Why can’t I sleep? It’s been two hours since I lay in bed and up until now I’m still fully awake. Actually, the reason why I told my parents that I can’t video chat longer is because I feel so tired and sleepy already. What happened?

The last time I had a sleepless night is when my best friends, Keith and Ana, arranged a blind date for me. I remember, my nerves are kicking in at its best just by thinking of it and I feel tingly all over while imagining him and me, talking and flirting and just being gooey to each other. Oh well, those were the times. That guy didn’t even contact me after our date.

Of course it’s not possible that the reason why I can’t sleep is because I’m thinking of someone or imagining myself with someone, for the last time I checked, I have gotten over fantasizing men and obsessing about love. Mainly because it’s not a priority, and I’m not in a chase game with Mr. Right yet. That is, if there’s really a Mr. Right out there for me.

 Giving up on sleep, I sit up, reached out for the ball of clay on the side table and started working on it. As usual, my randomness is attacking, which means that my mind and hands will be in sync in making something out of sticky clay.

Not less than ten minutes, I molded a dramatic looking heart. Not perfectly shaped. The left side is much bigger than the right. I wonder why I came up with a heart. “Oh gosh!” I flinched upon hearing loud music coming from the outside again. I guess he’s back from being inconsiderate. It’s already one in the morning and he’s still so noisy.

Walking out in my pajamas, I stand in front of his door just to realize that I really don’t know what I’m doing and I shouldn’t be here at all. But, he’s so loud and I’m trying to sleep. I should at least tell him that humans need to sleep and if he wants to blast music at its max, he should just wear earphones.

“Fili!’ Hye Yoon Unnie just got home. She’s still in her office clothes looking so tired. “He woke you up?” she asked upon reaching me. I shook my head. “Truth is, I cannot sleep and I’m so sure that it’s much harder to do so with the loud music”

Unnie sighed desperately. “We’re used to this actually” she said and my mouth hanged open. “Whenever he’s trying to get inspiration to paint, he listens to his favorite songs, most of them are hip-hop. Before, he settles for an average volume, but after breaking up with his girlfriend, he listens to music as loudly as he can. We already talked to him about it but it didn’t quite made an impact. So, we just let him be”

I get it. Poor Seunghyun. He must’ve been so heartbroken to the point that he changed so much. I know just a little about him, but from Mrs. Choi and Unnie’s stories, I can tell that they once had a very bubbly and sweet boy. Too bad, he was wrecked by love.

You see, this is one reason why I don’t want to fall in love yet. As an artist, your emotions are important for that is where you get inspiration from. We may interpret these emotions in a lot of ways but when it comes to love, there’s only two ways to do it. Either you’ll come up with something worth billions or with trash. Sadly, most of the time, artists end up with trash.

And because I already know why he’s making a noise, I told Unnie that I’m fine with it, that I’ll just find a way to not be disturbed by it. Thing is, I don’t know any other way but to tell him to turn his off and just got to sleep.

Still wide awake, instead of locking myself in the room, I go to the pool area and found peace. There’s no loud music. I can finally rest my ears.  After some time, “He’s just so impossible” I said to myself and sighed. “How can someone be that broken hearted? Like seriously! If I were him, I’ll just forget about her and move on. Yeah, it’s not easy, but I’ll push myself to it. After all, it’s for my own well-being”

“You haven’t been in-love, right?”

Surprised and totally freaked, I jumped out of my seat and looked behind me. “Seunghyun!” I called, flabbergasted. He rolled his eyes and smirked. “Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?” he asked. This guy is a total creeper. I swear. He’s all over the house. I guess there are two of them, or three, or four. “I thought you’re –“ all I can do is point at the house.

“I just got here” he said, creeping the hell out of me more. “But, you’re –“ I can’t even finish a sentence in shock. “Why do you always go here by the way?” he asked. Why? Am I not allowed out here? Is there a sign with my face on it marked with an X?

“This place is really relaxing” I replied. He gave a nod and sat on the pool side, feet dipped in the water. “I go here to breathe” he said all of a sudden.