Loyalty is very important. Once it’s lost, everything will crush and crumble.

“Jiyongie”

I cannot put my feelings into words. What he just said, sounded so good in my ears, so sincere, all I can do is savor it.

“Aigoo” he is shy. I can feel it just by the tone of his voice. I can imagine him blushing, fanning himself with his hand. “Is it too cheesy for you?”

I laughed. “Surprisingly, no. Well, maybe because I heard it from you, but if it was somebody else, it will definitely be. Honestly, it was lovely, very lovely”

One of the easiest part of this relationship will surely be the honesty and sincerity. We know when one is lying. We know when one is just playing and pretending. Reading each other is chicken.

“You know, I don’t know what to say, but I feel like I’m on cloud nine” my voice is sweeter than it usually is, and I heard Jiyong giggle like a little girl.

He sighed. “I miss you already, Einstein. And, I have to say, I feel anxious and nervous for your comeback”

This is quite a revelation after his heartwarming confession.

Curious, “Why?” I asked.

Silence. An eardrum ripping, silence.

“Because I don’t know if you will still feel the same after two weeks. I’m afraid that I’m already in a different zone, ready to risk everything we built, when you can’t decide which zone to go. That, you were just carried away by all the craziness of that night. That you thought it was real but turns out it’s not”

Suddenly, things just got real. I can’t hear my best friend anymore. Instead, I hear a man, scared to death that the woman he loves so much is just blinded by a kiss, and that her feelings are not genuine as his. If only I can prove to him, right here, right now, that my love is as solid as he feels.

“You’ve been in a long distance relationship, right?” I asked, even if already know the answer (duh!). He chuckled. “Why?”

My heart is pounding in my throat. I can feel it every time I swallow. I’m about to make a decision, so fast, I myself will not be able to keep up with it.

“Yah!” he yelled, snapping me back to my senses.

Ignoring him, I started feeling my heart and mind, biting my lower lip as I do. I have to be sure of this. The two has to be in sync with one another, or else, I’ll be needing more time to final this decision.

Am I truly ready for a big transition? Can I handle him the way I do as his best friend? Will we still jive perfectly with a different image of each other? How big will the changes be? What will I do if this turns out to be a big mistake? Will we survive? Is our feelings enough to live up to a romantic relationship?

Questions. I have a lot of them in my head. If only they can be answered right away.

“Do you think you can keep your sanity for another week and a half with your girlfriend in another country?”

Silence.

“Einstein, I was able to last for YEARS with….” Ow, he will not say her name. “With…you know who….living in another country. A week and a half is nothing” he answered plainly, making me roll my eyes. “But, I don’t know now” he followed up, worry in his voice.

Did he get it, or not?

Cheerful, “You can do it, BOYFRIEND!” I giggled. “It’s going to pass by fast”

Silence.

Argh! Is my line choppy or what, that he didn’t get what I said well? I’m the one who’s going to lose sanity if he didn’t get it. I just need a reaction, but is not getting even a gasp at all.

“Elle! The cab’s here!” Frida called, scrambling to the door. I don’t know why she’s so excited, but I’d rather have her feel this way that her, expecting it from me.

Jiyong is still silent. Gosh!

“Hey!” I snapped. “I have to go. Our cab’s here. We’ll continue this conversation once I’m back” I grabbed my purse, checked myself in the mirror and dashed out of my room, phone still sandwich between my ear and shoulder.

“Oh! Alright!” Finally, he’s back from outer space.

I sighed. “Ok. Bye!”

“I lo…”

Ooopssie! I think I hanged up pretty fast.

In the cab, on our way to the restaurant, Frida and I are chatting away. She told me about this one suitor that is more like a stalker, for he followed her around wherever she goes. I have to say, it’s totally scary. If I were her, I’ll never go out at all, or I’ll get bodyguards even if they are expensive.

I turned towards her and swallowed hard. “This Dr. Leger…how old is he? Where did you meet him? And, what’s he like?”

Ok. I just bombarded her with questions. I have to know something about the guy, just to not look like an idiot in front of him.

Frida faced me and smiled. “Well, Auguste is a long-time friend. I met him in another seminar, the one held in Spain two years ago. He’s turning thirty-four next month. And, you can be comfortable with him” she patted my hand resting on my thigh. “He’s a good man. Believe me, he’s one of France’s most eligible bachelors. He’s achieved so much in a young age. A lot of women are throwing themselves at him, from all walks of life”. Then she asks me to come near her. I stick my ear out. “Including the older ones”

Ow, so he’s like the rock star of the medical world. Nice!

Actually, it’s not a surprise, for he really looks so good. I’m telling you, no sane woman will not fall for his charms. Unfortunately and thankfully, I’m insane. He and Jiyong have the rock star thing in common, but I cannot compare them at all. Both have their own charms.

“I know you already have Jiyong, but this meeting might help you make a better decision”

It seems like Frida can sense that I’ve already made a decision, and is trying to convince me to re-think.

I smirked. “No Frida, I already d…”

“We’re here!” she squealed, cutting me off.

Not that much in the mood, I followed Frida out of the cab to one of the fanciest restaurants I’ve been. We were ushered to the second floor.

“VIP lounge” I said under my breath.

“Ladies” Dr. Leger stood up from his seat and welcomed us. Frida holds out her hand at him and he kissed the top of her hand, making her squeal like a dolphin.

“Thank you for coming” he said, looking straight at me.

I snapped out of my head. All I can do is smile. Unlike Frida, I didn’t hold out my hand for him to kiss. I’m good with a simple greeting.

“Let me help you to your seat”. Like a true gentlemen, he pulled out a chair for me, opposite his. He made sure I’m settled before going to his seat. I braved to look at him just to feel uneasy, for he’s like stripping me off my clothes with his intense stare. The aura he gives is so strong, more like lustful, that I have to tighten my thighs together in case he goes y under the table.

“Oh!”

My phone vibrated. Jiyong messaged.

FROM JIYONG:

                Hmm…Einstein?

TO JIYONG:

                Yes, Jiyongie?

FROM JIYONG:

                A while ago, when we were talking, I don’t know if I heard it right or I’m just hallucinating, but you called me boyfriend.

Can someone shake this man hard to get back in the zone?

TO JIYONG:

                Oh, really? Did I?

FROM JIYONG:

                Yes!

Fooling around is the best way to make this moment less awkward. I will let him fry his brain first with all the thinking. This is what he gets for not paying attention earlier.

“Elle!”

I almost dropped my phone when Frida called my name and nudged me. I looked up, flushed, at her and Dr. Leger who is still all smiles at me.

He give out a low chuckle. “What do you want for starters?”

Totally not in my element, I snatched the menu from Frida, ignoring the one Dr. Leger is handing me.

Seriously, I’m not in the mood for fine dining. A clubhouse sandwich from room service will do, while I talk with Jiyong and flirt the night out.

“Hmmm…” Frida and I looked at each other. I know she can see disinterest in my eyes. Actually, it is spilling out my skin.

“Pan Roasted Gnocchi” I said to the waiter who is dressed in a crisp suit, looking so elegant. He smiled at me before writing down my order.

Scanning the menu, my mind is flying out. I’m imagining Jiyong’s face, while trying to figure out if what he heard is right or if he’s just making things up in his head.

“Main?” Dr. Leger is caring. In all fairness to him.

Frida is now holding the menu that is supposed to be mine. She sit up straight and said, “Monkfish cooked over pine”

“Steak tartare” I followed, not looking at the menu anymore. I sounded soulless.

“How about a bottle of wine?” Dr. Leger looks and sounds so enthusiastic. I feel bad for not feeling even a tinge of it.

“Sure” Frida answered, looking at me with a smile.

Without looking at the menu, Dr. Leger turned to the waiter. “Domaine Leroy Musigny, 1999, please”. The name went out very smoothly out of his mouth. The waiter looked at him, dumbfounded. I was intrigued, so I checked it on the menu.

What the heck! Four thousand dollars just for a bottle of wine? Gosh! It can feed Hong Shik’s family for weeks already.

TO JIYONG:

                Have you ever splurged thousands of dollars on a bottle of wine?

Texting under the table is so sneaky and childish.

After fifteen minutes…

FROM JIYONG:

                Yeah. Remember the wine I brought during your twenty-fifth birthday? It costs around two thousand dollars.

TO JIYONG:

                Yeah! The red wine, Seunghyun Oppa suggested.

FROM JIYONG:

                How I wish to be older than you. That way, I can demand you to call me Oppa.

Aww, Jiyongie. This is so cheesy but heartwarming at the same time.

If you’re wondering if I’m close with the Big Bang members, the answer is, So-so. Jiyong use to tag me along whenever they have money to eat-out. Sometimes, I bring food to their hostel because they always run out of it during that time. We shared fun times together, mostly playing computer games that I always lose. After their debut, I see them less, but whenever there are parties that Jiyong can bring me, they take care of me as well. I remember Daesun and Taeyang keeping me company during the music video filming of GD and TOP’s High High (we are team boring, for we didn’t drink at all).

TO JIYONG:

                I call you Oppa….sometimes…kekeke

FROM JIYONG:

                To piss me off. Tsk!

I was distracted when our food arrived. Frida and Dr. Leger seems to be have a good time, chatting about the newest brain surgery procedure that’s only been practiced in some parts of Europe. I, on the other hand, is shoving in my bland food (it looks so tasty but tastes nothing).

“So…Dr. Jeong”. Here comes Mr. Scary. I looked up and smiled at him. “How does it feel to be one of the best Doctors in Asia?”

Can he ask me a more challenging question? I’ve answered this for so many times already.

I swallowed my not-so-chewed food, forcing it down my throat, and wiped the sides of my mouth with the cloth napkin. “It feel weird. I mean, I’m just a typical Doctor that happens to know a little more than the rest”

He chuckled. “I don’t think so” he said flirtatiously, running his index finger around the mouth of his wine glass. “I agree. Maybe you’re just a little smarter than the rest, but when it comes to beauty” he looked at Frida, “Other than you” he pointed at her then returned to me. “You, Elle Jeong, is the most beautiful Doctor I’ve ever seen”

What a joke! There are so many Doctors around the world who are Goddesses because of their exceptional beauties. He really is playing the flirt card, but I’m sorry, I don’t want to join in.

“I don’t know, but there’s something in you that is so attractive” he added.

Frida wriggled like a worm in her seat, liking all this.

“It must be Elle’s purity, the look of innocence” she said, making me roll my eyes.

Dr. Leger is staring at me like a freak once again. As much as I love the color of his eyes and how expressive it is, I cannot stand it. I get goosebumps from it.

“I really like you”

Oh please! How straightforward can this man be?

I looked at Frida, trying to converse with her through my eyes. This is total intimidation, and it’s not making me fluttered or good at all.

I cleared my throat and gathered myself up. This has to stop. I cannot take it anymore.

“Dr. Leger, first of all, I thank you for this wonderful dinner” I paused and he nodded, acknowledging. “I know that I shouldn’t think ahead and assume, but since it already came out of your mouth that you like me, I think I know where this is heading”. I’m blank faced. “I just want to tell you that I’m not going to entertain you if that’s what you’re looking forward to, because I’m with someone already and even though we’re still in a complicated stage, we are working on it. One more thing, this might sound rude or totally off, but I totally despise your aggressiveness. It might work to some women but it really scared the out of me. I’m sorry, but I’m just being honest”

Phew! That was strong. Oh well, the truth is better than sugar-coated words. We are mature people, these things should be taken as an adult.

“Excuse me” he turned pale and dashed away.

Frida is speechless. She’s about to have the last bite of her fish but cannot bring it to anymore.

“I have to go now” I touched her shoulder and smiled. All she can do is nod.

A goodbye is going to be awkward, so I just leave. After all, I don’t think I can ever face Dr. Leger again.

On my way back to my hotel, I reflected on what I’ve done. I admit, I was a little rough. But then again, I just speak for myself.

In my suite, I get out of my suit right at the center of the grand bedroom. Only wearing my black lace bra and sheer black underwear, I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

*Jiyongie calling*

It’s a video call.

In a swish, I sit up, grabbed a huge pillow from behind me and covered my upper body with it. He has seen me in a bra and a skimpy bikini and it didn’t feel awkward at all, but now for some reason, it does.

“Hey!” I greeted cheerfully, making him smile.

He’s in his room. I can see his little bear brick toys on lined like soldiers on the headboard. It seems like someone decided to bum around today.

“How’d the dinner go?” he asked, running hand fingers to his hair, looking so darn HOT!

Should I tell him what happened?

With a heavy sigh, “It didn’t go well” I mutted. He looked at me, worried. “Mind sharing it?”

I take a breath and sighed again. The guy, Dr. Leger, he likes me”. The moment he heard this, I can see tension on his face, like a dog in alarm. “I roughly told him that I’m with somebody, and I cannot entertain him. He felt off, coz he walked out after that”

And as a satisfied smile appeared on his face. The glitter of his eyes tells me that he loved what he heard.

“I don’t know what to say”. His cuteness is overflowing. He’s so shy. Not to mention, he’s blushing.

Now this is what I want to see. I feel home all of a sudden. My fear and awkwardness brought by Dr. Leger, washed out.

“So…do you have something to tell me? Clear up? Or, just something to say?”

“Huh?”

He hanged his head down in frustration, then snapped up. “Yah! You called me boyfriend a while ago! I heard it! I just wasn’t able to react right away because it’s slowly processing in my head!”

Bam! He fired up!

Gosh! This is funny!

“Yah, Einstein! Do you know how hard it is to confess your heart out to someone you really love and care about? It’s like giving birth!” he raged, his face still looking cute though.

I burst out in laughter. “What do you know about giving birth?”

He stiffened, thinking, then shook his head as if removing dust on his hair. “Remember when you made me watch a l birth? I felt the mother’s pain even if I don’t have a….” his voice trails off. And once again, he’s blushing.

This is so hilarious!

“I love you” I said as natural as it can be.

Not expecting it at all, Jiyong froze. He looked like a statue on screen

“Yah! I said, I LOVE YOU!” I repeated, but he still didn’t budge.

We’re so used to saying I love you to each other, but this is different for it means more than friendship.

From a shocked expression, a sweet smile appeared on his face. I can feel butterflies in my stomach. My heart is doing backflips.

“I said….”. I want to repeat it over and over again. “I LOVE YOU”

To my surprise, tears started pooling in his eyes. One more blink and it’s going to fall down his cheeks.

Seriously, what’s with this man? He’s so emotional like a girl in her period.

Wiping his tears, he looked straight at me. “I love you more, Einstein”

                                                 ******