JUST GO ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER. THIS IS A REVIEW THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ. (:

BUT I PASSED. OH AND I WILL BE ADDING A FOREWARD, SINCE MY FOREWARD IS LAKING! okay. press next chapter kay? :D

Story Title: My On Flight Boyfriend
Author: singingintherain
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/8326/my-on-flight-boyfriend-jonghyun-onew-shinee
Reviewed By: SkyeLin@memorablefootsteps.blogspot.com


Title: 3/5
The title was not very appealing, though unique, probably would not draw a reader’s attention very affectively. To know exactly what you meant by “On Flight”, the reader would had to have known what your fanfic was about, or they would be really confused by what you meant. I just think you could have been more creative with the title choice. 

Forewords: 3/10
Your forewords was extremely short, consisting of only 4 sentences. This gave no detail, no insight, and did not draw much attention for the reader to want to read on. Adding a prologue in your forewords would have been effective, though not necessary. It really could have been longer to provide more detail or information.

Poster: 5/5
The poster is very visually pleasing, eye catching, and well done. All the colors contrasted well with each other and it definitely caught my attention. The quote seems to readily link with your title, and the pictures of airplanes in the poster. Good job! 

Originality/Creativity: 9/10
This is definitely an original, unique, and creative story. The uniqueness of this story kept me really hooked. The events, setting, and everything were completely new and fresh. It’s just the topic of jealousy that is overused.

Flow: 12/15
The excessive thoughts from the main character do put a lot of emphasis in how she thinks of everything, but sometimes the repetition of the same thoughts interrupt the whole flow of the story, making things go too slow. You made the change of perspectives as well as flashbacks very clear so there was no confusion surrounding that. In my opinion the confessions came too early but it was cute and sweet. Three days seems like a really short time period for two people to fall in love, so a lot of it seemed pretty rushed.

Plot: 13/15
Your plot was well done, though not every idea or event can be completely original, all the events happened quite clearly and the storyline is easy to follow and understand. It’s a quite cute and entertaining storyline which at times is cliché but has its own touch of uniqueness.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 15/20
1. “She claims it's cause she wanted to fly to Seoul,” The word “cause” should never be used in place of the word “because”, since their meaning are not in any way the same.
2. To say thank you in Korean, which is what I’m going to assume you were trying to do in this sentence: "Ka-kasminda…" is actually Kamsahamnida. Also, Sorry would be written as Mianhe not Miahne.
3. A few of your sentences I noticed did not start with a capital letter. Remember to capitalize the first letter of all your sentences.
4. “checked my texts as-well.” As and well work the same way without a hyphen in between.
5. “He looked it my eyes; almost giving me a signal.” This was probably just a small typo that you could have fixed if you proof-read, but “it” should have been “in”.
6. “So their ours.” There, they’re and there are commonly misused, but in this situation it would be proper to use “they’re” which is the same as “they are” rather than “their”.
7. “since your as small as a midget” “Your” should have been “you’re” which also means “you are”.
8. There’s many minor typos throughout the story that I think you could have fixed if you proof-read, so I won’t copy each one as an example because I’m certain you would know how to fix it if you came across it.
9. Try not to start your sentences with a conjunction (and, but, because, etc). It should be avoided if possible.
10. During a comparison situation, it is better to use “than” rather than “then”.
11. “toke pictures with our phones” The correct spelling is “took”.
12. “Jonghyun payed for our two stuffed animals” The past tense for pay is “paid”.

Characterizations: 10/10
Jonghyun and Miyoung were very strongly developed characters in your story both personality-wise and physically, allowing for easy visualization and imagery while reading along. Your characters were all well developed. You did a really good job in this area.

Writing Style: 2/10
There’s a lot of unnecessary use of commas throughout the whole fanfic, and a lot of choppy sentences. Along with the choppy sentences are also incomplete sentences, but there were very good sentences that had detail, and a variety of sentence structure. You should watch out for overuse of choppy sentences as well as incomplete such as here: “I then took my seat. In the same row. The same side.” Fanfics are still formal pieces of writing, so try avoiding slang like “FML” or adding emphasis to words by expanding letters like you did here: Behind the girl, was a looonnnggg line of people. Proper writing can emphasize words without doing this, for example, putting the word “Extremely” before “long”. You sometimes mix up past tense and present tense verbs, but for an effective story, try to keep the whole story in the same tense. Capitals within your sentences are inappropriate in proper writing, even though it adds emphasis, is inappropriate for story writing. Asterisks(*) should be avoided because when used to indicate an action, since this is a story you could have written that the character did something rather than *_________*. There was so much live messenger slang throughout this whole story which is really ineffective for a formal piece of writing, and inappropriate. Fanfics are still a form of story-writing, and should be taken more seriously. When writing numbers, if the number is not over three digits, you should write out the number in words. Faces like “:D” are inappropriate in story-writing.

Total: 72/100

I really loved the humor you included in the story such as the main character’s hate for Robert “Patterson” or did you mean to say “Pattinson” which is the guy who acted as Edward for Twilight’s last name. If not, then my mistake, but the humor was refreshing. Oh my God I died laughing at the scene when she played Justin Bieber! It was too funny!