It seems like Jiyong is just here for his children. Oh well, why would he care for the woman who disappeared like bubble anyway?

Wait. Why am I hurting? Why am I even expecting that he’ll still care for me even after everything I’ve done?

Am I not deserving of a compliment, especially when he saw that his kids are in good shape and are living well?

Deep inside, I’m still hoping that we can revive the friendship I stupidly turned my back to. But, it seems pretty impossible now because I can see in his eyes, clearly, that he doesn’t want anything to do with me at all, which is painful.

“You may be wondering why I’m not questioning you about Emma”. He’s too cold. I can’t take it. I’m not used to it.

As a matter of fact, I’m expecting him to go wild upon knowing that he got another child with me.

“I found out you were pregnant through Dr. Im, your OBYGN. I bumped into her when I’m foolishly looking for you, just to find out that you go off with another guy, to another country”. His voice has anger in it. I can feel its intensity, and it’s frightening.

“Jiyongie”. Wow! I haven’t said his name like this for years. Truly apologetic, “I’m sorry for running away”. My tears are siding, though I’m trying hard not to cry. I don’t want him to see me in tears, for he might think that I’m using my emotions to get a way out. “I know an apology is not enough, but during that time, I really don’t know what to do. My head is so full, that all I can think of is how to keep Ethan after you told me you’re going to file for custody”

He smirked. “You’re totally nuts” he said under his breath. “Haven’t you thought that maybe I’m just carried away during that time?” he comes closer and pointed at himself. “That maybe, I really didn’t mean what I said” and his voice went up a notch louder, that I fear our children might hear.

If there’s one thing I don’t want them to witness, it’s me and their Father, fighting. No child should see their parents in that situation, for it will affect them bigger than you think.

With his volume still up, “That you can talk me out of it and compromise” Jiyong is in rage. He looks like he can hurt me. Really. I’m scared of him. “Areum, once again, YOU SCREWED UP. BIG ING TIME!”

Do you know how painful it is to be slapped by your own mistakes and stupidity? It stings, HARD. I feel like a nail being buried inch by inch, by words that hurts but I truly deserve. Jiyong is lashing out on me and it’s just the beginning.

“When you left, I died. My world crushed and crumbled. I don’t know how to recover”. He moved closer to me again, while I back away. I’m pushed to the counter. “Truth is, I haven’t recovered”. Then he turned his back at me. Scratched his head in annoyance and faced me again. His eyes are bloodshot. “There’s no way to recover”

I feel like a cold bucket of water was poured on me. Finally, after years of wondering what he might be feeling, I already have an answer, and it’s making me feel beyond bad.

“If you only know how hard I look for you and Yong. I almost flipped the world upside down just to find you two. For almost four years, I’m haunted by the fact that I have children I can’t see”. And his tears trickled down his cheeks. “I feel different emotions thinking that I have a child, growing up, that I don’t know the gender. What he/she looks like? Or, if you were able to get through your second pregnancy. What do I know? Maybe one of you passed away or both of you did during delivery. I get by imagining what Yong looks like. All these years, all I do is watch every video I have of him just to feed my hunger for my son. I wake up every day praying to God to take care of you and the kids for me. I live every day torturing myself by thinking of you and where in hell did you bring my children”. He paused and just stared at me. Then, he chuckled. “And here you are, living well. Feeling our children’s love every day, when I’m out there, longing for them. You saw them grow. You were there in every milestone. You heard Emma’s first word. Saw her walk for the first time. When I’m totally clueless on everything about her”. He wiped his tears and take a deep breath. “Areum, I should’ve witnessed them all. I have all the right to, if it weren’t for you and your bad and selfish decisions”. The heaviness of his stare is unbearable, but I can’t keep my eyes off him. “Honestly, I feel bitter that Aden has seen my children grow instead of me. But I can’t him blame him. You’re the one who put him in deep with you. In one way or another, I’m thankful to him, for he helped to raise my children”

As much as I want to talk back, I can’t, for I know I don’t have the right. Jiyong has let out years of frustration, desperation, and longing, and I hope it made him feel better.

“You’re bad Daddy!” Ethan shouted, shocking the both of us.

The kids are at the doorstep, watching us. I don’t know what they heard. I don’t know what they saw. What I know is that they are misunderstanding what’s happening.

“Kids” I rushed to them, leaving Jiyong. They hugged me tightly the moment I reached them. I crouched down to meet eye level. “Listen to Mom”. Cupping Ethan’s face with both hands, “Daddy isn’t bad” I told him.

“He is!” Emma shouted. I’ve never heard her sound so strong.

“I…” Jiyong is in panic. Our eyes met and I shook my head when he’s about to approach us, telling him to give the kids space.

What a reunion! I didn’t see this coming.

“You shouted at our Mom!” Emma yelled at Jiyong. “Nobody can do that to her!” she continued after a hiccup.

To my shock, Ethan removed my hand on him and bolted to Jiyong. My eyes go big when he started throwing punches at him.

“YOU ARE BAD DADDY! I DON’T LIKE YOU! YOU DON’T SHOUT AT MY MOM LIKE THAT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

“ETHAN!”  I yelled, making him stop. I looked at Jiyong who is obviously clueless on what to do. He took all the punches our son gave out and though it doesn’t hurt, physically, I’m sure emotionally it does. 

Even with hurtful words and the punching, Jiyong hugged Ethan tightly after. He keeps on wriggling out, but he’s holding on to him firmly. It is so hard to see because I don’t want my children to hate him.

Gaining my composure, I take a breath and exhaled the negative in my body. I can do this. I can flip this around. Our reunion won’t end this way. “I want you two in the living room. NOW” I pointed at the door.

This is going out of hand and there’s no way I’m tolerating it. This is the very first time I saw Ethan so aggressive and Emma so emotional.

“Hey” Jiyong grabbed me by the arm on my way out to the living room. I looked at him. Embarrassed because of what the kids did. “There’s no need to scold them. I’m at fault anyway. I should’ve controlled myself”

He still needs to learn a lot about child-rearing.

I sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just being honest. You’re carried away by your emotions. And I deserve all that” I smiled at him. “They did something wrong and they know that. We shouldn’t let it pass. For you to be a parent, you need to learn how to discipline them according to what they did. This is the worst behavior they had, and I don’t know how to handle it” I patted his shoulder “But don’t worry, they won’t hate you long. They’re just being protective” I smiled again and for the first time since he showed up, he smiled back at me. “Just wait here while I deal with them”

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