How prepared are you of unexpected happenings? Is there even a second to pause, breathe in and out? What will you do if you’re faced with the biggest thing ever to happen in your life, unprepared?

I woke up feeling woozy but because I’m already running late (I cannot believe I ignored my alarm, which rarely happens), I had the fasted bath and headed out of my apartment like a tornado. Today, I’m back at work and I am hoping for an easy day.

Brushing off what happened yesterday, I pulled out a smile and get to work right away. My secretary gave me all the updated records of all my patients just to find out that I have two passing the week after I left. One is Seulgi, the eight year old girl who is fighting lung cancer since five years old. Chemotherapy go the best of her. The other is Junhoe, the ten year old with Leukemia. His body didn’t accept medication for some reason.

These kids, they are the bravest angels.

“Doctor Jeong” my secretary called, peeking in my office.

Pull it together, Areum. Pull it together.

After a deep breath, “Yes?” I forced myself to smile.

She gave me a sympathetic look. “Doctor Nam wants to see you”

Oh, jus the person I needed.

“Let her in”

“I’m sorry. It’s hard, I know, but that’s the way it us. There’s only so much we can do” she consoled me, after hearing my sentiments.

With tears running down my cheeks, “I know that. I just feel bad because I wasn’t there when it happened. What if I can still save them? I’m not saying you didn’t do your best, I’m just thinking that maybe there’s something more I can do”

Doctor Nam gave out a laugh and take in a deep breathe, crossed her legs and sit back comfortably. “To be honest, I’m glad you’re not here, for I know that you’re going to take it heavily”

True. I cannot even imagine it. Yes, I’m no newbie to deaths. It’s part of the job, but I’m telling you, there’s no getting used to it.

“How are you?”. Doctor Nam knows nothing about Hong Shik’s lies yet, but I’m a hundred percent sure that she’ll want him dead after I tell her everything.

And I started without a single detail untold. Surprisingly, I’m not as emotional as I was yesterday, but my pain is still rich. I still cannot believe that I was fooled when I’m nothing but nice to a person I thought is being true to me.

“…he’s a stranger after all” I ended with a sigh.

Doctor Nam is speechless. She’s just staring at me in shock or maybe, awe, for keeping a liar in my home and trusting him with a lot of things.

“If you’re going to think of it, he’s still a good one cause he didn’t get into your bank account, didn’t steal anything from you and didn’t sell your apartment while you’re away. His strategy gave him a lot. He’s a beast but not a monster. He could’ve done major danger”

Good point. Still, I cannot forgive him. Now when he can just tell me the truth. Maybe if he did, I could’ve helped his family. We’re friends, after all (or I thought so).

“Jiyong is too nice because if I’m in his shoes, I’ll drain the out of Hong Shik for it’s my career he’s messing with” Doctor Nam said.

I hissed. “You know him. He’s a kick superstar but his heart is softer than a marshmallow”

Good comparison” she said sarcastically, making me laugh. “Oh well…” she smiled, “At least now you know. Can you imagine having him in one roof for too long?”

I almost threw all the things on my table. “Hell, NO!”

After that, I feel relieved. I guess I’ve shed out every bit of my anger by sharing it to someone who knows how to change my oil, just like Jiyong.

Speaking of, I called him twice but he didn’t pick-up. As far as I know, he’s going to stay at home for the day because he’s not feeling so well since the day we arrived from Melbourne.

“What’s this?” Doctor Nam picked up my menstrual calendar on the table (I forgot to put it in my drawer).

Worry and fear appeared on my face. I’m once again reminded of my delay, which never happened before.

“There’s something wrong with my cycle” I told her as she continuously check on my calendar (I’ve noted the days I was ually active, written using a green pen).

She’s once again, quiet. Then after a while. “Better have yourself checked”

“For what?” I asked in confusion.

She handed back the calendar and smirked. “Pregnancy”

That word. It’s been running in my head last night until I fall asleep. As much as I don’t want to think about it, I cannot scratch that possibly off for it’s so possible.

“Only thing is…” she paused for a good thirty seconds. Looking straight into my eyes, “If it comes out positive, it’s definitely not GD’s baby”

Oh please!

“I’ll call Doctor Lim and ask her availability. I’ll come with you there”

No. I’m not pregnant. I cannot be pregnant – this is my chant while walking to the other wing to my OBGYN. My heart is banging my chest so hard, it can break me.

“I feel like throwing up” I swallowed hard and looked at Doctor Nam who is as anxious as I am.

After a while, she turned to face me, looking serious. “What will you do if it turns out positive?”

Tough question.

I shrugged and sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know”

I swear! My head is empty right now. I’m conscious but unconscious deep inside and that because what I need now is a good functioning brain.

After what feel like forever, my name was called and I dragged myself inside Doctor Lim’s office.

“Areumie!” Doctor Lim welcomed me with a tight hug. “I thought you’re dropping by for your Depo-provera shot next week?”

Depo-provera is a birth control shot that will keep me protect for three months. I decided to have it because I’m ually active again. Not that Jiyong and I are not being careful, but it’s better to be fully protected than not (a baby is not yet in the plans).

“Well, it looks like she won’t be needing it” Doctor Nam said as she take a seat in front of Doctor Lim’s desk.

With just that, Doctor Lim doesn’t even have to ask why I met up with her. She invited me to the testing room where my blood was extracted and the waiting game started. It will take twenty to forty-eight hours to know the result. It seems like it’s going to be the longest wait of my life.

My mind was off the pregnancy the moment I started doing my last rounds. Doctor Nam advised me to wear a mask just to be sure that I won’t catch any virus, which I followed without complaints. By the end of my shift, I’m all ready to go home and sleep, but my day is going to be much better if Jiyong drops by my apartment (even just for a while). I miss him.

“mmm…” I pick up my phone with both eyes closed.

As expected, I hit the bed right after arriving and it’s been three hours already.

“Wake up now”

It’s Jiyong!

His voice sounds so sweet even if it’s a little hoarse.

Like a dog on command, I got out of bed without fixing myself. After all, he had seen me in my ugliest, he wouldn’t care about my appearance at all.

“Aigoo” he stood up from the couch and hugged me sweetly, that put a smile on my face in a millisecond.

“You just arrived?” I asked, looking at the food bag on the center island.

He led me to the dining area and helped me to a stool. Then, he started pulling out containers from the bag.

“Been here for two hours now. I peeked into your room when I arrived and found you sleeping, so I gave you more time in bed and just watched TV, but I have to wake you up because I’ll be leaving in a while” he said.

Just by looking at the food and how it was prepared, I can easily tell that Kwon Omma is the one who made it. Her signature dish, Kimchi fried rice is all I can see amongst many and I’m drooling over it.

“You dropped by Omma and Appa’s house?” I asked while picking a fried chicken strip with my fingers.

He hands me chopsticks and pushed all the containers near me so I won’t have any problem reaching for them. “Omma visited me at home a while ago. She wanted to drop by the hospital to see you too, but her friend who came here to Seoul all the way from Jeju arrived earlier than expected, so she went to meet her, and asked me to give these food bag to you”

Kwon Omma is really thoughtful. I wish to see her one of these days.

“How are you feeling now?” Jiyong carefully asked in between meal.

I take my time chewing the meat in my mouth before answering. “Better than yesterday. I’ve realize that it’s such a waste of time dealing with him when I can just forget whatever happened”

“That’s great” he said with a warm smile on his face.

“Anyway, you said you’re leaving after we eat. Where are you going?”

“At the studio. I woke up this morning wanting to finish recording so that I can release an album already”

Great! Now he’s motivated. Jiyong has struggled a little, not knowing what to do with his career after being release from military service. To add up to that, he’s kind of lost without the other Big Bang members who are still in service.

“Is there something bugging you?” he asked and I just noticed that he already stopped eating and is only staring at me.

Should I tell him about having myself tested for pregnancy? I haven’t thought of it yet and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to take it lightly, though I know he will not hate me for it, but he’s going to be really disappointed.

“Nothing” I decided to lie and just wait for the result before telling him. After all, I’m not convinced that I may be pregnant.

I mean, I’ve got no symptoms of it, except that I’m always sleepy, but it can be from exhaustion which I more reasonable. My period is delayed, that can be caused by stress. I know there are women who are lucky to not have morning sickness, nausea, and most of the grueling parts of being pregnant, but my case is different.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t want to have a baby. It’s just that, I’m not ready for it. And there’s only one man I want to be the father of my children and that is none other than, Jiyong.

After our sumptuous meal, Jiyong stayed for another hour. We’re just cuddling on the couch while listening to jazz music. I’ve noticed that he’s not bringing up the issue about Hong Shik anymore. Oh well, it’s better, for our night not to be spoiled.

“Is it just me or your hips are wider than it is” he said while running his hand up and down my side.

Taking it as a joke, I hit him on the chest. “Yeah, right!”

He laughed. “Seriously!” he forced me to stand just to measure my hips with his hands. “It’s this big now, when it’s only this big before”.

It’s so typical of him to notice changes of my body. I remember when he accused me of having a job, even saying that I’m two cups bigger than what it used to. He grilled me to the point that I was left with no choice but to show him the wonder bras I’ve bought in the States during one of my vacations there.

“You’re getting it wrong again” I said in defense “Most of the time you’re wrong”

“Maybe…” he pulled me to his lap and whispered in my ear “You’re gaining weight”

“Isn’t that what you want?”

Leaving soft kisses on my shoulder, “Yeah”

After a while, “I think I’ll stay a little longer” he said, making me smirk.

“But you’re in the mood to do music. You should take advantage of it”

He made me face him fully. “I need more motivation”

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