I spend the night at the hospital, sleeping at the lounge, on a chair that is not even a bit comfortable. The kids slept over at the Thompsons after I told Mrs. Thompson about Aden’s condition. Like everyone else, they are in shock and are badly praying for a miracle.

“Ms. Yoon” a Nurse called, making me sit up straight. She walked towards me with a smile. “Dr. Stanford wants to see you”

What’s this about? If he’s going to ask me to make a decision for Aden, I’ll definitely go nuts.

In his office, I gathered the remaining strength in my body. This isn’t the morning I want, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

“Aden is deteriorating faster than expected” he said, using the tone that us, Doctors, use on each other. “His brain is already starting to swell. His lungs are filling up with water even after an hour or two of draining it. He’s giving us bad hints. If you know what I mean”

Of course, I know. This only mean that the end is near, and it’s too late to do anything.

“What are we expecting these coming days?” I asked, feeling really cold inside.

He sighed. “Much worse than now. I was telling him about an induced coma, but he doesn’t want it”

I chuckled. “I don’t want it either. I’d rather have him until he checks out than have him looking like a complete corpse even when he isn’t yet”

An induced coma is a temporary coma given to protect the brain from swelling. Its disadvantage is, a patient can possibly not wake up from it, following other complications.

“How about his medications? He doesn’t want to continue with them anymore”

Screw you, Aden! I’m going to put your life in my hands just this once.

“Continue with it. He’s too weak to ask his nurses what medicines they’re giving him anyway. I’ll take responsibility of it” I told him. “He still needs to live. There are still a lot he has to witness”

I just realized, giving up is an option we can always set aside. Aden must’ve been expecting an end soon, but to me it isn’t yet, not until he sees the love of his life, his family, and my family reunited.

Morning passed with Aden whining about wanting to go home. He keeps on telling me that the last place he wanted to die in is the hospital. He also convinced me to go home, thinking about the kids.

When I got home, the kids are already there, playing. Mrs. Thompson said that they insisted to go back when she told them I’m on my way. Well, there are times when I have some errands to do and I don’t have a babysitter around that I leave them for a short while (don’t worry, the longest I’ve left is fifteen minutes). Ethan knows what numbers to call if something happens. The two are independent in their own ways.

“Mom!” they ran to me and almost knocked me down.

“How’s Uncle A?” Emma asked energetically.

They know that he’s in the hospital, I let Mrs. Thompson tell them, but they don’t know what’s coming.

With a forced smile, “He’s a little better” I replied, then pulled them to me for a tight, consoling hug.

“Are we still not allowed to see him there?” Ethan asked, while we’re walking to the living room.

I sighed and settled on the couch. I made the kids sit on the center table, facing me. “Uncle A is really sick. He doesn’t want you guys to see him like that. That’s why, he doesn’t allow you to visit him there. And…”

“And only sick people have the right to go to the hospital. Right, Mom?” Ethan said, and I nod in agreement.

Sickness is easy to explain to children. All you got to say is, the person is in pain, but will be all right after a while. Death however, is difficult, for you need to tell them why the person died, why they won’t see that person ever again, and where that person is going. Honestly, if the dreaded time of Aden’s passing comes, I don’t have a clue yet on how to break it out to the kids. Knowing how close they are to him, I’m sure they’ll take it heavily.

“Family day’s coming already. Right, Mom?” Ethan asked, while I’m preparing snacks for them.

I nodded. “It’s this Wednesday”, and they celebrated.

The school’s yearly family day is one of the kids’ favorite events. It’s always held at an open field where different activity booths are. There are kiddie rides as well. It’s just a few days away. I’m telling you, they won’t stop talking about it anymore.

“Amy said that her Daddy is coming home from New York just to be with her on that day” Ethan is all smiles while saying this.

As I was serving them their snacks, I noticed Emma in deep thoughts. She is just staring at one place, her forehead wrinkled.

Playfully, I tapped her nose that brought her back to her senses. “Mom” she called when I settled on my chair. “How come we don’t have our Daddy every family day when other kids have theirs with them? Do we have a Daddy?”

They rarely ask me questions about their Father. Well, there was this one time where Ethan nearly got into a fight with a boy in his class for teasing him because he doesn’t have a Father on Father’s Day. He came to me, crying, while asking over and over again where he is and I remember telling him that he’s just somewhere. I know, it’s so dumb of me, but during that time I’m not as open talking about Jiyong.

“Hmm…”  I don’t know what words to pull out for a good answer.

After a while, Ethan take a breath and exhaled heavily. “We have a Daddy, Emma” he told his sister, surprising me.

Emma’s curiosity is slowly building. “Why isn’t he with us?”

My son nonchalantly replied, “He’ working far away”

Wait. Where did he get that?

Confused and anxious, I cleared my throat, making both of them look at me. “Superman” I called and he faced me, “How did you know?”

Seriously, this is giving me chills.

He smiled at me and nibbled his biscuit. “Uncle A told me about him”

Oh, I see.

“What more did he say?” I asked with so much interest.

“Our Daddy is kind and very generous. He looks like Emma a lot. And, you’re his best friend in the whole wide world”. He is amazing me.

Emma looked confused. “Isn’t Aunt Cara and Uncle A your best friends, Mom?” she asked, and this talk is getting more complicated.

 I her head with a nervous smile on my face. “They are! And your Daddy is also my best friend”

Best friend, before we made a huge mistake to be lovers.

My daughter is still floating in confusion. I don’t know what’s running in her head, but it sure is serious.

Raising her hand enthusiastically as if in a class recitation. “So, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are best friends as well as husband and wife?”

Oh, no, this is going far.

Ethan chuckled. “Maddy and Caden are our best friends but we’re not husband and wife”

And that, just made this more complicated.

“Kids”. My mind is going blank. “Daddy and I are not like Mr. and Mrs. Thompson because….” Should I tell them the truth? “Because….we’re no husband and wife”

Silence.

And more silence.

Feeling the need to explain, “We….are….not married….because….unexpected things happened”

Look, I tried explaining it well, but I really can’t think of right words to say.

“OK” Emma took it as if she understands well.

“Why does Emma look so much like our Daddy and I don’t?” Ethan is itching to ask this. I just know.

I leaned over and tapped his nose, making him giggle. “You look like him when you were a baby. Your face changed as you grow” I told him.

“Who do I look like now?” he followed.

“You’re a mix of us now”. Then I perked up. “As a matter of fact, both your eyes are the same color as your Daddy’s”

This fact excites them. “The way you both smile is just like him” I added.

The kids looked at each other and giggled. They are thrilled. “Like this?” Goofy Emma is at it again. She gave out an exaggerated smile, making Ethan and I laugh.

I cannot believe that I’m talking to my kids about their Father, casually. Aden is really sneaky. I didn’t know that he had a talk with Ethan about Jiyong.

Ethan looked straight into my eyes, “Doesn’t he miss us?” he asked.

I smiled bitterly, “I’m sure he does”

“Then why isn’t he visiting us?” Emma countered, making my head ache.

These are the kind of questions I haven’t prepared for yet.

It took me some time to answer. “He’s really busy”

“Where is he?” Emma is just so curious, and it’s expected.

I sighed. “Seoul, South Korea”

There’s no reason for me to hide anything anymore. After all, they deserve the truth.

“Is that far from here?” my little girl is asking away. This time, it’s her Brother she’s asking.

Ethan nodded. “According to Uncle A, it is. Also, it’s where Mom was born. She’s from there”

Looks like Aden told Ethan quite a lot.

“Can we go there, Mom? I want to see Daddy!” Emma bursts out.

Oh my.

I her cheek. “It’s not that easy to go there. South Korea is far from Chicago. We need to ride a plane to get there”

She pouted. “Can’t we just take the train or a cab?”

I pulled her close to me. “No, baby girl”

Finally, the kids dropped the conversation and jammed on their favorite song instead. All I can do is sigh in relief.

I can’t help but wonder, what will be their first meeting with Jiyong be like? Are they going to be comfortable to him?

With my mind once again clouded by so many thoughts, I just watched the kids play. Usually, whenever I do this, my mind clears up, but for some reason, it won’t now.

It’s only mid-afternoon but I feel like sleeping already. My body, mind and soul are just too worn out, to function.

“Someone’s at the door!” I heard the kids calling out while I’m in the toilet. “Someone’s at the door, Mom!” they seemed so excited.

It can be that Maddy and Caden are here to play, or their other playmates are picking them up to play at the park.

“Mom! Aren’t you done yet? Someone’s at the door!” Ethan shouted, and it surprised him when I walked out the toilet with my hands covering my ears.

“Let’s go!” Emma pulled her Brother ahead of me and they rushed to the door.

I sighed. “I swear, you kids should be back in an hour. If not…” I’m still talking when Emma suddenly opened the door, making me look out.

I gasped. “Jiyong!”

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