*marked as a girl*

I am waking up to Taeyang’s alarm, slowly pushing the blanket away and sitting up. Ugh… I don’t wanna go to school today. Like, after what happened last night… I simply feel down and unmotivated. I don’t wanna see TOP, Jay or Dara… No encounter today, please.
Just let me sleep and shut down the depression I am having. The whole situation is getting out of my hands. I am slowly losing my motivation to go on with my life…

TOP and I had a major fight. Verbally of course since I am way too weak to fight him physically. He wanted to punch me though, but my best friend held him back. Taeyang tried his best to seperate and calm us down, but man, we had a huge argument. Like we never had before. Afterwards TOP went home first. You could see it in his steps, the level of anger and disappointment.
I cried a lot. Taeyang comforted me all the way back to his place.

On our way to Taeyang’s place it already poured down on us and geez it was a stormy night too. I changed into a white sleeveless T-shirt and black sweatpants of my best friend as soon as we arrived. My eyes are dry, I cried a lot while I was trying to sleep last night, and I don’t even remember how many times I cursed at TOP.
Taeyang is knocking on the door. Probably to wake me up, if I didn’t already.

“Can I come in?”, he is asking behind the closed door.

He is being so mindful. If I still were my male self, he would still knock but enter the room without asking.
I am telling him to come in and so he does.

“How are you feeling today?”, he is worrying about me and my mental state, “Don’t mind TOP, I bet he has already cooled down…”

I am nodding to his thoughtful words, but I am still hurt a lot. My best friend is taking place next to me and staring to the ground, his hands fold on his laps.

“You know… None of us wants you to stay like this…”, he is then saying, “You really should stay away from all the boys…”

I am nodding silently and standing up. I am already aware of all of this. I mean, I wanna be me too. There is no one else who is more eager to become me.

“Can I use some of your clothes for today?”, I am asking with a sore throat while I am tying my hair up to a messy bun, “I gotta wash up fast and then we can leave…ok?”

Thanks to all the sobbing from last night my voice is all dry and rough. Taeyang is nodding and standing up ready to leave the room.

“Hey… what’s that?”, he is pointing to my neck out of the blue and lifting his brow.

“What do you mean?”, I am touching my skin and running up to the mirror to check it out.

It is a bruise.
But where did I get it from? TOP did not punch me, even if he tried. Taeyang kept me safe, but how did this happen then?
I am staring straight into my reflection.
Wait a minute… Is that… HELL NO!

“A kiss mark?”, my best friend is asking me and standing still next to me, touching my neck and taking a closer look on it, “A bite?”

What? WHAT?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NO! No! This… this can’t be real! Oh ! Oh holy ! ! ! !
Jay!

Taeyang is grabbing both my arms and twirling me, pulling me close to his body and staring right into my embarrassed and red face. I am trembling and gulping. My eyes are wide open as he is drilling his fingers into my arms.

“What the did you do?!”, he is screaming at me out of rage, “Did you really…?! ‘The is wrong with you?!”

I am shaking my head. No, I don’t want him to know this or imagine things! Please no!
I am trying to escape his grip, but no chance man. NO DAMN CHANCE!

“I… I… I…”, I am only able to murmur, stuttering the words, which won’t come out of my mouth.

Taeyang is then pushing me back, his fists are clenched as he is frowning and tilting his head.

“You told me that you have slept AT his place…”, he is then questioning me a little bit shy, disgusted and angry at the same time, “Not that you have slept WITH him… How… How far did you…?

I am again shaking my head and covering the bite mark, as the pictures flash through my mind.
Jay.
His sweet smile.
His in-shape body.
His soft and juicy lips.
His messy hair that I run my fingers through.
The way he gently caressed and hugged me.
His tight grabs.
The kisses. The heat. The rhythm.

DAMN!

I am blushing and sweating at the same time.

!

Taeyang is stepping back and shaking his head in disbelief, then turning around and rapidly leaving the room.
I am falling to the ground, pulling my legs up and covering my face in my crossed arms on my knees. I am not crying this time. I am embarrassed. My heart is po