When you know how you feel, you’re more relaxed and comfortable, but when you’re confused, your mind is filled up by so many thoughts that wrecks up the way you think and move.

I’m no good in confusion, for a person who hears her mind more than her heart, being confused is a challenge. It’s a complicated matter to deal with.

It’s been three days since my first date with Hong Shik. We’re still in contact with each other, and closer than before. Unfortunately, I was so busy I cannot spare even an hour to see him. In all fairness to him, he understands my situation, unlike the others who demands time like they will pay every hour I spend with them. I’m also used to waking up hearing his voice first in the morning, which I think is sweet. He plays as my human alarm clock, although honestly I really don’t need it.

“Oh!” I jumped up upon seeing Jiyong walking in my apartment (he knows my door code), with a bag of take-out Chinese food in hand. I’m still on the phone with Hong Shik who is telling me about a fist fight between two customers at the bar last night.

“Bought food” Jiyong headed straight to the counter island “Gonna prepare them now” he called out and I gave a thumb up.

“Is…” Hong Shik paused. I chuckled. “Yeah. Jiyong’s here. He brought food” I said. “I see” he sounded off all of a sudden. “Well, I guess it’s time to hang up now”

My nerves shoot up. What’s with the tone of his voice that comes off as if he’s jealous? Isn’t it too early for that? And, if he is, there’s no point, especially when it’s my best friend we’re talking about here, not just some man. My relationship with Jiyong won’t change for nobody, it’s either you deal with it or not.

KEEP IN MIND: Lovers may go, hurt, and crush you to pieces, while your best friend stays, only playfully hurt you and picks up your broken pieces to glue you back together again.

After hanging up, I head straight to Jiyong who already started eating. “Hong Shik?” he asked, popping a dumpling in his mouth. I grabbed the glass of water in front of me, drink, and sighed. “Yep”

“Aigoo. What’s wrong?” he really has this special power that only works on me. He reads me so damn well.

It took me some time to swallow the dumpling in my mouth. I don’t know if I should tell him that I feel like Hong Shik got jealous of him when I’m not sure about it. Shaking my head, “Nothing” I said and looked down at my food.

He didn’t buy it, of course. “Are you going to tell me or I’m going to call that guy and ask him, myself?” he is really so good at this.

With a heavy sigh, “I’m not so sure about this. It’s just an assumption” I closed my eyes and take in a breath. “A while ago when I told him you’re here…” I paused and sighed again. “Actually, he heard you and confirmed if it was really you, he suddenly sounded off. It’s like, he got jealous. He even hanged up before I did, which hasn’t happened before”

Jiyong bursts out in laughter. “What an ” he straightforwardly said. “Fine. I get it. I’m a guy. A jealous-worthy guy” he bragged, joking. “But, I’m no ordinary guy. I’m your best friend! Him, getting jealous of me is like him, getting jealous of your family. He entered your life just now, while I’ve been a part of it for ages already”

Wrong move! I should’ve not told him about it. I should bring them closer, not make them feel off towards each other.

“It’s just my gut feel” I countered “I can be wrong”

He hissed. “Women’s instinct is always right”. He stared at me for good seconds. “I’m telling you Einstein, if he becomes your man and he gets jealous of me, I’ll piss the heck out of him until he can’t take no more”

“You’re such a bully!” I stick out my tongue at him as he laughs loudly.

I don’t know, but I have a strong feeling that if my relationship with Hong Shik steps up a notch (I hope it will), Jiyong will really test him until he’s sure that I’m in good hands. This can be an issue between me and Hong Shik, for there’s another person involved, instead of just me and him. But, he has to it up most especially when that person is like the other half of me.

Areumie’s life tip: Don’t leave out your best friend(s)/loved ones just because your partner has issues with them. REMEMBER: When all else fails, the people who have been with you since forever will be your go-to persons. It’s easier to find another partner, but family and real friends are so hard to replace.

“How’s your recording going?” I asked him, while eating the remaining dumplings using my fingers. He took a sip of carbonated water and feed me a pickled radish, laughing at my sour expression. “It’s going smoothly. I already have five songs that are sure to be a part of the album. With the pace we’re going, I have a feeling that my comeback will be around mid this year”

This excites me. Finally, after two years, he’ll be able to do what he always loved doing. He’ll make people happy and crazy, for sure. His music, made of sweat, blood and tears, will once again rock the world.

“How about you, how’s your ‘budding relationship’ doing?” he sounded sarcastic. I rolled my eyes and leaned over the counter just to push him lightly by the shoulder. “Tell me honestly Jiyongie…” I looked straight into his eyes. “You don’t feel that good with Hong Shik, huh?”

My question seemed to startle him. His eyes are shaky and piercing. He cleared his throat and stared at me. “Not that” he shook his head. “It just feels weird”

My curiosity built up. “Weird? Why?”

Ever since my date, Jiyong is acting a little off. If in the past he randomly and jokingly injects the topic of my dating, now, it’s totally different. I remember two nights ago when I was only halfway talking about Hong Shik’s story on how he survived being an Indie Artist in a mainstream industry, Jiyong cut me off and changed the topic, acting like nothing happened, an odd move coming from him because he never do that in the past.  It’s not that he’s not interest in the story, for he’ll frankly tell me if he isn’t. So, I came to this conclusion that maybe there’s something about Hong Shik that he doesn’t feel is right. Oh well, if my conclusion is right, I hope he opens himself to get to know him better.

“He seems like a nice guy” he said. This is the very first compliment I’ve heard from him. “But, there’s something in me that feels off towards him”. From the way he looks, I can tell that he’s serious about this. “You know Areumie, I’m always honest with you and I tell you, whether you’ll get mad or not, if I don’t like the guy you’re getting close with, saying what I really think of him and as far as I can remember, I’m always right”

One more Jiyong superpower (that of course, only works on me), is he knows, as if can smell even from far away when a guy I’m getting close with is good or no good and most of the time, his intuition is right. There was this one time when I introduced a guy I’m seeing for weeks already, in only the thirty minute mark of talking and observing him, he dragged me out of the café and told me to stop seeing the guy because he has a strong feeling that he’s just going to play me. As if on cue, the next day, I received a message from a girl saying that the guy is her boyfriend and even threatened me that if I don’t stop seeing her man, she will spread false rumors about me on the internet. In a snap, I cut contact with the guy. My name shouldn’t be tainted. I have a reputation to live up to.

“I’ve known him for quite some time now. To be honest, I’m getting comfortable with him already. I don’t know, but he seems to know how to push my right buttons. There’s something in him that feels like I’ve known him for so long already”

Hearing this from me, Jiyong is speechless. I can see in his eyes that a lot of things are running in his head. His tight hold on the bottle of carbonated water tells me that his emotions are rising. I don’t exactly know why, but this doesn’t happen all the time.

“You like him” he said, after a long silence “or maybe, you’re falling for him” the tone of his voice is mixed with sadness and annoyance.

All of a sudden, after taking a deep breath, he stood up from the stool and started tidying up. “Prepare for work now. I got this”. He’s not even looking at me.

Now this is weird. There’s an unexplainable tension in between us. I wonder what’s really in his mind. I wonder what he really feels towards Hong Shik, and our possible romantic relationship.

No. He can’t be jealous. We don’t get jealous of each other’s partners. It’s a thing we mastered from the very beginning. Yes, there will always have this feeling that we might drift apart, knowing there’s another person to run-to in times of need, but we’ve already proven that no matter what happens, our friendship is solid.

After preparing for work, Jiyong is nowhere in sight. Usually, he waits for me to finish before leaving.

He left a note beside my car key.

     Einstein,

       I already left, still got a lot of things to do in the studio. Have a good day ahead.

                                                                                                                 Jiyong.

What’s going on with him? What’s with the change of mood?

                               ****