JIYONG

Life as we know it is a challenge we strive hard to succeed. It can also seem like an unending war. Always remember that every wound and scars doesn’t symbolize defeat, but a badge of honor because you fought hard and well, and didn’t raise a white flag to surrender.

Here I am again being tested by the universe. In my more than a decade in the entertainment industry, I’ve witnessed how people like me gets dragged, trampled on, thrashed and bullied, but if there’s one thing I’m totally impressed about, it is the strength WE have as well as the eagerness to become a victor in the end. We may be judged unfairly, but as long as we know the truth and as long as there are people supporting us, all so willing to catch us if we fall, we will keep on fighting.

It’s been weeks since controversial news about me started circulating worldwide. I must say, news (specially the bad ones) have wings, so big, it can reach every side of the world in no time. I admit there were moments when I feel tired from thinking of a good way to end this. Adding up to the many thoughts in my head is Big Bang’s upcoming comeback that is just around the corner. The members and I are going all out in this because we know so well how long our VIPs have waited.

“She suddenly turned into a different person Noona…I’m telling you…I’ve never seen her act that way” I ruffled my hair “We’ve had big fights in the past but NEVER has she acted the way she did this morning”

I’m on the phone with my big sister who is still with Areumie and our kids, hours after Areum’s unexpected rage in my house.

Noona sighed, “She must’ve been really worried for the kids” she reasons out “We cannot blame her Jiyong…she’s a Mother…she will protect her children at all cost”

I do get that. What I cannot understand is, why is she thinking negatively right away when I’m here, doing everything I can to make things light and easy for them? I feel like she doesn’t trust me when she knows so well how hard I’m working for everything to work out. All I want from her is her trust and support (nothing more, nothing less), but it seems like I won’t get any.

“She even threatened me of running away with Ethan and Emma AGAIN” I emphasized.

Once again, my heart is pounding as I keep on replaying that certain moment in my head. I’m not surprised that she’s thinking of running away again. What surprised me is her lack of consideration for me.

I don’t know why, but this topic is really making me emotional. Tears pooled automatically in my eyes. “I couldn’t imagine living everyday without my children and Areumie anymore” my voice is shaking, “The mere fact that I cannot see them whenever I want to nowadays is torture already…what more being far away from them without any assurance if they will still go back home” this thought is giving me chills, making me tremble in horror, “Even worse…Areumie may not even tell me where they’re going…I swear! That will seriously be the end of me”

When I finally found Areum and the kids, I told myself that I will not let them go anywhere without me anymore. I will never miss out any moments in my kids’ life as well, for I was already ripped off from their lives for years.

“Areumie is quite lost Jiyongie” Noona said, still reasoning out for her. “To be honest…she knows this day will come…like you…thing is…she didn’t expect it to be this way”

I smirked, “How does she expect it then?”

Noona was silent for a while, all I can hear on her end is running water. She must be washing the dishes. “Admit it Jiyongie…things are pretty messy as of the moment” she said.

I hissed, “Messy is an understatement” I countered, making her sigh.

“Areumie is overwhelmed…not to mention…she’s being dragged way too harshly to it…unlike you and Lena…Areumie is at a disadvantage because she is not used to all the chaos and bashing…it is definitely horrifying for her to go through all this”

Even before, Areum is not comfortable with the media at all. She had shaken our ‘world’ a few times by being romantically linked to me. There was this one time though that she’s on the entertainment headlines alone (I think it’s after the whole world knew about who she is in my life for the very first time). Suddenly, people are interested in her. There are even some who tried being friends with her just to get to me. As much as she appreciates the attention, she’d rather stay on the sidelines.

After talking with Noona, I gathered myself up and prepared to face Lena. There’s no doubt she’s mad at me for humiliating her in front of Areumie. I’m not a bad person, of course I felt bad because of what I did, but she is asking for it by acting up.

As expected, she and her Mother started attacking me like wolves the moment they saw me walking out of my room. “How can you do that to my daughter, huh?” Lena’s Mother asked in anger, while her daughter is giving me this cold stare that is not affecting me a bit.

The heck I care about Lena. I may be harsh, but I really don’t feel even a bit of care for this woman anymore. She’s done it first, I’m just doing the same.

I shrugged, “Your daughter is in the wrong place…at the wrong time” I answered plainly, igniting the fire more.

The last thing I want is to be in an argument with them, for I’ve been to a lot in the years I’ve been married. As a matter of fact, I can only count by my fingers the times they let me talk longer than a minute to defend myself. All this Mother and Daughter tandem does is talk, talk, and talk. None of them knows how to listen.

“GD…” Lena’s Mother is standing before me in her dressed up to the nines “That woman is the rudest person I’ve met in my whole life!” she continued. The fact that she’s talking bad about Areumie is a trigger point. “She’s a low-class woman who doesn’t know where to place herself” she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms across her chest.

That’s it! She’s gone below the belt now.

With my index finger raised in front of her face, “First and foremost….her name is Areum…she’s not just “THAT WOMAN”…second…” I cleared my throat and said a silent prayer to give me strength to respect Lena’s Mother as supposed to be, “Areumie knows her place…she knows it like the back of her hand…the reason why she acted that way is because she’s overwhelmed by what’s happening around her” I take a deep breath and put down my finger “She’s just being a protective Mother…I’m not sure…but you may have felt the same way to Lena as well”

There’s something more I want to say, but I choose to bite my tongue and not say it, for this confrontation not to go long anymore.

It is really hard to deal with these two for they fight without thinking. Also, they are too judgmental for a normal person to handle – a trait I hate about people the most. They talk as if they are on top of everything and everyone when truth is, every word that comes out of their mouths are bringing them down.

“We need to talk” Lena followed me to the kitchen.

In this house, I make my own food. It has been like this ever since, for when it’s just Lena and I living here, I cook for the both of us because my “wife” doesn’t know how to cook at all (She cannot even fry a damn egg). When her Mother came, she took over the kitchen. Thing is, having a meal with them is draining even when you are actually trying to gain energy from the food you’re eating. They talk so much on the table about senseless topics most of the time. We tried relating to each other but there’s really not that much we can actually fully relate to. If not, they gossip that by the end of the meal I feel like I’ve browsed an entire gossip website and magazine already (it got me thinking sometimes if they gossip about me to other people). So I was left with two choices, make my own food and eat earlier or later than them, or eat out (which I prefer and always do).

I didn’t stop what I’m doing for her. “Is there something to talk about?” I asked while chopping some onions.

Lena moved beside me and leaned on the counter, “I want you to go with me to an event tonight” she sounds as if she’s demanding me to come more than just telling me about it.

I smirked, “I don’t have any plans in going to that event” I politely said, without looking at her, still. “There are so many things for me to do…I’m sorry…but I cannot be your accessory tonight” I flashed a half-hearted and walked towards the stove where she followed me.

A huge fashion brand is celebrating its anniversary tonight and we are both invited to it. I am confirmed to attend weeks ago, but after all the rumors, I backed out, for the sole reason that I don’t want to be feasted on by the media. Being there is just going to stress me out. Honestly, I don’t know why Lena is asking me to come with her when we usually go separately in this kind of events. Also, I don’t think I can pretend that all is good between us in front of the cameras and people.

To my surprise, Lena started throwing a fit by smashing an unwashed mug on the floor. See how childish she is?

Not in the mood to give her the attention she wanted, I acted like nothing happened, costing a glass and a plate smashed next on the floor.

In the years we’ve been married, I think she has broken a lot of thousands worth of kitchenware and vases already. You see, it’s her thing whenever she’s mad or just wants attention. At first I’m shocked by it, but as years go by I learned how to ignore her. As long as she cleans her mess after, I’m all good with it. Omma even used to tell me to just buy cheap plates (the plastic ones), so that it won’t hurt once Lena trips on breaking them.

“You will go with me” she exclaimed, sounding perfectly like a spoiled brat. Then, she pulled me by the arm, making me face her “Because if not…”

I lamely looked at her, “If not….what?”

She gave out an evil smile, “I will entertain interviews…all of them…and give you out”. With her newly found confidence, she moved closer to me, “I will tell them that Areum is continuously and cold-heartedly wrecking our marriage that is in a rough path now… I will tell them about your kids too and how you kept them from me all this time” she changed into this bratty girl to a threatening woman “I will make sure that by the end of the day…your lovely bestfriend will be in a bad light…in a deeper than where she is now”

One scary thing about Lena is that she’s a good manipulator. She has this power of making people believe whatever she says even when there’s no truth to it. Just take me as a good example, she was able to make me agree to marry her in a snap of a finger.

I’m not afraid of her. She can talk about me and Areumie, and I’ll make sure she’ll have her own dose of medicine right after. I’m going to prepare the most disastrous bomb that will ever hit her. Of course, I will not let her play this game alone. It’s going to be her words against mine. Let’s see who’ll win.

Realizing that she cannot make me bend no matter how many plates, glasses and mugs she breaks, Lena finally give up by walking out of the room. She will, as usual, tell her Mother what happened that will surely start another argument. I mean, what’s new? This is how toxic my home life is, so nobody can really blame me if I want to get away from it as soon as possible.

Luck is on my side because I didn’t see any off the women after my meal. They are probably in the garden, plotting their revenge for me.

To save myself from Lena’s Mother, I see to it that they’ve left the house (if I’m not mistaken, Lena will be auditioning for a major role in a drama series today) already before I leave for work. That way, our paths won’t cross anymore.

On my way to YG, I received a photo message from Noona. It’s a picture of Ethan and Emma making pizza in complete chef uniform. My daughter is extra cute wearing a toque in sparkles.

Man! I miss my kids badly. It’s been so long since the last time I’ve seen them and that visit is too short. Sometimes I feel dumb for agreeing to Areumie about this no visitations for the time being. Well, it helped us keep the kids away from the crazy in one way or another, so it’s all good.

The moment I arrived at the rehearsal studio, Daesung and Youngbae greeted me with sympathetic smiles. If there are people who have witnessed my struggle just to protect Areum and our kids from my damaging world and wife, it’s my members. They cheer me up whenever I’m feeling down and encourage me when I’m losing the will to fight.

“They are doing everything to block the photos from the internet already” Youngbae told me right away “I’m telling you Jiyong…I fumed in anger the moment I saw the kids’ photos on the internet to the point where I called the office and told them to do something about it”. My bestfriend is really reliable. I cannot thank him enough for helping me even without being told.

“TOP Hyung called me early in the morning to vent out” he continued “He also cannot take that the kids are being dragged”

Daesung sighed, “This is going out of hand Hyung” he looked at me and I can see frustration in his eyes. Then he chuckled, “Seungri is monitoring the IT team…he’s been in their office for hours now…he even said that if he only knows how to block the photos himself...he already did it” he added, making us laugh.

This is what brotherhood really is about and I’m so lucky that I have them behind me, ready to push when I needed a push and all hands to hold me up when I’m on the verge of taking a plunge.  In these times, I don’t feel like a lone soldier in an invisible war.

Our rehearsals are going smoothly. I must admit, we feel pressured all because a lot of people are waiting for this comeback to happen, and now that it’s finally happening, expectations are really high. With numerous idols, young and fresh, racing to the top or keeping their places on top, it’s quite hard for an old long-time group to compete. Nevertheless, we’re diving in. We won’t even try to compete. We’ll let our music speak for itself, whether it’s worth it to be on top like before or not.

“Jiyong!” Jae wook Hyung barged in our studio. He seems to be in a rush. With my curiosity building up, I stopped dancing and go to him. “I heard one manager telling another manager that your wife agreed to guest in a gossip talk show that is happening live early evening today” he frantically said, making me freeze in my place.

And I told them our scene this morning. From Areumie’s unexpected outburst to Lena’s plate breaking and threat. If you can only see how everybody in the room reacted, you’ll be scared to even touch them with your finger.  

“You married a monster Jiyong” TOP Hyung bursts out.

All I can do is sigh.

Youngbae hissed, “She’s not just a monster…but a walking disaster and a living nightmare as well”. He rarely talks this bad to people, but when he’s really triggered, he can spit out fire like the mightiest dragon.

I’m annoyed because I can’t seem to come up with a counterattack to what Lena is about to do. I know I’ve said that I got this disastrous bomb, but it’s not completely done yet. I still need more time to prepare.

When I told YG Hyung about this sudden guesting of Lena, he told me that it’s not on her schedule, neither is he aware about it. She’s only bound to have two engagements today; the photoshoot and the fashion even later tonight.

“I’m trying to cancel it Jiyong…don’t worry” he told me over the phone and I’m wishing it’s not too late yet.

Out of frustration, I called Lena but it always directs me to voicemail. Looks like she really planned this bold move well.

“Lena” as much as I want to just swear at her, I controlled myself. I will talk to her in my calmest. “I’m begging you…drop the interview…if you think that speaking up is going to crush Areum…you’re wrong” I take a deep breath “With me behind her you can only do enough to taint her name…but you cannot bring her down completely...I can flip things around and you know it so well” I suddenly realized that I cannot keep my cool at all, for I’m speaking angrily already “Everything will backfire at you Lena…and it won’t be a pretty sight” I hit the send button and almost throw my phone in anger.

Couple of hours passed and I’m still on my toes waiting for a confirmation that Lena’s interview is already called off. Unfortunately, up until now, I haven’t heard anything yet.

“Jiyong…she’s really sneaky” YG Hyung told me after another hour. “She misled us” upon hearing this, my heart begin slamming my chest. “Lena isn’t really going to take part in the talk show…in fact…she isn’t even contacted by the network” he continued, confusing me. This is the first time it happened in the company. “She was able to talk her manager in this…he helped her look for a gossip journalist writing for one of the biggest gossip sites in the country to conduct a special interview…as of now I still cannot get through their phones…it seems like Lena has been cooking this for some time now”

!

There’s no time to step back and compose myself. I need to come up with a good idea to fight off whatever Lena is going to expose to the public.

“Are you serious about this Jiyong?” Youngbae asked.

I just told them a plan that I haven’t think of that much but strongly feel that’s going to work.

I nodded, fully decided. “Yes…it’s the only way I can think of to end this ” I said, receiving worried looks from everybody.

God help me with this.

“Here” I handed a paper to one of our PR managers.

She looked at me “Once I type this and hit post there’s no turning back anymore” she reminds me, earning a nod from me. With a sigh, “Alright Jiyong” and she started typing what’s written on the paper I gave her.

Official Statement

                Today, I confirm that I am a proud Father to two wonderful kids, ages Five (5) and Three (3). Their Mother, Areum Jeong, and I are working hard together to be the best parents to our children. Given their young age, we wish to keep them out of the limelight. Let’s respect their privacy. From a pleading Father, kindly let my children live a normal life.

                To address the rumor about me having an affair with the Mother of my children, Areum Jeong, I would like to say that there’s nothing romantic going on between us. We are still the best of friends and we’ll forever be. As much as I would like to share more details about this matter, I choose to keep it private since Areum is not a public personality.

Wishing for your understanding,

Kwon Jiyong.

“Sent!”

The moment I heard this, my heart instantly lightened. It feels as if a heavy weight is lifted off from my shoulders already. It’s just so good to be free off a secret,

                                                                                                                                                ****

“Sorry…but…” with my heart taking over, I cupped his face with both hands and claimed his lips.