JIYONG

Some secrets are best kept, at least until you are ready for what might come next after all is said.

“This is insane” Areumie whispered. She is freaking out, so much, I haven’t seen her like this ever since she discovered she’s pregnant with Ethan.

I come closer to her but she moved away, giving us a good distance “I need you to calm down”. Naturally, I hold her hands that I thought she’s going to reject.  I give her hands a light squeeze hoping it will somehow comfort her. “Don’t mind the camera…the more we act freaked and indifferent….the more they’ll speculate we’re something” I lead her to the nearest table where we sit across from each other.

All I can think of is how to make this as casual as ever. People know Areumie as the female Youngbae in my life. Fans got no problems with her. As a matter of fact, they are fond of her. To be honest, I don’t know why we’re dead nervous now when it’s not the first time we’ve been photographed together.

“What’s with that?” Unfortunately, Areumie cannot pull out from shock, giving me a hard time to do so as well. “Why is it all of a sudden we are being photographed?” her eyes are showing fear so clear, it’s slowly affecting me.

This is quite strange, because ever since I got married there’s not much ‘paparazzi’ following me anymore. Maybe they don’t find me interesting since there’s no more dating and linking to whomever anymore.

“Areumie…” I called, but she didn’t seem to hear “Hey!” I snapped my fingers in front of her, bringing her back to her senses.

“What?” she scowled.

Surprised, “Look…there’s no need for you to worry” I told her calmly. She rolled her eyes. I sighed, “If you’re thinking they will bust us…I highly doubt it” I assured her.

She smirked, “How can you tell?” she is firing up. Normally, when she’s being like this I just leave her alone or drop the topic before she makes a big deal out of it. Drag is, I don’t think I can do either of the two. “Jiyongie…these people suddenly appeared out of nowhere…taking pictures of us…what do we know? Maybe they’ve been here all along…we’re just not aware of it” she finished with a heavy sigh.

My heart started pounding in my throat after hearing that. As much as I don’t want to consider what she said, it makes sense. Yeah. What if we’re being photographed all this time? They might’ve been aware of the kids by now, and is only getting more proof before releasing it in public.

“Let’s go”. We finally got our food after waiting long. Unlike our walk to the restaurant, Areumie and I are in reasonable distance walking back to her apartment. None of us are talking, for both of us are in deep thoughts. There was even a moment when she nearly tripped on a rock. Good thing, she was able to keep herself together and didn’t fall.

In the safety of her apartment, my body that is so tensed a while ago began to relax and my heart that feels like it’s going out of my chest by its strong beating, is returning back to normal. My mind though, is still filled up with so many thoughts, I cannot even figure out how to organize them.

Our pig-out didn’t continue after that sudden incident because we’re too stressed, too bugged. I’m already full though. I just cannot imagine that I was able to eat a whole day amount of food in an hour and a half. True to her word, Areumie really didn’t stop feeding me until I bloat.

Silence enveloped us for a long time with the two of us sitting on the couch, a cushion away from each other. All I can hear from her are sighs and groans. I don’t need to ask her how she’s feeling because I can easily tell that she’s bothered, annoyed, freaked, and nervous all at the same time.

Sick of the silence, I cleared my throat and faced her fully, “I don’t think they’ve been here before until now” I said, making her look at me.

She shakes her head, “I don’t know Jiyongie”, then she sighed again, “As much as I want to think the same…a part of me is oddly saying that this isn’t the first time…that we’re being watched intently for a while now…and that we’re so close to getting busted”

As positive as she is, there are really times when she’s beyond negative that never fails to annoy me. Yes, people do have their own fair share of negativity, some even have so much of it to the point that they can drag you with them in a flash. But, in our situation now there’s no place for negativity at all.

“You know the press…they work good…they are like snakes sneaking soundly at their prey” she talks like she’s telling a horror story, “They will bite when you’re in your most vulnerable” Areumie is hitting every point about the press, bringing more thoughts in my mind.

Damn! This isn’t how I thought this day will be. I went here to unwind, to forget about my worries and chill-out even just for a while, with the most effective chill pill that is my best friend, and it’s now ruined.

I wouldn’t care less if it’s just  me these press will bother, but once they include my family, that’s when things go really hard. Ever since my name rang the bell of the so called ‘popularity’ (I was feasted on, beaten by rumors and scandals that are mostly false, bashed like I got no feelings), I started to learn the art of not giving a . I let them do what they do, which is rip me into pieces until there’s no part left to rip at all just to make money, not caring about the damages. And while they’re at it, I do me, the go with the flow – I know it will stop sometime – I don’t care about a single anymore act that I’ve aced as years pass by . But my family, they are a different story. They’re no public figures. They are not used to this. They shouldn’t be a part of this fanfare. Why can’t they be spared?

“From now on…” I looked straight at her “We have to be extra careful…if possible…don’t let the kids out to play for the meantime” I said and got a sarcastic laugh from her.

“Playing outside are the kids’ happiness…it’s what they look forward to the most” she slammed her hand on the cushion in frustration, “I just can’t believe we’re taking it away from them” Areumie is raging in anger, that if she can only confront the man behind the camera, she already do so.

I may be saying this over and over again, but I think she’s really regretting coming back home. As much as I want to say that she’s all good here, I cannot help but think that maybe she’s just it all in, enduring the craziness and chaos, for my sake.

“I’m sorry…” All I can do is apologize “I’m sorry for dragging you and the kids into my crazy world”. To my surprise, I’m tearing up. As a guy, crying is equivalent to weakness, but it is what it is, my heart is in pain and the easiest way to lighten things up even a bit is through crying.

“Come here” she softened all of a sudden and welcomed me into her arms. Like a child in need of some comfort and consoling, she hugged me while gently my back “We can do this Jiyongie” she muttered under her breath.

Like a full charged battery, I’m all good to function again. We might be up for some challenges soon, but as long as we’re together, there are no hurdles we can’t go through.

When it’s time to pick up our kids from school, I decided to leave for work instead of following my original plan to wait for them to arrive before leaving. I badly want to see them, it’s been three days since I last visited and it was a short one. I’m saddened by the fact that because of unexpected circumstances, I wouldn’t be able to share this memorable day with them. Now, I can only imagine their entertaining stories about their first day in school that I was actually looking forward to.

“Jiyong!” TOP Hyung called when I was about to go inside our studio.

I looked behind and there’s my Hyung, in the most comfortable sweatpants and the thickest jacket I’ve seen.

I walk over to him “Yes, Hyung?” and he handed me his phone without a word.

“Huh?” My jaw dropped upon seeing an article about Lena. Apparently, she was interviewed for a magazine and I’m preparing myself of every she surely shared.

TOP Hyung don’t look happy, enough to tell me that the interview is indeed full of crap.

[LENA K. BOLDER AND FIERCER]

The article’s title alone is already. I wouldn’t waste time reading the whole of it. I’ll just get to whatever catches my eyes.

“Do not be fooled by her angelic looks, Lena K. is more than just a beauty but an empowered woman as well.

Married to music legend and icon, G-dragon, you may think she is having everything so easy, but it is not what it seems because even with her husband’s impeccable power and connections, she would rather work hard to get where she wanted to be, than have him do the work for her.”

What made you decide to crossover from modelling to acting?

LK: I’m the kind of person who loves trying other things. I am a constant seeker of change. I like challenging myself and seeing me grow into a new field. It isn’t easy to crossover. I know that it will take time until I get used to acting, but I’m confident I can do it.

How’s married life going so far?

LK: It’s been four years since GD and I got married. I must admit, a lot has changed since then.

We do not see you two together even in public events anymore, why is that?

LK: Well, GD and I rarely go out anymore. The sole reason is we’re both busy. There are even times when I don’t see him at all, for he doesn’t go home often these days.

But, all is good in your marriage?

*(Editor’s observation) At this point, Lena K. seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden. For a few seconds, she zoned out, when she snapped back to her senses, her aura noticeably became dim*

      LK: I like to think and believe that all is well between us.

You got to be kidding me! Lena’s answers are shady and it’s enough to build up a frenzy. This article will surely put me on the hot seat again.

“NUTS!” I yelled. I am so mad right now.

“Calm down” TOP Hyung said, leading me to our studio.

While waiting for the other members, I told him about what happened when I’m at Areumie’s a while ago. For some reason, he’s sharing the same sentiments with her. He also thinks that we’re being documented for some time now.

“Jiyong-ah…I think it’s time for you to be aggressive to Lena about your divorce” he said after a moment of silence “I know it’s not going to be easy…but…I really feel like it’s better to get into it full on now than take it little by little”

I guess Hyung’s right. There’s no more time to spare. I need to end my marriage as soon as possible before my so-called wife starts beating the heck out of me through the media. She’s a heavy threat now, for she’s beginning to have a voice in the industry – a voice not needed, but can’t be taken for granted. She can twist the truth and come out as a victim or she can have people going against Areum, which is not going to be good.

Couple of hours in and I’m thankful that I’m occupied by rehearsals. Big Bang is about ninety percent ready for our comeback. The boys and I are so excited to go back on stage again after years of doing everything solo. We are pumping like a well-oiled machine and there’s no stopping us anymore.

“Aigoo…why is it whenever you show a picture of the kids…they seem to grow every time?” Youngbae asked when I showed him the photo of Ethan and Emma in their school uniforms.

I chuckled, “Because they are growing! I find it magical to be very honest”

The boys always ask for updates and pictures of the kids. There’s no day t they didn’t ask me how they are. They cannot wait to babysit the two. I swear, once that day comes, I’m in the front row watching how it will go.

While staring at my kids’ picture, questions suddenly started popping out of my head. Like, what will happen once the world knows about them already?  

To be very honest, I am not prepared to come clean yet. As much as I want the world to know about my secret ‘family’, a huge part of me is afraid of its consequences. No, I’m not worried about my career for it’s been tried and tested, it won’t come crushing down so easy. I’m worried for Areumie, for she’ll surely be judged blindly.

“It’s just normal for Areum to react the way she did a while ago” Youngbae said when I told her about what happened. We are on a break from rehearsals but instead of grabbing something to eat, we chose to chat. I am in bad need of my other best friend’s enlightenment.

I sighed, “I’m worried about her…I know Areumie…she can sometimes make stupid decisions when in threat…what if she runs away to somewhere with our kids again?”

Overthinking is not going to help, EVER! But, it’s inevitable. I know Areumie so well that I can basically predict her next move in just a blink of an eye, and my instinct is telling me that she’s going to run away again.

Youngbae gives my shoulder a pat, “Trust me…she won’t do the same thing twice…most especially when she knows so well how your absence will affect your kids” he gave out a comforting smile and I got the enlightenment I needed.

And then he added, “But keep an eye on her” he said, making me smirk “You know…just to make sure she won’t do anything stupid again”

There’s a fine line between stupidity and madness, I hope Areumie will not play with both.

It’s finally the end of the day (well, it’s actually the next day now since it’s three in the morning already), and all I want to do is rest both my tired body and mind. I pray that once I wake up, things are going to be better and brighter than yesterday.

                           [G-dragon, spotted with another girl]

                                [Big Bang’s G-dragon, is he or is he not cheating?]

                                [GD, in the midst of a cheating scandal]

                                [G-dragon’s marriage on the rocks]

                                [Are they just friends of MORE than friends?]

                                                                                                                   ****