I choked. “Ma…r…ry yo...u?” my tongue rolled back to my throat. I cannot force my mind to function well because of shock and disbelief.

In all fairness to me, I’m open to marriage, unlike most women in this generation. Ever since young, whenever my family gets invited to weddings, I never miss out. I love the ambiance that so full of sincerity and love. I’m so fond of watching the bride walking down the aisle, in her white dress, dashing and so much in-love. I am moved by the groom, crying while waiting for the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life at the altar. There are even times when I tear up because of happiness to think that I’m not in close relations with either of the couple.

“Seunghyun, don’t you think it’s –“ I paused when I noticed that he’s holding his laughter back. Confusion started eating me up and he is not helping at all. And when he burst out in hysteric laughter, the moment has been ruined, which truly .

Based on the countless wedding proposals I’ve watched on television and movies, and the few I’ve witnessed personally, the men are at their most emotional, all nerves wreck in anxiousness, while the women are shining in awe with both of them radiating love, so far from what’s happening now.

Shrugging my issues off, I took a deep breath and pulled out a smile. If this is really “THE moment”, I should make it magical in any way possible, like every proposals ever done.

“Look…” with him still laughing, I faced him fully, “To be honest, marriage is the last thing in my mind, at least not too soon. Also, it’s way too fast for us to be in this situation” I looked into his eyes that are pooling in tears, not because he’s sad about what he heard but for laughing so hard, “I swear, if the timing’s right, I’ll definitely say yes”.

This made me feel really bad. I feel like I broke his heart by declining him, but I have to be honest. I also don’t want to make a decision out of pressure.

His face become serious. The sparkle in his eyes, not there anymore. My feeling is right. I broke his heart.

“Ha! Gotcha!” Seunghyun snapped playfully and cupped my face with both hands, “Aigoo. I really got you there, huh?”

What the heck is going on? Please don’t tell me that I was pranked, because if I really am, I will push him off the roof of the car and possibly break up with him as well.

“What do you mean?” I asked, ready to break his nose with my clenched fist. No . If he’s just fooling around, I will not think twice and give him a dose of his own medicine.

“Fili” he held my hands and kissed each before looking deep into my eyes, while smiling, “I know you’ll get mad at me for this, but –“ and he burst out in laughter again.

And the monster in me unleashed. I don’t have to hear him out when I already know what he’s going to say.

“!” I pushed him hard and clumsily slid off the roof, leaving him behind. I’m burning in anger, I feel like I can rip heads off.

Seunghyun chased me until he got the chance to snatch me while waiting for the walk sign to go green. “Let go of me!” I yelled, removing his hand on my arm forcefully. “Fili” he called, still holding me tightly. Our eyes met and it’s my first time to see him in such panic. “You will let go of me or I will shout for help and tell the people that you’re harassing me” I threatened and he let go. When the sign went green, I hurried away.

“I’M SORRY!” he shouted really loud, people crossing the street looked his way in surprise, except for me.

On my way home, I suddenly thought, what if we’re really not meant to be lovers? Just take it from today, things started smoothly, then it began to become bumpy and now it’s so rough, I’m thinking twice if I still want to go on.

Yeah. Maybe Seunghyun just want to know how I’ll react to a marriage proposal, or maybe he got curious on what my answer to that question might be. There’s nothing wrong in being curious, but it’s all about timing. If only he just talked about marriage casually, we might’ve dreamed of it together, but he did it the other way, that I’m sure no woman would let it pass.

I reached home still very much annoyed. I dashed to my room, slammed the door in anger, and turned off the baby monitor. I’m so mad at him to the point that I don’t want to let him into my life even just for a night. And to cool down, I dipped in the tub and stayed there until I feel relaxed. Thoughts of him is still running in my head and I just keep brushing them all off.

An hour and a half passed, my fingers and toes are already wrinkly from being soaked for too long. Neither did I know, I fell asleep in the tub, a childhood dream coming true in one way or another for when I was a kid, I want to try sleeping in the water like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. It must’ve been epic if I have my head underwater too (if I’m too dumb and maybe sick of my life, I’ll try to do it).

“ARGH!” I groaned, after staring at myself in the mirror. It seems like I cannot be relaxed for long and the peace that I found in the bath stays in the bathroom only. Anger and frustration are seeping in me again.

Call me an asshol