JIYONG

Waking up beside her even just on the floor is wonderful. Last night, I told her not to disturb the kids from their deep slumber and just sleep beside me instead. I’m over the moon knowing that we are going back to what we were before. We know how we feel towards each other and I’m trusting her fully with my heart again. I know I’ve been broken hearted by her so many times, but I’m giving her another chance, and I’m quite confident that things will go right this time.

My stitched leg is not aching anymore. Yesterday is a real bummer. I can never be relieved enough that Emma is safe without major injuries. If it happens that she has, I’ll never forgive myself for letting her use that trolley.

“Mom!” Emma woke up calling out for Areum as usual. She’s near to crying, realizing that her Mother is not in bed with her and Ethan. I carefully pulled myself up to sit and waved my hand. She instantly noticed. “Baby girl” I called and she hurriedly moved to the floor, “Mom is just right here” I pointed at Areum who is so tired from yesterday that she’s still sleeping past her waking time. “Daddy, why did Mom sleep here?” Emma is so cute, she’s whispering to not wake Areum up. Whispering back, “You and Ethan, together with your toys are sleeping soundly last night I told Mom not to disturb you guys” I tickled her lightly, making her giggle.

With my little girl awake, we head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She is so caring, she helped me walk even when it’s not doing that much at all. As much as possible she tries to get what I need from the fridge and pantry as well.

“Are the Uncles coming today, Daddy?” she asked while whisking eggs (she insisted to do so). With her little hands, she whisks hard, making it spill, little by little on the counter top. Wiping it with a paper towel, “I’m not sure” I answered. She stopped and sighed, “I wish they come. The Uncles are so much fun”

It seems like my dear Brothers already captured my daughter’s heart. This is going to be a problem because I get jealous easily, I can get a bit selfish when it comes to my children which I’m sure the members expect.

“Baby girl…” I suddenly remembered their upcoming move to Seoul. I told Areum that I’ll help her talk to the kids about it, and I have a strong feeling that now is a good time to start. Emma looked at me in anticipation. “Do you want to see your Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt Dami?” I asked cheerfully. A smile appeared on her face. “YES!” she replied enthusiastically. “Are you good leaving Chicago for Seoul?” I followed up, weighing her through the fast transition of expressions on her face. “YES!” without hesitation, she said.

This might look and sound easy but I’m telling you, it’s not. Maybe Emma is thinking that she’s only leaving Chicago for a while to have a vacation in Seoul. I’m pretty sure that once she learns that it’s not a vacation is going to be a different story.

“When are we leaving Daddy?” Emma is jumpy, very much excited indeed.

Ready to tell her the truth and to get it over with in the first place, I pulled away the bowl of overbeaten eggs from her and carried her to the dining table. I sit her opposite mine. I need to be serious. “Mom has decided to go back to Seoul and live there again”. My daughter may be only going four years old, but I know she understands more than what’s expected of her. From the way she looks, I’m certain that she got what I’m saying. Her excitement died down and a pout appeared. “We will not see Caden and Maddy anymore?” The thought of it is definitely horrific to her. I sighed. “You can visit them once in a while”. “We will leave the park too?” It’s slowly sinking in my little girl and it’s making her feel really bad. Tears showed up in a heartbeat, making me feel bad as well.

With Emma crying harder, I walked to her and gave her a tight and (hopefully) comforting hug, “If you stay here, it’s going to be so hard for Daddy because I have to leave you every time to work in Seoul. We won’t see each other every day, is that okay with you?”

Emma shook her head, “I want to see you every day Daddy” she said in her cute, pitchy voice. I knew she’s not going to let me go. “Don’t worry about a thing Baby girl, Seoul is a fun place. You will see the Uncles and play with them whenever you want. Daddy will bring you to his workplace, it’s cool in there, you and Ethan can play around and even learn how to sing and dance if you want to” this excites her. “How about a park Daddy? Is there a park in Seoul like the one we have here?” she asked innocently. I chuckled. “There are LOTS of them. I’ll bring you to all of them if you want to”

I can already picture how life will be in Seoul this time. If in the past all I do is work and play (if given the time), now, I’m sure it’s going to change, for everything I do (if possible), I want my kids to do it with me. It will be challenging as well because I have to keep them from the public for a while, but there’s nothing we can’t take as a family. With Areum and our family and friends’ help, I’m confident that we’ll get through. All I’m hoping for is for my children to find home in my home.

Areum and Ethan woke up with breakfast ready for them. I told Emma not to tell her Brother about the move and she’s in for it. I’ll talk to my little man later.

“I overslept” Areum said while settling on her seat. I poured apple juice in her glass, “You’re snoring so loud last night” I teased. “She slapped my arm, “I DO NOT!” The kids giggled, “Mom snores” Ethan just proved it. Giving in, “I snore when I’m dead tired. Yesterday is a lot for me guys!”. “Talk to our Lawyer” Emma fired, making me laugh hard. This is how we fool around. With our kids’ witty antics, it’s always a laugh. Every second of this moment is precious.

“Ethan is cool with our move” Areum told me while we’re washing the dishes. Surprised, I looked at her. “I already talked with Emma, and….she’s up for it as well”. How surprising! Here we are so worried about our kids when it didn’t even take us a day(s) to convince them. “He’s just sad to leave his friends” she said “Honestly, I’m worried for them”

“Why? What’s there to worry?” She’s once again being indecisive. Last night, she’s good to go, today, she isn’t, and she’s thinking of the negatives than the positives again, making her pull out of their move. “The kids doesn’t know the language. It’s not that we can teach them and they learn right away. It’ll take YEARS to even get a hang of it. Yes. There are International schools we can enroll them but what I’m worried about is how they’re going to relate to people, specifically children, outside”

Yeah. This is a problem. I feel for her. Given that Ethan and Emma are raised “American style”, without much rules and more independent and outspoken unlike most children in Korea, most especially not using honorifics, it’s going to be hard for them to relate and engage to people.

“It’s my fault” Areum is full of regret, “I should’ve raised them the way I was raised. I should’ve taught them our language and how things works in Korea”. To comfort her, I pulled her for a hug. She’s disappointed of herself and thought it was really a mistake to not inject the Korean culture, customs and other things to our children. It’s fixable anyway. We can teach them the basic and I’m sure they’ll learn what’s needed to learn in school. I’ll get them a tutor each if needed.

“Also…” she pulled out and hold my hand, intertwining her fingers to mine. This is more like it. “What job am I going to have there? It sounds stupid, I know…” she rolled her eyes, making me chuckle. I kissed the top of her hand and tapped the tip of her nose, “How about, you just stay at home and be a full-time Mother?” Knowing Areum, no work is the worst thing that could ever happen to her. “Jiyong! Are you serious?” Nodding, “Yes. If possible, I just want you home. You’ve worked for so many years. Your only break is a few months before giving birth and a few months after giving birth”. She started thinking. “But, my savings will run out in months’ time if I don’t work”. Here she is again, ruling me out financially. With a heavy sigh, “I think you have forgotten, I’m here. I am going to support not only the kids but you as well, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m the head of this family, it’s my responsibility to provide for the three of you”, then I her cheek, “Married or not”.

With how things are going now, I cannot help but regret my careless and dumb decision of marrying Lena. It is such a drag thinking that if I’m not married, there won’t be any problem for me and Areum to get married. I can bring them home to Seoul without being in a bad light.

After washing the dishes and talking about minor things regarding their move, Areum started sorting out what to take to Seoul, what to give out, and what to throw.

“Yah! Give the phone to Areum” Noona is too excited with my news. I chuckled. “She’s busy” I reasoned out. She grunted, “Yah! It’s been days since you’ve been with them but up until now we haven’t got the chance to talk with them yet”. It made me laugh. “I already told you, I’m just making the most out of my alone time with them because for sure, once they’re back, you’ll be around all the time”. “SELFISH!” she fired, making me laugh hard.

“Jiyongie” Areum came in the room while I’m in the middle of a conversation with Noona.

“AREUMIE!” Noona shouted, so loud, my ear ring. “Yah! You’re too loud!” I yelled.

“Who are you talking to?” Areum asked, removing the bed sheet and pillow cases. I sighed and gave her the phone. “What do you want me to do with that?” she asked curiously. Without a word, I just pushed the phone to her.

“UNNIE!” she squealed. She sounded like an emergency siren.

Two hours in and they’re not yet done talking. There was a moment when Areum started crying, apologizing for what she did. I comforted her by sitting beside her, wrapping my arm around her waist. I’m sure once we get back to Seoul, she’ll shed a lot of tears and apologize over and over again, especially to Omma and Appa.

“Call the kids” she told me. I’m now just bumming around, waiting for them to hang up. “Unnie wants to talk to them” she continued and I dragged myself out of the room.

The kids are too absorbed by the cartoon they’re watching. Emma is on the long couch, thumb . Ethan is on the single couch, biting his nails. I must say, it’s a bummer that our kids got our bad habits. It’s going to be a challenge to change it.

“Kids!” I stood in front of the television, making them both groan. “Daddy!” It made me giggle. “I want you guys in the bedroom” I reached for the remote on the center table and turned off the television. “But…why?” Ethan asked, heavily dragging himself out of the couch. Emma doesn’t want to move, so I carried her instead.

“They’re here!”

When we reached the bedroom, Areum is already in front of the laptop. “Go to Mom” I told the kids, putting Emma down. I followed them to bed and sat beside Ethan. “There’s someone I would like you two to meet” Areum is exquisitely happy right this very moment. The sparkle in her eyes tells me so. “Your Aunt Dami” she shifted the laptop to the kids and I saw my Sister, crying her eyes out. “Your Sister?” Emma looked at me and I nodded with a smile. “I’m your Aunt Dami” Noona cannot believe her eyes, she’s in front of her Nephew and Niece, for the very first time.

“Hi!” the kids are warm towards her. “Aigoo” Noona moved closer to the screen. “Yongie is so big now” Her smile can rip her head in two. I cleared my throat. “He’s Ethan now” I told her. Areum looked at me nervously. “He doesn’t know his real name yet, Unnie”. We are talking in Korean for the kids not to understand what we’re saying. “I see” Noona is not disappointed. “Seriously, they are too adorable!” she cannot help but admire them (I mean, who wouldn’t?).

“How old are you Auntie?” Emma, as usual, have so many questions that she’s not shy to ask. Noona giggled. “Well, I’m already forty” she answered. I laughed. “She’s already old, huh?” I nudged Ethan who gave out a laugh. If only Noona can hit me through the screen, she already did. “Are you in Seoul?” Emma asked next while Ethan is just silently listening to their conversation. “Yes!” Noona answered every question with enthusiasm.

After talking to the kids who ran out to the living room to play the second they’re dismissed, Noona and I talked about the upcoming move and laid out our plans once they’re home. I must admit, it really isn’t easy, but there’s nothing more wonderful than having them with us. So, I’ll do everything to make it work.

“I just have to check on your apartment and fix what’s more to fix. I’ll get a car for you as well, so you can drive the kids to school and go anywhere” Noona is taking notes. Areum looked at me, “I can do without a car. I mean, the kids and I are used to walking and commuting. Though having a car is convenient, I think I can carry on without it”. Here we go again. “Yah! It’s more comfortable in a car than a public transport, and it’s faster too” I told her, earning a nod of agreement from Noona. “Also, things might be wild once Jiyong publicizes him having kids with you. You know the works. The media will stick with you until another scandal comes along”

Just by thinking of it, my head is already swooning. My main goal is to keep Areum and the kids private. If possible, I want them out of the lime light.

“Your comeback is going to be a surprise to Omma and Appa”. Noona is crazy. She wants to keep all this a secret to Omma and Appa. “Guys, this will be fun! They’ve been waiting for this for YEARS!” she said.

Makes sense. “All good!” Areum jumps into it, leaving me with no choice but to go with it as well. “All right” I sighed.

Our talk continued with another set of plans laid on the table. Noona is going to school hunt for the kids so that they can already start a week or two after arrival. Areum agreed on having a car with the condition that it must not be expensive. And, it’s already been decided that she will work at Monsant, Seoul, taking over Noona’s position as Head Manager. This way, she won’t feel jobless. After all, she’ll definitely feel bored once the kids are in school, giving her a job is not a bad idea.

“By the way…” I cleared my throat. “Where’s Lena?” I asked about her out of curiosity. Noona might not even know where she is and what she’s been doing. “According to Omma, she’s in Japan with her Dad” she doesn’t look even a bit interested. “The man’s been here for a week. Maybe they tripped on going out of the country, using your money” Noona’s sarcasm is too strong, “Your Mother in-law however, is at your house. She left Jeju two days ago to “unwind” because according to her, her job is stressing her out”

Nice! Now I have to deal with a change in furniture positions again when I get home. Lena’s Mother has this insane thing about re-decorating which I totally hate.

“Ah, Jiyongie!” Noona snapped her fingers, “There are news around that Lena is going to cast in a drama that YGE is producing. What’s up with that?”

Areum and I looked at each other. We haven’t talked much about Lena, this is the first time that she’s hearing a lot about her. “Hyun suk Hyung is not telling me a thing about it to be honest. We talked earlier and all he said was he’s still thinking if he should let her under his wings or not, considering my thoughts about it”. “What are your thoughts on it?” Areum butted in. I sighed. “I don’t want her to be in one company with me. It’s suffocating” I answered straight and she just stared blankly at me. “You know what? Maybe she just need something vital in her life to be a better person” Noona said. Areum took a deep breath and exhaled heavily, “Give this to her”

Curious as to why she said that, I looked at her, questioning. She rubbed my arm. “You need to give her something big and hope she’ll pay back with something big as well. Like, signing your divorce papers. I’m not telling you to bargain, but maybe once she’s stable in her career and can financially stand on her own, she’ll eventually stop feeding off you. You’ll be worthless to her because she’s earning enough to maintain the lifestyle you give her”

This just proved how smart Areum is. It may be petty, but she hit every point. I didn’t even think of that. Honestly, my head is filled with thoughts of Lena and our marriage. Ever since I found Areum and the kids, I cannot stop figuring out how I’m going to balance everything.

After talking with Noona, I called Hyun suk Hyung again to get clearance about Lena. “Jiyong-ah, you know Lena and I are in negotiations. We met twice after you left for Chicago and she really showed interest in acting. I’m yet to be informed about the drama, but I’m really thinking of giving her a shot. If it’s all good with you, of course. If not, I will not think twice and scratch her off. You know I care about you more than her. Her fate is actually in your hands”. Hyung has always been sensitive of my feelings ever since I started working for him, and I highly appreciate it.

I’ve thought hard about this, “Hyung, if you think she got potential then sign her in. I don’t have any issues with it anymore”. My decision is purely influenced by Areum. She’s right, after all. I have to make sure Lena is stable to not feel any guilt once I leave her.

Surprised about it, “Are you sure?” Hyung asked. I took a deep breath, “Yes”. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure your schedules won’t meet. She will not be a distraction to you at work as well” he said, making me laugh, “Aigoo Hyung, I’m about to give you a problem again”. I can only apologize over and over of the  chaos I’m going to bring in the company by coming out clean of being a Father. All Hyung can do is sigh, “The truth will come out sooner or later anyway. We’re already planning good for it”

By talking to these people, I am a bit relieved that things are going to be just fine. All I have to do is be honest.

“I just talked with our landlady and told her about our move” Areum and I are in the kitchen preparing dinner, while the kids are doing art in the dining room. “She’ll put the apartment for rent in two days, so we have to be out of here by that time”. Looking at her, I can tell that she’s sad to leave and I fully understand her. Chicago has been home to them for a long time. “Aden’s apartment is now in the care of Tina. She said she might sell it”. Feeling sorry, I rubbed her back gently, “I know moving out is hard for you”. She gave out a small smile, “It is, but it has to happen”. Badly wanting to comfort her, I pulled her for a tight hug, a gesture of assurance that things are going to be fine.

“Mom and Daddy hugging on a tree! H-U-G-G-I-N-G!”

“Seriously kids” Areum playfully pinched their noses. “You are making Mom crazy. I don’t even have a clue where you learned that song”

The two giggled. Emma walked towards me and asked me to carry her. “Maddy and Caden taught us, they sing it to their Mom and Dad all the time”. How casual can this be? My daughter smoothly wriggled out of it. “It’s insane” I looked at Areum who is near to having a mental breakdown. “Yah!” she walked in front of us and pinched Emma’s cheek, “Teasing us have limits, okay?”

Ethan reached my hand, “What limits?”

I sighed and met eyes with them. “Don’t do it every time”

While preparing for bed, Areum and I tripped on teaching the kids a little Korean. This is a head start. It’s important that we orient them of things now since it’s only a few days before their move.

All squeezed in bed, we started…

“Mom is O…M…M…A” Areum knows how to teach, so I’m going to leave most of it to her. “Dad is A…P…P…A”. The kids are enjoying it. They looked delighted learning a new language. “Grandma is H…A…L…M…E…O…N…I”. Wow! That’s long” Ethan said, making me giggle. “Grandpa is H…A…R…A…B…E…O…J…I”. Emma sighed, “This gets harder and harder”. “Aunt is I….M…O”. “That one’s easy” Ethan commented. “Uncle is S…A…M…C…H…E…O…N”. “Ah! Uncle Dae taught us that already!” he followed.

“Baby girl” Areum faced our daughter, “You call Ethan, O…P…P…A it means older brother”. “Sounds cool!” Ethan is thrilled. “Then you, Superman, can call Emma D…O…N…G…S…A…E…N…G”. With his face on his palm, “That’s hard. I’ll just call Emma by her name then” he said, making us laugh. “And then, you have to call older girls N…O…O…N…A” I told him and he just gave out a heavy sigh, “While Emma calls the older girls U…N…N…I…E”

From the looks of it, I can tell that the kids still has a long way before they can even memorize everything. At some point it also worried me because we might be forcing everything to them too fast.

“Once we get there, I will prepare flash cards and lesson posters in Korean to teach them. It’s going to be tough” Areum is all ready for bed and she’s about to climb up when I grabbed her by the wrist. “What?” she asked. Her eyes looked tired already. This day is quite hectic for her.

In the sweetest voice I can make, “Sleep beside me again, please”

She smirked, “Are you doing aegyo?”

Into it, “Please” I feel so silly acting cute, but this is the only way I can get her to sleep beside me.

Laughing, “Fine” she threw her pillow at me and moved beside me. “Yah!” she pushed me away, “Why are you taking your shirt off?”

I chuckled, “You know I sleep without my shirt on”

“Last night you slept with it”

ily teasing, “I don’t feel like wearing it tonight” then I winked.

                                                                                                                                          ****

*Hello there beautiful people! I'm really sorry for making you wait. I know, it's been too long, but I seriously needed a break from writing to refresh my mind to be able to give out new good things on the table. I spent time away from my laptop, not even holding a pen and my writing notebook, and just "unwind". I even went to a trip to Singapore to have some fun. Now, I'm back! I'm overjoyed that you guys are still here, waiting. Thank you so much! I don't want to promise, but I'll try my best to give you good chapters again. Love lots!

                                                                                                                                                                                                           CIAM24