Sehun wasn’t ready and he will possibly never be ready no matter how much he prepared himself. Today was the day that he was going to get crowned, this had been the day that he was waiting for. His whole life had been just for today whereby his father would finally hand the reins to him.

He should be ecstatic, he should be delirious with joy but he was feeling none of those. There were only emptiness, he was at a loss as he started to wonder if this was really what he wanted. This question was always at the back of his mind since the day he was told that he would become the king of this country.

To be honest, Sehun loved his country but to be responsible for it? That was another thing altogether but he dared not voice it out. This position was the envy of many but only he would know how lonely he was. 

Trust wasn’t to be speak of, emotions were considered to be a weakness, his devotion should only to be this country. Nothing else mattered as long as someone started to become a threat to this country, Sehun had to do everything in his power to eradicate it.  Even if it meant killing that person, no matter how unpleasant it was, no matter how many times he would wake up in the night because of nightmares, Sehun still had to do it. 

There were times when Sehun had thought of running away from here. To abandon all that he known, to give up everything here, simply for a chance to breathe. But that was simply a wishful thinking, everyone had a right to be selfish but not Sehun. It was never him, he had no right to dream, he had no right to want refuse this path.

His path had been set since the very first moment when he was born. Set out to be a king, to protect his country and bring it to greater heights. To hold his citizen’s life in his hands with each decision he makes.

It felt so heavy, much heavier than the full metal amour that he wore when he went to war at the age of fifteen. In this place, kinships were simply a joke as everyone tried their hardest to protect themselves even if it meant killing their own family’s members, they were willing to do it.

But there was a beacon of light in this place when Sehun first laid his eyes on Luhan. He was a tribute to their country and Sehun remembered how Luhan had shivered but he never once looked away from Sehun’s eyes.

The pureness in his eyes were blinding and against everyone’s disagreement, he had taken Luhan to be under his wings. That was the first time he made a decision for himself, it caused a ruckus amongst everyone else but Sehun was past caring.

Luhan was beautiful but that wasn’t what attracted him. He liked how Luhan was pure, he liked his outlook on life, he liked his courage. Those were the things that Sehun didn’t have and he was willing to everything to make sure that Luhan stayed untainted.

“Your majesty,” Luhan’s melodious voice broke him out of his thoughts. “It is time to go.”

Turing to face him, Sehun gathered Luhan in his arms. “Luhan, it is Sehun when it is just us alone.”

A sad smile was on Luhan’s face, “It is no longer Sehun, you are going to be the king now and any disrespect meant death.”

His hold became tighter, his heart unbearably tight as though he was losing a very important part of him. After his coronation, he was going to be married to a woman who will ruled at his side. A woman who will give birth to his heir, Sehun should have let Luhan go.

But he didn’t, he couldn’t because he didn’t want to lose the only good thing in his life. But Luhan had forgave him for his selfishness as he smiled and promised him that he will leave if Sehun asked him to. Until then, he will always stay beside him.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Those word had never hurt Sehun more but he was powerless to do anything. He couldn’t give Luhan any title, he couldn’t give him any promise but Luhan had stayed despite everything. For the first time ever, there was someone who didn’t want anything from him.

“I am sorry,” Sehun dipped his head down, placing a kiss on Luhan’s lips. “I am sorry for being selfish.”

“It’s okay,” Luhan patted him on his back. Sehun had been the one who taught him love, he was the one who made Luhan felt important and cherished. Therefore, as long as Sehun wanted him, Luhan will never leave him.

That was the least he could do this this man who had to shoulder everything by himself. Luhan was content to lend his shoulders to Sehun when things got too tough, he was fine with dirtying his hands as long as Sehun asked him to.

Therefore, no matter how hurt he was when he knew that Sehun was going to marry another, he never showed it on his face. Luhan didn’t dare to ask for anything else, the fact that he knew Sehun had loved him was enough.

To ask for more would be greedy, Luhan had never a greedy person. 

[rosa's notes] yes, i know how there is a recurring theme where sehun and luhan never get together in my past drabbles as well. but i am in the mood to write angst. but oh well, i probably try for something more cheerful in my next drabble. so guys, if you have a prompt, don't be afraid to drop it in my ask.fm. i will get to it eventually! honestly, i thought that it would be cool if someone organized a hunhan project? where hunhan writers gather to write a oneshot based on a theme given. but oh well, i am too busy to organize it. hopefully, someone else will do it. that's all for now, until next time (:

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