Do you ever get to a point where you wonder why you’re still alone when all you want is to have someone to cry with/on, laugh with/at, and just share your every day with?

Walking along on the street of Apujeong, seeing lovers holding hands with wide “in-love” smiles on their faces, really make me feel lonely. Why and where? Why can’t I find someone for me? If there is really someone destined for me, where is he?

“Lover’s meal” I read the menu out loud.

Perfect! I think today is my torture day.

For some reason, I smiled at the waitress and said, “I’ll have this” then pointed at the menu. She looked at me in confusion, “Ma’am, the lover’s meal is for two people”.

Question: When did lovers consist of one person only?

Still pulling out a smile. “I know”

Doesn’t this lady know that hopeless single women from thirty and above shouldn’t be questioned of what they like, most especially when they are out bullying themselves?

“Ma’am, I highly recommend these solo dishes” she pointed at a list on the menu “I’m sure you’ll enjoy any of them”.

This girl, is too pushy for my soul.

As much as I hate glaring at people and ing out. “Are you going to give me the meal I want or you’re calling your manager for me to scold him about your behavior? I’m telling you, my patience is almost draining, only ten percent left and I swear, you won’t want it drained”. I didn’t know that I’m good with threats until now.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not a . Believe me, cross my heart and swear to die. I’m not a . It’s just that, I’m not in the mood to deal with a pushy waitress who can just write my order, repeat it for confirmation and zoom off to have it done.

“Oh!” she’s flabbergasted. “My apologies Ma’am” her head nearly touched the floor when she bowed for an apology.

“Yeah” I replied lamely without looking at her.

*JIYONG CALLING*

Seems like Mr. Kwon woke up earlier than usual.

I cleared my throat and picked up, “Yep”

“Where are you?” his voice is a bit hoarse.

Looking out the big window, seeing people walking, some with company, some solo. “At a restaurant in Apujeong, why?”

He coughed dryly. I have a feeling that he’s not feeling well.

“Don’t tell me you’re on a date at six o’clock in the morning” he said, making me laugh.

What is this man thinking?

“I’m not!” I exclaimed and he laughed out loudly. “Jiyong, seriously, who in their right mind will wake up this early to flirt?” I asked and he smirked. “YOU!” he shoots and all I want is to punch him.

Don’t buy it. I’m still in my right mind. I can reply to a flirty message at this hour but not go out, especially when the only sweet thing in the morning are pancakes and waffles, and hot chocolate drink.

Speaking of pancakes, the lover’s meal that looks so appealing on the menu consists of four heart shaped pancakes (you can choose from a variety of flavors). My aging palate cannot take fancy flavors anymore, giving me no choice but to stick with the classic. Six pieces of bacon is not bad at all (except if you’re the kind of foodie who is addicted to it, you may want to get some more). Scrambled eggs (that looked botched). To top it all off, a humongous glass of milkshake with customized fancy straw for two (Diabetic? Well, I’m sorry, but this isn’t for you. On a diet? Oh screw it! Milkshake crimes are one of the best crimes ever).

“CRAZY!” I whispered the moment it was served.

The waitress can actually tell me how stupid I am for choosing the meal. I will not get mad at her, for I was really stupid ordering it.

With Jiyong still on the other line (I put him on hold because I was too shocked to converse upon seeing my food), “Come over. I need your help”

I texted him the name of the restaurant (no need for the address for he knows his way around this place). He showed up after a while, wearing big dark sunglasses, black sweater, ripped jeans, and man-dals (man sandals).

“Waaah!” his eyes go big in awe. Settled on the chair across mine, “I thought you’re all alone. Why does it look like you’re not?”

Instead of answering, I slide the platter in front of him. He thinks me weird. “You got flaked?” he asked and took a mouthful of scrambled eggs using my fork (maybe he didn’t notice that there’s another one).

I rolled my eyes. “I’m with nobody, alright?” I sipped a good one of the milkshake and almost had a brain freeze.

He stared at me for a good moment. “Are you this hungry that you ordered for two?” he just won’t stop with the questions.

Feel like burping, I gave my best to hold it in. “You’re eating a lover’s meal” I poked a pancake with the fork that we’re sharing then pointed at the lover’s straw, “This proves it” I sounded so bitter.

Kwon Jiyong cannot stop from laughing, he nearly fell off his chair. I told him what happened exactly just forty minutes ago.

“Poor waitress. She was victimized by an angry old-maid” he teased, and it hit me hard. Laughing his out. “I really cannot understand why you’re so desperate” he’s not that sensitive today, I guess. It stabbed me bad. “But, your desperation is comedy” he finished and laughed out loud again.

I’m torn. What’s the best thing to do? Slap him so freakin’ hard on the cheek, kick his nuts under the table, or walkout?

“You know what?” I’m at my boiling point, which rarely happens no matter how hard he bullies me. “I want to slap you so damn hard right now, your head will detach from your neck”. Cool. I sounded so….mad. “I want to get my hand on your cheek so bad, I don’t care if I’m on the news later for slapping the legendary superstar, G-dragon”

Areumie tip on friendship: Be honest of what you feel towards each other. Remember, keeping it all in will worsen it. Less baggage, lighter relationship.

And when I thought that it made him feel sorry, I was wrong, because he just laughed it off.

Leaning forward, elbows on the table, he looked straight into my eyes. “First off, I’m scared of you right now, for I know that you can really whip my head off” he said, making me smile in satisfaction. “Second, I have intentions or whatsoever to hurt your feelings”. He’s sincere. I can see it through his eyes. “Third, I honestly feel so darn bad seeing you torture yourself by thinking that you are alone, that finding somebody to be with no matter what it takes is an urgent task all because “you’re running out of time” when truth is, there’s no need to hurry for there are billions of fishes in the ocean. They won’t run out” he sighed, “And if they run out, I will look for well nurtured ones in ponds, rivers, fish tanks and even fish bowls to give to you”

This is making me cry.

“And Einstein…” he reached for my hand and squeezed it lightly, “There’s no way you should feel alone, because you’re never alone. You’ll NEVER be alone. Not in the past, not in the present, and definitely not in the future” then he pointed at him “I am here. The whole family’s with you”. I can feel his emotions strongly and I cannot help but be emotional too. “I know. There must be times when you feel lonely and feel like there’s no one to turn to, but if you go to your living room, sit on your stinky black leather couch” he joked, making me laugh “on the display cabinet, there’s our family picture. The one we took in Thailand Christmases ago. That, will remind you that you are never alone. You have us. Whether you like it or not, we’ll forever stick with you, because you’re family, you’re one of us”

I can’t say anything more. My heart melted at his every word. I say this every time and I will say it over and over again. I thank God for giving them to me.

Jiyong’s right. I shouldn’t feel lonely. And, there’s no need to be so desperate in finding my One Great Love just to say that I’m alone no more. He will come in the right time, at the right place.

“Can I cry?” I asked, holding back the tears. He laughed at my silliness and nodded, “Sure, just don’t be too noisy. And watch out for your runny nose. You always forget to wipe it while crying. I’m sure you don’t want to taste the “goodness” of mucus after a sumptuous meal”. Here he is again, teasing me.

That ends it. We finished the lover’s meal leisurely, enjoying every bit of it. I only tear up, not cry, because even when Jiyong told me it was okay, he’s doing everything just for me not to. We tried sipping the milkshake at the same time from the “lover’s straw” just for the experience, only to realize that we’ve gained a lot of attention from the customers and staffs already.

If you want to know if I’m nervous to be involved in a “nationwide/ worldwide scandal”, I’m not, simply because I won’t care if there is and I’m sure Jiyong will not as well. The man has been through different types of scandals all throughout his career with a millions sides of the story, some are true, some are near the truth, but most are complete lies. He’s had the fill of it. Now that he’s older and in one way or the other, snapped out from the idol status, he’s more composed and chill with all of it.

“Do you think the waitress would love a picture with you and an autograph?” I randomly asked

He stopped playing the fancy straw and looked at me with a smirk. “Are you going to use me for apology?” he asked and I nodded while smiling.

You see, having a best friend like Jiyong who is well-known comes in handy sometimes. Not that I use him every time, just a few times. The last was before his enlistment. I saw this beautiful tote from a famous fashion brand in Paris during a vacation. It took me a whole day to think if I will buy it or not, and when I’m already decided to spend thousands of Euros for it, I got wait listed, meaning I have to wait for God knows how long before I can purchase it. No, the wait is not just for a month or two, it can reach up to a year (big time celebrities are their priority). I shared it with Jiyong who offered to help without guarantee. I don’t know how he and a friend did it, but I got my tote only after a month. Not just that, he even bought me the shoes that matches it.

Thankfully, the waitress took my apology. The funny thing is, she told us that it’s not her who’s going to be so happy with G-dragon’s autograph and photo but her older sister who is a VIP ever since Big Bang’s Lies era.

“She’s only twenty” I told him on our way to his car. He smirked. “She’s eight when Big Bang debuted. She wasn’t even born when I started with Little Roora”

Time definitely flies. It feels just like yesterday when Jiyong can only dream about being a performer. He used to write a journal about his journey, from being a boy hungry for a career in music to a man who is feeding himself bit by bit, not overwhelming himself with so much in front of him.

“You went here from the hospital, right?” he asked while wearing his seatbelt. I nodded. “I left my car at the hospital. I’m really going home already after my shift but decided to unwind for a while” I told him. “How about you?”

He sighed. “Studio”

There’s something with that sigh that doesn’t feel right.

“How’s the recording going?” I think I know the answer to this.

He gave out another sigh. “I have written new set of songs in the past months. Before recording them, I thought they were very good but after hearing them with tone, melody and , I hear no good”

Kwon Jiyong confidence level: 5% (red alert)

“Can I hear them?” I asked.

“Sure” he plugged his phone and his new music blasted the speakers.

After fifteen minutes and four songs….

“Soul” I said, facing him. He glanced at me. “What?”

I sighed heavily. “The lyrics, as always, are awesome” I started. “But the singer, doesn’t have soul in his voice at all”

Honesty is all he needs. This makes him better.

“What to do?” he asked, frustration in his voice.

Long pause. I need time to gather my thoughts.

I snapped up. “Most of the songs are love songs. And, as far as I know, you’re still slightly heartbroken”

As much as I don’t want to remind of it, it’s inevitable. I don’t know how he does it, but if I were in his shoes, I will curse the heck out of love songs as of the moment.

“Words just flowed out randomly” he said and sighed, “Truth is, it’s not her I’m thinking about while writing”

Oooh. Interesting.

Excited. Thrilled. Curious. “Who?”

It seems like my best friend’s heart is beginning to pump up again.

Without a clue, he stopped the car on the side street, making me feel weird.

“Serious talk” I played and shifted my position.

Jiyong suddenly become so serious. The kind of face he gives whenever he’s at work. No twinkle in his eyes, not even a small smile.

“You” he spitted out.

Huh? Who?

“Me?” I pointed at myself in confusion.

He looked at me, alarmed. “You…” long pause “Don’t know….her”

O….K

“Oh!” I jerked up “I see”

Why do I suddenly feel awkward?

Brushing my thoughts off, I faced him fully, enthusiastically. “You’re not keeping secrets from me? As far as I know, we promised to not keep a single secret no matter how revealing, crazy, foolish or mushy it might be. You’re bending it now and I’m not taking it well”

Since when did he learn to keep things from me? Yeah, sure. He’s got his privacy, but still. We know everything about each other to the point that if we ever break up as best friends, we can blackmail each other using our deepest and dirtiest secrets and effortlessly ruin each other’s lives.

His seriousness mixed with weirdness is making me more curious. “What’s with this girl that you’re keeping her from me?” I just couldn’t stop asking.

“Actually…” he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly “I….also…”

Kwon Jiyong, you are going to spit out a lie. I just know it.

“Don’t….know her” he continued and I just stared at him.

FISHY….

“Ow really? So, you just saw her somewhere and happen to think about her, basically making that stranger an inspiration to your song writing” I said, only riding on with his lie.

Oh well, I can only do this much. FOR NOW. After all, he will surely tell me about this mystery girl in no time. I know him, once he’s so done hiding, he will blurt it all out. Whoever that girl is, she’s lucky, and she better behave or else….

And we’re on the road again. “Next time you record, internalize first. Think of that girl and relive the feeling when you’re still writing the songs with her in your mind” I sounded like a doctor giving a psychiatric therapy.

“That’s not going to be easy” he said with his eyes on the road.

I chuckled and patted his cheek lightly. “You are G-dragon. You’ll figure it all out”

                                                                                                *****