Seunghyun

“Oh, Seunghyun!” she wiped her eyes and pulled out a smile. After knowing briefly what she’s been through, I can’t help but hurt for her. These past years I thought she might be living a good life. A life that she’s always wanted or if not, a life that is bearable to live in, but it’s the other way around.

I can’t brush off her pregnancy. As much as I don’t want to assume, I have a strong feeling that I have something to do with it. I am seriously bugged, and if my hunch is right, I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can ever move on from on it.

I cleared my throat and moved closer to her. She’s not meeting eyes with me when it’s going to make me very happy if she did. I want to tell her that I missed every bit of her. That I’m such an for breaking her heart. I’m only seconds away from pulling her to me and giving her the tightest hug.

The room is empty. It’s just me and her in this big space with the artwork and sculpture that to me, symbolizes US. Fili is only looking straight at the painting, arms folded on her chest. “You painted me well” she said, breaking the silence. See? I told you, she knows it’s her. Trying hard to hold back my emotions, I sighed, “That’s the one you always say you want to see in my studio”. She sighed heavily, “You finished our project” she finally looked at me, “What grade did you get?”

Cold. She’s too cold, Antartica cannot be compared. Her eyes on mine feels heavy. They are not as lively as I remember as well. This is when I realized, the woman in front of me is Fili, but not the same person in the inside anymore. I can’t see fun, bubbliness, and wit. She’s like a blank canvass.

With a forced smile on my face, “I wasn’t able to finish it on time, wasn’t able to submit it” I answered, and she just nods.

Silence. It’s deafening, and it’s killing me. I always imagine how our first meeting after a long time will be. I expected it to be this awkward. I know she’s going to feel like a stranger. But I never thought she’s going to look miserable even when on the outside she looks perfectly fine.

Time passed by with us just staring at the painting. As much as I want to make a conversation, I don’t know what to say. The questions I’m dying to ask seem to float away. My head is severely clouded and it’s really a challenge to function well.

“You and Mr. Russo…” I finally have the guts to speak. She looked at me, still expressionless, “We’ll be getting married next month” her voice is still the same, very soft but not sweet. This is driving me nuts! My chest is tightening. I feel like I’m crushing and crumbling in front of her slowly. “How long have you been together?” I’m playing it cool. Fili still gives out no expression “A year and a half?” she replied, then faced the painting again. She really can’t stand looking at me. I, on the other hand, is taking in my fill of her. “He wanted to buy this painting for you” I said. She smirked, “I don’t want it. It’s just going to eat space in our house”. Ouch! I chuckled, “It’s not for sale anyway” I countered. “Then why is this here?” she asked, once again, looking at me. I cleared my throat and made sure I’m looking straight into her eyes, “It took me a year and a half to finish it. And once I did, I decided to bring her everywhere with me, all because I feel your presence in her”. I vowed to be straight and honest to her this time. It’s already clear that I have to give her up for she’s getting married soon, but at least until the very end I was able to tell her and hopefully make her feel how much I love her.

To my shock, she laughed, that sarcastic kind of laugh that will annoy you in a second “If I were you, just throw that away” she nodded at it and looked at me agai