Love can turn you to someone you don’t want to be. It can unleash different monsters and angels in you that you’re not aware is in there.

“I can…do this on my own” I’m with Lena in front of the sink, just the two of us in the kitchen. “You just go to Jiyong”. There’s nothing more I want but to be alone and here comes this woman, squeezing herself in.

Looking at her hands, I doubt if she ever did a house chore all her life. Well, maybe she did, but not as experienced as I am. The sweet smell of her perfume is getting me a little woozy.

“No. I’m all good” she said with a smile on her face “I want to stay here”

Just in my head, “But I don’t want you to”

Unable to convince her to leave the dishes to me, I instructed her to wipe the plates and utensils after I washed them, which she willingly did. While wiping a glass, “GD and I decided to try to be in a relationship”

What? Jiyong is already dating this woman officially?

No. It’s not him dating her that surprises me, it’s him ‘trying’ a relationship. I know him deeply, for two decades, and not even once has he ‘tried’ a relationship. When he wants to be in one, he’ll work it out from the beginning and does everything to make it last.

I’m speechless. There are no words given by my mind to be said.

Looking at me intently, “Are you alright, Areum?” Lena asked with concern.

I came back to my senses. “Oh yeah!”

This is insane. I feel so many emotions and it’s a total drag because I’m going to hear it from another person instead of my best friend. “Do you mind if I ask…”

Anxious, Lena smiled. “How and when did this happen?” I stare at her. Patiently waiting for an answer.

She keeps on making this cute movements as if she cannot bear the tingly feeling inside her (this is how teenagers react whenever asked about their crushes or boyfriends). “Well…” her pitchy voice is ticking the heck out of me “We’ve known each other for some time now, though we only began being close when I went here for fashion week this year. I’m not sure when we started feeling the chemistry, but he totally changed after your joint birthday celebration a few days ago”

Skeptical, “And now you’re already in a relationship?”

What is this, a whirlwind love affair? Really?

“Actually, it’s my idea. I just shared it to him after confessing that I like him. To be honest, I’m really in shock because from what I heard, GD don’t enter relationships fast”

Oh sure, yeah, he doesn’t. The fastest is when he decided to be in a relationship with me, but that record was beaten by theirs.

“Areum” Lena called, moving closer to me. Good thing I’m already done with the dishes, if not, I’ll be dropping most of them out of consciousness. “You know, the reason why I wanted to stay here with you is because if there’s one person who can tell me about GD, it’s you, his best friend”

This is one of the few times Jiyong’s girlfriend wanted to hang out with me. Usually, they’re intimated by me. Some even frightened, thinking that I might see a flaw that can give me a reason to tell Jiyong to end their relationship.

“I mean, you’ve seen him in times that I haven’t. You’ve been there all along” she continued, while I try my hardest to be in the moment. “To be honest, aside from you, I also want to talk to one of his ex-girlfriends”

With an eyebrow raised, “Why is that?”

Truth is, what I wanted to say is, ‘You’re in front of his best friend and ex. Surprise!”

If only I can…

She sighed, “I feel like his ex has all the information I need. I want to hear their story and somehow know how he’s like in a relationship to someone who has been there”

Smart. This woman is not to be underestimated. She knows how to move, which can be a disadvantage and advantage. I wonder how Jiyong will react once I tell him that his new girl is a tough one.

“There are still a lot that I don’t know about him. As a matter of fact, I am striving hard to seek out similarities between us so we can bond and relate because other than fashion, there’s nothing more that connects us”. In all fairness to this woman, she’s open. One thing I like about her.

As much as I want to be happy for Jiyong and helpful to Lena, I cannot bring myself to even smile. My heart is breaking and I’m so bummed because I’m the one who wanted him to find somebody who he can be with without the baggage that I am carrying. I set him free, and now that he’s learning to fly, I’m being killed inside.

“Well…” I cannot think straight. My head is aching. “I think it’s better to know him without talking to me or any of his exes, simply because Jiyong is transparent. You’ll know right away what he thinks and feels. You just got to be a keen observer”. Honestly, I’ve said this to some of his girls as well. Not that they’re many, but I’ve included his ‘flings’. “Also, he will open up to you once he’s comfortable enough”

“But…I can confide with you. Can I?”

This woman, she got this charm that makes you feel bad once you say no to her. After a while, without any response from me, “I hope we can be friends. Let’s erase the idea that there needs to be a competition between us, because it’ll surely put GD in a very complicated situation”

Competition. Who said and thought about that anyway? It’s just her. And, why would I compete when I never did that to anyone from Jiyong’s past. In fact, I don’t meddle around his business except when he asks for help.

Playing it cool, I smiled and patted her shoulder, “No worries! I’m no competition”. To end the awkwardness, I politely walked away, leaving her with a few plates to wipe dry.

“Gosh!” I took a deep breath and exhaled in relief once outside the kitchen. I never thought that my night is going to be this crazy. If only I do, I should’ve flipped it the other way.

In the living room, Kwon Omma, Appa and Jiyong are talking over a plate of fruits. Yong is on his play mat, playing with his toy cars.

Naturally as I can be, I joined my son on his mat and was handed the plate of fruits from Omma. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I should just lock myself in a room until my feelings stabilize.

“Lena will be done soon” I told them without eye contact when Yong crawled towards me. I carried him and stood up. “He looks sleepy already. I’ll just tuck him in”. This is me giving out the crappiest reason to exit. Yong is obviously still on a hype, giggling every time he looks at Jiyong who is making funny faces.

Their eyes looked at a different direction all of a sudden. Lena is walking towards us, all smiles. My stomach tied up in knots. Once again, I’m reminded of the sudden reality that she and Jiyong are already dating.

“You should’ve left the dishes to us” Kwon Omma told her, when she settled beside Jiyong on the long couch.

Still standing at the center of the living room, I cleared my throat, making them notice me. “Excuse us” I said, bowing to them.

“Pa!” Yong called, arms out to him. “Pa!” he repeated, reaching farther. “Pa!” my son desperately called while I clutch him closer to me, never wanting to give him.

“Omo!” Jiyong got him from me in a split second and Yong hugged him by the neck happily. “You don’t want to sleep yet, huh?” he asked him, only getting a cute giggle. “Aigoo” he kissed Yong’s cheek and tightened his hug.

My eyes landed on Lena. She is smiling sweetly while watching the two boys have their moment. I know what she might be feeling right now. Her heart is melting seeing the apple of her eyes, holding a baby, while thinking that he will make a great Father someday.

“Stay here with us, Areumie” Kwon Omma sweetly said, making it hard for me to say no.

Uneasy and awkward, I sit beside Omma, opposite the love birds who are so fond of my son and his charming antics.

“Are you alright?” Omma asked, almost in a whisper, as if she really doesn’t have the intention for the two to hear it.

Lying to her is difficult, but I did anyway by nodding my head. “Yes, Omma” I told her. In a very comforting way, she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer, giving me a tight side hug.

Time is painstakingly slow. It seems like I’ve been here with them, suffocated, for a whole day already when it’s only been half an hour. I just listened to their conversations, reacting a little when needed, and making no eye contact.

“What’s your ideal age to marry, Lena?” Appa asked. All of a sudden, I jerked up and for the first time, I lift my head up and looked at her.

Thinking, she pursed her lips and looked at Jiyong then smiled. “Twenty-five. I’m pass that age, but I’ve always said even before that it’s my target age to marry. Things just didn’t go as planned for I’m still not married at twenty-eight”

“I remembered something” Omma faced me, touching my thigh. “You and Jiyong’s target age is twenty-five as well, right?” she asked and all I can do is give a half smile.

Jiyong chuckled. “Yes, Omma. Thing is, at that age, both of us are so busy with work that it didn’t become a priority”. He looked at me and I just stared at him. Blank face.

“You know Lena, these two…” Omma is pertaining to me and Jiyong, “They’ve planned their everything together”. Hearing this makes me want to run away so that I can’t hear any more of it.

Lena doesn’t seem impressed. She looked at Jiyong and I with interest. “They’re that close”

Appa nodded in agreement. “Two peas in a pod. That’s what they are” he told her proudly, making my heart beat in pain.

This conversation isn’t supposed to be about us. As much as possible, I don’t want to include myself in it because I’m too sensitive as of the moment. It should be about Lena and Jiyong, and their budding relationship.

“I always remind these two…”Appa pointed at me and Jiyong, he’s having a good conversation with Lena while we just sit in silence. “They have to marry the one who makes them the best version of themselves, and to the one they cannot imagine their lives without”

And that hits home. My body stiffened as my heart cries. If I were to consider Kwon Appa’s teachings about marriage, then I’ll be unmarried for life.

With my soul out of my body, I excused myself, “As much as I want to stay, I would like to rest already coz my shift is early tomorrow. And, it’s Yong’s bedtime as well”

Kwon Omma gave me a nod, permitting me to go. Appa did too. Thankful, I stood up and got my son from Jiyong. I can feel his heavy stare and I just brushed it off, not meeting his eyes at all. I didn’t look back. I went up the stairs and headed to my room, ready to breakdown.

The moment the door closed behind me, tears started flowing down my cheeks. I prepared Yong for bed and made him sleep with me crying. My chest is already so tight from holding back. I want to scream to let my sadness out, but I can’t.

Have you felt this? You’re crying so much you’re losing air and all you want is to be held by one person for comfort. Sadly, that person is with somebody already. My mind could not outweigh what my heart wanted all along. My heart is officially broken, caused by a stupid decision that I made. All I can do now is drown in regret, for I will not even dare ruin the relationship Lena and Jiyong are just starting.

                                              ~ ~ ~ ~

JIYONG

I did this to save myself from hurting again. Areum now has Dr. Miller. It’s only a matter of time that she’ll see him in a different light. It might not be right, but the only way I can think of to be even is to be with another woman. Whether it’ll work out or not, at least I won’t be facing the excruciating reality of Areum with somebody else, at rock bottom.

“We cannot promise each other a forever, but we can at least hope to be together until we can” Lena said with sincerity.

                           ****