one I used to be afraid of.

"You really think you can do that? When you can't even say Kim JongUn's name? Do it if you can." He pushed off of the edge and left me gripping the bags hard enough, my knuckles turned white. I hadn't realized I was shaking either. 

"Youngjae someone's at the door!" His father yelled at him. How did they sound so happy? So unfazed? They had just risked their lives and now they're insulting mine. Nothing changed in them. They just lied to my face about my brother.They just ran away to run. Their lives were one of the best after they took care of my family's. They just didn't want to face hardships because of their son. Why couldn't I just run? 

"Is MeeYon in there?" I jumped at that voice mixed with my name. I turned to look at the door, and found Youngjae's mother staring right at me. 

"Yes, do you have a package for her?" 

"Why would I have a package for my wife? She said she would help you fix food for your parents and it's been awhile. We have to go somewhere for my work. She's going to ruin her dress." 

"Wife?" Her head snapped to the door which was now wide open for Tuan. 

"Wife?" I whispered, looking down at my hand. I had just cut it. 

"Yon-ah, are you done cooking?" Tuan walked in like he owned the place and spotted me in the kitchen. I had never seen the emotion that crossed his face. His brows were furrowed and his eyes were filled with something a bit less than pity. Was it worry? No, it couldn't be, he was stone cold. 

"Excuse me, who are you?" Youngjae's father was standing now. He knew he Tuan was, he just wanted him to say it. He wanted to attack him. 

"I'm MeeYon's husband. I''m sorry to interrupt your dinner. I know traveling from Busan takes a long time, but this is a very important meeting." Tuan came over and grabbed my hand,the one that was half-drenched in blood and squeezed it hard, trying to stop the blood flow. 

"Maybe you can taste my wife's cooking at a later time. Goodnight." 

"Choi MeeYon, who is this man?" He asked me directly.They were all trying to use me as a weakness. I was something they could step over, something they could control because of what had happened. 

Do it if you can.

"This is my husband, Mark Tuan." With that, I was pulled through the door and right back into Tuan's apartment. I had no time to look at their reactions, but I'm sure of what they were. 

"What the hell was that?!" Junior was the first one to yell as I stepped over the threshold. Tuan didn't answer him but made a b-line to the kitchen, dragging me with him. 

"I can't believe that you did that! Is protecting your past really worth that?! And what the is wrong with Youngjae!? Junior, what kind of partner do you have?! How dumb are you HyeIn for going in there alone!?" HE rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands off before reaching above the sink to get a first-aid kit. 

"We have an operation in no less that 4 hours, and you go and get yourself like this!? How are you going to help when you cut your hand!?" He grabbed my hand and cleaned it off with a towel. I winced and looked down at it. It wasn't deep, just long and jagged. 

Tuan worked while still yelling at me for being stupid and cussing out Youngjae. I didn't respond to anything. I don't think Tuan noticed my shaking, but Junior did. Tuan was too mad, no, too furious to measure up the situation right now. Junior was processing things enough to think how this situation wasn't right. What had gone wrong for this to happen?

My hand was wrapped up, but we were still standing in the kitchen, blood on the floor beneath my feet. 

"That was the first time I've ever seen Youngjae act like that. It was honestly terrifying." Junior was thinking out aloud. He was the only one talking.

"Was it because his parents are here? And speaking of his parents, why were they so laid back? I've seen so many people reunite with their family and-"

"What happened in December of 2009?" Tuan interrupted Junior. We had been locked in a staredown for the 20 minutes Junior had ben talking. 

"Nothing." 

"You have to tell us! How much more can he use against you for blackmail!?"

"Nothing happened. It as too long ago to remember." 

"Well try harder!" He slammed his hand down on the counter behind him and I jumped. That's when Tuan noticed.

He noticed that I was shaking. My eyes were wide;my breathing shallow. His eyes narrowed, in a confused look, and took the sight in. For the second time, I looked helpless in front of Tuan. This time, though, I was able to witness it myself. 

"Remember." It was harsh, yet quiet. 

"Is this funny to you? Do you enjoy this?" My voice was shaking and quiet as well. Junior just looked on to our conversation, his eyes the widest in the room. 

"What?" 

"Do you enjoy seeing me helpless in front of you? This is what you wanted, after all. To see me break down. Right now you're trying to get me to tell you answers. Do you feel like you have power over me?" 

"I"m trying to help you, but you won't help yourself." 

"Trying? To help me? Not being able to step through that door or into the kitchen with you at my side is not helping. You want to know something? I went to one of those classes, the ones to help North Korean's in South Korea. All they talked about was being independent when the course as finished. The only problem is that I wouldn't be independent after. I would have to stay with you and have to abide by all the stupid rules and regulations that are to "help me." You're right, you can't help me. Sitting, handcuffed to your desk all day, having to wait for you to go home and get to the HQ. I'm the only one who can help myself now, because I'm the only person who doesn't hold me back." I turned and started to walk out of the kitchen.

"You must be blind. Didn't I just get out of that? Didn't I save you from dying? I'm helping you save your brother!" 

"You aren't getting the point. I can't help myself because of you."

"What is wrong with you?" I could just walk out, right now. If I could just walk out right now... 

"Be car-"

"Oh right. You won't tell me. You don't trust me." 

"Tu-"

"You aren't getting the point. I'm not giving you freedom becuase it comes with trust. I don't trust you. Maybe you should think that." 

"You're not going to trust me anymore after this."

"What the fu-" I ran out of the front door and down the stairwell.