It takes time to heal.

Yesterday was a nightmare. I woke up today, hoping for it to be a distant memory. But it won’t, for I know that no matter how long past it’ll be, the memory of it will continuously haunt me.

“Pa!” Yong pointed at the television “Pa!” he called.

Jiyong is on the news. It says that he’s expected to be here in Seoul tonight, with his wife.

“We need to get going now, big boy” I turned off the television that started Yong’s meltdown.

My son is beginning to be a handful with the meltdowns. For some reason, he knows that he can get things through it. Of course, I don’t tolerate it. Now that Jiyong will not be around him anymore, I can already discipline my son without someone protesting over it. I’m not going to spank him. There are disciplinary actions that doesn’t involve hurting your child. Like, facing the wall or reflecting in a corner – actions that according to Jiyong are still ‘barbaric’. He’s all about talking to the child without punishment.

“Pa! Pa! Pa!” Yong is screaming his lungs out, crying really hard, while rolling on his play mat.

All I can do is watch him. As much as I want to comfort and woo him, I need to stay firm. This is one parenting method that I’m definitely going to use. I will not give in to him easily and let him calm down by himself. He will get tired from crying and eventually stop. It might look scary because he’s struggling, crying so hard and catching his breath, but no worries, kids know themselves more than anyone does. They can act at the tender of age of one, and they know how to reel themselves in too.

Ten seconds.

Fifteen.

Twenty.

The moment he stopped, I crouched in front of him and looked straight into his eyes, “Omma loves you, but I cannot give in to you all the time” I wiped his tears and hugged him.

Having a growing child sure is hard.

After dropping Yong off at the Day Care, I headed to the hospital just to be welcomed by a lot of flowers surrounding my office. Instantly, I know who they are from.

Dr. Miller was my shoulder to cry on yesterday. He never left my side, even accompanying me in picking Yong up at the Day Care. We ate ice cream and he drove us to Dami Unnie’s house where the family is.

There, I was consoled by Omma. They are not angry at Jiyong, only disappointed. Who wouldn’t anyway? I was able to talk to him as well, and God knows how hard it was. For the first time in my life, I’ve proven to myself that I am strong. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I didn’t break down. Jiyong did. His face tells only one thing – Regret.

I know better – this is what I was thinking the whole time. I know that Jiyong was put in a situation that he cannot control, intoxicated by alcohol. Thing is, he’s legally married now, and though it can be voided, it will take a lot for it to happen. His name is on the line, and Lena’s feelings too. That girl, as I see it, is fragile. She can do crazy things as well.

“Thank you for turning my office into a flower shop” I told Dr. Miller when we saw each other at the nurses’ station.

He chuckled. “Those can make a lot of patients happy”

I nodded. “Yeah…but…” I smiled. “I will keep them this time”

He gave out a small smile. “Actually, I’ve already given flowers to your patients during my rounds a couple of hours ago, because the ones in your office are for you and you alone”

“They are comforting” I told him, and he pulled me for an unexpected hug.

“You’ll be all right”. He’s so assuring, I believed it in an instant.

But, will I really be fine? I mean, will I ever move on from this, knowing that I gave up not fighting? To be honest, I can still hold on to Jiyong. Thing is, the longer we go through this, the more painful it gets. Maybe this is really the end of us.

My day is not as bad as I thought it will be. I was too occupied to think of anything else but work, and when my shift ended, some of my colleagues invited me for dinner, which I agreed to after picking Yong up from the Day Care. Social life is what I need to get over heartbreak, and I’m going to go all out on it. After all, it’s what was lacking in my life for a long time.

“Your son is very handsome, Dr. Jeong” Dr. Song said, while pinching Yong’s cheek.

“Pa! Pa!” Yong called, while pointing at something.

Both Dr. Song and I looked at what it is and all I was able to do is sigh.

“Oh! There’s GD” she said then giggled.

The water bottle, one of my colleagues’ daughter owns has GD’s picture on it. You know, the vitamin water he’s been endorsing for so many years now.

“Pa!” Yong called again.

Dr. Song smiled. “His marriage is a shocker” she said.

Startled, “Ah…yeah!” is all I can say.

“I’m sure you know about it. Why weren’t you there?”

Well, my colleagues, even the nurses, think that I know about Jiyong’s eloping, all because I’m his ‘best friend’. If only the truth.

“Honestly, I know nothing about it” I said, casually as I can. “He didn’t tell a single soul. Like everybody else, I was shocked too”

“Really?” Dr. Song is in disbelief. “Oh well, maybe he suddenly feel like making the girl his wife. There’s nothing wrong with it anyway, especially when they’re totally in-love with each other”

At this point, all I want is to laugh my off. I’m sure once the people know the truth, they will laugh because it’s just so plain stupid.

I chose not to give a damn when that conversation extended to the whole table. Most cannot believe that THE G-DRAGON is already married. I was asked about my impression on his wife, and I just said ‘She’s okay’. It’s just nuts that even during the time of what I thought is my fun-social time, I’ll still be reminded of my best friend/ex-lover, and his freakin’ wife.

Exhausted, Yong and I went home earlier than the others. I was surprised to see a huge box in the living room and large paper bags on the couch.

                                To Yong,

                                                I miss you!

                                From: Appa

The card on the box say.

Oh, the newlyweds have arrived!

Lamely, I put Yong down on his mat and pulled the box to us. My son looks excited and anxious, for any type of box for him means a surprise.

“This is from Ap….” I paused. “Uncle Ji” I continued.

I guess it’s time to teach Yong that Jiyong is only an uncle and not his Appa. It will take time, but he will surely learn it.

In the box are toys that looks more expensive than ordinary cars on the road. From robots to talking stuffed animals, Yong’s toy shelf is not enough for all of them.

“He should stop buying for us” I muttered. Then my eyes landed on the paper bags. I don’t need to check on the card to know who it’s from, because it’s none other than him, too.

I didn’t even bother to look at what’s inside the paper bags. I only gave Yong one toy from the box, let him play with it for a few minutes, then prepared him for bed. After making him sleep, I cleared out the toys, putting them on the toy shelf with some in the storage room. Also, in the storage are the large paper bags that I still didn’t dig in. Call me bitter, but as much as possible, I don’t want anything to do with him as of the moment.

Morning came and I still feel heavy when I prayed hard last night to wake up feeling lighter. I guess God is making me feel the pain to be immune to it after some time.

“Yong?”

My son is not in his crib.

“Yong!”

“Yah!” Dami Unnie popped out of nowhere, carrying Yong, shocking me to death.

With my heart down to my feet, “Unnie!” I called.

She laughed hard. “Aigoo. I’m sorry for barging in your apartment, worrying you about Yong, and shocking the heck out of you”

What a way to start the day!

Following me to the kitchen, “Omma wants us to go to Dolce Vita today” she said.

I turned to her and zoned out for a few seconds. “Why?”

She sighed. “She suddenly called for a family gathering. At first we’re already decided not to count you in, because it might be too awkward for you. But, you’re family and it’s best for you and Jiyong to talk”

I scowled. “But we already did!”

She nodded. “He wants to get you as his ‘best woman’, for their formal wedding”

Oh, so there’s already a plan and I’m outdated.

“Lena’s parents wants it to happen in three weeks!” Unnie said, and I can’t react no more. “They are demanding a lot, and we’re being rattled. Jiyong on the other hand, is just going with it. He’s not fighting anymore”

Knowing that man, he will not fight when he knows there’s no way out. It doesn’t mean that he just quit, he just doesn’t want to bother himself of it. And, with Lena’s parents already involved, there’s a slim chance he can turn things around.

“Well, then let’s go there!” I snapped, trying to sound normal.

I care less of how it’ll be once Jiyong, Lena and I go face to face. I’m there as a family member, not an ex-lover.

With that, Dami Unnie, Yong and I went to Dolce Vita after breakfast. My son started shrieking in excitement upon seeing the pension. He knows the place very well. It’s like his paradise.

“Appa will be so happy to see you, Yongie-ah!” Unnie rushed him inside as I take my time outside.

I need to gather and patch myself up. They can’t see me in shreds.

“Areumie!” Omma came rushing to me, hugging me tightly.

When we talked, I told her that I might distance myself from everybody for a while. I just need time to find my nitch, so that I can face them better than I’ve ever been. Of course, she’s against it, but she gave in as well, after realizing that it’s going to be really good for me.

“This is the first time I saw Jiyong smile since he arrived” she said, while looking at her married son.

What a difference two days can make. Last time I saw him through video chat, he still looked fresh, healthy and nourished. Now, it seems like he starved himself and got no sleep. All I want to do is bring him his favorite food and demand him to eat it all.

“Hi!” he greeted, with Yong on his shoulders.

I cannot look at him straight to the eyes, but I was able to pull up a smile.

“Hi!” I replied awkwardly.

And that, lovely people of the world, is the only conversation we had the whole morning.

“Where’s Lena? I haven’t seen her yet” I asked Unnie who is so busy with her phone.

She looked at me and sighed, “Sleeping. Jet lag got her bad”

“That’s….horrible” I said, and she laughed.

“Jiyong told me a while ago that it’s better with her sleeping, for he can’t see her and she can’t bug him”

Tsk!

“He should start acting like a husband to her”. I don’t know why I’m saying this.

Unnie put her phone down on the table then stared at me. “It’ll take time before that happens”

I sighed. “But at least he could try. I mean, they’re already married. Whether he’s for it or not, he has to it up because Lena isn’t going anywhere”

“She is glued to him”. It so obvious that Unnie despise her sister in-law. “I don’t know, but I really don’t like her. Call me bad, but I’d rather have any of his ex-girlfriends as his wife, especially you, than that girl”

Oh please! I don’t ever want to be involved again.

“I’m out of it, Unnie” I told her, “As much as possible, I don’t want to be involved in anything with them. I’m trying my best to get out of the picture. If it weren’t for Omma, I actually wouldn’t be here”

There! I finally voiced my feelings out and I feel much lighter.

“I don’t want you to distance yourself and Yong from the family”. Jiyong just showed up all of a sudden, surprising us. He joined us at the table. “Yong is with Appa, they went to the lake”

Dami Unnie was about to get up but I hold her hand tightly. She and Jiyong looked at each other and I saw him shake his head as if telling her not to go.

“You guys need to talk” she said, as chill as she can be.

I take a breath. “We already did”, then looked at her brother who has been staring at me for good seconds already.

“I need you to know that I’m going to fight for you” he said, making Unnie gasp.

I chuckled. “Stop it. You’re just complicating it. You’re already in deep Jiyong, don’t go any deeper”

“But we love each other” he tried holding my hand but I pulled it back. “We are supposed to be together. Not Lena and I!” his voice went up a pitch, making a point.

“There are people who love each other but aren’t together, simply because they’re not meant to be. I strongly believe now that we’re not mean to be. And that you were just one of those lessons I needed to learn the hard way. Love is painful, but what’s more painful is when stupidity hits and bad decisions were made”

I suddenly forget that Unnie is with us, hearing the hurtful words I just said to her brother. Well, she seems fine with it, for if there’s one thing she wants, it’s to give him a good whack.

Jiyong walked out after. He’s hurt. I know that. But, he needs to hear my harsh words to somewhat wake up.

It took me almost two hours to have the guts to go inside the house, for I know we’ll meet face to face again. The moment I walked in the living room, I saw Lena. So, I just headed to the dining room to compose myself. I thought I’m prepared to see her. Turns out, I’m not.

“Hi!”

Don’t. Please. Don’t.

“Hey!” Lena sat in front of me, smiling triumphantly.

What does she want? Why does she have to follow me here?

“What are you doing here?” I asked without flinching.

She smirked. “Aww…Areum”. She just wants to make me puke. I’m disgusted by her antics. “One day you will find the man you’re meant to marry. Too bad it isn’t going to be Jiyong”

I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to rub my fresh wounds with salt to hurt me. She’s making me realize that she won the game that is obviously mine for the taking. If she only fight fair.

“Even if you turn the world upside down, you wouldn’t be able to change the fact that he’s now mine and will forever be mine. You had your chance, you let it go. Suffer with the consequences”

This is up for some bullying. I’ll give her a taste of her own medicine.

“I just want to remind you…MRS. KWON, that he will never see you the way you want him to see you. He may be with you, but we know so well that he’ll forever be mine. After some time he will learn to love you, but he will always love me more”

In rage, “You !” Lena snapped, attacking me. Good thing, my reflexes are fast, I was able to shield my face from her sharp nails. Thing is, she got my hair.

As much as I don’t want her to take over me, I cannot move a muscle, for she’s too strong.

“You’re a loser!”

“He’s mine!”

“Stay away from him!”

“!”

All of a sudden, someone grabbed her away from me. I can never be thankful enough. My scalp is pulsating from all the pulling. I won’t lie. I wasn’t able to make a move at all, even when I want to do some damage. She, however, got the best out of my hair.

“Yah!”

It’s Jiyong. His tight grip on Lena’s arms are going to bruise for sure. “What the heck do you think are you doing?” he asked, eyes raging in anger.

In an instant, Lena’s innocent switch is on. She’s radiating the victim vibe. “Your ex started it”

Jiyong looked at her as if she’s one big of a joke. “Areum doesn’t even know what to do with you a while ago. Look at her!” he pointed at me. “You almost ripped her head off! And…” he moved closer to her. “I know her. She’s no fighter. Never has she started a fight, especially not with dumb people like you”

Lena is such an idiot. If she think she can have Jiyong wrapped around her fingers, she’s wrong. Yes, he is stupid, but he wouldn’t let her run him. Also, he’s not blind to see who’s lying and who’s telling the truth.

“Good thing Omma, Appa and Noona are having a walk. If not, they will surely flip out on you, most especially when it’s Areum you’re fighting with” he told her.

Oh, that’s for sure. I cannot even imagine what it’s going to be like. The beast in Unnie will surely unleash, like when I was being bullied by a group of girls in middle school. Jiyong told her about it and she went to my school and gave the girls the greatest scolding of their lives.

“Seriously Jiyong, why is she here?” Lena asked, then looked at me just to roll her eyes.

Jiyong chuckled. “She’s here because she’s family. To be completely honest, if there’s one person who shouldn’t be here, it’s you”

Woah! The dragon just spitted fire!

“You’re hopeless!” Lena yelled at him. “I’m your wife! You can want her all you want but you’ll never be hers!” and she walked out.

After what Lena said, I can tell that she’s going to be a handful. She’ll definitely not let go. I feel bad for Jiyong because it seems like no matter what he does, he’s not going to be able to run away from his wife.

“I’m sorry” he said, taking the seat in front of me.

I fixed my hair and sighed. “You shouldn’t talk to her like that”

He hissed. “I know I’m disrespecting her, but no gentle words can tame a stinking person like her”

Giving in to Jiyong and setting aside our issues, “Give this marriage a shot. A lot of people are already involved. Yes, this isn’t what you want, but it’s already your reality. While there’s a way out of it, I think it’s better to try working it out than struggling out. Things will get better in time”

With tears in his eyes, “Will you still be there for me?” he asked.

I held his hand. “Real friends don’t walk away from each other. The fact that I am here, means that I still care”

                                                 ****