The moment your heart talked for you, the truth that you keep on denying will surely come out, and in one way or the other, you will feel lighter than ever.

My loose mouth. Why did I even say that? I could’ve just shut up and let go.

Jiyong’s silence is deafening. He looked really shocked and he’s speechless. This is the very first time in our two decades of friendship that I talked about it, he himself will not even dare to.

Feeling awkward more than ever, I pulled myself up and scrambled to my feet to the kitchen. I looked at what Hong Shik cooked for me and prepared it on the counter island. How can I pull this off? This kind of air should go, for it’s suffocating.

“Omo!” I dropped a soup bowl and it scattered into pieces on the floor. “Aigoo” Jiyong came running to me. He checked on me first before anything else, worry is clear on his face. “Did it hit you?” his voice in panic “Tell me”

I chuckled and pinched his cheek playfully. “I wasn’t hurt”. He didn’t buy it and checked my legs and feet for a bleeding wound, and when he didn’t find any, he sighed in relief “Yah! Why so clumsy?”

I pushed him lightly. “Buttery fingers, what can I do?” even my voice is not cooperating with me. I try to sound normal, but it comes out awkward.

“Sit down now, let’s try Hong Shik’s cooking” I told him, pointing at the tall stool “I’ll just clean this up”. When I was about to start sweeping, he grabbed my wrist and snatched the broom from me. “I’ll do it”. Hesitant, I grabbed the broom “No. I’ll do it”. He looked straight into my eyes “I said I’ll do it”. At this point, I gave in.

As I watch him clean, I cannot help but think about his reaction a while ago. His expression is shocked, but his eyes have so much to say. If only he can voice it all out.

“Let’s eat!” as always, he put food on top of my rice first before his. All I can do is smile. Now that we’re in front of each other, I feel more awkward and I cannot understand why I’m feeling like this. Why all of a sudden, it becomes a big deal?

None of us are talking. I cannot comment on the food even if it tastes really good. I must say, I’m impressed. Hong Shik doesn’t look like he’s good in the kitchen, but he really is.

“What time is he going home? Jiyong asked, breaking the long silence. I jerked up, as if being called out by my teacher. “Hmm…I’m not sure, but probably in the morning”. He looked at me intensely (the kind that makes my heart beat so darn fast) and nodded “How was it living with someone after years of being alone?” this question comes out bitterly in my hearing. I take in a deep breath and composed an answer in my head.

I’m being very careful not to tell him what really happened last night. As much as I hate lying to him, I think it’s best not for him to know, at least for now.

“Feels weird” I started, poking the meat in my bowl. “Because…he’s not you? I mean, I’m so used with you staying here for the night and all, but he’s another person”

Silence.

He drinks water, swallowed hard and nodded. “Aigoo”, and the air became more awkward.

“Thank you for bringing him thick blankets and pillows” I said, trying to extinguish the bad air. Then he laughed “He won’t freeze to death in the living room anymore”

If he only know how warm Hong Shik felt last night.

We finished our meal with a cup of lemon balm tea (Omma asked him to give it to me). The air is still suffocating. I cannot think of any way to clear it.

I cleared my throat and wrapped my fingers around the hot cup of tea “Does the family know about this?”

He looked at me and shook his head. “I didn’t tell them, not even to Noona because I’m sure if I do, they will go straight here and pull him out. You know how sensitive they are when it comes to these things”

Honestly, I want to tell the family about Hong Shik, most especially when the reason of his stay is valid. I don’t want to hide anything from them. But I guess it’s better not for them to know, to not have issues anymore.

“Are you packing for your trip already?” he is also trying to clear the air. I’m sure he’s completely bugged by it as well. Sighing heavily, “Haven’t. I actually have LOADS to pack” I emphasized, and he chuckled. “Do you want me to do it for you?

Yes, Jiyong and I pack each other’s luggage sometimes. I do it for him whenever he’s so busy to even spare ten minutes of his time. He’ll call or message me, I’ll go to his house, read the list of things to put in the suitcase (usually stick on his refrigerator door), and start packing. He on the other hand, does it whenever I’m too tired to do it or if I’m also busy. I don’t need to do a list, for he loves mixing and matching clothes for me.

Best Friend Perks: You don’t have to stress yourself with having so little time for so many things, for he/she will cover it up for you. Just remember to give back the favor, even when they hesitate.

Brushing off the awkwardness that’s been lingering for an hour and a half already, we head to my closet where he’s welcomed by Hong Shik’s clothes, neatly hanged in one of the racks.

“He’s sharing closet with you too” he said plainly, walking pass it.

I know he’s pissed. It’s not hard to read it.

I nearly hit my head on the wall. I think I’m just making things worst. I should’ve not brought him here. Now, tension and awkwardness volt in.

“He got nowhere to put his clothes” I countered as natural as possible. Jiyong smirked. “Yesterday, he got nowhere to go. Today, he got nowhere to put his clothes” he mumbled, reaching for my huge suitcase under a rack.

I didn’t react to it anymore. I just stood behind him, feeling bad. I know he’s disappointed because I’m letting Hong Shik into every part of my house when it’s not right.

“You don’t wear this anymore?” he asked, while holding a blue and white porcelain print flare dress that he bought for me when he went to Paris last year. I pouted “It’s too big”. Without any words, he put it back in the rack.

“How about this? Does it still fit you?” He pulled out a pastel pink sleeveless skater dress that worth too much for a piece of clothing (once again given by him). I got it from him and smiled. “Turn around” I made a gesture with my fingers, making him sigh. “Don’t tell me you change clothes like this with Hong Shik now” he said, and I slapped his back. “Of course not!” I exclaimed.

This is how comfortable we are to each other. We can be in one room and change clothes. It’s a thing our friends find so weird.

“It fits!” I jumped up in glee and he turned my way already. “Great! Put that there” he pointed at the round white leather sofa.

Dresses are coming out of their racks one by one, even the ones I don’t remember I have. I was surprised that Jiyong knows almost everything.

“This is when the fun starts” he pulled out my vanity chair and smiled at me. “Those” he pointed at the pile of dresses on the round sofa using his lips “Are for London. And the ones we’ll put here” he patted the chair “Will be for Melbourne”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is how detailed Kwon Jiyong can be. He can pack in ten minutes, putting random clothes in his suitcase, and he can pack for a couple of hours, picking clothes meticulously. The only disadvantage of this detailed packing, is the huge chance of paying for overweight baggage fee.

“Try this” he threw a floral backless slim jumpsuit at me to the other side of the room. Once again, he faced the rack as I slip in the jumpsuit. “Love it” I said and he faced me. The moment he saw how bare the back is, he shook his head and made an X sign using his arms.

And the fitting went on and on and on. Jiyong keeps tossing clothes at me to try, as he keeps facing the rack while I do it.

“This….” he is already out of breath while trying to zip up a dress “Doesn’t fit you any….more”

While scanning the racks, I saw the mesh-insert leather dress that I usually wear at night outs. I’ve forgotten about it together with my night life. Now, the dress doesn’t zip up when I badly want it, for it’s perfect to wear at the reunion.

“!” Jiyong shouted as I hear a rip. Cold air passed through my left side. I sighed and faced him, pouting “Goodbye Saint Laurent” I said in my saddest tone, and he burst out in laughter.

Still laughing, he pulled me to him and gave me a comforting hug “Don’t be sad anymore”. It’s obvious that he’s just playing around. “Just look at the bright side” he giggled, and I rolled my eyes. “Your chest got bigger”

That cracked me up. “I think so too!” my voice is less awkward and livelier than before. We continued laughing our asses out.

As time passes by, we’ve slowly forgotten what happened a while ago. I also came to realize that there’s no room for regrets anymore, regarding what happened between Hong Shik and I. What’s done is done. I cannot bring back time.

“Thank you so much for helping me Jiyongie” I expressed with a smile. He sat next to me on the couch, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “It’s nothing” he said and pushed my head down to his shoulder.

My heart started beating so fast. I put my hand on my chest and felt it banging, which is so weird. I’ve never reacted this way towards him before.

Confused with so many thoughts in mind, I shook them off and just savored the moment. I feel so good in his arms, like I’m fitted in it perfectly. No man has ever made me feel this way.

“Areumie”

“Hey, wake up”

His voice sounded tired but still sweet. His hand though, is not as warm as it used to be.

“Hmmm….” I stretched out my hand, eyes closed but with a smile on my face. “Oh!” my eyes opened in shock when he kissed my lips.

“Ji….” I squinted and even rubbed my eyes, hard. “Hong Shik!” I sat up, disoriented.

How many times will I mistake him for Jiyong? Like, seriously.

“Aigoo” even the way he brushes my hair and tucks it behind my ears is very Jiyong-ish.

I forced a smile. “Good Morning” I sounded so awkward, but I think he didn’t notice because the expression of his face didn’t change. He my cheek gently, as if I’m some kind of thin glass that’s easy to break. “Good Morning” he greeted back and leaned forward, planting a kiss on my lips again.

As far as I’m concerned, we’re not a couple yet. Yes, something happened to us, but in terms of romantic feelings, personally, I’m not yet on that stage. I still need some time to go there. But with how he’s acting, it seems like he sees me as his girlfriend already.

Uneasy, I slid out of bed and noticed that I’m not in my bed clothes. I must’ve fallen asleep last night in Jiyong’s arm. I’m sure he’s the one who tucked me in bed. Too bad, we weren’t able to spend more time together.

“You just got home?” I asked, while pouring milk in a tall glass. Hong Shik sat on the stool across mine. He nodded “Yeah. I booked three additional gigs last night, was off work by five then went to my Hyung’s apartment to check on my Omma and Dongsaeng”

I gave out a sympathetic smile. It must’ve been hard to be away from his family, especially when he’s used to being with them. “How are they?” I asked. He sighed heavily “They’re good. By the way, Omma wants to thank you for helping me”

How sweet!

“Tell her it’s nothing” I said, touched. “I hope I can meet her along with your brothers, soon”

All of a sudden, he looked puzzled. Did I say something wrong? Oh well, maybe it’s still too early to meet his family.

“Anyway…” I straighten up and cleared my throat. “I’ll be leaving for London in two days. Sorry, I forgot to tell you”. “How long are you going to be there?” he asked. I sighed “One week. But, I won’t be home after another week because I’ll go to Australia for a college reunion, from London”

His face lit up for some reason. I find it intriguing, but I just shrugged it off. Maybe he thinks it’s cool to be going from one country to another.

“So…two weeks” his voice is not as bright as he looks. I nodded “Yep!” then chuckled “You can have this place all to yourself for two weeks”

Yeah. I know it’s dumb of me to trust him of all my hard-earned belongings, but I’m certain that he’ll take care of everything well. After all, Jiyong will surely check on him from time to time.

“You made this?” I asked, upon seeing a frog origami on the center table. He stopped playing his guitar and looked at it. He shook his head “No”, then continued playing again.

Leaving him alone, I walked to my room and locked the door. I suddenly felt the need of privacy.

“Oh!” I snapped up upon seeing my name written on the frog’s belly, and unfolded it anxiously.

                Areumie,

                                I know you’re still waiting for an answer. I wasn’t able to give it to you right away because I myself, don’t know too. Though the same question has been running in my mind from time to time for years already. I don’t know why you suddenly thought of it, but maybe you’re just curious (?)

                                After thinking deep with you sleeping in your room soundly, I think if we happen to be together (romantically), it’ll surely be the biggest shock to everyone. It will also feel weird because something more than friendship connects us. But you know what? I think, we’ll make a good couple, mainly because we know each other so well, it wouldn’t be hard to adjust. Arguments will surely be easy too, for we know which buttons to push in times like that.

                                So, to sum it up, I must say we’re going to be happy. Thing is, like the boy-girl best friends turned lovers we know, there’s a huge possibility of change where one or both of us will forget our friendship. And that, Einstein, is going to ruin everything.

                                As much as we’re curious of what’s it like to be on another level, it’s better to stay on our level where there is no break ups. I’d rather have you by my side till my last breath, than have you as an ex-best friend who got away because of a failed relationship.

                                I love you so much to lose you, Areumie.

                                                                                                                                                                                          Jiyongie.

                                                                                                ******