The months turned into amazing years.

Three years and eight months. It’s been a long time. My life has shaped up in the most wonderful way, which I never expected.

The day we left South Korea is the most hopeful and emotional. I went with Aden to Chicago, unprepared, all because I’m afraid of what might happen after Jiyong found out that Yong is his child. As hard as it is to leave everything and everyone I love behind, I risked it for peace and serenity.

It wasn’t easy to move to a place you’re not familiar with. I’ve been this road before, but given my situation, it’s more complicated. Aden or Dr. Miller as I used to call him before, welcomed Yong and I to his house. He made us feel at home. He gave us time to adjust. He also helped me with Yong. It didn’t go smoothly for some time, but my son warmed up to him eventually. They go to the park together. They play non-stop, and they even have their own way of communicating. Even though away from his real Father, Yong has a Father-figure, helping me to raise him normal as normal can get in our situation.

Aden is also there all throughout my pregnancy. He made it easy and happy for me. He has given me the support that Jiyong has given during my first pregnancy, minus the birthing classes. When I was put in bed rest on my second trimester, he even took a leave from work. He was with me in every Doctor’s appointment, and has turned into a nutritionist when my weight dropped drastically, causing the baby to lose a lot too.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I woke up feeling weird, just to find out that my water bag has already popped. Aden rushed me to the hospital with Yong in tow. Five hours in labor and the baby is out. She weighs seven point five pounds and fifty one centimeters in height, bigger than Yong when he was born. The thickness of her hair shocked me, it’s brownish and straight. She’s got natural chubby rosy cheeks. And her eyes, are the same color as Jiyong, hazel brown. As crazy as it is, she has the closest resemblance to him. Their facial features are almost the same. Their smiles are identical. I named her, Ji An.

Having a newborn again in my situation is tough. I have to go through almost everything on my own, unlike when there’s family around. I get help from Aden, but he’s got so much to do, including entertaining my active son. He was able to convince me to get a nanny just to have time to breathe and get myself back together, that never last long.

One year in and I was able to get a grip on things. I’ve also decided to move out of Aden’s apartment and moved in a few blocks away from him. He has doubts that I can make it through the day without going insane, with two kids, but I fortunately did. I pay rent using my savings that also sustained the three of us for quite some time. Aden helped me with some of our expenses, especially when my savings ran out. And because I need to earn more than ever, I started working. Nope! I didn’t go back to being a Doctor. I got a tutorial job to make a living. It’s not hard for me at all. In fact, I enjoy it, because I get to re-learn everything from when I was in middle school. It’s the most comfortable job for me, for it doesn’t eat so much of my time and I don’t have to leave the house either. My students go to my house for tutoring. Now, I am a preschool teacher, working at the school where my children are going.

I can say that we are living well, for never have we starved. It’s just that I’m alone in working things out. But you know what? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all this, it’s the satisfaction in knowing that I can be on my own. That figuring things out alone isn’t bad at all. Who knew that I am capable of changing careers, that I’m not confident about in the past? I’ve gained friends on the way, that I can have so much fun with.

“Good Morning, Ms. Yoon!” one of my neighbors saw me throwing trash.

I waved at him, smiling. “Good Morning Harvey!”

Maybe you’re asking, who the heck is Ms. Yoon? Or, Isn’t she supposed to be Ms. Jeong?

Well, surprise! I got married!

NOT!

Ha!

A month after arriving in Chicago, I made the biggest decision to change, not only my name, but Yong’s as well. I know it sounds crazy, but for us to not be tracked, I dropped my Appa’s surname and changed it into my Halmeoni’s. It wasn’t easy, but with the help of some connections, it was made possible. Ever since my request to change name has been granted, the children and I haven’t used our real names at all. Actually, the kids doesn’t even know what their Korean names are. Here, we are known as Elle Yoon, Ethan Yoon, and Emma Yoon.

My day starts pretty early. I usually wake up at around five-thirty. Have my cup of coffee, over-looking the park in front of our apartment through the big glass window. Then, I’ll throw yesterday’s trash out and clean.

Our apartment is not that big, but it’s enough to give shelter to three people. We’ve been living here for two years now, and it’s became our haven. It has two bedrooms, but none from the kids sleep in the other. The three of us share a room, even when it’s already getting hard to move around a queen sized bed with them growing faster than I expected.

“Toys under the couch” I bend down and reached for it.

Unlike when Ethan is still a baby, the kids doesn’t have much toys now. Given that we’re on a budget, I don’t buy them toys every time we go to the mall, even when they badly want it. They get new ones every birthdays, Christmas, or as a reward for a job well done. I let them play outside though, which they enjoy more than anything.

“Mom!” Ethan called out from the room. “Mom!”

My big boy is already awake, and as always he calls for me just to see me first thing in the morning.

“Hey, Superman!” I climbed up the bed and he crawled to my lap right away. “How’s your sleep? Any dreams?” I asked, while rubbing his back gently.

In his bubbly self, he nodded. “I had a dream but I already forgot what it is about Mom” he said, making me giggle.

Tickling him, “You always forget!”

And he laughed and laughed, and laughed.

The little boy who left Korea three years ago is now almost five years old. He’s in Preschool and is very smart and cheerful. He grew up fond of people. He’s an entertainer. I can see a lot of Jiyong’s personality in him. The most evident is the way they handle things. Like his Father, Ethan handles situations in the calmest way possible. He’s silent when needed to be silent, but very vocal when he knows he has a point. Only thing is, he also bites his nails, a habit I badly want to break. He speaks very well too. Very polite. Thing is, none from the kids know how to speak Korean, nor they can understand. However, they know their origin. I didn’t miss out in telling them, of course.

“Emma might cry once she sees no one here in the room when she wake up” Ethan stared at his sister then bend down to give her a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll stay here” he said, making me smile.

Emma is Ethan’s princess. Ever since she came out, my son always try to do things for her sister. They are inseparable. They do everything together. Where one goes, the other will follow. Even only a year apart, Ethan is taking on the big brother role in the best way ever.

I left the room after a while and prepared breakfast. I made egg rolls and cooked bacon. One house rule the kids will never bend is, eat breakfast, even though they’re not in the mood or doesn’t have the appetite. I’ve made it clear to them that it’s the most important meal of the day.

“Mom!” This time, it’s Emma calling. She and Ethan are walking hand in hand to the dining area.

I smiled at my beautiful children whose hair are messy from bed. Their faces bloated. Eyes, puffy as they normally are.

“I need to pee” Emma’s small voice is the cutest. She just learned how to use the ‘mommy potty chair’ as she calls it (it’s just the toilet bowl).

Ethan looked at her and her cheek. “Do you want me to take you to toilet?” he asked her.

Once again, I smiled. Ethan really knows how to take care of his sister.

Touched by that sweet moment, I walked to them and kissed the top of their heads. “I will take her. You  eat breakfast” I told Ethan.

Ever so obedient, he let go of Emma’s hand and ran to his seat at the table. “Thank you for the food” I heard him say on the way to the toilet.

“Do we need to go to school today Mom?” Emma asked while peeing. She always make conversations while doing her thing. I’m telling you, using the toilet bowl and not her potty chair makes her feel like an adult.

I’m leaning on the sink counter while waiting for her. “It’s Saturday today baby. No school”

Like any kid, her face lit up in glee. “Yehey!” she clapped “Ethan and I can play at the park!” she celebrated, making me laugh.

The park is so accessible to the children. They grow up playing there, rolling on the grass, having picnics, playing ball and a lot more. They are so free, that it makes me wonder, will they be as free if we stayed in Korea?

“Yesterday, Maddy showed me her new doll” Emma has been talking almost our entire meal already. I don’t know where she got it, but she’s very talkative. As far as I can remember, I can last hours without talking, while Jiyong is a listener and will just give short comments and opinions. Teachers at the Preschool always tell me that there are moments when Emma is the root of the noise in the classroom.

“Caden also got a new robot. Its head spins when you push a button” Ethan followed.

It made me laugh. “That’s kind of scary” I said, making them laugh as well.

“But it’s cool Mom! Those two always have the coolest toys” he countered and pouted.

Maddy and Caden are twins from next door. The kids grew up with them. Their parents earns enough to sustain them, that’s why they always have new toys almost every week. The kids can’t help but envy them, but they get over it after a while. If only Ethan can remember how many toys he has when he was still a baby, he’ll surely flip out.

“Where do you want to go today?” I asked, while finishing up my food.

For a year now, I always take the children out every weekend. I must admit, it isn’t easy for they can be a handful, but it’s controllable. Thankfully, I haven’t lost them in a mall or at a crowded place yet, and I wish I never will.

“Ball pit!” Ethan shouted excitedly, his arms up in the air.

Emma clapped her hands. “Trampoline!” she followed, and I playfully teased them by acting as if I don’t want their suggestions.

“Mom, please….please…please” Ethan pleaded, his hand clasped and eyes shut tight.

Still without a response from me, he opened his left eye and glanced at Emma then elbowed her. “Do what I’m doing” he instructed, and as silly as she is, Emma did what she was told.

How can you say no to these adorable kids? There’s no way I can refuse. I’m telling you, they can convince me to something with just one look.

“All right! All right!” I liven up. “We’re going to the children’s activity center!” I said, and they stood up on their chairs.

“Careful!” I stood up, walked to the other side of the table and made them sit. “Let’s clean this up, take a bath, and we’ll be on our way”

One thing I’m proud of is that I taught my children how to help around the house. They wipe plates, glasses, and utensils dry after wash. They know how to use the vacuum, and dust off our furniture. They don’t complain, but like kids their age, there are moments when they’re not in the mood to help, and I let them be.

“Let’s wash wash wash” Emma sings “Wash Mr. Plate. Wash Ms. Spoon. …and Mr. Fork”

“Mr. Glass need a rub with soap and make it bubble bubble bubble” Ethan sings along.

At their age, I can already say that they are into music. They sing and dance whenever there’s a chance. Emma just told me a few days ago the she wants to try ballet, like some of her classmates, while Ethan wants to learn to play the harmonica, after watching a movie where a kid is so good in playing it.

“Hi sweeties!” Mrs. Bolton greeted them on our way to the car.

“Good Morning, Mrs. Bolton!” the kids greeted cheerfully, making the old woman smile.

Our neighborhood is not big. We know each other. That’s why I feel like I have a big family here.

“Why is not Uncle Aden coming?” Ethan asked, while I’m putting on his seatbelt.

I sighed. “He wants to rest. Don’t worry, you’ll see him later because he wants to go to the park”

Just by hearing the word ‘park’, the kids shrieked loudly in excitement.

At the activity center, I let the kids loose. They know the way around, while I stay at the waiting area with a book that my friend, Cara, lend me.

“Mom!” Ethan called out from a man-made soft cliff. “Look!” then he jumped off in the sea of balls.

Before, I’m too paranoid to even let him play alone in a child friendly jungle gym. Now, I’m all good with it. He has been on a trampoline for so many times already.

One hour in and I got tired from reading. So, I busy myself with my phone, checking emails. For some reason, I tripped on checking my old email address and was surprised that it isn’t deactivated yet. There are messages from old colleagues, old subscriptions, and a bank too. It was sent just a few days ago.

        Good Day, Ms. Jeong!

            We would like to inform you that Mr. Kwon Jiyong, maintaining holder of Jeong Yong’s

  saving’s account, is giving you sole ownership and access to the account. This means that     you can withdraw and deposit any time you wish to. The account’s balance as of July 2024, is   ONE HUNDRED MILLION won.

 If you have any questions, you may contact us or go to our main office.

 Thank you!

Is this a catch? Did Jiyong do this in hopes of me showing up? He knows that I will not use this money.

All these years, I thought Yong’s savings account is already closed, since we’re in no contact anymore. I was surprised to know that up until now it’s still active, and Jiyong has put in so much money in it.

Honestly, with that amount of money, Ethan and Emma is sure of a good education. But then again, I can give them that with my own money as well. I just have to work hard.

One and a half hour and two exhausted kids later, we headed to the park where Aden is meeting us. It’s been a week since we last saw him.

“Uncle!” they ran to him right away.

Crouched down, Aden welcomed the kids with open arms. They showered him with kisses and he kissed them back.

“I have sandwiches, juices, and jelly beans!” he pointed at the picnic basket “All in there!”

“I’m trying to lessen their sweets” I told him, after seeing a big bag of Jelly beans being pulled out by Ethan.

Aden went back to his wheelchair. “Let them have it. After all, the dentist is just a few minutes away” he wittily said.

It made me laugh, but stopped upon noticing how bad he looks.

The hot Dr. Miller I met in Korea is now being battered by a fatal illness. He was diagnosed with Colon Cancer a year ago. It was a total shock. It brought him in a short time depression, while I became his source of strength. The kids know that he’s hurting and they’re always careful around him, but Aden doesn’t let his sickness get in the way, he still knows how to have fun, even though it’s not as fun as before anymore.

“How was it?” I asked, after locking the tires of his wheelchair. He has a nurse with him all the time, but whenever we’re together, I’m the one doing her job.

“Still the same” he looked far and sighed. “The cancer’s spreading like wildfire all over my body. My lungs are weakening, it’ll only take a few weeks to a month before it needs support”

Up until now, whenever I think of how healthy and strong he is before, I can’t help but cry and feel sad. The man who is nothing but good to every person he meets is losing grip of life.

Maybe you’re wondering, are they in a relationship? Did a relationship even sprung?

Well, we weren’t in a relationship, nor have we tried. When we moved here, he didn’t even push himself to me. His love for me turned from romantic to platonic. He treated me as family and did everything just to make me feel I belong. He used to tell me that maybe he really is the one who is destined to be my best friend, not Jiyong, because Jiyong is destined to be my other half.

“You should do another round of Chemotherapy” I can’t remember how many times I’ve told him this. “Yes, there’s only a small chance for success this time, but at least you tried fighting it”

He chuckled. “Elle, I’ve already accepted that I only have a few months to live. That I might not even make it on Halloween”

A few months ago, Aden found out that his cancer came back from being on remission for five months. Doctor said another round of Chemotherapy and Radiation MIGHT save him the second time around. But, because he’s too tired from it and it got the best of him the first time, he decided not to push through, and only take light medications. With this, his chance of living shortened. We’re only counting months, weeks even, if things go worst.

“Don’t say that!” I lightly slapped him on the shoulder. “You will make it on Halloween. You’ll accompany the kids treat or treating like you always have. Then, we’ll go Christmas shopping together like we always do. If your Doctor permits, the four of us will spend the New Year in New York, like the first time we celebrated it together”

He just stared at me. “If I happen to go any time soon, I want you to go back to Seoul”

This shocked me. He never said this to me before.

I chuckled. “Why? You know so well I got a life here already”

He reached for my hand and squeezed it weakly. “I need to be sure that you are around people you love. I want you to have access to people who can help you without any complains, without taking anything in return. I need to be sure that you are around family, the ones you care and cares about you most”, then he patted my cheek. “You need to patch up your past to be able to live well in the future. You’ve been hiding for so long now, Elle. I think it’s time for you to show up, deal with the consequences of your decisions and mistakes, and pick up the life you left there. Admit it, even though you’ve found your place here and established a good life, you still badly miss the chaos and craziness of your past”

Well, he’s right. There are moments when all I want is to be in the comfort of family, most especially when I can’t seem to get my together.

“Do you think they still care for me after all that I’ve done?” I asked.

A smile appeared on his pale and thin face. “I’m telling you, they didn’t stop caring. You may have done them wrong, but family is family”

“Going back would mean hurting and pain for sure” I take a breath and looked far. “Unlike here, I could live secure knowing that I couldn’t get hurt and my children can live a life without confusion and chaos”

There was silence. I was holding his hand, feeling nothing but skin and bones.

“You have not lost your chance in love, Elle. You’re not that old. You don’t look your age, but younger. I know you still love Jiyong” he looked at me with a teasing smile. “Deny all you want but I know your heart still belongs to him. If there’s one thing I pray every day, it’s for you and him to have a chance even when it seem to be impossible now”

I chuckled. “He’s been married for years now”

He smirked. “How can you be sure when you don’t even google him. You’re not updated with his life anymore. What do you know? He might be divorced already”

This is insane. I don’t think he is divorced. He’s stuck with Lena forever.

I hissed. “I love him. And I think even when he and Lena are not together anymore, there’s no way we can ever get back together. He hates me for sure”

“Well then, if Jiyong is not possible anymore…” he sighed, “Start dating again. Join the fancy”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so”

“And why is that?”

“Because I don’t know what I want in a man after being with a man that is so ideal!” I reasoned out.

He rolled his eyes. “Date anyone. From there, you will be able to know what you want. Look for someone who is close to Jiyong’s traits and personality”

If only it was that easy.

“Aden Miller, you can’t date potential” I said, “And there’s no one like him. I swear. He’s the only one”

                                                                                                ****