You are powerful beyond measure.

I arrived at Jeju in the wee hours of the night. I left home without concrete plans, leaving me clueless the moment I stepped out of the plane. First thing I did is eat. I am starving, I can eat a whole pig in one sitting and ask for another. Before leaving the restaurant, I was able to book a hotel room where I decided to stay for a few days to a week, max, while looking for a place to temporarily stay at while I’m here.

I’m in a tight budget. As you all know, Jiyong is only giving me allowance to spend for my schooling. I do have savings, which I’m going to use for this, what I call, ‘time off from family’. I must admit, I might need to look for a part time job just so I can be secured that I won’t go broke.

As for my residency, Dr. Nam told me that she’s going to ask for assistance from her Doctor friends based here in Jeju to help me. It might take a while, but I’m all good with it, for I can rest for a while and do healing.

“Gosh”. I’m out in the balcony of the three star hotel I booked in. The view from here is not as beautiful but it can do. I’ve never been this close to sea for years, it feels good to breathe fresh air. “You are equally nuts as Kwon Jiyong, Jeong Areum” I rarely talk to myself, but I’m doing it now to help myself sink in the reality of me, being alone for God knows how long.

“You will get through this” I whispered. Then, my emotions suddenly caught me, making me cry so hard, harder than when my parents passed away. “You can do this!” I screamed and felt my lungs lighter than it was a moment ago.

“You’ll get back to Ethan and Emma as the Mom they knew before…you’re not going back to them until you’re that Mom again”. This is quite a motivation. It’s been a while since I last became a Mom to my kids, and as much as I want to say that I am still that cool-disciplinarian Mom they know, I must say she was unconsciously buried deep. It’s my top mission to dig her up again.

The next day, I woke up feeling a little off. My head hurts badly, it must be from all the crying I did. “What to do now?” I asked myself, while staring at the black screen of the television in front of me. I can see my reflection and I don’t like what I’m seeing. I look so fragile. This is the thinnest I’ve been since teen years and it’s pretty alarming.

Now that I got so much time, I’m going to take every day slowly. I started off by staring at myself, , in front of the full body mirror in the bathroom. “You’re near skeletal” I said to myself after feeling my ribcage. “It’s insane!” I’m near to having a body of someone with an eating disorder.

How did I come to this?

Well, let’s just say that the last decent meal I ate back home is when Kwon Omma forced me to eat dinner with them months ago. Bad eating habits mixed with stress can really be deadly.

“Good food is all you need, self” I sighed in disappointment as I head to the shower.

After preparing myself for a slow day ahead, I went to a well-known restaurant in the island and ordered almost everything on the menu. I ate like I was doing a mukbang minus the continues stuffing of food in my mouth. I took my time eating every dish, deliciously savoring every bite and chew. My only prayer is to not get indigestion, because if I do, I don’t have a choice but to spend my first healing day in my hotel room.

“Oh! This is…weird” Jiyong is calling. “To answer” I ran my thumb on the green button on the screen “Or not” then place the phone down on the table. On the fourth ring, I grabbed the phone again “To answer”, and once again ran my thumb on the green button “…or…”

“!” I panicked as I accidentally pressed the green button.

Great! Now I don’t have a choice but to talk to him.

“Hey!” I am trying to keep calm. Whatever his reason for calling is, I need to be civil and not let my emotions do crazy things for me.

Jiyong cleared his throat “Hi! Good…morning” I can imagine him nervously pacing in his bedroom while biting his nails. I know him too well.

“Morning” I plainly greeted, as I look at all the food on my table, the only thought running in my head is how I’m going to finish everything up.

“So…the kids…” the moment I heard him say the word ‘kids’, I snapped up.

“What about them?” I asked anxiously.

He cleared his throat again, while I wait impatiently for him to continue. “Well…”

“Seriously Jiyong…just spit it out”

He hissed “They already know about our set up” he finally speaks out. All I can do is sigh. “As expected, they are not good with it”

I faked a laugh. “Of course they won’t be”

Jiyong sighed heavily, “There are meltdowns…but…all is under control now…Ethan went to school…”

“And Emma?” I asked. Knowing Ethan, no matter how bad he’s feeling he will still go on with his day. Our daughter, however, is his complete opposite. She will let things sink in and cry her heart out the whole day. For some reason, this method of hers works for her every time. She gets over things right after dealing with it for a day.

“She…doesn’t want to talk to me…doesn’t even want to see me…so…she asked to stay with Omma and Appa in Dolce Vita for the meantime” Jiyong sounds frustrated, while I can’t help but laugh at what’s happening.

It seems like he didn’t filter the story of yesterday to our kids. He must’ve told them that he banned me from seeing them and explained his reasons, surely expecting to be understood. Sad to say, but that doesn’t really work when you’re breaking a very bad news to kids. If I were him, I will simply tell them that Mom is going away for a while, and that they won’t be seeing her for some time. Once the kids ask where Mom is going, I will just say, “somewhere” but assure them that she’s going to a good place and that she’s going to be safe. All the kids need is an assurance that Mom is going back in time and that she’s safe. Now, with his honesty, it will be definitely a challenge getting Emma’s heart again. Our daughter may look easy because she loves her Daddy so much, but in this situation, I have a strong feeling that it will take time for her to forgive him.

“Well…good luck in getting her back” I sound cold and I’m not mad about it.

Silence.

Why do I feel the need to change my number after this call? Why does the sound of his voice irritate me?

“Uhmm…” Unable to answer the questions in my head, I played with my food while waiting for him to say something.

“Alright!” he sighed “I’ll hang up now” he sighed again.

“O…k…”

“Wait, Areum!” he called, snapping me up.

“Yep”

“Wherever you are…please…take care” he said, sounding so sweet and thoughtful, my heart almost gave in.

“Yeah…yeah” and I cold-heartedly hang up. “Stupid” I said under my breath and attacked my food after.

That conversation is one for the books. I never thought I can be that cold to him. I don’t know why, but I’m not expecting him to keep contact while I’m away. Yes, I do want updates about my kids, but I’m certain I don’t want them coming from him. The only person I can think of who can give me updates is Dr. Nam. I will ask her to check on them from time to time and report to me. As much as possible, I don’t want any communication with Jiyong while in this ‘trip’.

“Ouch!” someone just hit me with a volleyball on the thigh.

“I’m so sorry, Miss” a guy, not so tall but very attractive is running towards me. “I’m really sorry” he repeated when he reached me.

Blond hair. Fair skin. Cute smile. Oversize shirt. Ripped jeans. This guy is so pleasing in the eyes. His charm is undeniable.

“It’s Ok” I told him and handed him the volleyball.

He smiled and it made my heart skip a beat for some strange reason. “Coco hit the ball quite hard” he looked back and I saw kids, ages eight to ten, waiting for him get the ball back.

“Throw it here!” one of them shouted.

“Aigoo…” he giggled “Catch!” he called out and throws the ball to the kids who excitedly chased it.

“Are they your siblings?” I asked. I cannot help but remember my kids while looking at them.

He shakes his head, “No. They are from the orphanage a few blocks away from here” he answered.

My heart instantly hurt upon hearing that. I am an orphan too, that’s why I feel for them. I’m just one lucky kid for having the Kwon family take over my parents after they passed away.

“Are you an…” I’m not that sure if I can ask what I want to ask, but…

He chuckled, “No. I’m not an orphan”. I guess he read my mind. “I’m a volunteer. Twice a week I visit them…you know…play with them…talk to them heart to heart…and teach them sports…” he gave out that sweet, captivating smile again “Even when I’m no good at sports”. It made me laugh.

“I see…” I looked into his eyes and noticed that his eye color is so black, it’s frightening at first look.

“You new here?” he asked casually.

From the way he looks, I can tell he’s a few years younger than me.

“Yeah” I replied shyly “I just got here last night”

Silence.

“Oh, by the way!” in the friendliest manner “I’m Mark…thirty years old…I’m not originally from the island” cutely, he scratched his head as if shy “I don’t know why I’m introducing myself so long…but…yeah!” he clasped his hands then rubbed them playfully, “I own a business here”

I stared at him for a good five seconds before introducing myself. “I’m Areum…you can call me Elle as well…”

“Ooohh…that rhymes” he butted in, making me chuckle.

“I’m…older than you by a few years” I confidently told him and he laughed.

“You’re a Noona…cool!” he said and I nodded in agreement.

“I’m a Doctor…well…I’m having my residency” I awkwardly continued “Right now I’m on a break…but…”

All of a sudden, he gripped my shoulder, taking me by surprise. We just met but this guy is already so comfortable around me. “Relax…you’re too tensed” he pats my shoulder and smiled, waiting for me to talk some more, but I forgot what I’m about to say.

“Do you have anything to do right this very minute?” he asked and I shake my head. “Great! Let’s go have coffee then!”

“Wait…” I am hesitant. This isn’t how I want my first day in the island to be like. I don’t want to be with anybody, but this guy is just so…

“C’mon” Mark grabbed my hand and gently tugged it “Don’t worry…I’m a good guy” he looked back at me and smiled “Noona” he said, and at that moment, my heart went jumping while my head spins.

                                                                                                                                                 ****