JIYONG

Nothing is sweeter than having children. I am in some kind of trance every time I’m with my son and daughter.

Wow! Son and Daughter. There are times when I will just zone out, still in disbelief that I took part in creating these little humans. Sometimes, I find myself staring at them in awe, thanking the Man above for giving them to me.

“Why do I keep on losing?” Emma is so upset. She hasn’t won a single battle yet.

They are playing a fighting game that Areum and I once got addicted to. Maybe to some parents fighting games are a hard limit for it is violent, but with supervision it won’t be a problem. I specifically told the kids that they have to tell me what video games they want to play first before playing it. Also, before starting the game I explained to them that a game is only a game, and that violence is never good and not acceptable. I said these things in a way their young minds can understand.

“Stop!” Ethan shouted at his sister who has been trying to snatch his controller mid-game.

I don’t know what happened, but my kids turned into cat-dog in a snap. There is shouting, screaming and petty blows that I’m shocked to hear. I wonder if Areum is aware these two can say such things.

My nerves mellows down upon seeing her walking in the room but is so confused when she simply watched the kids act up, expressionless and really chill, unlike me who is so tensed.

As their fight continues, I feel different emotions at the same time. As much as I want to step in, I’m having second thoughts if it is a good idea for it can cause more trouble.

“Get lost!” Emma punched Ethan in anger.

I don’t know what to do anymore. My patience is running thin that I’m on the verge of exploding. I love my daughter so much, but I cannot help but to get mad at her for what she did to her brother is seriously unacceptable.

“YAH!” my heart is banging my chest. My voice is louder than I intended it to be.

I swear, I’m breaking into pieces. I cannot believe that I shouted at my daughter who I know is just carried away by the game and is upset of her loses. 

“You need to calm down” I’m looking straight at her, in her eyes that are starting to pool in tears. “Didn’t I tell you fighting is bad” I am firing at her, while Areum stayed silent.

My heart pounded more after Emma started crying. Her tears are rolling down her cheeks like waterfalls. She must be scared and shocked by my outburst. I’m pretty sure she’s not expecting this side of me. She might’ve not imagined me getting mad at her, and scolding her.

Finally, after a minute of silence, “You want your brother to get lost?” Areum said. She is unbelievable! Her voice is still so calm when I’m sure she’s triggered as well.

Emma didn’t say a word. She only cried harder and louder. Is this what they call a meltdown? Well, I guess it is. I can now agree to my friends and family who said that one of the horrors of being a parent is when your child is having a meltdown. It’s intense.

“Daddy” Areumie looked at me and I jerked up upon realizing that she’s talking to me.

Side note: Hearing her call me ‘Daddy’ brought butterflies in my stomach.

I stared at her, still figuring out why she can still hold her ground in a crazy meltdown. “Yes?”

She takes a breath and exhaled slowly, probably releasing some steam “Take Ethan with you. Emma doesn’t like him anymore”

“Huh?”

“Give him to another sister who will love him more and who will want him no matter what” she continued.

This is driving me nuts! What is up with her? Why is she doing this?

And just like that, I found myself packing for Ethan while he’s as confused as I am of what’s happening. Does Areum really know what she’s doing?

“Oh!”

She sent me a message.

FROM AREUMIE:

Jiyongie, take Ethan with you for the night. No. I’m not giving him away *eye roll*. I just want to teach Emma a lesson. Also, use this chance to get to know your little boy a bit more. And….WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD! *grin*

PS: This is just the beginning. The worse will come as years go by. Don’t worry, we’ll get through it *kissing face emoji*

Aish! This woman! She really does have a lot of tricks under her sleeves. I am all good with her crazy but genius plan. Emma does need to learn her lesson and it has to be as huge as how it feels like to lose her brother. I also cannot wait to bond with my son tonight. I’ll definitely show him how fun his Daddy is.

All packed and ready to go, I put on a good act by pretending that I have all of Ethan’s things with me, making it look like he’s not coming back ever again.

“Say goodbye to Ethan now, Emma” Areumie is handling this situation so easy. I, on the other hand, is just playing along, learning things here and there.

To be honest, I cannot last seeing my lovely daughter in shambles. She is too confused to even give a reaction to what’s going on.

Still pulling a good act, Areumie walked over to Ethan who is all cool and chill “Say goodbye to Emma then, Ethan” she told him.

The reason why my boy is cool and chill is that he knows about this plan and just like me, is playing along to it. Areumie told him about it while I was packing. Truth is he is so excited to get away and be with me for the night.

“Bye Emma” Ethan said in a sad tone, giving his sister a hug “I will miss you”.

Aigoo. This is turning into a classic drama already.

And we’re off! I didn’t dare look back when Emma started chasing us, shrieking. We can actually hear her from the end of the hallway. It must be really hard for Areumie.

“Where are we going Daddy?” Ethan asked. We’re walking hand in hand to my car.

I stopped and he did too, “How about...I bring you to where I work?”

He clapped and jumped in excitement, “YES!”

Back when he was still a baby, I often bring him to work with me. The members and I will take turns babysitting him, competing on who will make him stop from crying faster. Daesung is the best and the worst is a tie between the two Seunghyuns. In all fairness to us, we were able to keep him safe and unharmed given that none of us are experienced in handling babies.

“Wow!”

We are now in the YG building and just like his reaction to it when he was younger, he’s so amazed with everything.

“This place is so cool!” his eyes are wide open, head turning here and there. All I can do is watch him with a huge smile on my face.

“You’ve been here lots of times way back when you’re younger” I said, while he’s staring at the led screen flashing different artists.

“That’s you and the Uncles!” he is beyond thrilled upon seeing us “BIG BANG!” he clapped his little hands excitedly, making my heart leap.

This is too cute and overwhelming. Three years ago, I can only imagine this happening without an assurance when the day will come or if it’s even coming. Now, it is all real and I cannot help but be emotional.

“Are you hungry?” I asked him, guessing he might be starving from all the playing and drama. Still in delight, Ethan nodded, grabbing my hand that I hold tightly.

The moment we reached the ever popular YG cafeteria, the employees who are dining are all surprised to see my son. All I got are compliments on how handsome he is. They are in disbelief that the little baby I carry in my arms around the halls and into studios is already walking and talking.

“Aigoo…” the Ajhumma on the food counter stared at Ethan with a sweet smile on her face “He is so handsome, just like you!”

Bending down to Ethan’s level, “Can you say….Kam..sa…ham…ni…da”

Trying really hard, “Kam…sa…hamnida” he said, making the ajhumma clap.

I’m sure Ethan is wondering why everyone knows him here. I’m yet to tell him of the wonderful things he did in this building, like shooting pee on Youngbae when he tried changing his diaper one time. The instant long breaks the members and I take during rehearsals and recordings just to play with him. These memories are what I keep on replaying in my head and they never fail to get me out of sadness.

In a table away from people, we shared some japchae and fresh egg rolls specially made by the ajhummas for Ethan. He is stuffing himself like a real man and I find it really funny.

After our meal, I brought him to Big Bang’s recording studio where we make music for over a decade now. The four walls of this room have witnessed our growth and breakdowns. It also became our escape away from the real world.

“Wow!” Ethan is once again in awe. I let him in the recording booth that I thought he’ll be afraid to go in alone, but he is just so brave, he put the headphones on and started talking to the microphone like a real pro.

“Can you hear me?” I asked through the headphones. I am at the control booth outside, thrilled of all of this.

“Yes, Daddy”

Smiling, “Alright!” I pushed some buttons “Sing whatever you feel like singing”

It took him a while to think of a song, and I waited patiently while savoring every moment.

“Twinkle twinkle little star…how I wonder what you are…”

This is too cute for words! He’s nailing this children’s song and I’m recording it. A sudden idea popped in my head to do a remix using his voice.

And with that in mind, I immediately get to work while Ethan entertains himself with different musical instruments in the studio. I will buy him a guitar or a piano one of these days, for I can feel he has a potential in music.

“Daddy…” Ethan rolled his chair next to me. I am so busy making his song that I decided to name, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star GD version.

I leaned to his side, “Yes?”

He sighed, “Am I going home with you?”

I paused the music and faced him, “Yes”

His face changed into a smug, “Can’t you just bring me back home to Mom?”

And the story of Emma’s nightmare was told. Ethan is obviously frightened to the bones by it, his eyes tells me so. Well, I find it pretty hilarious, though a part of me is concerned, for my kids are really bothered by Lena that she shows up even in their bad dreams. I must say, she is to blame why they don’t want her. She gives them attitude every time they meet. It’s in those times I’ve proven that Lena is really not Mother material. She doesn’t have interest in kids and is not fond of them at all.

I pulled my son close to me and rubbed his back to comfort, “Don’t worry….we will not go to where Aunt Lena is”

His face lights up “Really, Daddy?”

With a smile, I nodded “We will go to where Harabeoji and Halmeoni is”

Which is our house in Itaewon – the one where I grew up in and where Areumie and I always hangout when we were kids. About two years ago, my parents bought back the house upon learning that it’s up on the market.

After a couple more hours and an unexpected song remix, Ethan and I headed home already where Omma and Appa are excitedly waiting for us. They each gave him a tight hug and showered him with kisses the moment we walked in the house, while I absorb the beautiful scene with my heart melting in every beat.

“Aigoo…Emma is just carried away that’s why she did that” Appa said after I told him about the kids’ fight a while ago.

It might be too early to say, but I think he will be my daughter’s go-to person whenever she gets scolded by Areumie and I.

I was exchanging messages with Areumie while talking to Appa and she was telling me about Emma begging her to go to where I left Ethan. According to her, our lovely daughter is ready to give away everything that she has *all the toys* in return for his brother which I find really sweet.

TO AREUMIE:

You will not believe the late night snacks Omma and Appa prepared for Ethan.

FROM AREUMIE:

Omo! What?

TO AREUMIE:

Triple Chocolate Cake and a box of doughnuts.

FROM AREUMIE:

Goodness gracious! Yah Kwon Jiyong! Do what a sane parent will be doing!

TO AREUMIE:

What? Make him eat a slice of cake and a piece of doughnut?

FROM AREUMIE:

Yah! Are you serious?

TO AREUMIE:

Yes?

FROM AREUMIE:

Seriously…I want to give you a good whack on the head right now. DON’T GIVE HIM THE SWEETS!

TO AREUMIE:

But…he wants them. If I don’t give him some, it’ll look like we just with it and let him suffer by craving though the night.

FROM AREUMIE:

FINE! Do what you want! Good Luck!

It took me some time to think if I’ll let Ethan eat at least a slice of cake. Well, I gave him a good size and he ate it in pure happiness. The sparkle in his eyes is incomparable.

Yeah. I should’ve followed Areumie when she said not to give him sweets, but my conscience is going to kill me for depriving my son, my own flesh and blood, of a damn slice of cake. After all, it was prepared exclusively for him, it’s not right to not give him a taste of it.

“Omma!” I called out in surprise upon seeing her giving Ethan a doughnut. I was out for a while and they are sneaking in sweets already.

Omma hissed, “It’s not even big” she said, totally fixated at her grandson.

I knew this will happen. My parents will spoil my children so much, to the point where they will go behind our back just to get them whatever they desire, and I have a strong feeling that I’m one of them too. This is going to be a problem for Areumie.

Honestly speaking, I lack so much in the parenting department. I’m working hard to learn its tricks and whatnots, but it’s not an easy job. It takes a lot of time and a whole lot of patience to get by. I’m just so lucky that Areumie is leading me through this. She’s got her full trust in me, for if there’s one thing we need to make this parenting thing work, it’s trust. There will be slip outs, but it’s all normal.

An hour passed and I’m touring Ethan around the house. A lot has changed compared to when we first lived here, but there are still memorable spots left untouched, like my bedroom where Areumie and I used to play at.

“Wow!” Ethan walked in the room and was greeted by so many bear brick bears that I’ve collected through the years. “These are really cool!” he is admiring each one without touching them.

“Come…look at this” I called from the other side of the room.

I am holding an old school photo album with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on its cover. One thing I want to do with my kids is show them pictures of me and their Mom throughout the years, and tell stories behind every photo.

“This girl is Mom?” Ethan is pointing at a photo of Areumie smiling widely at the camera with two front teeth missing.

I nodded, “Yes”

Our son giggled, “She also lost her teeth just like Emma!”

As a matter of fact, in this picture, Emma actually looks like her Mom, just chubbier.

All of a sudden, he burst out laughing, “Daddy! You look so funny here”

He is looking at a picture of Areum and I riding a Ferris Wheel when we were around ten years old. I got so dizzy in the middle of the ride, almost wanting to jump to end my suffering and all Areumie did is take pictures of my misery, telling me after the ride that it’s so perfect she will have it framed and for the very first time, I look really handsome in a picture.

“Is this you as a baby…Daddy?”

I sit Ethan on my lap, “Nope” I answered and looked at him “That’s you at one day old”

Man, this photo brings back one of the best days of my life. Without knowing he’s my son, I helped with his birth, that no matter how afraid I was seeing blood, I gathered myself up and endured hours of it. I think I was more exhausted than Areumie during that time. But you know what? I’ll go through it over and over again, and it’ll always be worth it.

“You are this little” I showed him an estimate using my hands “I held you first before Mom did” I continued “You were crying so loud but still so cute” I punched his cheek, making him giggle.

“You love me already during that time…Daddy?”

Oh, this question.

While hugging him tightly, “I’ve loved you even before you grew two arms…ten fingers…two legs…ten toes, son” and I kissed the top of his head.

Looking straight at me, Ethan smiled, “I love you too…so…so…much”

It sounds so good.

“What have I done?” I asked myself, soul definitely out of my body.

We were in bed before eleven. It’s now three in the morning and Ethan still hasn’t stopped moving around. I just chased him from our room to the living room and back again.

HELP!

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