Think, not only using your mind but also your heart. It’s when you listen to both, that decisions are better.

I left for London four days ago and I must say, I’m not as excited for vacation like I usually was. The seminar is full of Science, intelligent people, and more Science. We, Doctors, go to these kind of functions every year, discussing new medical technologies, procedures and researches for diseases with no cure.

“Elle!” Frida, also a Doctor, from Sweden, called me from the other side of the room.

In a black and white ensemble, I crossed the room, smiling at the other Doctors passing. Some of them familiar, and some are not. My feet are suffering from sky high-heels this early morning. God bless me, I wouldn’t get paralyzed for it (Jiyong insisted to pack monster shoes than comfy flats for ‘maturity’ and ‘elegance’).

With a wide smile on my face, “Hey!” I touched her elbow and she turned to me, smiling beautifully. Her glow is to die for. As always, she’s surrounded by men, which is a no brainer since her beauty is hard to resist.

Full name’s Frida Blundell. Thirty years old. Swedish. Five’nine in height. Fit (with womanly curves). Hair, dirty blonde. Eyes, Sapphire blue. Nose, pointed. Lips, thin. Over-all, she’s perfection. Barbie-like. The way she moves is so graceful, it’s as if she walks, floating (sounds creepy, but you know what I mean). To top all that, she’s on top of the Medical Board in Sweden.

“Gentlemen” she sounded so formal, as she welcomes me to her side. “This, is Doctor Elle Jeong” she smiled at me and flashes a wider smile at the well-groomed men in front of us. “One of Asia’s best Doctors. South Korea’s precious jewel”

Woah! What a big introduction!

The casual exchange of greetings is kind of awkward, or I’m the only one feeling it. Looking at the men (there are five), I can say that the medical world has evolved throughout the years. Truth is, there are more young Doctors than older ones compared to last year. I’m sure these men look doubly good in their white coats.

“Hello, beautiful” a tall, good-looking man with a crisp French accent pulled me for an embrace instead of a handshake, surprising the heck out of me. Oh well, I can let this pass since I’m very much aware that French men are more forward and bold than other men.

Frida giggled like a teenager. “Elle, this is Dr. Auguste Leger” she waved her hand to his direction. “He’s the most handsome Doctor in all of France”. Hearing the believable compliment, Dr. Leger laughed. “Arguably” he said, smiling so cheesy at me.

In all fairness, he’s really handsome. You know, the kind of face that can be in a Hollywood movie. He’s tall (six flat), buff (visibly appealing buff), and has manly feels in every inch of his body. I can mistake him for a celebrity actually. I’m sure his patients are so happy to be in his care.

To be fully honest, he makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know, but the way he looks at me is not-so-normal. It’s like he want to strip me , I’m freaked. Good thing we met in a crowded place. If not, I will surely run away from him.

Brushing my thoughts off, I pulled out a smile and extended my hand to him, but instead of shaking it, he kissed my knuckle, shocking me. My cheeks are burning, not from fluttery but anger. I’m not used to this kind of aggression. Not to mention, he’s freaking me out. I am starting to be afraid of him.

I was saved from a mental breakdown when one of the organizers announced that the seminar will start in a few minutes and asked everyone to take their seats. Frida and I excused ourselves before the guysveven say goodbye to each other and headed to our seats, just a few rows away from the stage.

“Here we go again” she whispered with wit and straightened her dress. Gosh! Even the way she sits is perfect. My slouch is all I have. “Oh!” I gasped, upon seeing Dr. Leger walking towards us. To my relief, he took the seat behind me.

Strange. I feel like he’s staring at me from behind. You know that feeling? The heavy, nervous feeling you get when somebody is watching you.

“So…” Frida pulled me out of my mind. She moved her chair closer to mine, notebook and pen on her thighs. I leaned to her. “What do you think of Dr. Leger?” she asked. I don’t know if she’s aware that the man is just behind us.

Ohhh. It seems like Dr. Blundell have hots on Dr. Leger.

“Hmmm…” I’m sure she wanted to her all the positives, and that’s what I’m going to give her. “You two will look so good together”. She burst out in laughter, surprising me and the Doctors around us. Embarrassed, she hanged her head down. And in a whisper, “What are you talking about? I’m asking you, because he told me earlier that he likes you”

My mouth gaped open. I’m speechless. What the!

I chuckled. “Crazy” is all I can say.

I’m gonna spit it now and this is so legit. I’m not interested in other men other than Jiyong, anymore. Not when we’re about to hit things off.

Frida looked at me, curiously. “Aren’t you looking for love? He…” she pointed behind us “could be love!”

I smiled at her, mind a little messed. “This may shock you, but I’m not looking for love anymore”. As expected, she’s shocked. “What? Why didn’t I know about this?”

My innards flip. I chuckled. “I think I already found him”

I said ‘I think’ because I don’t want to talk ahead. I don’t want to expect so much since Jiyong and I still have a long, long way to go. All I can do, is pray for him to be the man I’ve been looking for and live happy ever after.

“So…you’re in a relationship now?” Frida processed my statement slowly.

I shook my head. “Not yet”

“Dating?”

I shook my head again. “Not really”

“Then what?”

With a smile, “It’s Jiyong”

And she lost her marbles. Frida knows who he is, for I introduced them to each other when she visited Seoul a couple of years ago. What’s funny is that, she fan girl over TOP after I brought her to a Big Bang concert.

“Really?”

I nodded. The smile on my face is sweeter. “We unexpectedly share the same feelings. The confession just happened. We’re still figuring things out and preparing for the transition”

Because of that, we just chatted the seminar away. We only listened to the guest speaker who talked about another rare virus than can be passed by an animal to human.

The seminar ended with some snacks and coffee. This is the time Doctors from all over the world, interact with each other, talking about none other than, Medicine. Also, a perfect time to brag about achievements, which I totally don’t dig.

“Hi!”

I turned around and Dr. Leger, looking fine than this morning, is in front of me. Reminded by what Frida told me, I felt more awkward but still able to pull out a smile.

“Hello!”

He smells good. His expensive perfume is familiar (Jiyong used it once).

“Coffee?” he asked. I shook my head. “I’m fine. Thanks”

“Donut? Biscuit?”

I chuckled. “Really. I’m good”

Can I just run?

“Dinner, maybe?”

Suave. This man knows his way to women. Too bad my road’s closed.

“Hmm…”

Oh please, Areumie! What’s with the thinking? Just say NO!

“Please? If you want, I will ask Dr. Blundell as well. In case you’re not comfortable being with only me”

Nice. Considerate.

“Dr. Leger…I…”

He snapped his fingers, enthusiastically. “Chiltern Firehouse, eight-thirty, tonight”. Oh! He just cut me off. Slowly walking backwards, “I will tell Dr. Blundell. See you there!” And he’s out!

What a pushy man! Seriously, he’s freaking the out of me.

Areumie tip for men (if there’s any who reads this. Hi!): DON’T BE TOO PUSHY! For goodness’ sake! Women are already pushy enough to take another soul like theirs. Also, BE SENSITIVE. Know when to give up, and when to move forward. If she gives you ‘the look’ (that intense-cheesy gaze), you’re on. But if she gives you ‘the eye’ (just a plain-lifeless stare), run and don’t ever show up in front of her again.

“No. I don’t like. I won’t go” I told Frida while walking to the elevator. She grabbed me by the arm, stopping me. “Elle, this is just a friendly invitation”. I rolled my eyes at her. “It’s not”

Don’t think of me as an assuming , but the way Auguste with an E, acted in front of me, his persistence, and the way he stare. I can tell he wanted to make a move. I may be numb, but I’m surprisingly sensitive to these kind of things.

Frida shut until we reach my hotel room. She welcomed herself in, while I headed straight to the bathroom. I need a shower and some time alone.

“Elle!” she calls out, while I’m only just about to step out of my dress. With a sigh, I stick my head out of the door “What?”

She showed me her phone with its light blinking like crazy. “Answer it! Why do you have to show me, anyway?”

“It’s Dr. Leger!” she yelled.

I closed my eyes, take in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Tell him I won’t go”. And I shut the door.

“ELLE!” Frida called out again.

“What?” I shouted from the bathroom.

I can smell another pushy soul in Frida. She’s my friend for a long time already, but this is her first time getting in my nerves.

The hard knock on my door made me flinch. I opened it slightly, just to be surprised by her barging in.

“Seriously?” I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. “N.O” I spelled, when she started looking at me with Puss in Boots (shrek cat) eyes.

“Look, this is just a friendly invitation” she started. I nod my head playfully, uninterested. “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah”.

“He just want to know you. Actually, he wanted it so bad, he told me he’s going to do everything”

“Can you hear yourself Frida? That’s so creepy” I told her, crossing my arms on my chest. “I don’t want to meet him EVER, after what you said. And, how many times will I tell you that I’m done meeting men. I already have one waiting for me back home”

“But Elle, you’re not even in a relationship yet” she is still pushing this. “Didn’t you say you’re figuring things out?” she asked and I nod. “Maybe this can help you”

“What do you mean?”

She leaned on the marbled sink and sighed. “Going out with another man will help you weigh your feelings. There, you will see if even with another man, Jiyong is still in your mind. It will also make you think if you can leave dating-ville for couples-ville already”

Here goes the mind-ing again. I thought only Dr. Nam and Jiyong can only do it, I didn’t expect Frida to do it as well. Ow, the people in my world. They can be a ray of sun and the darkest of night.

This is not what I wanted things to turnout, but…

“Fine” I sighed in surrender “Let’s meet him”

Do you think it’s supid? Oh well, if this goes way out of hand, I can always run away. Argh! But it’s going to be so hard because my lifesaver (Jiyong), is not here.

Choosing what to wear is not as stressful, for I’m not planning to impress the guy. A simple Navy blue feminine cut suit will do (I’m actually going to wear this on the last day of the seminar).

Should I tell Jiyong about this? He won’t mind, right? As long as I tell him it’s not a date and I’m with Frida, I’m sure it won’t be a big deal.

                TO JIYONG:

                                     Jiyongie! Pssst!

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Maybe he’s busy.

*Jiyongie calling*

Excited with a mix of anxiousness, “Hey!”

He chuckled and for some reason, it sounded y to me. Is this the after effect of a love confession?

“What are you doing?” His voice is a lot sweeter than it used to be.

My stomach is in knots. “Hmm…I’m about to go out for dinner in a while”

All of a sudden, I don’t feel like telling him anymore. Ugh! What’s going on with me? What’s with the sudden change of mind?

No. I should tell him.

Yes. That’s right.

“Going out alone?” he asked. It’s obvious that he’s in the studio for I can hear music in the background.

I take a deep breath and exhaled nervousness. “Frida will come with me. Well….with….”I paused halfway. Gosh! This is hard!

I cannot understand why I’m afraid to tell him about Dr. Leger, when nothing is really going on between us. Maybe I’m just worried that he might get jealous and it’s not a good start for a budding ‘relationship’.

Feeling my heart up in my throat. “We’re with Dr. Leger”

“Who?”

Here it goes.

“He’s Frida’s friend. He’s attending the seminar too. We’re going to Chiltern Firehouse”. I’m so tensed, it can be heard in my voice.

“Alright” Jiyong is as chill as a lazy dog “Should I be on guard though?”

I don’t know why, but this made me feel tingly inside.

Giggling, “No. Don’t worry about it”

He sighed. “Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’m not into dating anymore, remember?”

Silence.

“Einstein” he called, a little more serious.

“Hmmm…”

“I just want you to know that I’m done thinking already. I’m prepared for the transition as well. In fact, I don’t need even a week for it. I want you to be mine, not just a best friend but a girlfriend and if possible, a wife. And, I badly want to be yours. I love you”

                                                                                *****