Seunghyun

I know this is wrong. I shouldn’t be kissing her and she should’ve not accepted. But, I can’t help it and neither can she. I can feel it. She’s not over me yet. The way she touches me, running her hands up and down my neck softly. Her reaction to my sudden kissing and her openness to it. This is not something that ‘just’ happened.

Flushed, Fili pushed me away, “Seunghyun…” she’s about to burst out in tears once again. With the back of her hand covering her lips, “That was wrong”. More serious now than ever, I carefully walked towards her, thinking that my aggressiveness might freak her out. “Fili, I love you. I still love you even after all these years. I’ve done you wrong. And I should’ve been there with you when you most needed me. But since it already happened and we can’t bring the past back anymore, all I can do is apologize, for the wrong things I’ve done. For being stupid. For hurting you, so much. For ruining your life. For…”

She stopped me with a tight hug. I can hear her mumbling but can’t get a word of what she’s saying because her face is buried on my chest. As silly as it sounds, it made me giggle. Pulling her out, “Yaaa…” and cupping her face with my hands “I cannot understand a thing you’re saying” I told her, making her laugh. Arms still wrapped around my waist, she looked straight into my eyes with a beautiful smile on her face, “I thought I’m over you or maybe I just brainwashed myself that I am. When truth is, I’m not, and I’m so sure of it. I mean, I could’ve pushed you away from me when you unexpectedly kissed me. I could’ve ran away, furious, and wanting to kill you. But, I didn’t. I let it happen and even reacted to it more than what I expected. This is wrong. Yes. For I have someone out there waiting for me, thinking that tonight is the last time I’m going to ever think about you, clueless that this night just brought out the feelings I have for you, that made me realize how strong it is”. I can tell that she’s hurting for Luigi. She’s got guilt all over her face. “To be honest, I don’t know what to do now. I’m shaken that I’m at the edge of cheating. Or maybe I already am cheating. Surprisingly, I don’t regret it”

Am I hearing her right? This is getting out of hand, and as wrong as it sounds I’m willing to get on the bandwagon with her. I know our actions will definitely have intense consequences, but I’d rather take them all in than lose her again.

“Isn’t this funny?” we are now cuddling on the bench. I’m still in disbelief that she’s in my arms. “We plotted our fake relationship at this same spot” she said, pointing down. I chuckled. “And here we are again, about to do something stupid for the second time”. Yeah. How ironic can it be? “What to do?” she turned to me “I’m getting married in a few weeks”

If I am a man of my word, I will not lose the trust Luigi gave me and tell Fili to not think of cheating, that she has to reality in and we can just go on being friends. And if I want to be a douchebag, I can drop Luigi’s trust and snatch Fili from him. I’m torn. I know I should do what my heart is telling me to do, but it’s not helping me right now, for it wants me to be a douchebag.

“Let’s not think about that now” I told her, my voice a little airy. The mere fact that she admitted of still being in love with me is enough to bring me to the clouds. I’m glad we still share the same feelings. If there’s one thing we have to do right this very moment, it’s to cherish our every second together. We can deal with upcoming problems later.

Time passed with our fingers intertwined. I keep on leaving butterfly kisses on her temple and cheeks just like what I’m used to. Words cannot explain how happy we both are