Narrator

“Were you really busy?” Kai asked, his eyes on the ground. He was leaning on the wall, his car keys dangling on his fingers.

Sera managed to chuckle. “Of course, I already told you—“

“Sera, we’ve been best friends for a long time now. I know when something is wrong.” He finally looked up, meeting her gaze. She wasn’t stupid, of course Kai would always know. 

They used to joke that he was the boy version of him, minus the player side.

He walked to her direction and extended his arm. Only worry clouded his eyes. Sera sighed a little and wrapped her arms around him. Kai her hair, letting the silence and his presence comfort her. But to be honest, he thought he needed comforting too.

He knew he was being selfish, but he never wanted anyone so much. Sera played a big role in his life, and he was dumb to realize that too late.

“I saw Monique you know, days ago.” She mumbled.

He pulled away and sat her down the couch, letting her head lean on his shoulder. “Really?”

“Hmm. I thought she was here to… you know, hook-up with you. Of all your girls, she was the one that wasn’t for one night. She told me you’re getting serious with one girl? Is Jonginnie finally in love?” She yawned, letting fatigue take over her body. The words tasted bitter on , but she was starting to move on, and part of that was realizing that she had to be somewhat okay with Kai and his… activities.

After all, she didn’t want to lose him. The only way was to get rid of her feelings.

Kai let out a frustrated sigh which startled her. He raked his fingers on his hair, closing his eyes briefly. She sat up and placed one hand on his shoulder. “Ya Kim Jongin. Are you okay?”

It took him seconds before he looked up, his eyes bloodshot. That was when Sera realized that Kai looked so tired, and the dark circles under his eyes were clearly evident. Worry took over her at once.

“Jonginnie,” she said softly. “You can tell me anything.”

“I just hate myself for being who I am, you know. For playing around and neglecting what’s really important to me.” He hissed through gritted teeth, his eyes cold and unforgiving. Sera tapped his shoulder. She didn’t know what to say. She was confused and worried at the same time.

Kai turned his body to her as he took her hand. “Sera, promise me you won’t leave me.”

She tried to find the playfulness in him, but it was nowhere. Kai was serious. He looked so sad and in trouble that it hurt her. She didn’t like seeing him like this.

“Kai, of course. Sehun and I are always by your side. Is this about the company? Your father? Did he—“

“No, no no.” He chanted, standing up and pacing around the room. Sera followed him with her eyes, observing as despair consumed him slowly. “Do you want me to call Sehun? We can all talk this out.”

Kai stopped at the window and shook his head. He looked straight at the darkness ahead for a few seconds, before his shoulders fell as he sighed. “Sera, this is not about my father, or the company. This is about me. I need to get this out. It’s been eating me for weeks now.”

“You know you can tell me anything, Jongin.” She replied as she crossed the room to get to him. He closed his eyes as creases on his forehead formed. When he opened them, he was staring back at her.

She knew he wasn’t going to say anything, so she prodded. “What were you neglecting, Kai?”

“It’s complicated.”

She observed his troubled figure and nodded in understanding. “Okay, let’s ask Jang for some ice cream to cheer you up. I know you don’t want to te—“

“It’s you, Sera.”

“What?” She asked reluctantly.

Kai turned to her and closed his eyes briefly before repeating. “You. I’ve been neglecting you.”

It took her a few seconds before she chuckled and hit his chest unsurely. “What? You haven’t been neglecting me. What are you—“

“I know this is a surprise, but please listen to me.” He pleaded. “When you went back here I missed you every single day. Of course I would, you’re our little girl. But it hasn’t been long since I realized it wasn’t just because of that.”

She remained silent, unmoving by his side.

“I found myself here in Seoul, eager to see you. I detested the fact that you got arranged. I hate it that you’re bound to someone for business, and not for love. I know it isn’t against your will, but I only want you to be happy, Sera. I want you… to be really happy.”

“I… I don’t understand what you’re trying to say…” She whispered, almost inaudible for him.

Kai looked away, walking a few steps away from her. “This may not matter to you as much as it does to me. I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship but I have to let you know.”

She wasn’t too clueless. She tried to understand him, but she didn’t want to believe that it was leading to that. She patiently waited for him to say something, and he did.

They stared into each other’s eyes. Kai broke the lingering silence first.

“I want you, Sera. I’m stupid to realize that just now. But I really do.”

Sera stepped back and bit her lip. He tried approaching her but she just stepped back again, shaking her head. Kai searched for her eyes once more and when he locked gazes with her, he spoke again. “Sera, I love you.”

She stood frozen in her place. She wanted to hear those words so bad for a long time now, but somehow it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t Kai— she never doubted anything that he just said. In fact, it was the first time she’d seen him this sincere.

She balled her fists as she took heavy breaths. Kai respected her personal space and waited for her to say something, all the while looking nervous.

She finally looked up. “Jongin… I…”

“I’m not pressuring you into anything. I just wanted to let you know.”

She nodded in understanding and admired him despite the situation. She started liking Kai not because of his looks, but because she could truly see the good in him. Even now, it was showing. But she didn’t know why she was hesitating. She didn’t know why and it was frustrating her. The one thing she only wanted was right here and yet she’s hesitating?

He offered her a small smile to which she smiled back, just a little. She wondered if he knew about her feelings for him. And there’s no turning back now.

“To be completely honest with you, and if Sehun hasn’t told you yet, I like you, Kai. I’m in love with you. I left because I didn’t want my feelings to get in the way with our friendship.”

Kai nearly jumped out of joy, a warm feeling spreading through his chest. If it wasn’t for Sera’s furrowed brows, he would’ve hugged her already. But she didn’t look happy.

“I… What’s wrong, then?” He asked. “You have no idea how those words make me feel right now, Sera.”

She sighed and shook her head. “I just… I’m not so sure about how I feel anymore, Jongin. I don’t know why…” She trailed off, biting her lip and closing her eyes. She hated herself for being so ing complicated. She couldn't understand herself. 

The happiness left as quick as it started. He felt a bitter smile tug on his lips as he shook his head. He managed a dry chuckle before he faced her.

“It’s Jungkook, isn’t it?”

“W-what?” Sera looked up, baffled and confused. “Why are you bringing him up? He has no—“

Kai shook his head, drowning her words. “No, it’s him. Ever since you got into that stupid arranged marriage, you haven’t been the same to us. You’ve sought him, always. You come to him for everything.”

“Jeon is—“

“Don’t be blind, Sera. He’s got a big part of you that you can never deny. Sometimes I don’t feel like your best friend anymore. Like you just shun me out.”

She looked down and started to feel the anger rise in her. “Stay him out of this.”

“That’s impossible. He’s in the middle of all of this, can’t you see?! He comes into our lives, and suddenly he’s hindering our feelings for each other?” He snickered in distaste. “Daebak.”

Sera clenched her jaw. “I come to him because he’s the only one who understands how I felt for you. He’s the only one who understands the struggle I’ve been through. I didn’t know about your feelings until now, Jongin. All I ever thought of was keeping our friendship so don’t you dare accuse me of shunning you out because everything up until now was about you!”

He remained silent, unable to meet her eyes.

“I think we’ve talked enough. You know your way out.” She hissed as she stormed out of the room.

Sera jumped to her bed, letting the darkness of her room consume her. She hated feeling like this. She hated not knowing the answers to her questions.

Why am I so complicated? Why is everything so complicated?

Jang knocked on her door a few times, but she ignored him. She wanted to be alone. She was supposed to be happy, with Kai loving her the way she loved him.

But suddenly she wasn’t so sure anymore.

She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. 

“Jang, get the car out. I need to go somewhere.”

Jang looked startled that she went out of her room, tears threatening to stream down her face every moment. He hesitated on following her order, looking up at the time and the state she was in. “Young Miss, it’s late. Maybe you could postpone—“

“Jang, the car, now.” She hissed, and Jang scrambled away barking orders at the maids. She stood there, unmoving, letting her confusion eat her whole. 

Jungkook turned off his bedside lamp and jumped to his bed. It was already past midnight and he knew better than staying up late. His body was tired, but his mind was running. Why was Kai there? Some girl trouble, perhaps?

She must be suffering right now.

He wanted her to be happy, not hurting. He was a witness of how it was so hard for her to suppress whatever she felt for Kai. He was a witness of how she struggled.

And he never left her side. It hurt him too, and sometimes he wished he could remove her pain and bear it himself.

The soft knocking on his door interrupted his train of thoughts. He sat up and scratched his head. “Who’s there?”

There was no response so he lazily got up, put on a shirt, and opened the door.

“Sera.” He breathed out, looking at Sera who was unable to meet his eyes, her shoulders trembling. She was crying, and he hated seeing those tears. He was right, she was suffering.

She stepped forward and he immediately enveloped her in his arms, noticing how her knees trembled when she walked.

She has been crying for a while now.

He knew it was better not to ask. He knew her already. From the looks of it, she didn’t want to talk. So, he didn’t talk. Instead, he tightened his arms around her and buried his head on her hair. He felt the tears staining his shirt, as her hands weakly clutched his shirt.

He slowly led her to the couch, but upon noticing that she was already too weak from crying, he swiftly carried her to the bed and pulled the comforter to cover her. He was about to walk to the kitchen to get her some water, but she weakly held his wrist, whispering a soft “stay”.

So he did.

He went to the other side of the bed, giving her enough space to rest, but to his surprise she snuggled closer to him, letting his warmth comfort her. Sure, they got closer over the weeks, but he always kept his distance. He respected her.

But Sera was the one seeking him, and he knew it better than anyone else that the Park Sera never sought anyone. She was strong and independent. Hell, she was called dragon lady for a reason.

However, he also knew that not all that was true. Behind the strong lady is a hurting princess.

Sera didn’t know what she was doing. Her conclusion for the night was that she wasn’t sure about anything anymore. She wasn’t sure of Kai. She wasn’t sure of what she wanted— of who she was. She just went by her senses and found herself driving over to his house.

Jungkook watched her cry quietly, her hands clutching the comforter. He hesitated for a moment, but went against his better judgment. He pulled her closer to him, his lips lingering on her forehead. He felt her move, and he was about to pull way, but she just snuggled even closer. “Jeon.” She whispered in between sniffles. He hummed a yes, feeling her uneven breathing on his neck.

“Will you hold me close… just this once?”

He kissed her forehead lightly, circles on her back. Her breathing slowed as minutes ticked by, and he soon knew she was fast asleep.

He looked at her peaceful face and wiped the remaining tears on her cheeks.

That’s what I’ve been doing all this time.

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