Goodbyes are always the hardest. Whether it’s a place you lived in for so long or people you lived around, you will feel empty in one way or another, and all you can think of is when you can go back to that place and when you’re going to see those people again.

Today is our last day in Chicago. We’ll be flying back to Korea in a few hours and I’m going insane this early. My nerves are shooting up in anticipation and anxiousness.

“This goes here”. I’m instructing the boys where things should go. As promised, Big Bang is helping me pack and they’re doing a really good job. “What time is Cara going to pick all these up?” Jiyong asked, pertaining tothe appliances and furniture that I decided to give out since there’s no point taking them all to Seoul. I looked at the clock, “She’ll be here any minute now with her husband and kids”

I prepared a simple send-off party for the kids and their friends. The two are really sad to leave, scared too, because they worry if they’ll make friends like their friends here.

“Maddy and Caden are here!” Jiyong shouted, and I hurried to the door to greet Mr. and Mrs. Thompson. “I made your favorite Baklava, Elle. Here” Mrs. Thompson handed the tray to me and gave me a hug. “All set to go?” she asked while we’re walking to the nearly bare living room. Only the couches are left. Everything is either boxed or wrapped already. “Yes. We’re almost done packing” I answered.

Jiyong introduced Big Bang to the Thompsons. They are in awe to meet THE superstars. The kids on the other hand, are in the bedroom, playing. I can hear them laughing.

“Cara’s here!” Jiyong is so funny, he keeps on announcing who arrives, so much like when a member of the royal family has an event and every visitor’s arrival is being announced.

“Oh my gosh!” as expected, Cara is also in awe meeting Big Bang, her reaction made the boys giggle. She knew them because of me and has been looking forward to meeting them since. “You cook so well” Youngbae told her and she looked at me, smiling widely. “It’s a pleasure to cook for you guys”

With our friends in, we ate lunch together. The boys have a new favorite in Cara’s cooking, her chicken parmegiana, a personal favorite of mine as well. After eating, we continued packing while chatting, finishing the job faster than expected.

“This is from Aden’s house”. I’m talking about the teepee that he and Ethan call as their “cave”. My son wants to take it to Seoul, of course I agreed without second thoughts. Cara sighed heavily, “I cannot imagine you and Aden not here anymore. I mean, you guys are my closest. We do everything together!” she is now emotional, her tears are siding and I can feel mine coming too, “I’ll miss cooking with you, babysitting your kids and just hanging out here every weekend” she cannot control her tears anymore, they started coming when she blinked. Also in tears, I hugged her, “Thank you for being a good friend. Things will not change between us, I promise you that. I’ll call you every now and then”. I’m never good in goodbyes. She chuckled, “We’ll miss you a lot here. Make sure to invite us to your wedding, okay?” Laughing, “I’ll miss you guys too. I’ll definitely invite you!” then I sighed, “That is, if it happens” I told her. She smirked, “It will happen! Jiyong is so into you. Not hard to tell”

If only it is possible…

When the time came for us to leave, the kids breakdown while saying goodbye to their friends. Caden and Ethan even exchanged their favorite robots as a sign of their everlasting friendship, and promised to check up on each other every day. It’s hard to see the kids having a hard time. It’s truly heartbreaking.

“Can we go to the park even just for a while Mom?” Emma asked, sobbing. In a heartbeat, I nodded. We still have time to spare anyway.

With both kids with me, we rushed to the park, leaving Jiyong with the rest of Big Bang who are loading our things in the van. “I’ll miss this place so much” Ethan said, crying again. Emma stared at her Brother for a while, then looked up at me with teary eyes. God knows how sad I am right now. Thing is, my tears shouldn’t be seen by the two because it’ll just worsen their already bad feeling. Crouched down in front of them, I wiped their tears with the sleeves of my sweater, pulling out a fake smile. “This place will forever be home to us. I know it’s hard. It’s sad. But, there are instances in life where people has to move on. We needed change anyway. Don’t worry about anything, we’re going to a good place”. Trying her best not to cry anymore, “Okay Mom” Emma said, while Ethan just nodded his head. “We’ll be fine” I said, hugging them tightly.

The question that’s been running in my mind is, are we really going to be just fine? Well, maybe. As long as Lena and the media will not meddle around our business, there won’t be a problem.

It’s a long nerve-wrecking ride to the airport. Jiyong is not showing nervousness nor worry, and here I am, frozen while looking out the window, trying to brush off the many thoughts in my head. “What’s our arrangement once we’re at the airport already?” I asked him. Casually, he sighed, “We’ll walk in together”. 

See? I told you. He’s acting as if it’s not a big deal at all. As if there are not one fan waiting for them at the airport. “You can go with the boys” I told him, making him stare at me. “I honestly don’t think we can be bold about this right away. I mean, we can’t throw the kids into a throng of people just like that”. Jiyong considerately nodded. “You’re right”. He looked disappointed though.

I know how much he wanted to show off our children, but the situation is still too complicated to do so.

It seems like YG has plotted everything so well. We were ushered from outside the airport to the airplane without a hitch. Our seats are far from Big Bang, as if we’re not with them. The kids are not in the mood to even look for their Father. They just asked me once why we’re seated away from him and that’s it.

“We’re here” I told Emma who is clinging to my arm during landing. She peeked out of the window and smiled, “We’re in Korea already?” Smiling, I nodded, “Yes, baby girl”

This is it! The moment I’ve been looking forward to for years has come. I’m back in my homeland.

A YG staff approached us, “Jiyong said you and the kids should go out first” he said and I agreed without any questions. That being said, I prepared the kids and myself. My palms are sweating and my heart is beating fast. “We should wait for Daddy” Ethan said on our way out of the plane. I continued walking, “He’ll be with us in a while”.

The moment we walked out, there are a lot of people waiting for Big Bang, as usual. I was careful at some point because they might recognize me, good thing no one did. We were out of the airport fast and was led by a YG staff to the car that Jiyong asked to drive us to my apartment.

“I thought we’re going to wait for Daddy?” Ethan is confused already. “Yes, Mom. Why didn’t we wait for him?” Emma is on the same boat as well. Seated in between them, I wrapped my arms around their waist, “He’s with the Uncles. We’ll see him at home” I told them.

Ethan sighed, “Why do I still feel so sad?” he dramatically looked out the window. I take a deep breath and pulled him closer to me, “We will all feel that way for a few days, Superman. It’ll soon fade”. Looking at me, teary eyed, “I wonder what Maddy and Caden are doing now? I have a feeling they’re at the park, playing ball”

The kids’ attachment to the place they call home since they’re babies is too strong. It’s going to be so impossible for them to get over it soon. I just hope that they’ll open themselves to the new place they’re in now.

After an hour and a half, we finally arrived at my apartment. Passing through the hospital I used to work at brings a lot of memories, mostly of Aden. “I’ll walk you guys up” the driver said when we got there.

There’s familiarity in every step. I’m teary eyed on the way to my unit. “They’re here!” Unnie welcomed us, shocking not only the kids but me as well. The excitement on her face is too visible. “Aigoo” she hugged me first then stared at the kids with so much admiration. “They both look so beautiful!” she cannot help but cry. “Unnie” I called, making her chuckle. Wiping her tears, “Don’t mind me. I’m just very happy”

“Areumie!” upon hearing Omma’s voice, my heart beats really fast. Guilt is running all over my body. She welcomed me in her arms warmly. My tears are like waterfalls flowing down my cheeks. I cannot contain my emotions. There are a lot of things I should apologize to them. “Aigoo…stop crying” she rubbed my back in the most motherly way, “Past is past. Let’s leave it behind and move forward, alright?” she cupped my face with both hands and looked into my eyes. “We’re never angry at you. We never hated you. You are our daughter, there’s no way we can leave you out no matter how many mistakes you make and even how many times you do us wrong”. These are the words that I’m very thankful for hearing. I’ve waited long for this. “I’m sorry Omma, for everything”. It’s still right for me to ask for forgiveness. “Appa!” I threw myself at him, “I’m sorry” are the words that first came out of my mouth. He hugged me tightly, “Yaaa…forget it. Okay?” he gently patted the back of my head. “What’s important is you’re here now” he said, making me feel at ease.

After an emotional welcome, we all sat in the living room. The kids are still weighing things. They are wary of their surroundings and the new people, while their Grandparents and Aunt are too excited for them.

“Omma and Appa busted me out” Dami Unnie said, rolling her eyes, “Our plan of surprising them is a failure because they are very sneaky”. I giggled, “It would’ve been nice if it worked”. Omma smirked, “It’s a good thing we know. I was able to cook for you”. Unnie sighed, “She’s been in the kitchen all morning. She cooked a lot. I think you’ll have food until next week coz of it”. Omma’s cooking excites me. I crave it every now and then. “I don’t mind gaining weight anymore. I’m going to eat to my body’s extent”

Another hour passed with us talking. The kids are still uneasy, and it’s slightly driving me nuts. Emma is starting to let loose with her wall still up. Ethan on the other hand, is still silent. He reacted once to Appa’s joke, smiling a little.

“I still cannot believe that you guys are here!” Unnie is in cloud nine. According to her, she’s ‘obsessed’ of her nephew and niece. Omma has been staring at the kids for a long time already. Awe and contentment is visible in her eyes. “Emma is an exact replica of Jiyong, while Yong is a mix of you and him”. Hearing this, I feel satisfied. Finally, one of my kids kind of looked like me. “When Yong is still a baby, he looks so much like Jiyong. I remember asking myself ‘Is Areum really sure that he’s somebody else’s child?’” Appa said then chuckled, “Turns out, Yong really is Jiyong’s”. Omma sighed with a sweet smile on her face, “When we found out that they are really our Grandchildren, we were so happy. There’s no day that I didn’t wish them and you to be well wherever you guys are”

I wonder what would’ve happened if I chose to stay here instead of running away. Maybe the kids are not distant to the family. Maybe Jiyong didn’t experience depression and frustration in looking for us everywhere possible. Maybe our situation is not as complicated as now.

“I’m here!” Jiyong has finally arrived. I don’t know what took him three hours to get here, but I’m glad the family’s complete already.

“Daddy!” Ethan is the first to run to him followed by Emma. Jiyong welcomed them in his arms, hugging them tightly. “How are things going guys?” he asked in a very cheerful tone. Not as cheerful as he is, “It’s okay” Ethan answered. Emma smiled, “We already met them” she turned to our direction and pointed at Omma, Appa and Unnie. It made Jiyong laugh, “Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Dami are so excited to meet you” he said, and all our kids did is smile.

I don’t know how long, but I hope Ethan and Emma will loosen up to the family as soon as possible. As of now, I know they’re still unsure of the change. I cannot say that I’m fully prepared for this, but I will do everything for them to adjust well.

“What took you so long?” I asked Jiyong when he sat beside me, Emma on his lap and Ethan on mine. He looked at me, smiled then kissed my temple, “Hyun Suk Hyung wanted to see us, so we dropped by YGE for a while”.

“What’s with your puffy eyes?” he looked at each one of us. I chuckled, “We cried” I answered casually. He hissed, “Aish! We should eliminate drama from our lives from now on. Let’s be happy we’re all together again”.

If only it’s that easy. Drama is a part of everyone’s lives, especially ours. We cannot brush it off no matter how hard we try to.

“Drama will end once the villain is lost” Unnie is now speaking in Korean, for the kids not to understand anything. Jiyong and I looked at each other as if consoling one another. “Aigoo” Appa stood up from his seat, “Let’s not talk about her even just for today. Why not we just eat? Huh? The kids must’ve been hungry by now”. Thank God for Appa. He just pulled me out of a sure anxiety.

And so the feast begins. Unnie is right, Omma did prepare a lot for us. My eyes are full just seeing every dish on the table, while my stomach cannot wait to have them all in. “Omo!” Jiyong gasped, “Ethan is eating kimchi as if he’s been eating it ever since”. It made me laugh, “You’re not the only one who’s shocked, I am too”. In all fairness to our son, it seems like his taste has adjusted faster than himself. He’s eating like I starved him for a whole day. Emma, well, she’s a different case. All she wants to eat is beef and nothing else.

*doorbell ringing*

“Did you invite the boys over?” I asked Jiyong.

“No”

Strange. Who can it be?

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